Movies That are Going to Suck: Part Deux

4shadowedice4 wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

She played a pointless role, in a mediocre movie, badly. The only thing she did right was look hot.

You mean Bay fired her for doing nothing but looking hot, when that was pretty much all he hired her for?

Yeah, pretty much.

4shadowedice4 wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

She played a pointless role, in a mediocre movie, badly. The only thing she did right was look hot.

You mean Bay fired her for doing nothing but looking hot, when that was pretty much all he hired her for?

That, and she compared him with Hitler.

harley wrote:

The only thing she did right was look hot.

And that's only because they covered her tattoos. Seriously, Marilyn Monroe's face on your forearm? How high do you have to be to get a tattoo that bad.

Mr. Cool Ice has more sense than that. Holy shit.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Yeah, it was only after I wrote "I'm glad to see the back of Megan Fox" that I realised what I was also saying. So I went with it.

The thing is that the women are only in there to look sexy and take ass-shots. You could cut them completely and the movie would be the same, with just a few little details. There's a million reasons to want a car, not just hitting on a girl.

True.

Seriously, Michael Bay films are dumb. I can't think of a single one that was intelligent, or featured a three-dimensional female lead that wasn't just there to look nice in hotpants. Just by looking at the films' trailers you can tell that the roles the women play are worthless. Makes him look like a misogynistic moron, which he probably is.


I like the South Park episode where they make fun of him (Imaginationland). He's supposed to come up with ideas, and all he can do is describe special effects. When someone points this out to him, he just blinks and says "I don't understand the difference".

When I go watch a Bay film, I want to be moronically entertained, wowed by the special effects and poke fun at the artifical pastic women co-starring with a guy who doesn't look comfortable around these women at all.

It's fun.

Expecting a Transformers film to be, I don't know, artistic or deep, or actually good (in a way that makes you use your brain).... well, anyone who does that will end up seriously butthurt.

The Scientist wrote:

Seriously, Michael Bay films are dumb. I can't think of a single one that was intelligent, or featured a three-dimensional female lead that wasn't just there to look nice in hotpants. Just by looking at the films' trailers you can tell that the roles the women play are worthless. Makes him look like a misogynistic moron, which he probably is.

Hey. In I Am Number Four, the female leads are almost three-dimensional. At least two-dimensional. One is a cool action girl that blows stuff up with more style than Alex Pettyfer [pictured on the left] does, the other is a frumpy-looking Dianna Aggron that has, like, hobbies outside of Being the Protagonist's Love Interest.

Like, if you threw the two of them together, you'd have a female lead that is at least 2.5-dimensional.

Then again, Bay was only a producer at that one. But he produced Pearl Harbor! In there, the main female lead is definitely a lot more than a simple bone for the Damon/Hartnett-boys to fight over like...

I mean...

There's more...

Ah, never mind.

Special effects are good but why can't people make good movies without explosions any more?

Jay/Cris wrote:

The Scientist wrote:

Seriously, Michael Bay films are dumb. I can't think of a single one that was intelligent, or featured a three-dimensional female lead that wasn't just there to look nice in hotpants. Just by looking at the films' trailers you can tell that the roles the women play are worthless. Makes him look like a misogynistic moron, which he probably is.

Hey. In I Am Number Four, the female leads are almost three-dimensional. At least two-dimensional. One is a cool action girl that blows stuff up with more style than Alex Pettyfer [pictured on the left] does, the other is a frumpy-looking Dianna Aggron that has, like, hobbies outside of Being the Protagonist's Love Interest.

Like, if you threw the two of them together, you'd have a female lead that is at least 2.5-dimensional.

Then again, Bay was only a producer at that one. But he produced Pearl Harbor! In there, the main female lead is definitely a lot more than a simple bone for the Damon/Hartnett-boys to fight over like...

I mean...

There's more...

Ah, never mind.

I hate Pearl Harbor. It's as if someone took The Great Encyclopaedia of Cliches, threw it in the blender for a couple of minutes, pulled the mess out and presented the result as Teh Epic Moviez. Mary, meet Gary. EPIC.

Never mind that, though. I salute your effort. You really tried. That demands respect and some applause.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Special effects are good but why can't people make good movies without explosions any more?

They can, but explosions bring the fanboys in.

That, and the fact that in order to enjoy Michael Bay films, the use of the brain is not required.

The Scientist wrote:

That, and the fact that in order to enjoy Michael Bay films, the use of the brain is not required.

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No.

Quote :

This time, folks, I'm just tired. I'm tired of seeing crap make money. I'm tired of people acting like they have to see crap like this, as though there weren't a dozen other big action movies playing in the same fucking multiplex. I'm tired of "not as terrible" being "good enough." And I'm really tired of being told the problem is me, because "Dude! You need to stop being so elitist! Not every movie needs to be some meaningful art-thing! I just want to turn off my brain and see robots fight!"

Yeah, I agree with Penguin and THE SKY IS FALLING THE SKY IS-

That's right, the entire POINT of movies is that they are an art form. Why should we, the ones paying for them, see sub-standard quality that's just above your average theatre production? I don't want to have to switch off my brain to enjoy a movie; I don't expect to do so to enjoy fanfiction, and that's free!

Sure, maybe I go to the movie to see robots kick the shit out of each other. But I expect to see them do so ARTISTICALLY. Why should I settle to watch a sub-standard robotic ass-kicking?

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Yeah, I agree with Penguin and THE SKY IS FALLING THE SKY IS-

That's right, the entire POINT of movies is that they are an art form.

Mmmnot sure I agree. They're more of a medium, aren't they? A medium that can be used to produce art, sure, but it can also be used to produce commercialized crap. Movies are as much an inherent art-form as paint is.

My god is Tom Six a smug assgoblin.

The way he talks, you'd think he was some great misunderstood genius, and not the film equivalent of a tweenage emo boy drawing pentagrams all over his notebooks because ZOMG! IT'S SO SHOCKING AND EDGY!!!111!!!

Edit: And this little YouTube video just proves Tom Six is little more then some attention whore who thinks the whole of horror is to be "edgy" and "gross".

...Yeah. I never felt much joy in trying to switch my brain off (how do I even do that, besides suicide? I mean even when I'm sleeping there's activity), so I don't think I will be seeing Transformers 3.

I don't need to watch a really thought-provoking drama, and nobody's expecting a movie about giant robots making shit explode to be deep in drama but we do expect a plot to make sense and for even the love interest to serve more purpose than mandatory eye candy. She doesn't have to be some sort of ninja but it's like with every story - she needs a reason to be in every scene, preferably more than staring at her ass.

Penguin wrote:

No.

No? What, no?

Wow, what a thought-provoking comment. This definitely requires more brain-usage than a moronic Michael Bay film.

Also, in what way does posting someone calling it dumb negate the fact that I also...uh, did the same thing?

The only difference is that I go see Transformers at the cinema knowing it is stupid, and yet I'm still able to derive enjoyment from it.

But I guess that's just going to earn me another valuable "no" and a link or something equally witty and interesting, so.... never mind.

You're right, by the way. You can totally judge people based on one post they made about one random film or actor.

I have to ditch all my other hobbies and start doing that, instead. People will totally think I'm edgy and stuff.

This new Cowboys & Aliens movie. Sci-fi and a few Western fans might show up but otherwise... what the hell? Whatever happened to good old Cowboys & Indians? Why not make a movie about Colonel Mustard's last stand? Quit fucking with my childhood, Hollywood.

The Scientist wrote:

Penguin wrote:

No.

No? What, no?

No, "I know it's stupid going in so that's okay" is not a valid defense of a movie. It is still a flaw, and needs a redeeming feature. And no, "it has pretty people in it" is not a redeeming feature either because every movie has those, and often times, they can actually act. And holy fuck, welcome to the Goddamn Internet. Use Google image search if you're so alone and horny, and stop giving money to hacks.

Quote :

Wow, what a thought-provoking comment. This definitely requires more brain-usage than a moronic Michael Bay film.

Evidently so!

Quote :

Also, in what way does posting someone calling it dumb negate the fact that I also...uh, did the same thing?

The only difference is that I go see Transformers at the cinema knowing it is stupid, and yet I'm still able to derive enjoyment from it.

See above.

Quote :

But I guess that's just going to earn me another valuable "no" and a link or something equally witty and interesting, so.... never mind.

You apparently missed the link and quote, somehow.

Quote :

You're right, by the way. You can totally judge people based on one post they made about one random film or actor.

Yes. I can and I will.

4shadowedice4 wrote:

This new Cowboys & Aliens movie. Sci-fi and a few Western fans might show up but otherwise... what the hell? Whatever happened to good old Cowboys & Indians? Why not make a movie about Colonel Mustard's last stand? Quit fucking with my childhood, Hollywood.

Are you, by any chance, 72?

The Scientist wrote:

You're right, by the way. You can totally judge people based on one post they made about one random film or actor.
I have to ditch all my other hobbies and start doing that, instead. People will totally think I'm edgy and stuff.

Yes, congratulations, you have now figured out what we do here. Full marks on all counts. I think. What are hobbies?

grmblfjx wrote:

The Scientist wrote:

You're right, by the way. You can totally judge people based on one post they made about one random film or actor.
I have to ditch all my other hobbies and start doing that, instead. People will totally think I'm edgy and stuff.

Yes, congratulations, you have now figured out what we do here. Full marks on all counts. I think. What are hobbies?

Hey, I'm just taking the piss. I don't take anything seriously, not really, and I don't think anyone else does, too. It's all good fun.

The other hobbies are...uh...wait for it...



Whoops. Got caught.

No need to go into an in-depth analysis over my silliness.

grmblfjx wrote:

The Scientist wrote:

You're right, by the way. You can totally judge people based on one post they made about one random film or actor.
I have to ditch all my other hobbies and start doing that, instead. People will totally think I'm edgy and stuff.

Yes, congratulations, you have now figured out what we do here. Full marks on all counts. I think. What are hobbies?

Congratulations, you have discovered one secret of how to become famous, well-known, or at least, sufficiently loathed to know that you will be remembered forever here.

The other secret is to buy your friend's kids a drumkit, electric xylophone, or music center with a choice of 25 different disco beats. They'll remember your face forever.

Penguin wrote:

4shadowedice4 wrote:

This new Cowboys & Aliens movie. Sci-fi and a few Western fans might show up but otherwise... what the hell? Whatever happened to good old Cowboys & Indians? Why not make a movie about Colonel Mustard's last stand? Quit fucking with my childhood, Hollywood.

Are you, by any chance, 72?

Oh, I meant that I grew up watching Western films and having my dad read stories about the old west (Both fact and fiction) to my brother and I. I played Cowboys & Indians with my brother a lot as well, so seeing Hollywood messing with that just made me mad.

Sorry if I confused you.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

The Scientist wrote:

You're right, by the way. You can totally judge people based on one post they made about one random film or actor.
I have to ditch all my other hobbies and start doing that, instead. People will totally think I'm edgy and stuff.

Yes, congratulations, you have now figured out what we do here. Full marks on all counts. I think. What are hobbies?

Congratulations, you have discovered one secret of how to become famous, well-known, or at least, sufficiently loathed to know that you will be remembered forever here.

The other secret is to buy your friend's kids a drumkit, electric xylophone, or music center with a choice of 25 different disco beats. They'll remember your face forever.

This is me, wondering whether this is a good thing.

I know the Sonic movie thing was a couple of pages ago, but. Shadow hasn't been in the games in a while, so he most likely wouldn't be in a movie.

Quote :

I know the Sonic movie thing was a couple of pages ago, but. Shadow hasn't been in the games in a while, so he most likely wouldn't be in a movie.

In case you missed it, Shadow's in damn near every game now.

It depends which game Sonic Team based the movie on. If they weren't worried about putting in Shadow, it would probably be based on Sonic and Knuckles or Sonic Adventure. If they wanted him in, they'd base it on Sonic Adventure 2.

The thought of him in a Sonic movie makes me all cosy and wet inside...