Movies That are Going to Suck: Part Deux

Freezer wrote:

Jay/Cris wrote:

Wasn't the whole 'Peter's parents maaaybe having something to do with crazy SCIENCE!!1 and maybe Osborn Corp.' something that also cropped up in the comic?

That was their story in the Ultimates universe. In regular Marvel, the Parkers were government spies.

I think it was also added to the backstory of the 90's cartoon? I dunno. Spider-Man has so many almost similar origins it's hard to keep track of them. All I know Uncle Ben has to die.

And there should never be any clones involved.

Freezer wrote:

Jay/Cris wrote:

Wasn't the whole 'Peter's parents maaaybe having something to do with crazy SCIENCE!!1 and maybe Osborn Corp.' something that also cropped up in the comic?

That was their story in the Ultimates universe. In regular Marvel, the Parkers were government spies.

...who were framed and murdered by the Red Skull (unless Marvel decided to revise that story, too).

This is just...watch for who the president is. (And that's probably the highlight of this ridiculous trailer.) Seriously, are they trying to get people not to watch the movie?

Lady Anne wrote:

This is just...watch for who the president is. (And that's probably the highlight of this ridiculous trailer.) Seriously, are they trying to get people not to watch the movie?

Are you kidding?

That looks fucking hilarious! Nazis from the moon taking on Sarah Palin? Sign me up!


Hell, remember what happened to president Jack Nicholson in Mars Attacks? There is no way she'll survive the film!

Exec #1: OK GUYS, I GOT A HILARIOUS MOVIE PITCH FOR YOU! OK, Y'KNOW ALL THOSE HIGH SCHOOL TEENY COMEDIES THAT ARE ALL ABOUT GETTING DRUNK AND LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY AND STUFF?

Exec #2: yeah?

Exec #1: Y'KNOW WHAT WOULD BE AWESOME? IF WE TOOK A MOVIE LIKE THAT... BUT MADE IT ABOUT FULLY GROWN ADULTS!

Exec #2: ... that sounds creepy and pathetic...

Exec #1: AND WE CAN TOTALLY APPEAL TO TWO AUDIENCES! TEENS WILL SEE IT FOR THE BOOBIES AND THE BEER AND OLD PEOPLE WILL SEE IT BECAUSE IT STARS OLD PEOPLE!

Exec #3: Hey... I have an idea... Generation X is getting older... they're getting nostalgic... Limp Bizkit just released a new album that peaked at number 16... what if we revived an old, teen comedy franchise and made all the characters these geriatric Generation Xers with their glory days behind them who are all old and nostalgic and stuff?

Exec #1: DUDE! ALL THE OLD PEOPLE WILL TOTALLY RELATE TO THESE CHARACTERS!

Exec #3: GET STEVE STIFLER ON THE PHONE! LET'S MAKE MONEY!

WD40 wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

This is just...watch for who the president is. (And that's probably the highlight of this ridiculous trailer.) Seriously, are they trying to get people not to watch the movie?

Are you kidding?

That looks fucking hilarious! Nazis from the moon taking on Sarah Palin? Sign me up!


Hell, remember what happened to president Jack Nicholson in Mars Attacks? There is no way she'll survive the film!

Can't wait for the DVD so I can snark the hell out of it. (This is a real movie, right? Not a joke trailer?)

It's real. Here's the IMDB page.

WD40 wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

This is just...watch for who the president is. (And that's probably the highlight of this ridiculous trailer.) Seriously, are they trying to get people not to watch the movie?

Are you kidding?

That looks fucking hilarious! Nazis from the moon taking on Sarah Palin? Sign me up!


Hell, remember what happened to president Jack Nicholson in Mars Attacks? There is no way she'll survive the film!

I find myself agreeing, oddly enough. The whole concept is just so absurd, it's like someone read a troll-fic and decided, "This is utter genius! We need to throw money at someone to make this corn-covered turd into a movie! Get Sarah Palin, people love her!"

The thing is, that movie's been in development since before 9/11 IIRC. A Sarah Palin spoof... I dunno, it seems kinda phoned in, and Sarah Palin is rarely mentioned nowadays. When it actually comes out, Sarah Palin will have faded so far from relevance that it might be as funny to the audience as casting a spoof of Dukakis.

Penguin wrote:

The thing is, that movie's been in development since before 9/11 IIRC. A Sarah Palin spoof... I dunno, it seems kinda phoned in, and Sarah Palin is rarely mentioned nowadays. When it actually comes out, Sarah Palin will have faded so far from relevance that it might be as funny to the audience as casting a spoof of Dukakis.

Actually, the movie will be out in about 6 weeks, so Sarah Palin won't be that far off the radar.

Well, okay. That's not as bad as I was expecting, but it's still pretty bad. Like making fun of John Kerry when McCain was running against Obama: Your joke is off by an election cycle.

Penguin wrote:

Well, okay. That's not as bad as I was expecting, but it's still pretty bad. Like making fun of John Kerry when McCain was running against Obama: Your joke is off by an election cycle.

Exactly.

WD40 wrote:

That looks fucking hilarious! Nazis from the moon taking on Sarah Palin? Sign me up!

Hell yes. I'd watch it.

Does that make it an Antidote?

EileenK98 wrote:

Does that make it an Antidote?

I guess that depends how gloriously bad good it is.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

I have to say though that I loved the stab at the Twilight franchise. ^_^

I, uh, I totally want to see American Reunion.

Quote :

Exec #1: DUDE! ALL THE OLD PEOPLE WILL TOTALLY RELATE TO THESE CHARACTERS!

Well... yeah... Dammit.

Knorg,
loved American Pie as an 18 year old.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Do I count as old? Cause I wanna see this in the most un-ironic way possible.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Exec #1: OK GUYS, I GOT A HILARIOUS MOVIE PITCH FOR YOU! OK, Y'KNOW ALL THOSE HIGH SCHOOL TEENY COMEDIES THAT ARE ALL ABOUT GETTING DRUNK AND LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY AND STUFF?

Exec #2: yeah?

Exec #1: Y'KNOW WHAT WOULD BE AWESOME? IF WE TOOK A MOVIE LIKE THAT... BUT MADE IT ABOUT FULLY GROWN ADULTS!

Isn't that the plot to 40 Year old Virgin? That wasn't that bad was it?


... I'm not a fan of American Pie, but I don't hate it either... I'll prolly pop this film in the "meh" pile.

Lady Anne wrote:

This is just...watch for who the president is. (And that's probably the highlight of this ridiculous trailer.) Seriously, are they trying to get people not to watch the movie?

Well, Nazis are about the only kind of enemy that can make Sarah Palin look like a defender of freedom.

I think Iron Sky is supposed to be a comedy...so Palin as president is supposed to be humorous on purpose.

Now...I heard of a movie coming up that makes me cringe.

It's based off the game Candy Land...

...and stars Adam Sandler.

Right there...two strikes against it already. I'm expecting a REALLY crappy director for the third strike.

Speaking of films with a high potential for suckery, I dare anyone here to look at this picture and tell me Johnny Depp's forthcoming Lone Ranger pic isn't going to crash and burn at the box office:

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I'm not sure whether Depp is purposely trying to sabotage the movie with this idiotic gear or if he's just too tetched in the head over his breakup with Vanessa Paradis to realize the cultural minefield he's about to step on, but this photo exemplifies everything that's wrong with having Caucasian actors play Native American characters. On top of that, you can be sure legions of Suethors are just waiting to churn out badfic based on Depp's interpretation of Tonto. This train wreck of a movie is scheduled to hit theaters next May....which almost makes you wish that the 2012 doomsday prophecies had been right.

Chris91 wrote:

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Why is Jack Sparrow next to The Lone Ranger?

Why is there a (dead?) bird on his head?

EileenK98 wrote:

Why is there a (dead?) bird on his head?

It's supposed to say something unique about the character (and presumably not "I am fucking insane, so I wear a rotting crow as a hat.")