I WANT TO WATCH YOU SUCK HIS DICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do I still hang out with people who do nothing on their Friday/Saturday nights but smoke the worst weed ever and then watch Family Guy? Every time I see them it hurts me on the inside. I feel dirty. But no amount of Iraq Lobster makes me feel as dirty as what one of them insisted on showing me the other day...



"C'mon Doobie, let's look at more Emmure, aren't these guys so bad it's hilarious hurrrhurrrrhurrrrrrrr?"

"... Dude you've been showing me Emmure for the last half hour and it's not hilarious it's painful. Why can't we listen to good music?"

"Hurrrhurrrrhurrrrrrrrdurrrrrrrrr because it's funny, Doobie, hurrrrrdurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

So yeah, Emmure are probably the worst deathcore band ever. What's deathcore? Well it's a combination of hardcore and death metal, which should be fucking bloody awesome. But sadly, the only people involved in this genre seem to be greasy, chubby white guys with a closet full of generic sports jersey's and a vitamin deficiency. And the lead singer of Emmure is the greasy, chubby white guy to end all greasy, chubby white guys.

Before I go any further, I think I need to talk about the giant, AIDS shaped elephant in the room, and that is AIDS. The lead singer has it. Go ahead, make a joke in bad taste, I won't sink that far. He has not written a single song that doesn't seem to be him screaming at the girl who gave it to him. Though, officially, the song that is about his AIDS is one with the baffling title of "I Thought You Met Telly and Turned Me Into Casper". Yeah, I don't understand why either. I mean, the band has said this is about his AIDS, but you really can't tell, because the lyrics are the same as every other Emmure song, which is pretty much the lead singer crying "BITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCHBITCH". Actually, I'm kind of surprised that isn't a song by them, yet.

I often make jokes that deathcore is nothing but hardcore breakdowns and a shitty hardcore vocalist trying to be a shitty death metal vocalist acting as the icing of the shit cake, but Emmure takes this to a whole new level. Emmure has many albums, but they have only ever written one song that purely consists of one breakdown repeated ad nauseam. And as for the vocals... ew. Who told this guy he was good at death metal vocals? I'm guessing his mother, but y'know...

Also, they call their fans Decepticons and their lead singer insists his real name is Thanos Reignz. I can't tell if he's just an embarrassingly uncreative nerd or if he has very real trouble distinguishing cartoon fantasy from reality, but either way he's a Harleyquinn level manchild on top of being the lead singer for an awful band.

TL;DR?: Emmure is music that I can best describe as "sounding like poopy".

Quote :

"it's funny"

Quote :

AIDS. The lead singer has it. (...) He has not written a single song that doesn't seem to be him screaming at the girl who gave it to him.

What sort of person laughs about that?

^ /b/?

First and foremost, that is terrible. I know opinions on music are subjective and all that shit, but for this band I would disagree. They are shit on an objective basis, a person defecating into a microphone whilst strangling a cat with a string from a broken violin which they're also trying to play at the same time, would be preferable to my ears. Anyone who likes this doesn't deserve the gift of hearing.

And secondly: 21. What's 21? That's the number of unique words used in that song. Here they are:

Spoiler:

I know there's going to be a certain degree of repetition in any song, because of this fundamental basic of song-writing called a chorus. And I'm sure some smart arse will come out with some classic song that only has 20 individual words in it. But I don't care. That song is more repetitive and uncreative than I thought physically possible for a mere 158 seconds.

I'd wish AIDS upon him, but...

Hot Cancer wrote:

I know there's going to be a certain degree of repetition in any song, because of this fundamental basic of song-writing called a chorus. And I'm sure some smart arse will come out with some classic song that only has 20 individual words in it. But I don't care. That song is more repetitive and uncreative than I thought physically possible for a mere 158 seconds.

I tried. Twenty-six words was the best I could do.



But seriously, I just discovered Emmure for the first time here. I'm appalled they exist.

HOLY SHIT IT'S LOKI!

At first I thought, oh, hey, the Tallis Scholars, weird to see that here; and scrolled past.


Then, this:

TheIan wrote:

HOLY SHIT IT'S LOKI!

and suddenly it all makes sense.

Quick question--does advanced-stage AIDS mess destroy one's mind like syphilis does? Becazuse if so, that explains a lot.

Sheba wrote:

Quick question--does advanced-stage AIDS mess destroy one's mind like syphilis does? Becazuse if so, that explains a lot.

Actually, with HIV, it's the body that tends to go first. Cognitive functions remain pretty much intact right up to the end.

What I find interesting is that nowhere on their Wikipedia page, Facebook page, or official bio page is there any mention of the lead singer having HIV. While I realize this isn't the sort of thing you'd want to go around broadcasting to the general public, given that they released their first album in 2002, and have been recording together for 10 years, either he's on heavy-duty medication for it, or he's lying about the girlfriend and he doesn't have HIV at all. It's just a convenient excuse to slag the girlfriend.

And before you say "But Badger, why would anyone want to claim to have HIV if they didn't?" I will answer you simply this; for sympathy and to make themselves look hardcore