Things I Learned at the Movies

You should never give up and go to your purpose

Samuel L. Jackson's character in Unbreakable spent time in a wheelchair because of his brittle bones.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ABORTION APPARENTLY IN MOVIES. THE FEMAXXLE ANGSTS THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE FUCKING THING AND ENDS UP HAVING THE BABY. ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS ABORT THE FETUS AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE

Excuse me, but have you seen Cabaret?

It is perfectly acceptable to roll out the most offensive, over-the-top stereotypes you can possibly imagine...provided you have adorable little animals doing it. Preferably CGI animals.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Whenever there are twins, there's an evil twin. This applies to just about every media but is especially applicable in movies. Furthermoe, the evil twin will inevitably frame the good twin for something.

The idea that both twins are good, or both are evil, is unheard of.

While in real life twins often have different personalities, that doesn't mean one of them is PURE UNADULTERATED EVIL.

Race to Witch Mountain had alien twins, didn't it? I don't think either of them were evil, but they both had telepathic powers or something of that sort.

The only thing I recently remember involving twins and an evil plot was on Law and Order, I believe. The twins were both, originally, male, but the parents made one to believe he was female and put him on hormones, or something like that. In the end, when "she" found out "her" true sex, he took on his correct gender and soon after the psychiatrist he was seeing ended up dead. Only one twin killed the crazy psychiatrist, but betrayal between the twins wasn't going to happen, so the police couldn't charge them.

Oh, and what of movieverse Fred and George? Or do they not count, since the movie is based on the books?

Whenever there's a rebel/underground group of anything, they're all going to be inevitably pierced, tattooed, leather-pleathered, spike-haired punks that ride motorcycles or other appropriately badass vehicles. Their leader will sometimes be the biggest, but will always be the one with the most impressive array of tattoos and piercings, and will have the most gelled up hair.

This leads into...

In a post-Apocalyptic world where everythings gone to hell, there still seems to be plenty of hair gel for these motorcycle-riding rebels.

Absolutely EVERYTHING can explode given the right context.

Freezer wrote:

• If it has circuits, it can be hacked.
  
  

While hacking passwords, you always see a row of numbers slowly beeping up on your digital display. There is always a display, and the numbers always spin until the correct number in a password has been found.

No one EVER coughs or sneezes for no reason.

And if a woman throws up she must be pregnant. MUST. It's like biology and shit.

In the future, the world will be really grungy.

Even if a project on an alien world is funded to do scientific research, and billions upon billions have been spent to try and interact with the local populace, in the end, some hotshot 'Nam veteran and a greedy punk will take charge and ruin everything.

Because soldiers are either loyal, noble souls or TEH EBIL.

Yes, Avatar, that's you. Loved you otherwise but couldn't you have done something about those MORONIC two characters?

If the future isn't grungy, then it is absolutely antiseptically clean. And everything is white.

The correct method for CPR:
Hammer your fist on the patients chest (about once every second or so) whilst screaming NOOOOOOOOO! (it helps if it is raining, but crying can work too)
If done propely the patient should cough and regain consciousness a few seconds after you give up.

Jossarian wrote:

The correct method for CPR:
Hammer your fist on the patients chest (about once every second or so) whilst screaming NOOOOOOOOO! (it helps if it is raining, but crying can work too)
If done propely the patient should cough and regain consciousness a few seconds after you give up.

Unless it's a hospital series no one ever dies; everybody is saved by CPR, even if you've found the victim five minutes after their heart stopped and took another five minutes to beat on their chest.

Everyone knows how to do CPR--even if it's then done blatantly wrong.

No one ever has brain damage, or shows pain from bruised or broken ribs.

Pulse is checked by vaguely fingering the neck or worse, wrist. Within three seconds a total layman can establish whether the victim has a pulse or not.

crazzycat wrote:

You should never give up and go to your purpose

Are you a spambot trying to get people to go to that 'free glitter graphics' site or just illiterate?

kleine_kat wrote:

Unless it's a hospital series no one ever dies; everybody is saved by CPR, even if you've found the victim five minutes after their heart stopped and took another five minutes to beat on their chest.

The magical defibrilliator will bring back absolutely anyone, as well. Flat lining patient? ELECTRICITY MAKES LIFE!

ZoZo wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

Unless it's a hospital series no one ever dies; everybody is saved by CPR, even if you've found the victim five minutes after their heart stopped and took another five minutes to beat on their chest.

The magical defibrilliator will bring back absolutely anyone, as well. Flat lining patient? ELECTRICITY MAKES LIFE!

If they've been flatlining for over two minutes, you don't really want to bring them back, because oxygen starvation will have set in, and they'll likely end up with severe brain damage.

This feels relevant now.

Freezer wrote:

• There are three parts of the UK: London, the British "countryside", and Stonehenge.
  

Victorian London had only two social classes: the Bellamys and Eliza Doolittle. (Yes, I know the Bellamys were Edwardian, that's not the point.)

Wearing glasses in movies results in death.

Nobody who wears glasses in movies is ever long-sighted, where you only
need glasses for reading, or only a little short-sighted. They are always so short-sighted that when their glasses get broken, they cannot see it's the monster they're walking into. Do you have any idea how badly short-sighted you need to be, to not see something is a zombie?

About as near-sighted as me. At -5.50, human beings are a blur until you're well within chomping distance. Now, this is no excuse; if in a zombie movie and you have lost your glasses, assume everyone is a zombie until proven otherwise.

Also, anyone wearing glasses is automatically smart, or at least well-educated. Glasses give you magical powers to Know Things.

I was about -8 before I got my eyesight fixed. I'd probably notice a big fuckoff monster as those things tend to be a bit noisy.

You do get long-sighted people in movies. They're the ones who put on glasses to look at the computer screen and solve problems by Typing Really Fast and then dramatically whip them off as they announce that the world is going to end/they cracked the code/the murderer's face is reflected in a window if you enhance the picture.

I'm mildly shortsighted (like, -0.75) and the only reason I wear glasses at all is because I get a massive headache looking at computer screens if I don't. I'd keep them on for a dramatic announcement, though, otherwise I'd be spending all of the next scene if anyone knew where my glasses were.