Why, God, why did these commercials get made?

Yeah, stepping outside strips a woman of her ability to cook! That's why she must never leave the house.

God but that pisses me off. Inside, you won't get a man to cook for love nor money because it's the woman's job, but as soon as it's barbeque season, the 'man' leaps to the job. He can't wait to cook up a storm or something.

I've seen men online who actually claim that women can't barbeque. Despite the fact it's only half a step away from the oven grill that gives them their steaks every week.

It's like they think barbeques are like some sort of penis extension, but an oven will cause their cock to wither and die.

As for those so-called 'ugly' women in the Bacardi ads, they don't look so bad to me. Maybe not the stunningly unattainable supermodels that Lynx attracts, but still, I'll tell you what it is in those ads that will make you look more attractive - the beer.

Geico. Staring. Cash. Those three words are enough to inspire RAGE within me. Does Geico want to SCARE us into buying their insurance? Like I have enough twisted shit in my dreams already without adding soul-stealing, goggly-eyed money demons trying to steal my soul. And what's with these idiots who just stare at the huge pile of cash and do nothing? TAKE THE CASH AND FLICK THE EYEBALLS OFF OF IT, ALREADY!!

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Swiffer's done it again. This time they're using the song "Love Stinks" for their ads.

Could someone PLEASE tell these cretins to stop mucking up pop culture?

I dunno, I think it's better than the other ones. But then of course, maybe it's because I like that song better.

Hivemind wrote:

Geico. Staring. Cash. Those three words are enough to inspire RAGE within me. Does Geico want to SCARE us into buying their insurance? Like I have enough twisted shit in my dreams already without adding soul-stealing, goggly-eyed money demons trying to steal my soul. And what's with these idiots who just stare at the huge pile of cash and do nothing? TAKE THE CASH AND FLICK THE EYEBALLS OFF OF IT, ALREADY!!

Bad enough Geico is schitzophrenic with their ads. They keep switching between that cash, the cavemen, and the gecko. At least the gecko ads are more informative...

That's been one of the more amusing/frustrating things about Geico's ads for years. Why pour all your money into one popular and distinctive ad campaign when you can run three or four?

I was really hoping the Cavemen sitcom would be moderately successful, because the longer it ran, the longer Geico wouldn't have access to them. They'd be much easier to avoid; and, even as bad as the show was, the characters were slightly more amusing and far more nuanced than their one-note ad counterparts.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

God but that pisses me off. Inside, you won't get a man to cook for love nor money because it's the woman's job, but as soon as it's barbeque season, the 'man' leaps to the job. He can't wait to cook up a storm or something.

You do realize this is an equally sweeping generalization, right?

Delcat wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

God but that pisses me off. Inside, you won't get a man to cook for love nor money because it's the woman's job, but as soon as it's barbeque season, the 'man' leaps to the job. He can't wait to cook up a storm or something.

You do realize this is an equally sweeping generalization, right?

Thanks for saying it before I could jump on it, Delcat. Seriously, Harley, have you ever met a guy? Like, not on the Intertubes? Not every man is like Mikey at his unfunny worst.

I prefer grilling to cooking on the stove & baking. It's so much more efficient a process.

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Bad enough Geico is schitzophrenic with their ads. They keep switching between that cash, the cavemen, and the gecko. At least the gecko ads are more informative...

They should make an ad with the gecko meeting up with the cavemen, only to end up surrounded by cash, all of it staring at them.

KJM wrote:

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Bad enough Geico is schitzophrenic with their ads. They keep switching between that cash, the cavemen, and the gecko. At least the gecko ads are more informative...

They should make an ad with the gecko meeting up with the cavemen, only to end up surrounded by cash, all of it staring at them.

Oh snap...I'd pay good money to see that!

o.O

Did I just say "oh snap"?!?

Speaking of ads...In Laurel, there's this great big billboard I have never paid attention to because I have to focus to drive. Cue me being in stand-still traffic. I finally look at it.

It's for some kin of liquor involving the word "Royal".

The billboard is two girls in standard club/bar clothes. One woman is grabbing another's necklace in her mouth. The billboard is titled "Things are getting interesting."

Really? Y'all really went there? It makes me want to find the ad exec who had this stroke of brilliance and bash their head into their desk.

Ceres wrote:

Behold! The immortal Orangina furry sexy dance commercial! Gaze upon it and despair!

I remember being freaked out when I first saw this - I Did Not Want those images in my head! :panic: Does anyone know what drugs the people who came up with this were on? Was it industrial strength Lysergic Acid? Too many E-numbers? Not enough drugs? Or perhaps a bad dose of flu and therefore feverish and high on Benilyn and painkillers and antibiotics speaks from experience here... or something?!

And has anyone got any brain bleach?

I hate one currently being shown in the UK for an oven cleaner, which is being sold with the tag-line "So simple, even a man could use it". It's not just the head-desking sexism from the female "lead", it's the excruciating "cute" giggle she signs off with. :bang:

Oh, and I can't forget the air-freshener one where a deeply annoying, eminently slappable child with a face which appears to have been elongated with CGI to make him appear older wants to go for a Number 2. Smiling Mummy tells him to run along, but Freaky Child says he wants "to go for a poo at Paul's house" - where, obviously, Paul's Mummy uses the product being advertised... And Freaky Child keeps on protesting that he wants to go for a poo at Paul's house until he appears to be working himself up towards some kind of tantrum which, you just know, would turn into a shit-flinging beserkr rage had Mummy not got The Message. :yerk:

Yeltzy wrote:

Ceres wrote:

Behold! The immortal Orangina furry sexy dance commercial! Gaze upon it and despair!

I remember being freaked out when I first saw this - I Did Not Want those images in my head! :panic: Does anyone know what drugs the people who came up with this were on? Was it industrial strength Lysergic Acid? Too many E-numbers? Not enough drugs? Or perhaps a bad dose of flu and therefore feverish and high on Benilyn and painkillers and antibiotics speaks from experience here... or something?!

And has anyone got any brain bleach?

I've got an antidote! Charlie Brooker: Ten Biggest Cocks in Advertising

GamemasterAnthony wrote:

Yeltzy wrote:

I remember being freaked out when I first saw this - I Did Not Want those images in my head! :panic: Does anyone know what drugs the people who came up with this were on? Was it industrial strength Lysergic Acid? Too many E-numbers? Not enough drugs? Or perhaps a bad dose of flu and therefore feverish and high on Benilyn and painkillers and antibiotics speaks from experience here... or something?! And has anyone got any brain bleach?

I've got an antidote! Charlie Brooker: Ten Biggest Cocks in Advertising

Oh, I would love to know what he'd make of the Orangina ad - not to mention the others I mentioned, and quite a few of the other ads brought to our attention on this thread!

Yeltzy wrote:

Oh, and I can't forget the air-freshener one where a deeply annoying, eminently slappable child with a face which appears to have been elongated with CGI to make him appear older wants to go for a Number 2. Smiling Mummy tells him to run along, but Freaky Child says he wants "to go for a poo at Paul's house" - where, obviously, Paul's Mummy uses the product being advertised... And Freaky Child keeps on protesting that he wants to go for a poo at Paul's house until he appears to be working himself up towards some kind of tantrum which, you just know, would turn into a shit-flinging beserkr rage had Mummy not got The Message. :yerk:

Do you have a video link? 'Cause from that description, I'm picturing something like a Lynchian dream sequence and not an ad. Not that Lynch was ever particularly scatological, mind, but it's just that bizarre.

Delcat wrote:

Yeltzy wrote:

Oh, and I can't forget the air-freshener one where a deeply annoying, eminently slappable child with a face which appears to have been elongated with CGI to make him appear older wants to go for a Number 2. Smiling Mummy tells him to run along, but Freaky Child says he wants "to go for a poo at Paul's house" - where, obviously, Paul's Mummy uses the product being advertised... And Freaky Child keeps on protesting that he wants to go for a poo at Paul's house until he appears to be working himself up towards some kind of tantrum which, you just know, would turn into a shit-flinging beserkr rage had Mummy not got The Message. :yerk:

Do you have a video link? 'Cause from that description, I'm picturing something like a Lynchian dream sequence and not an ad. Not that Lynch was ever particularly scatological, mind, but it's just that bizarre.

I second this.

DeeDee wrote:

Delcat wrote:

Yeltzy wrote:

Oh, and I can't forget the air-freshener one where a deeply annoying, eminently slappable child with a face which appears to have been elongated with CGI to make him appear older wants to go for a Number 2. Smiling Mummy tells him to run along, but Freaky Child says he wants "to go for a poo at Paul's house" - where, obviously, Paul's Mummy uses the product being advertised... And Freaky Child keeps on protesting that he wants to go for a poo at Paul's house until he appears to be working himself up towards some kind of tantrum which, you just know, would turn into a shit-flinging beserkr rage had Mummy not got The Message. :yerk:

Do you have a video link? 'Cause from that description, I'm picturing something like a Lynchian dream sequence and not an ad. Not that Lynch was ever particularly scatological, mind, but it's just that bizarre.

I second this.

That gum you like is going to come back in style.

Bad Luck Charm wrote:

"Yippee-ai-ay, mini sirloin burgers! Yippee-ai-ay, mini sirloin burgers! Yippee-ai-ay, MINI SIRLOIN BURGERRRRS!!!"

DAMN YOU JACK IN THE BOX!!! :panic:

oh no, no. The ones that are worse, I think are the dance ones. the new dance craze that's sweepin' the nation, blah blah blah MINI BUFFALO RANCH CHICKEN SANDWICH. and sandwich is hugging the mini cowboys. I always think that the Roloffs would be pissed off at those commercials. I don't know why.

Delcat wrote:

DeeDee wrote:

Delcat wrote:

Yeltzy wrote:

Oh, and I can't forget the air-freshener one where a deeply annoying, eminently slappable child with a face which appears to have been elongated with CGI to make him appear older wants to go for a Number 2. Smiling Mummy tells him to run along, but Freaky Child says he wants "to go for a poo at Paul's house" - where, obviously, Paul's Mummy uses the product being advertised... And Freaky Child keeps on protesting that he wants to go for a poo at Paul's house until he appears to be working himself up towards some kind of tantrum which, you just know, would turn into a shit-flinging beserkr rage had Mummy not got The Message. :yerk:

Do you have a video link? 'Cause from that description, I'm picturing something like a Lynchian dream sequence and not an ad. Not that Lynch was ever particularly scatological, mind, but it's just that bizarre.

I second this.

That gum you like is going to come back in style.

*Humps Delcat's leg*

On-topic... Anyone remember that Titty Tiddy Bear commercial from the House? That was bizarre.

I think I posted that on terrible products. TITTY BEAAAAAR RELIEVES PRESSURE

If you think commercials for adults are bad...

Since my son has discovered Nickelodeon and Disney Channel, I see a never-ending lineup of insipid and idiotic commercials for kids. If you want to see me scream and run around the room, just mention "Fruit By The Foot". "I've replaced your DNA with Fruit By The Foot!"

Those Fruit by the Foot commercials aren't insipid and idiotic as much as they are creepy. Someone on TV Tropes pointed out how many candy/fruit snack commercials display the product as doing horrible things to you (See: Gushers, Airheads, and the like) and I've been unable to unsee the trend since.

On-topic:

LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP OH LOLLI LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP *POP* B'DUM DUM DUM

Every. Fucking. Commercial break. I'm ready to buy one of their fucking laptops if they'll JUST. STOP. SINGING.

There was the Sony Bravia commercial from a few years ago:

THE
FIRST
TELEVISION
FOR
MEN
AND
WOMEN.

TRADEMARK.

With a strong message that only men care how well a TV set works: only the man cares about the AWESOME HD PICTURE. Women care only that it LOOKS REALLY STYLISH ON THE WALL.



ETA: I want to kill the woman in the "rollover minutes" series of commercials. You're so anxious to save them, YOU use the goddamned nasty old leftover minutes.

Delcat wrote:

LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP OH LOLLI LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP *POP* B'DUM DUM DUM

Every. Fucking. Commercial break. I'm ready to buy one of their fucking laptops if they'll JUST. STOP. SINGING.

This one's so bad, it should be in the Earworm Thread over in the Muzak forum. :bang: