Why, God, why did these commercials get made?

(Felt like fitting the new name in some how. Doesn't quite flow as easily as Godawful or House of, but I think it works.)

So, once again I am bringing back the thread for the discussion of the absolute worst that television advertising has to show. I was thinking of naming this thread after what I consider to be possibly the worst mascot of recent history, The Burger King, but I figured he will probably get some discussion in here anyway.

I think I'll start off with a classic that recently started airing around here again. An Axe body spray commercial featuring a man made out of chocolate as he walks around town with a giant shit-eating grin on his face as women literally break pieces off of him and eat him. :affraid: I wish I was making this shit up, but it seems that one of the ad execs over at Axe thought that a chocolate man being torn apart and devoured by ravenous women would make men want to buy their products.

Also while we're on the topic of Axe, they've been running these ads for a month or two now that just really piss me off. The ads are for their new shampoo and feature women chasing down men with "bad" hair and forcibly washing and altering their hairstyle, all of this with the tag-line "Get girl approved hair". All I can think watching these is that if the genders were reversed, everybody would be up in arms about it. There would be people shouting about how it sends the message that women have to meet cultural ideals of beauty and all that if the roles were reversed and the tag-line was "Get guy approved hair". It's an unfortunate sign of our societal double-standards on the way men and women should behave and that we're not gonna get rid of them any time soon, just continue to laugh at them.

Knight wrote:

The ads are for their new shampoo feature women chasing down men with "bad" hair and forcibly washing and altering their hairstyle, all of this with the tag-line "Get girl approved hair". All I can think watching these is that if the genders were reversed, everybody would be up in arms about it. There would be people shouting about how it sends the message that women have to meet cultural ideals of beauty and all that if the roles were reversed and the tag-line was "Get guy approved hair". It's an unfortunate sign of our societal double-standards on the way men and women should behave and that we're not gonna get rid of them any time soon, just continue to laugh at them.

It's so cute how you say that, as if virtually every beauty product marketed to women doesn't carry the implicit message that we must use them in order to be 'guy approved', or even merely "acceptable", and as if women are taken seriously when they point out the appalling misogyny present and aren't urged to lighten up and stop taking it so seriously.

That aside, Lynx ads are putrid. The latest one I've seen is for a body wash and features a man in a calypso bar, feeling inadequate because the other guys are all shaking maracas and he only has a tiny set. So he showers with this stuff, it shows his shadow on the ground and then the shadows of two giant maracas SWING DOWN BETWEEN HIS LEGS. Complete with GROWING SOUND. He returns to the bar with his oversized maracas and new found confidence.

Still, it's better than the one where the guy lures his girlfriend through his apartment by strategically spraying Lynx, giving his mistress time to slip out the back door.
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Seconding the Lynx ads. The one that offended me most was the one with the guy with weird swivelly eyes. They were gross in the first place, but his problem was he couldn't look at women because his weird swivelly eyes kept weirdly swivelling. Swift application of Lynx solved this problem. I think it got him laid, too.

It may not be the worst commercial ever, but I can't be the only one who absolutely despises that Minute Maid Enhanced commercial. "I think you're the father of one of my kids" - who the fuck phrases that question that way if you're not asking about a potential baby daddy?

The deeply douchey backpfeifengesicht look on on the guy's face doesn't help.

Cyberwulf wrote:

Knight wrote:

The ads are for their new shampoo feature women chasing down men with "bad" hair and forcibly washing and altering their hairstyle, all of this with the tag-line "Get girl approved hair". All I can think watching these is that if the genders were reversed, everybody would be up in arms about it. There would be people shouting about how it sends the message that women have to meet cultural ideals of beauty and all that if the roles were reversed and the tag-line was "Get guy approved hair". It's an unfortunate sign of our societal double-standards on the way men and women should behave and that we're not gonna get rid of them any time soon, just continue to laugh at them.

It's so cute how you say that, as if virtually every beauty product marketed to women doesn't carry the implicit message that we must use them in order to be 'guy approved', or even merely "acceptable", and as if women are taken seriously when they point out the appalling misogyny present and aren't urged to lighten up and stop taking it so seriously.

I had a feeling that you'd take not with the last paragraph. I didn't say that ads for beauty products aren't ridiculous, I was merely pointing out that if they were as headbangingly obvious about that message as this Axe one is that people would be throwing a shitfit about it.

Freezer wrote:

It may not be the worst commercial ever, but I can't be the only one who absolutely despises that Minute Maid Enhanced commercial. "I think you're the father of one of my kids" - who the fuck phrases that question that way if you're not asking about a potential baby daddy?

The deeply douchey backpfeifengesicht look on on the guy's face doesn't help.

I had forgotten about that one somehow. It seems so weird to me. If you were going to approach someone about something like that don't you think you'd say, "on of the kids in my class"?

Knight wrote:

Cyberwulf wrote:

Knight wrote:

The ads are for their new shampoo feature women chasing down men with "bad" hair and forcibly washing and altering their hairstyle, all of this with the tag-line "Get girl approved hair". All I can think watching these is that if the genders were reversed, everybody would be up in arms about it. There would be people shouting about how it sends the message that women have to meet cultural ideals of beauty and all that if the roles were reversed and the tag-line was "Get guy approved hair". It's an unfortunate sign of our societal double-standards on the way men and women should behave and that we're not gonna get rid of them any time soon, just continue to laugh at them.

It's so cute how you say that, as if virtually every beauty product marketed to women doesn't carry the implicit message that we must use them in order to be 'guy approved', or even merely "acceptable", and as if women are taken seriously when they point out the appalling misogyny present and aren't urged to lighten up and stop taking it so seriously.

I had a feeling that you'd take not with the last paragraph. I didn't say that ads for beauty products aren't ridiculous, I was merely pointing out that if they were as headbangingly obvious about that message as this Axe one is that people would be throwing a shitfit about it.

Well, yeah, but that's the difference between male and female audiences. On average, men tend to be more literal than women. The subtle insinuation found in advertising for female audiences wouldn't be as effective for most men.

All in all, any advertisements for anything "beauty" related is a bunch of bullshit.

ZoZo wrote:

Seconding the Lynx ads. The one that offended me most was the one with the guy with weird swivelly eyes. They were gross in the first place, but his problem was he couldn't look at women because his weird swivelly eyes kept weirdly swivelling. Swift application of Lynx solved this problem. I think it got him laid, too.

This is the chocolate one, if anyone wants to see it. Which I think managed to combine general freakiness with offensiveness, and, in agreement with Knight's sentiments, makes you wonder who on earth would actually see that ad and think 'I have got to buy this!'. Seriously, what were they thinking?

Behold! The immortal Orangina furry sexy dance commercial!
Gaze upon it and despair!

Well, first there was:

ACTIVON APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD
ACTIVON APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD
ACTIVON APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD
ACTIVON APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD

o.O Unsettling.

As if that wasn't bad enough they made follow up commercials with people mimicking "activon apply directly to the forehead activon apply directly to the forehead ACTIVON! I love your product but I hate your commercials!!"

Yes, thank you, whoever came up with that. That made it much better. :x

So I haven't had cable for a while if you can't tell. >.>

The new Aflac commercial is okay up until the end, when they have the horse scratch his chin with one of his front hooves. I don't think horses, even the talking kind, are supposed to bend like that.

Ceres wrote:

Behold! The immortal Orangina furry sexy dance commercial!
Gaze upon it and despair!

Now I see why people hate furries.

Speaking of furfaggotry, has anyone seen this commercial that airs every now and then on Animal Planet for this service that helps you find your lost pet? The commercial's got "Smells Like Teen Spirit" syndrome: the song being played/sung would be highly inappropriate for the commercial's subject material. What song is it, you ask? Peaches and Herb's Reunited. The moment you know the whole song's lyrics, it really gives the commercial this bestiality side.

Oh, and who could forget the Lamisil commercials! I'm going to be nice and not show you those. Bloody disgusting.

Ceres wrote:

Behold! The immortal Orangina furry sexy dance commercial!
Gaze upon it and despair!

. . . What the fuck did I just watch?

Fuck, that could have been the greatest commercial ever- he gives her the flower, they embrace, he bites her head off.

I've got to go with the WoW ads, especially the one with Ozzy. I mean, WTF? Ozzy Osborne? Mister T? William Shatner?? Seriously? Couldn't Blizzard get anyone who isn't a Bside in modern culture? They may be targeting geeks, but I'm a geek and it didn't make me play the game. As a matter of fact, it cemented me NOT playing.

Then again, I'm not the average WoW player, either, so maybe I don't understand.

I think the WoW commercials are cute.

I'm personally pissed off by "diet food" commercials like Special K and SlimFast showing bitches who don't need to lose any weight.

I also hate commercials where women are eating food and are dancing or making faces like the food is giving them an orgasm.

Ceres wrote:

Behold! The immortal Orangina furry sexy dance commercial!
Gaze upon it and despair!

I showed that to my oldest son and he literally stood there like this

SokMunkie wrote:

I'm personally pissed off by "diet food" commercials like Special K and SlimFast showing bitches who don't need to lose any weight.

I noted over at the "Unfortunate Implications" section at TV Tropes that whenever a commercial breaks out the one-piece swimsuits alongside a bikini, they might as well break out a sign that says "One pieces are for fatties!" (See also: The Valerie Bertinelli Nutri-System commercials)

Rabid Badger wrote:

Ceres wrote:

Behold! The immortal Orangina furry sexy dance commercial!
Gaze upon it and despair!

I showed that to my oldest son and he literally stood there like this

BADGER! *hugs!!* My entire house was standing behind me watching it and making commentary. I think I'm with your son with the face, though. Truely WTF worthy.

I absolutely loathe the FreeCreditReport.com commercials with that stupid fucker singing whatever the fuck he sings in each commercial. They come on way too much and they're annoying as fuck.

Not as bad, but still terrible, are the new FreeCreditReport.com commercials with the woman who treats her credit score like a dog.

And the commercials that have definitely hit my top ten least favorites are the Hillshire Farm commercials. You know, the one where a bunch of dumbasses start singing and you just wanna take their stupid hot dogs and shove them up their asses.

Finally, there's the Burger King commercials. Their mascot is creepy as fuck and their commercials are obnoxious. My personal least favorite was the square butts one, but I think they all suck.

I don't think all the WoW commercials are terrible... but what bothers me about them is that if Ozzy can't figure out how to use a remote control (as seen on The Osbournes), he probably can't even figure out how to play WoW in the first place. I'm not saying that remote controls and WoW are related; it's just that he's shown time and time again to be technologically inept. Same goes with that phone commercial where the running gag is that nobody on this side of the ocean can understand what the fuck he's saying- so he texts.

Ozzy is kinda like Pat Morita. Morita didn't know a thing about martial arts or Karate, they just showed him what he needed to do in order to make things work for film. The same thing about Ozzy, which he promptly forgot about afterward due to the drugs they had him on.

Inciter wrote:

I absolutely loathe the FreeCreditReport.com commercials with that stupid fucker singing whatever the fuck he sings in each commercial. They come on way too much and they're annoying as fuck.

I find those commercials catchy... except for the "Married my dreamgirl" one. Why should I listen to this whiny little fuckstain whine about how his new bride's credit score keeps them from finding a decent place to live? Have you never heard of "apartments?" If your girl's credit was that bad to begin with, how the hell did you not know about it? Not to mention he strongly - and smugly - suggests that foreknowledge of said bad credit might have been a deal breaker for their relationship.

They stopped airing that one for a while. I figured they figured how multi-level insulting it was. Guess not.

^And now I have that song stuck in my head.

You know the latest Go-Gurt commercial, the one with the kid who steps in front of the wall and gets painted into it? It seems really impressive until you realize they blatantly ripped off Muto, which really IS impressive as it was done by just a few people for no profit and with limited resources. The commercial even has a little eyeball creature at the end to show that it's no coincidence. What utter douchebags.

Geez, that Orangina one... I thought it was...

Well, I had no idea what I thought it was, but I think they had on average, a sexual innuendo every 0.03 seconds.

I love the FreeCreditReport commercials. They're catchy and funny.