Humorous Misspellings

Another thread rescued from the void.

Here are some of my favorites that I've seen:

He shat himself and died.
Rouge Squadron
Qui-Gon Gin
Inacan Skywalker
Skywanker (that one may have been deliberate)

And my favorite, sent to me in an e-mail after I asked someone to check their spelling before submitting a story to my site:

Fuk you! I can so spell food@

From a thread about the Mother 3 characters' ages, where people were also trying to figure out what breed Boney the dog was.

Quote :

I don’t quite know if we figured out what Boney is, but he’s brown, so he’s gotta be a chocolate laboratory.

Surely I can't be the first one to mention wonton. I mean wanton.

Vicodin = Vatican

:D

Miss Misery wrote:

Vicodin = Vatican

:D

But...how...

My brother has a friend/acquaintance who attempted to type "fuck's sake," and ended up with "fucksack." Which sounds like it belongs in the bad euphemisms thread, but I can't figure out what it would be a euphemism for.

Ah, here's a classic from the Azumanga Daioh fandom:

Quote :

Sakai moved carefully, now wanting to run into a low branch or other problem.

Hey, here's a low branch, let's run into it...
*BONK*
Okay, maybe that wasn't such a good idea...

Also, who could forget the classic Victor Von Doom:

Quote :

And then he lefted the room.

But the feng shui expert said this was a rightist room!

Or how about the classic Dr. Thinker:

Quote :

Out pooped Sailor Moon

Must have been a Mary Sue that shitted her. Even when a Mary Sue takes a shit, it pleasantly smells of fresh-cut roses.

Animir wrote:

My brother has a friend/acquaintance who attempted to type "fuck's sake," and ended up with "fucksack." Which sounds like it belongs in the bad euphemisms thread, but I can't figure out what it would be a euphemism for.

That's hilarious. :D

Last night on Neopets, someone kept posting about random events "fowling" him around. For some reason, no one decided to tell him that he meant "following".

Animir wrote:

My brother has a friend/acquaintance who attempted to type "fuck's sake," and ended up with "fucksack." Which sounds like it belongs in the bad euphemisms thread, but I can't figure out what it would be a euphemism for.

Scrotum? horribly deformed vagina?

Fucksack! Ohh, that sounds like a good insult. "Tiffany Pollard is a gnarled, insatiable fucksack." It makes me all giddy saying it.

And to fill some retarded quota, here's something I just read from an Eva fic:

Quote :

After Rei was released from the hospital, Misato convinced the UN to grant the heroin a full pardon for conspiring with the ex-Commander.

Could explain why Gendo was such a fucking megalomaniac, Yui incident aside. My theory is confirmed: Rei has dat crraaaazy pussy.

An otherwise pretty good fic I've been following on FFN tends to contain one particularly glaring/amusing typo every few chapters. The two best ones so far have been "humped" instead of "humphed", and "killing" instead of "kissing" (leading to the line "Lulu was here yesterday and he was killing Kallen in the courtyard").

From the chatbox of a Marvel roleplaying site I waste time on:

Tethys: *humps on Wolverine*
Tethys: JUMPS, shitdammit!

From students' papers at work:

Quote :

My family got a ginny pig yesterday.

Drunken swine!

Quote :

He still owes me 5 dillers.

And you'd better not eat them in the library.

From graffiti in textbooks at the end of the year, some creative ways of spelling the F word:

Fuk
Fuc
Fock
Fokk
Folk
Fic
Fusk
Fuke
Vuck
Muder Fuker
Furk

Quote :

Yull never find this, libery bich! [Student's name]

Guess who got a big fine?

Lady Anne wrote:

Fic

I knew it!

I know people who spell it "barstards".

I think my personal favorite was when the author was discussing someone's clothes and mentioned they had a 'warn' spot on the back of their jeans. I know picture them as having a giant red button labeled WARNING on their backside.

I recall a furry porn fic (MSTed by me here) in which an otter character announces that a certain part of his anatomy is "larger than most otters", which might be the worst place ever to leave out an apostrophe. On a similar note, there was the Harry Potter fic with the unintentional cannibalism thanks to a dropped comma: "Go tell the boys it's time to eat Ginny."

We also can't forget the endless misspellings in "My Immortal". For example, Snape and Lupin "masticating" while watching Ebony in the bath, the appearance of "Mystery of Magic Cornelia Fuck", and Draco's favourite movie "Hoes of Wax".

chelonianmobile wrote:

I recall a furry porn fic (MSTed by me here) in which an otter character announces that a certain part of his anatomy is "larger than most otters", which might be the worst place ever to leave out an apostrophe. On a similar note, there was the Harry Potter fic with the unintentional cannibalism thanks to a dropped comma: "Go tell the boys it's time to eat Ginny."

We also can't forget the endless misspellings in "My Immortal". For example, Snape and Lupin "masticating" while watching Ebony in the bath, the appearance of "Mystery of Magic Cornelia Fuck", and Draco's favourite movie "Hoes of Wax".

MY CHILDHOOD!!!! :unskilled78:


:head:


Great MST, though.

"Come, you must eat my daughter." (from a badfic from a bajillion years ago.)
"The air was heavy with incest." (Another person on the old forums brought this one up.)

"Hitler's instrumentality of terror was the gazpacho."
"St. Theresa was a caramelized nun."
"O'Cyrus was an ancient Egyptian god."
"Roman elders demanded to be known as Patricia, and wore purple tubas as signs of their social standing."
-(All from Non Campus Mentis, a compilation of mistakes from college papers collected by a professor.)


The placement of the letters on the keyboard makes it fun when someone accidentally mis-types "heroes" as "herpes."

The subtle but important difference between "prostrate" and "prostate" cannot be emphasized enough.

(As for 'My Immortal,' my personal favorite may be Professor Sinatra.)

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

I know people who spell it "barstards".

There is a reason for that. Using the Urban Dictionary explanation, because it agrees with what I've heard:

Quote :

Barstard
	Same meanings as the word 'bastard', but used with the accent that most people outside of America pronounce it with. "John Howard is such a barstard! I just hate him!"

Quote :

They received a standing ovulation.

I have to wonder how many of these mistakes (fanbrat, student, or otherwise) are the result of people trusting their spelling checkers too much. The "correct all" feature is just plain terrifying.

For instance, mine presents "tuba" as the first choice to replace "toba", and if you remember that these people don't read, you can see where they could get "toba" instead of "toga" ... they're not writing words, they're transcribing sounds, and "b" and "g" can be fairly easily mistaken for each other, especially in some regional accents.

We wouldn't make that mistake because we read. We look at a word and say hey, that doesn't look right. Then we change it until it does. It may not be so much a matter of meaning, even, as it is pattern recognition. Humans are good at that. People who couldn't tell you the first thing about the breed standard for collies would spot something wrong (even if they weren't sure what) in a picture of a collie with the wrong coat colors, or maybe big floppy hound ears. We read, so we do that with words, too. Too many people today don't read any more than they're forced to, and they don't understand that the written language is something all its own, not just a transcription of sounds.

Of course, just writing down the sounds doesn't work. Imagine someone from Yorkshire, someone from Jamaica, someone from Nashville, and someone from Edinburgh all trying to read the phonetic transcription of what each other has said. You can't convince the phonics-raised fanbrats of that, though. So they mistake their and there and they're, they use ur for your or you're indiscriminately, and their Roman Patricias wear purple tubas ... and anyway, only the Emperor got a purple tuba; ordinary Senators had to make do with a purple stripe ... maybe around the bell? Also, if you wear it, that's a Sousaphone, not a tuba. And I think I need more sleep.

Wandering Critic wrote:

I have to wonder how many of these mistakes (fanbrat, student, or otherwise) are the result of people trusting their spelling checkers too much. The "correct all" feature is just plain terrifying.

For instance, mine presents "tuba" as the first choice to replace "toba", and if you remember that these people don't read, you can see where they could get "toba" instead of "toga" ... they're not writing words, they're transcribing sounds, and "b" and "g" can be fairly easily mistaken for each other, especially in some regional accents.

I adore the rant. Seriously, I'd like to give it a little award. However, I think in the case of Toastuh's spelling mistakes, the 'tubas'-thing is mostly a case of typos gone hilariously wrong. A better example would be the gazpacho one - there's a joke in there about cold soup and the camps, but I'm not gonna make it - since Gestapo is a foreign word. If a student only heard the word during class and tried to transcribe it from memory while writing his or her paper, such a mistake could happen. According to Word, 'Gaztapo' can lead to 'gazebo' and 'gazpato' to 'gazpacho'.

chelonianmobile wrote:

We also can't forget the endless misspellings in "My Immortal". For example, Snape and Lupin "masticating" while watching Ebony in the bath, the appearance of "Mystery of Magic Cornelia Fuck", and Draco's favourite movie "Hoes of Wax".

"Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera."

Ooh, remembered a fic which featured a rapist "taking out his person from his pants". It took me about five read-throughs to be sure I wasn't just reading that wrongly, and I'm still not sure whether it's a typo or just a fantastically clumsy attempt at being euphemistic.

Then there's "The Eye Of Argon", my personal favourite typo from which is the mention of the guards "removing the food and water bowels" from a cell.