Chris-chan and Sonichu: ZAP TO THE EXTREME

It's like a train crash... I keep telling myself that I will not revive the Victorian freak show mentality by visiting that site and witnessing the breakdown of an inadequate human being, but...

What the hell kind of mindset do you have to possess, to video yourself fucking a blow-up doll (and being a premature ejaculator, from the look of it) and then posting it for the world to see?

May all the gods look kindly on this poor creature.

To be fair, the vast majority of Chris' videotaped sexual deviations were intended for what he believed were genuine girls who were interested in him.

Those "girls" of course turned out to be trolls who disseminated said videos.

And yes, my choice of words was completely intentional.

Snake Bandage wrote:

This is one of the saddest videos I've ever seen in my entire life.

That's one way you could describe it....you could also call it "creepy", "deranged", "mind-blowingly disturbing", and "frightening as hell".

@Asylum: I don't think trolling entirely explains it...there's a definite exhibitionist streak in our friend Mr. Chandler that I suspect might have emerged sooner or later even if he'd never been trolled at all.

Why, God, Why did he dye his hair orangutan orange?

Quote :

its like a car wreck

Quote :

It's like a train crash

... wait, which is it like? Train or car?

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!

Maybe it's a car-on-the-train-tracks type of crash?


That said, I don't really follow this guy- he videotaped himself having sex?? wtf? I mean, wtf?

grmblfjx wrote:

Maybe it's a car-on-the-train-tracks type of crash?


That said, I don't really follow this guy- he videotaped himself having sex?? wtf? I mean, wtf?

I don't know the history behind this video - But this isn't the first time he's done this... It's probably the third or fourth...

Each and every time, he's done it under the impression that some internet gal-pal will get off on it, and I doubt this is any different.

He wouldn't do this if he weren't worked up to it, or didn't think he'd get something to get out of it.

Is it sad because he genuinely thinks that a ladyfriend will get turned on by him squirming and moaning against a fucking blow up doll... Is it sad because he is so easily led to/desperate to believe that this is the case? Is it sad that after several other near-identical episodes he still hasn't learned his lesson?

These are the questions that keep us awake at night!

xerrofoot wrote:

Why, God, Why did he dye his hair orangutan orange?

The same reason he does all the other crazy stuff he does...he's insane.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Quote :

its like a car wreck

Quote :

It's like a train crash

... wait, which is it like? Train or car?

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!

Actually, Doobie, at this point in his life I think the most appropriate metaphor is that of a nuclear reactor meltdown.

I, for one, am going to play it safe and not even watch that video.

You know, if Chris would just lose 10-20 pounds, get a new wardrobe, and wear either wear contacts or glasses that don't look like the ones Dwight Schrute wears, I think he could be moderately physically attractive. He has a nice jawline IMO, and in the more flattering pictures of him (of which there are not very many), he has kind of a baby-face that almost approaches cuteness.

But that's the easy part. His mental problems would need quite a bit more fixing, of course.

Kirby wrote:

I, for one, am going to play it safe and not even watch that video.

You know, if Chris would just lose 10-20 pounds, get a new wardrobe, and wear either wear contacts or glasses that don't look like the ones Dwight Schrute wears, I think he could be moderately physically attractive. He has a nice jawline IMO, and in the more flattering pictures of him (of which there are not very many), he has kind of a baby-face that almost approaches cuteness.

But that's the easy part. His mental problems would need quite a bit more fixing, of course.

You are in no way the first to have pointed these things out, and like those before you, you shall have the reasons for his lack of improvement pointed out to you.

Chris-chan is extremely childlike, not to mention lazier than your average child. He has no real concept of what an honest day's work means or the necessity of it. We're talking about a manchild who literally compares yard work to Jesus carrying his cross and regards simply standing up and playing Guitar Hero as exercise. He could get better glasses via state aid, but he simply regards his "tugboat" (welfare payments) as a source of funds for buying games, DLC for said games, sex toys, trading cards and toys. His wardrobe hasn't improved because he regards having clothing bought almost exclusively from Goodwill as a weird source of pride. (He claims to be recycling, but the irony of having his compulsively hoarding mother buy stuff from the same shop and festoon the house with it completely escapes him.)

His mental issues are not likely to be fixed any time now or in the future unless he is court-ordered into treatment. He hates psychologists with all the fervor of a Scientologist and prefers to rely on his dipshit church counsellor for guidance.

xerrofoot wrote:

Kirby wrote:

I, for one, am going to play it safe and not even watch that video.

You know, if Chris would just lose 10-20 pounds, get a new wardrobe, and wear either wear contacts or glasses that don't look like the ones Dwight Schrute wears, I think he could be moderately physically attractive. He has a nice jawline IMO, and in the more flattering pictures of him (of which there are not very many), he has kind of a baby-face that almost approaches cuteness.

But that's the easy part. His mental problems would need quite a bit more fixing, of course.

You are in no way the first to have pointed these things out, and like those before you, you shall have the reasons for his lack of improvement pointed out to you.

Chris-chan is extremely childlike, not to mention lazier than your average child. He has no real concept of what an honest day's work means or the necessity of it. We're talking about a manchild who literally compares yard work to Jesus carrying his cross and regards simply standing up and playing Guitar Hero as exercise. He could get better glasses via state aid, but he simply regards his "tugboat" (welfare payments) as a source of funds for buying games, DLC for said games, sex toys, trading cards and toys. His wardrobe hasn't improved because he regards having clothing bought almost exclusively from Goodwill as a weird source of pride. (He claims to be recycling, but the irony of having his compulsively hoarding mother buy stuff from the same shop and festoon the house with it completely escapes him.)

His mental issues are not likely to be fixed any time now or in the future unless he is court-ordered into treatment. He hates psychologists with all the fervor of a Scientologist and prefers to rely on his dipshit church counsellor for guidance.

Whoa, hey, I knew all that...I was just saying...

Playing the "What If" game with Chris-chan is extremely depressing and should be avoided. The only What If that has a remotely hopeful outcome is what if Chris' mom dies. He is obviously unable to take care of himself, so in that situation he might finally get the help he sorely needs.

Snake Bandage wrote:

Playing the "What If" game with Chris-chan is extremely depressing and should be avoided. The only What If that has a remotely hopeful outcome is what if Chris' mom dies. He is obviously unable to take care of himself, so in that situation he might finally get the help he sorely needs.

Or it's very possible that his obvious sexual frustration, his aggressive streak and his low opinion of women might lead him to do something that leads him into another, entirely different type of institutionalisation.

What I don't get? All the porn he's watched (it's kinda sad that porn is where he seems to have gained any understanding of sex), and his "dream date" makes noises like a whimpering puppy?

Also, what's with the little splash of water and the "whoopee!" at the end?

It's a strange mix of sad, pathetic, appalling, and disturbing...all wrapped in a blanket of nausea. I sincerely hope he doesn't go off the deep end when Mrs. Barbara passes on, but I do hope that given all this information that's easily accessed by the public in general, they'll see it and take some kind of action.

This guy needs help in the worst way.

thrifting is pretty awesome actually

bought a dress shirt from Express for $3 and it fits me wonderfully

Thirfting in itself is not a bad idea! You can find a lot of good stuff that way. However, Chris' style hadn't changed in the many years that have passed since he was a kid. Clowny striped shirts were sort of cute on children in the late 80s and not on anyone else, but Chris never really got the hang of that.

And nowadays he wears plus size women's clothes and sports bras which is arguably worse.

Jesus christ, Chandler is STILL running around? And here I thought the COURTS themselves woulda said "hey, this looks like a guy who is mentally sick, and cannot be helped unless he gets years of counseling, and the fuck away from his mother!" ...Then again, courts and people in general are/can be genuinely stupid

I think the hearing got postponed for like the second time? I think it's going to happen on April or May, unless they postpone that again.

Snake Bandage wrote:

I think the hearing got postponed for like the second time? I think it's going to happen on April or May, unless they postpone that again.

Mere words cannot express the stupidity I feel towards governing bodies.

xerrofoot wrote:

His wardrobe hasn't improved because he regards having clothing bought almost exclusively from Goodwill as a weird source of pride. (He claims to be recycling, but the irony of having his compulsively hoarding mother buy stuff from the same shop and festoon the house with it completely escapes him.)

Wait, wait.

Buys his clothes exclusively from goodwill.

Can't seem to put an outfit together.

Seems to subsist almost entirely on outdated video game references.

Sexually incompetent.

Guys, is Chris-chan a hipster?


This makes me want to write some sort of absurd thesis about them. 'Hipsters, Hoarders, and the American Dream: The Sad Story of the Chandler Family,' or something like that.

TheHedonist wrote:

Guys, is Chris-chan a hipster?

That would imply he reads something other than his own comics.

Chris91 wrote:

TheHedonist wrote:

Guys, is Chris-chan a hipster?

That would imply he reads something other than his own comics.

It makes you wonder if Chrissy is even capable of reading.

Of course he can read... how else would he know about all those mean trolls?

You mean the one's that he assumes are obviously out to get him and hate everything that he does?

With Chris are there any others?