Emotional crisis by Hyuko-Chan

Emotional crisis by Hyuko-Chan

In this DBZ fic Vegeta is a gay emo teen. Obvs the first thing in the fic is Vegeta dressing like a stripper and putting on make-up!

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I struggled to get ready for college and fix my make up. I put on my royal purple v- neck tee with my black shorts and white glitter boots.

He explains to us who he is:

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I am vegeta the Saiyan prince who is a bearer and I'm not like all other saiyans. I don't like combat. I only train if I'm mad or my friends are in danger. Also my eyes aren't black their a mint green.

Not Vegeta, basically.

Also I have not read ahead but I am going to give it a guess and say "bearer" probably means he is going to get knocked up. Call it a hunch.

Opposite-Vegeta heads of to college. His mom tells him good bye and his dad scowls. His dad is upset that he is a gay, you see! He sees his boyf. His boyf is Goku (like no shit of course). He angsts about his dad not accepting him because he is gay. Man, when did DBZ get so fucking awesome, guys?!

Haha, oh, shit, then Goku picks him up and carries him to the bus stop. Then Radditz shows up and threatens to rape him for some reason?

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" I know your little body didnt have any cock today

Man I just woke up.

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but I will change wait princess when me and my friends are done you'll be a pregnant little whore whose mate will leave you fag."

Naturally Opposite-Vegeta's reaction is to panic, refuse to tell Goku about it, walk into the school, and immediately get gang raped. As you do.

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" Fuck!" I cursed. " No you don't fuck... I do." laughed Radditz as he grabbed me and pulled me to the dorms.

Porno dialog at its greatest, folks.

So Radditz and some other Sayains no one gives a shit about rape Opposite-Vegeta in an orgy of boring cliche. And we find out that Opposite-Vegeta has a "second opening like a girl" because he is a "bearer". So yeah Mpreg ahoy. Looking back I guess that was tagged on the summary but I somehow completely missed it.

Also Opposite-Vegeta takes the time to note that Nappa's penis tastes really good. O-kaaay.

After being raped Opposite-Vegeta runs to class where he gets chewed out for being late. His teacher says that he will be expelled if he is late again. Because that happens all the time in fucking college. Goku asks him what is wrong and he tells his boyf that he got raped and is going to get pregnant and his dad is going to be so pissed. So then Goku takes him to a bathroom stall and fucks him.

Then they go to gym class and Goku fucks him again. Afterwards Goku fixes Opposite-Vegeta's mascara.

Then Goku takes him home and fucks him again.

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He stroked my hair and kissed me gently on my swollen glittery mouth." Babe I just made sure they didn't get you pregnant because I claimed you three times. His sperm is now eliminated." he explained.

Problem solved!

There's a crisis here, all right, but I think it's more psychological than emotional.

By that I mean the author is crazier than a rabid dog and twice as likely to bite.

So if a guy can get pregnant that's A-OK, but if he likes doing things that can get him pregnant he's a fag? Huh.
Also what's with the eternal "I'ma rape you, you homo" trope? Dude, you just fucked a gay guy. That's... kind of gay. Just saying.

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" Babe I just made sure they didn't get you pregnant because I claimed you three times. His sperm is now eliminated."

Now wouldn't it be nice if you'd said that up front? Instead of letting your boyfriend run around all day thinking he was pregnant?

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I orgasmed as I felt his load.

Soomeone here has never had sex...

What's with impossibly bad fanfic authors ruining good characters for yaoibait garbage?

"I am vegeta the Saiyan prince who is a bearer and I'm not like all other saiyans. I don't like combat. I only train if I'm mad or my friends are in danger. Also my eyes aren't black their a mint green."

Seriously. If Vegeta had been bullied at any time in his life, wouldn't he have just beaten the shit out of whoever thought it'd be a good idea?

Shadow Sora94 wrote:

If Vegeta had been bullied at any time in his life, wouldn't he have just beaten the shit out of whoever thought it'd be a good idea?

Do you think that's maybe the appeal, to the author? Taking someone who'd usually 'beat the shit out of' people who bother him, and imagining him to be helpless and vulnerable? I know that kind of role reversal is at least part of my fascination for gay and/or strap-on porn; to see men taken out of their usual role assigned to them in the het sex narrative. And isn't it a bit of a trope that it's the alpha-male CEOs and stuff who are dominatrixes' best customers?





I can explain my choice of porn with gender studies issues. That's not pretentious at all.

If someone wants to do Vegeta being hurt they have more IC options. I mean they guy was over-powered by Freiza and a great many of Freiza's minions and basically bullied by them and forced to do what they said against his will for a good chunk of his life, and he dies or nearly dies a bunch of times. There are plenty of options to make him vulnerable w/o completely destroying his personality. Also I am not sure where short-shorts, green eyes, and glitter boots factor into this equation either.

OK, so, second verse, same as the first, a little bit dumber and a little bit worse.

Chapter 2 begins with Opposite-Vegeta in Goku's arms. [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] He leaves to go home and then his father rapes him.

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' My father wants to rape me! Oh shit!'

Bummer!

His dad goes on about how Opposite-Vegeta is a whore because he got gang raped. I am not sure who told him about that, but the only person who cold have at this point wold have been one of the rapists. So... yep.

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My father blasted off my shorts with a ki blast,

Yeeeeep.

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He pulled my pony tail and screeched " Get out you fag you disgrace me."

P sure Vegeta in a ponytail would look like this basically:
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After he gets violently raped again, our hero runs pantless back to his dorm. I am not sure why he keeps going back to his abusive dad's house when he has his own dorm.

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I knocked frantically on the door while trying not to pass out. " Happy birthday..." they sang but stopped when they saw me stumble in the door.

Haha, wacky comedy antics..? Srsly, I think this is the only place the birthday thing comes up. How... random.

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Kakarot searched my mind( we're mates)

Urgh, fuck, every line in this section of the story is so pant-on-head ridiculous. I mean... ergh, like, establish stuff, do not just yank it out of your ass whenever you want to! And "(we're mates)" does not really actually explain the mind-reading, you know??

OK, so Goku swears vengeance on Opposite-Vegeta's dad. He and "the gang" take Opposite-Vegeta to the hospital where he is given a blood transfusion and some painkillers. When the doctor asks what happened:

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" His fucking father beat him then raped him." grouched kakarot.

Grouched? Grouched???

Ow. I think I just- owww...

MOVING ON. We switch to Goku's POV for a bit so Opposite-Vegeta can pass out. Goku is super mad. He friends are... uh...

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" I won't be surprised if he commits suicide" Mumbled Krillin. " He just needs to get loved. I know you can do this Goku but right now he's gone and you need to being him back." Explained Bulma and 18.

Wow, there are so many things wrong here I am not even sure where to start. Firstly Bulma AND 18 explained? Like, did they say it at the same time? Picturing 18 saying anything at all like that is straining my mind to the breaking point over here. Then there is Krillen just sort of casually throwing suicide out there. Like, welp, Vegeta must want to die now! Hahaha! But no, it is not even he may contemplate suicide or anything, Krillen will be completely unsurprised if he actually offs himself. Because it is not like anyone is going to be watching and monitoring for that kind of thing, right? Krillen just writes him off! Also he "just" needs to get loved? Because love solves everything right? Nevermind that Goku already cured rape with healing cock once already. Or that Goku and Opposite-Vegeta have been a couple this whole time and Opposite-Vegeta apparently has a lot of friends so it is not like he is "unloved" or whatever, he has been raped! Holy fucking shit what is this I dont even

AUTHOR'S NOTE TIME!!!

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Vegeta will get better and he won't get raped for a while maybe 10 chapter?

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I’m still laughing as I type this. This fic is a delight. It has weeping cocks, screeching villains, eliminated sperm, and this (my current favorite):

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" I won't be surprised if he commits suicide" Mumbled Krillin. " He just needs to get loved. I know you can do this Goku but right now he's gone and you need to being him back." Explained Bulma and 18.

They were always good with words.

Indeed. A half-assed comment about suicide and some shit about Goku needing to bring Vegeta back that doesn’t explain anything, although it says so in the dialogue tag. Splendid!

saja wrote:

I’m still laughing as I type this. This fic is a delight.

Oh man oh man the next chapter has even more batshit insanity.

Chapter 3 starts with Goku’s POV. Everyone is gathered around to hear the doctor’s prognosis, because doctor-patient confidentiality what the fuck is that right?

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The doctor Rich( The doctor knows about saiyans and treats them)

Hey, it is my brand new pal the expository parenthetical!

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then gave us Vegeta's results orally.

As opposed to giving them as a suppository?

No seriously, this author throws away actually interesting and/or important information into parenthesis, but has to provide us with this little detail… or else we might think he was giving them the results via email??

According to the doctor Opposite-Vegeta has tears in his “passage” and his tail is “shredded”. He also has bruises, but no worries; the hospital has medicine for bruises!

Opposite-Vegeta then loudly freaks out over Piccolo getting near him. But it is OK because Bulma goes brave.

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Bulma then went brave and sat next to Vegeta and touched his face.

See? Opposite-Vegeta gives her a hug and cries it out. Goku tries to hug him and he is non-responsive. Then everyone decides to talk about Opposite-Vegeta like he is not there without even bothering to leave the room.

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" Oh my gosh! Vegeta was totally afraid of Goku and Piccolo!" screamed Krillen.

Or lowering their voices.

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" I think he is scared of males considering the fact that he let Bulma hug him." Explained 18.

Boy 18 sure loves to explain shit lately.

Srsly though, the original gang rape barely affected Opposite-Vegeta at all and now he is acting like a mental patient. What gives?

The doctor gets a phone call from Daddy V and despite having been told that his dad was the one who raped him the doctor just hands the phone right on over to Opposite-Vegeta. Daddy V spouts some generic rapist dialog and Opposite-Vegeta throws the phone into a wall and calls his dad a bitch.

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Doctor Rich pressed a red button signaling the patient is going crazy.

Vegeta is sedated and Goku crawls into bed with him. I see this quite often in fic and I am p sure it is not a thing allowed in hospitals under most circumstances! Even more-so probably when the person in the bed is a rape victim who is showing signs of mental instability! And even if it were allowed, he was just terrified of you, Goku, what makes you think this is a good idea??

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I groomed his tail with mine. He giggled.

I thought his tail was shredded?!

The fic then switches to Opposite-Vegeta’s POV. The sedative wears out and he sneaks out of bed to go potty. Goku is asleep because of course he is. The doctor comes in and says he needs to run more tests. We cut to a couple hours later after the test results get back and Opposite-Vegeta still needs to pee. I guess he could not do that while waiting for the test results. So he gets up to take a piss and the author actually uses to phrase “epic fail”. Goku then wakes up and carries him to the toilet. I am not sure I have words for how dumb that is! I wish I did because I am sure you all are tired of reading about me not knowing what to say when faced with flabbergasting stupidity!

Anyway so Opposite-Vegeta is preggers. Duuuuuh.

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" Security! We have a runaway patient code red code red!" Hollered .

Well I suppose it is canon that Vegeta tends to run away from hospitals, typically after murdering people and blowing shit up.

After running all the way back to his dorm Opposite-Vegeta takes the time to notice that his mascara is just ruined. So he wipes it off and reapplies it. Then he changes his clothes.

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I picked out a fresh sky blue v-neck shirt and new black shorts. I put one red ribbon on my tail and my black glitter boots.

Man, I hate victim-blaming as much as the next person Veggie, babe, but maaaaaybe you should reconsider this outfit.

Then he drinks some hootch and runs into a forest(?) and hides behind a bush(?!).

Theeeen we switch to Goku’s POV again. He reads the test results that say Opposite-Vegeta is knocked up. He teleports to his friends. He senses Opposite-Vegeta’s ki at the dorm (because he could not just take an educated guess that Veggie might be there I suppose). Hiding in a bush seems a little silly now! Oh wait, apparently by the time he gets over there Opposite-Vegeta’s ki is too low to find. Ruh-roh!

Oh but then Goku spots the red ribbon Opposite-Vegeta tied to his tail. And here I thought that was a just another meaningless detail! Unfortunately he is freezing to death now.

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I told him not to wear summer clothes in Autmn!

Heh… heh… heheh ahahaha! Oh my gosh wat. Just. I don’t. omg.

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Piccolo can you make him some warmer clothes!

”Damnit Goku, do I look like a tailor to you?!”

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Piccolo did his little magic thing and made vegeta a coat and fluffy pants.

Oh riiiiight his “little magic thing,” I forgot.

Then they bring him inside and put a blanket on him.

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" Wow he could have gotten frostbite and died!" cried chi chi.

And Chi-Chi joins whatever club Krillen is in. The yelling stupid shit club, I guess.

END CHAPTER 3.

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

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then gave us Vegeta's results orally.

As opposed to giving them as a suppository?

I dunno, Reep, when people to come to me and ask a question, I consider it perfectly acceptable behaviour to write the answer down and make them read it.

As for the fic, there's little that hasn't been covered. The setting and characters are so wrong that it's not actually a fanfic, and even it was, it's really not well written. This is what happens when someone wants to tell a story, but is not able to visualise anything original.

waht the christ

this cant be real

this is trollin

Cyberwulf wrote:

waht the christ

this cant be real

this is trollin

Oh it's real all right. Hideously, appallingly, soul-crushingly real.

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Then everyone decides to talk about Opposite-Vegeta like he is not there without even bothering to leave the room.

I was half-expecting someone to tell him, "If it makes you feel better, we just wanted to let you know that none of us will be surprised if you kill yourself."

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Darn it! I always tell him not to wear his shorts in cold weather.

I… I still cannot get over this. So close to self awareness and yet so very far way.

When last we left, Goku had put Opposite-Vegeta in fluffy pants and then crammed him under a blanket. Chapter 4 starts with Goku running a hot bath and dumping Veggie in that. His skin changes from “light blue” to “red” and his tail goes from “rigid” to “floating limply”. Man, is it getting hot in here or is it just me? Opposite-Vegeta does not wake up, however, so Goku calls Piccolo in to assess the situation.

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" Whats wrong Goku?! Is it Vegeta!?" Piccolo hollered.

Piccolo had mad deductive skills up in here. He is like a green Miles Edgworth.

Srly though Piccolo is my favorite character in this fic.

Piccolo has no idea what to do about Opposite-Vegeta though, so after checking his neck (and not his wrists I guess) for “self harming” Piccolo suggests they go to Bulma’s house.

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Nodding my head, he rounded up the gang so I could IT to Bulma's house.

God help him if he does fukken anything w/o the whole “gang”.

Bulma does “various tests” but gets “many negative results”. Everyone is getting very upset.

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" Maybe we should try simulation. So Goku where does he liked to be touched?" Bulma Asked.

And here is where I wonder why I am even riffing on this and not just posting it line by line.

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Bulma being the determined woman she was she stroked the tail gently trying to coax it back to life.

Am I the only one getting a subtle Vegeta/Bulma vibe from this? Although TBH I am kind of relieved at the lack of Bulma and Chi-Chi bashing.

Opposite-Vegeta does not wake up. Piccolo goes to get some food. Then Opposite-Vegeta starts whispering. So yey I guess. Not sure what the aside about getting food was all about.

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After you ran from the hospital we found you with SUMMER clothes on freezing your tail off! Why did you do that?

“The only pants I own are short-shorts!”

Goku guilts Opposite-Vegeta about possibly killing the baby and naturally the Prince of All Sayians has a crying fit about it.

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" Geta its ok. Your stupid father will be in jail for this and probably execuded."

I am not sure rapists typically get executions, but OK! Also “Geta.” That is way shorter than Opposite-Vegeta so imma totally stealing it.

Geta claims to be cold so Piccolo magics up even more clothing for him, without even being asked. Good to know he is in this fanfic for a reason! Goku tells Piccolo that he is hungry, so Piccolo agrees to tell Bulma to make dinner. Nice team-work guys!

Bulma makes dinner but tells Krillen to get the “stew” and Chi-Chi to get the “drinks”. Basically more detail is put into this whole dinner thing than the “various tests” from earlier is what I am saying.

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Though I didn't think he would be hungry he ate 5 corn on the cobs,2 chicken thighs,and a large cup of water.

That is actually not very much food for a Sayian but whatever. Also fuck Krillen’s stew.

After the uncharacteristically detailed dining sequence there is an uncharacteristically detailed movie watching sequence. And by that I mean the fic tells us where everyone is sitting for some reason. They put on Silent Hill, but this proves to be too scary for Geta:

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I picked up the popcorn bowl and headed toward Vegeta. I was surprised to see tears running down his face. " What's wrong babe?"

" T-they killed h-her! Her father just watched her being eaten!"

Hey did I mention Vegeta was a little out of character in this fanfiction?

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" Piccolo! Can you change this movie? It's scaring Vegeta!"

I vote this for best out of context sig-worthy quote of 2013.

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He quickly put the movie titanic on. I love this movie and so does Vegeta.

OH WAIT NEVERMIND.

Then Geta asks to go to bed. Goku carries him because of course he does and then he muses about the ~BABBIE~.

Last chapter for now, but no worries! This loverly author has like a half dozen more uke!Vegeta fics :

Vegeta and Goku: The beginnings of something special wrote:

Vegeta is a geek in high school

Vegeta: Blood saga wrote:

Vegeta goes to train but gets bitten by a vampire!

Not Saiyan wrote:

Since vegeta was premature his powerlevel is 30 and he has brain damage that renders him unable to talk!

Vegeta: The new mother? wrote:

Vegeta and his mate Piccolo struggle as parents.

Vegeta baby Style-plus kid! wrote:

will vegeta be a chibi for ever?

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Then Geta asks to go to bed. Goku carries him because of course he does and then he muses about the ~BABBIE~.

They think Goku's the father, right? But following the "logic" (I can't put enough quotation marks around this word!) of this fic, wouldn't the sperm of Vegeta's father have eliminated Goku's? Just saying...

saja wrote:

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Then Geta asks to go to bed. Goku carries him because of course he does and then he muses about the ~BABBIE~.

They think Goku's the father, right? But following the "logic" (I can't put enough quotation marks around this word!) of this fic, wouldn't the sperm of Vegeta's father have eliminated Goku's? Just saying...

Oh but you need to have sex THREE times to eliminate previous sperms.

NOT AN UPDATE SORRY!

Chapter 5 got posted, but unfortunately it is not another chaper in the dramatic saga of Geta and the gang, but a paragraph of bitching about negative reviews.

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Hi I just read an awful review from MotherShibbubu and I would like to say who cares!

I sure don't care! Look at me, not caring! Not like I am posting a whole "chapter" of my fic about it! Just sitting over here not caring!!

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I didn't ask you to read and be an ass.

Actually you have asked for reviews multiple times. So... yeah.

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and all my nice reviewers I hope you're ready for another chapter!

I KNOW I AM.

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" Piccolo! Can you change this movie? It's scaring Vegeta!"
He quickly put the movie titanic on. I love this movie and so does Vegeta.

Yeah, I'll put that in my sig. That's ridiculously funny out of context.

Nice snark. I was seriously beginning to think this was a troll fic, but after the newest "chapter" isn't doesn't seem like it anymore.

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

saja wrote:

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

Then Geta asks to go to bed. Goku carries him because of course he does and then he muses about the ~BABBIE~.

They think Goku's the father, right? But following the "logic" (I can't put enough quotation marks around this word!) of this fic, wouldn't the sperm of Vegeta's father have eliminated Goku's? Just saying...

Oh but you need to have sex THREE times to eliminate previous sperms.

Ah yes, you’re right! Silly me!

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

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and all my nice reviewers I hope you're ready for another chapter!

I KNOW I AM.

If the author only knew....