Buttmonkey Teen - Question about a fineline between emotional and wagnst.

I'm currently writing a Fan Fiction piece that is based on one of the backstories you can pick for your main character, Commander Shepard, during the character creation in Mass Effect. If you haven't played or know about the game itself, basicly it's a Space Opera RPG made by BioWare that choronicles Shepard's tale about saving the galaxy from the incoming doomsday senario,

Spoiler:

. That's the basic premise.

I've picked the colonist background for my fan fiction. According to the canon in the colonist background, when Shepard was 16 years old, the raiders charged into the colony and create a lot of havoc that consist of burning down the whole colony and killing or enslaving the colonists. Shepard was luckly enough to be saved by a passing military patrol and spare either from death or a fate-worse-then-death. However, all of Shepard's family and friends were killed during the raid. Yes, I know, it sounded RPG troper cliche but that's the backstory canon.

However, despite the RPG cliche, I've decided to write up a story about it and retracing Shepard's past (in this case I've picked Shepard's gender as a woman). For my story, it's based on the aftermath of the raids. Shepard was allocated to another human colony where she strated getting treatment from her condition as the result from the loss of her loved ones. She's been diagnosed with Survival Guilt that left her being muted. So the story is about her coming to terms with her loss and finding her voice once more before she sets her own path as a dedicated marine for the System Alliance.

Now this is where a hyperspeed hammer hits me on the top of the head. I'm really concerned about turning this story into a wagnst fest. I've wanted to create an emotional story about her grief and recovery but trying not to reach to the point of making her becoming an emo git like Squall, Bella or all other emo git in any sort of media in the past couple of years. So really, how do you create a character that is realistically emotionally scared but not to the point it's overly dramatic?

Here's my Fan Fiction piece I've been working on so far. I know the grammar is kinda off the hook but despite my non-english background, I'm trying to my best to remedy the whole thing by reading english grammar text books and all the writing techniques I should be learning from. also I appolgise in advance if the textis a little to verbose. That's my fault.

Mindoir's Lullaby

Feel free to criticise in any shape or form. I'm more than welcome to your suggestions or flames.