The Badfic Contest to End All Badfic Contests (EXTENDED TO SEPT 1)

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And if you say, "They did it first!!!!1!11!!" then I can't help but think you're acting like my 3-year-old niece.

Oh, please. The day I write anything like that, monkeys will be flying from my butt.

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However, some of us are doing it because we want to (for whatever reason) and it would be easier for you to accept our choice and move on.

The fanbrats you guys love to feel all superior too are writing their badfics for the same reason: because they want to.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Don't correct my spelling Nihilist. It's not my fault if you're a pervert and that's what you first read it as.

*snickers*

I still got it.

I couldn't resist it in the name of good humor.

Randy wrote:

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And if you say, "They did it first!!!!1!11!!" then I can't help but think you're acting like my 3-year-old niece.

Oh, please. The day I write anything like that, monkeys will be flying from my butt.

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However, some of us are doing it because we want to (for whatever reason) and it would be easier for you to accept our choice and move on.

The fanbrats you guys love to feel all superior too are writing their badfics for the same reason: because they want to.

Um, Randy, baby, nobody deliberately writes badfic (unless they plan to take the piss out of people like we did). Just like nobody is deliberately evil. This is the real world, not an 80s cartoon where the villain does something and then says they did it because they're evil. Only psychopaths pull that. Yes, that does vaguely imply that we are psychopaths here. So?

So, those kids didn't deliberately write badfic to post it. They might have thought it was a little rushed, it might have been experimental, but they still thought it was good enough to post online, and want praise for it.

And of course, it's not that which makes it really bad. It's the way they respond to Criticism of any kind. I admit I do have a tendency to write it as Non-Con-Crit but the reaction is just as whiny and babyish.

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Um, Randy, baby, nobody deliberately writes badfic (unless they plan to take the piss out of people like we did).

So, they needed the piss taken out of them? Well, maybe I'm doing the same to you.

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And of course, it's not that which makes it really bad. It's the way they respond to Criticism of any kind. I admit I do have a tendency to write it as Non-Con-Crit but the reaction is just as whiny and babyish.

And you're all responding so well to my implied criticism, eh?

Oh, Harley, you do have such a talent of... well. Making all of us look dumb.

Can we stop treating WGW like a goddamn hive mind? Just because I'm a member of this forum does not give OTHER members of this forum the right to speak for me. I don't fucking appreciate it.

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And of course, it's not that which makes it really bad. It's the way they respond to Criticism of any kind. I admit I do have a tendency to write it as Non-Con-Crit but the reaction is just as whiny and babyish.

I'm not an internet vigilante, hunting down immature/mean fanbrats to "discipline" them. I AM HERE TO MAKE FUN OF SHITTY FANFICITION. If a nice person wrote a shitty fanfic, I don't fucking care how nice they are. Their story about pregnant merman Vincent from Final Fantasy is JUST AS BAD and JUST AS FUNNY as a shitty fanfic written by an asshole.

I don't have to justify my mean sense of humor by trying to paint myself as a masked crimefighter. Seriously, own up to it. If you are a member of this site and lol at its contents on a regular basis, there is a part of you that is not a nice person. Get over it.

Randy wrote:

The fanbrats you guys love to feel all superior too are writing their badfics for the same reason: because they want to.

Er... I wouldn't say all of us feel superior to fanbrats. Some of us have been there, writing fanfiction when you're young and haven't taken higher levels of writing and language classes. And in any case, no one is saying that anyone should stop writing fanfiction even if it's bad. Hell, if that happened, this forum wouldn't exist.

For starters, whoever is referring to "us" as some kind of hive mind or borg collective, please stop. Your opinion belongs to YOU, and if you lack the balls to back it up and justify it as YOUR own opinion, I have no respect for you. WGW is not your posse. Stand apart and speak up, and then at least your whiny strawmen would at least hold some water.

I entered this contest to have fun and not take myself seriously. Now I don't know if anyone else felt this way, but I couldn't stomach the very idea of writing something deliberately "terrible" by this board's standards. So I decided not to take this contest seriously and write something I find fun instead of getting into the politics of WHAT CONSTITUTES A MARY FUCKING SUE or WHAT IS AN OTP or CANON? WHAT IS THAT?

In all seriousness, if any of you are so dead serious about your own fandoms to where you live and breathe "Insert Fandom Here" and are so adamant about proving your own point as correct to people who probably don't care, I feel sorry for you. Go outside and grab some air. Hooray, you know what 13 year old girls fap to. What does that say about you? Are you a genius in psychology, or do you go around claiming to be mature on a bad fanfiction board trying to hide that you masturbate to it? Stop being so goddamn pretentious- this goes both ways. While the people who are coming on this board to argue in this thread are leaving swiss cheese arguments, people who were members of this board aren't making themselves out to be any better.

It's fucking embarrassing.

EDITED TO ADD: Before anyone says "Well you don't know shit about dealing with writing/fangirls/convenience store clerks/Klingons, this is how it's supposed to be! We are a board dedicated to snarking bad fanfiction!" I have real life experience in the teaching profession as well as 3/4ths of a BFA in Illustration. There's a point where one has to stand back, look at a complete piece of shit, and just take it as it is instead of taking it seriously as some offense on the white slate of your fandom. You know the type of people who will go to an art museum and pooh-pooh everything in it just because "it's the postmodern state of being and it doesn't require any effort to paint like this, I can paint much better because my technical training is superb!"? Yeah, those people. You might want to put your fancy cheese and whine down, and stop taking yourselves so seriously. Have a laugh or two. And dare to laugh at yourself.

*is kinda confused* What are we getting at here exactly? I'm getting mixed messages. If anybody thought I was talking about any kind of hive mind, well we're all here because we think bad fanfiction sucks. Of course we all have different ideas of what's bad.

Pardon me, I went back and edited my post (if it was me who 'hive minded' the place.) That wasn't my intention--I just pointed out that the people here who were doing it had their own reasons, and that I thought Randy was behaving like a toddler. I was stating my opinion, and the basic opinion that I gathered from the others here that "We're doing it whether you like it or not."

Again, I'm sorry if I was in the wrong.

As for me, VeritySeph is my way of pinpointing to my fandom that they love them cliches, and it'd probably be best to step off them.

So, I think I like you guys.

Also, fourteen reviews, first chapter.

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I don't want to be a hive mind. I'd be forced to listen to Mikey's thoughts all day. And Harley's.

(Shudders) [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Now what, are the next 2 pages going to be along the lines of "I didn't mean to sound that way!" followed by hollow justification?

Say what you mean and you shouldn't have to clarify later.

Hopefully not, but it looks likely.

OMG YOU GUYS

I HAVEN'T POSTED RECENTLY AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT SAYS BUT I'M SURE IT SAYS SOMETHING

AND I DIDN'T MEAN IT

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I entered this contest to have fun and not take myself seriously. Now I don't know if anyone else felt this way, but I couldn't stomach the very idea of writing something deliberately "terrible" by this board's standards. So I decided not to take this contest seriously and write something I find fun instead of getting into the politics of WHAT CONSTITUTES A MARY FUCKING SUE or WHAT IS AN OTP or CANON? WHAT IS THAT?

That's probably why you aren't attracting any reviews -- it's just too damn funny. I'll be pointing that out in the proper place once the contest is over and I won't be blowing your cover.

Randy wrote:

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I entered this contest to have fun and not take myself seriously. Now I don't know if anyone else felt this way, but I couldn't stomach the very idea of writing something deliberately "terrible" by this board's standards. So I decided not to take this contest seriously and write something I find fun instead of getting into the politics of WHAT CONSTITUTES A MARY FUCKING SUE or WHAT IS AN OTP or CANON? WHAT IS THAT?

That's probably why you aren't attracting any reviews -- it's just too damn funny. I'll be pointing that out in the proper place once the contest is over and I won't be blowing your cover.

Problem is, I don't care either way. Like I said, it was for fun and whatever happens, happens. I never said I was in it to win.

And I'm resigned, at this point, to never starting my trollfic. Le sigh.

Lapin wrote:

I don't want to be a hive mind. I'd be forced to listen to Mikey's thoughts all day. And Harley's.

(Shudders) [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

What the hell is wrong with my thoughts? Thousands of people think just like me and we're all...

Oh god. Oh god no... SOMEBODY SAVE ME!

No, wait. I'm fine.

La wrote:

So, I think I like you guys.

Also, fourteen reviews, first chapter.

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That. Is. Amazing! Well done, La! Where's that link again? Must read!

EDIT: Ok, found it again. You're up to 15 reviews, now. Unfortunately they're mostly grammatically correct, if not very extensive reviews. Little REAL brainless fanbrat squealing. Probably because the fic isn't terrible enough to attract them.

I know very little about Naruto, so I can't say anything about IC or OoC behaviour, but I especially gagged delightedly at this:

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He bent his head down besides hers, raven-black hair like night framing
his face and tickling her cheeks; she could feel his cool spearmint
breath, could feel the heat radiating off of his body as he whispered,
“you are now my prisoner.”

No matter the fandom...

You're overdoing it a bit with the 'orbs' thing, though, I think; I mean, three or four times in one chapter is a bit much. Still, great job. I really must go and read all the other people's fics. With all the hive minding I got distracted from this thread's original idea.

Isn't overdoing it kinda the point?

'Orbs' is probably one of my least favorite words. I've been doing Transformers for long enough that I often think of eyes as optics now, but 'orbs'? Somehow I always end up thinking of eyes out of their sockets, all... well, out of their sockets describes it pretty well. Somebody says 'blue orbs' and I think of eyeballs a glowing blue from edge to edge.

I have certain words that I hate and would never use, and 'orbs' is one of them.

My am not dead. Have been told computer is working again but this was by PC World drone who had nothing to do with fixing it at all so I have my suspicions Dad went and got them to 'fix' it before I could scream 'nooooooo' and hand it over to the local Data guys.
At any rate, my internets may be restored soon.

Yeah, I kinda thought overdoing it was the point, myself, and one of those sort of common mistakes a lot of beginning writers make is accidental repetition, especially of words they like. I know, I had a bad case of that before my beta came along.

Maybe, maybe. For me, the awfulness wears off to meh-ness after the first mention of 'orbs'. I like to savour my loathing for particular kinds of words.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Lapin wrote:

I don't want to be a hive mind. I'd be forced to listen to Mikey's thoughts all day. And Harley's.

(Shudders) [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

What the hell is wrong with my thoughts? Thousands of people think just like me and we're all...

Oh god. Oh god no... SOMEBODY SAVE ME!

No, wait. I'm fine.

...You really have to ask why I don't want your slimy thoughts anywhere near my brain? Really? You like to get off to hedgehog porn. You actually think about Transformers having stupid, nonsense problems like anorexia. And cutting.