| Why God, Why?
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| | The badfic challenge: help, advice and support | |
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+5Braigwen Fitchsticks Fairlight Sloth ZoZo 9 posters | Author | Message |
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ZoZo Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : In WD40's head
| Subject: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:08 am | |
| In other words, a thread for helping your fics suck more. I'm sure all of us have some questions on how to make our fics worse. Mine is incredibly convoluted and features Anorexic!Bulimic!Rose (because anorexia and bulimia are the same thing, of course ), Secretly!Pregnant!Ianto, who will probably come out to Jack around chapter three. Their Sue-baby is somehow special and must therefore be sent into hiding. I'm thinking of incorporating the Conniving Ex trope into the fic by having the Sue-baby sent to live with either Gwen or River Song, either of whom will be secretly evil. So my question is, which of these characters do the fanbrats hate more? Which of these characters would they prefer to see inexplicably turned into a moustache-twirling villain? Personally, I'm leaning towards River as that can be an extra source of ANGST for Rose. Also, would it be too much to have Rose cutting, too? | |
| | | Sloth Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-03 Age : 34 Location : Location: Location
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Wed Jul 08, 2009 10:55 am | |
| I'm not familiar with this fandom, but... - Quote :
- would it be too much to have Rose cutting, too?
There's no such thing as 'too much'. As long as the writing is half-way mediocre they'll eat it up. | |
| | | Fairlight Keeper of the Gaffapedia
Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 43 Location : England.
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Wed Jul 08, 2009 2:42 pm | |
| - ZoZo wrote:
- I'm thinking of incorporating the Conniving Ex trope into the fic by having the Sue-baby sent to live with either Gwen or River Song, either of whom will be secretly evil. So my question is, which of these characters do the fanbrats hate more?
I'm not really sure how people feel about Gwen but no one seemed to like River even though she was only in two episodes. | |
| | | ZoZo Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : In WD40's head
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:08 pm | |
| - Fairlight wrote:
- ZoZo wrote:
- I'm thinking of incorporating the Conniving Ex trope into the fic by having the Sue-baby sent to live with either Gwen or River Song, either of whom will be secretly evil. So my question is, which of these characters do the fanbrats hate more?
I'm not really sure how people feel about Gwen but no one seemed to like River even though she was only in two episodes. I know, poor love. Oh god... maybe it could even be Reinette. | |
| | | Fitchsticks Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 34
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:19 pm | |
| - Fairlight wrote:
- ZoZo wrote:
- I'm thinking of incorporating the Conniving Ex trope into the fic by having the Sue-baby sent to live with either Gwen or River Song, either of whom will be secretly evil. So my question is, which of these characters do the fanbrats hate more?
I'm not really sure how people feel about Gwen but no one seemed to like River even though she was only in two episodes. I for one hated River *whistles happily* She was just so sort of... smug. Like 'Yeah, I've totally had a timelord.' And her name was River Song. River. Song. | |
| | | Fairlight Keeper of the Gaffapedia
Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 43 Location : England.
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:31 pm | |
| Should a sparkly vampire Sue be called Crysta Ebony Moonshine, or is that too much of a parody? | |
| | | Braigwen Why yes, I am a Rocket Scientist!
Join date : 2009-06-14 Age : 44 Location : Punching Udina.
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Wed Jul 08, 2009 5:46 pm | |
| And now, here is a snipit from the first chapter of my crapfic: - Spoiler:
She turned around, her eyes falling upon what she recognized as a foot. The toes of the foot were almost as tall as she was, and the leg that foot was attached to seemed to rise forever into the blinding glow of the twin suns. Had she never met the Autobots, she would have been scared out of her mind. But she noted with some curiosity, that the being in front of her, or what she could see through the reflection of the suns, was looking down at her. She could almost make out the glow of its eyes. Their blue hue reassured her that she had not stepped into a nightmare after all. Perhaps she had fallen asleep on the bench and not noticed?
“Mikaela Banes,” the sounds that made up the voice that came from the being in front of her startled Mikaela, shaking her to her bones. She took a reflexive step away, almost fearing what would happen next. The being never moved other than to tilt its head curiously. “You need not fear me. I will not harm you,” the voice shook her again, though now that Mikaela knew what to expect, she felt less fear and more wonderment. She had the strangest feeling that she should know this being from somewhere. A cloud moved lazily to cover the suns' light, bringing the being's face into view. Even though he was a mechanical being, it seemed ancient to her eyes. Or perhaps it what she felt was a sad expression making him seem old.
The being opened its mouth, the voice softer this time; “You do not know me, Mikaela Banes, but I have been watching you for some time.” Mikaela could only stare open mouthed. “For all that you have done for my children, I am grateful. But I must ask more of you, if you will have it.” Mikaela made no move to speak or respond in any way as she tilted her head in her own version of curiosity. “Even now, those of my children who yet live have lost their way. Their minds fill with despair even as yours fills with hope. Without the Allspark, made from my own body, there can be no more Cybertron. Those who are created in its absence are doomed to suffer a sparkless existence.” The being seemed to lean closer to her, his face coming more into view as well as the sorrow in his eyes. “You have taken within yourself, whether by design or chance the last of all that remains of my gift to my children. It seems fitting to me that it is you whom the shard had chosen. You who were instrumental in preserving not only my children, but the people of your world as well.”
Mikaela opened her mouth to ask why the shard had chosen her when the being began to speak again. “I must ask, Mikaela Banes; Friend of Optimus Prime, Ally of the Autobots, a thing which I feel I have no right to ask. I must ask you this, because the suffering of my children wounds me deeply. Will you, Mikaela Banes, be willing to become the first Cybertronian Mother of my children?” Mikaela furrowed her brow, not quite sure what she was being asked. “Will you be willing to join the wonder that is your Human womb with the most worthy of my children's spark to bring forth a new generation of Cybertronians who will have the ability to bring forth more as a human woman can bring forth her offspring?”
Mikaela's mouth hung open, her voice completely gone as she finely understood what this being was asking her. Her mind told her that there was no chance in Hell that this could work, her heart however understood the pain this being felt as his children were forced to face a future where there would eventually be no more Autobots. The answer came to her mind as the name of the being who asked her this deeply personal favor came to her. She had made her decision as the clouds parted and threw the face of the being speaking to her in their harsh light once again, blocking him from view. She felt herself waking as a hand on her shoulder shook her gently. “Primus,” she whispered.
“Who?” Mikaela started as her father gave her one of those looks that said he thought she had been sampling his whiskey.
“Nothing,” Mikaela got up, rubbing her eyes. “Just talking in my sleep, I guess.”
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| | | ZoZo Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : In WD40's head
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Wed Jul 08, 2009 6:06 pm | |
| - Fairlight wrote:
- Should a sparkly vampire Sue be called Crysta Ebony Moonshine, or is that too much of a parody?
I don't know, most Sue names are so bad that they're almost parodies of themselves. I've decided that Ianto and Jack are calling their assbaby Megane Rose. Mythandariel, that is impressively terrible. You seem to have got fanbrat style really well. | |
| | | Sloth Sporkbender
Join date : 2009-06-03 Age : 34 Location : Location: Location
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Thu Jul 09, 2009 1:40 am | |
| Okay, I'm not allowed to post this until 5:54 PM, so I'll just post the opening here: - Spoiler:
PROLOGUE
Deep in the churning eldritch void of Un-Space, a sprawling black Thing swam through the murky deep. Unkown, unbeholden, it stretched out its malodorous black appendages, annihilating galaxies by its mere presence. It turned to and fro, gliding across the undulating sheets of space-time like a manta ray in an ocean of iridescent pitch, and ever and anon it would cry out in a deep, booming voice that echoed through the worlds:
“Sauron....”
In its core was an Eye which matched the Eye of Barad-Dur: matched, and exceeded in greatness and terror. For this was an Eye which not only searched the deep places of Middle-Earth and hunted wretched heroes as they fled across their desolate homelands: it was an Eye which peered through worlds, through space, and through that ethereal space-between-space which makes up the reality of Thought, of Time, of Energy, and of the soul. It flitted back and forth, casting its gaze over unfortunate worlds which found themselves troubled by wars and famine only because the Eye had passed over them. Such was the manifestation of horror, darkness, and unrelenting hatred that the mere manifestation of its black power caused untold destruction all throughout the worlds.
All of the sudden, without warning, there was a deep rumbling in the Stygian currents of the deep; a great vibration; a great thundering of malevolence and ill-will. It reverberated throughout the entire body of the Thing, emanating from the Eye and spreading like a foul pestilential miasma throughout charnel vistas of Eternity. It was laughter. Deep and sinister laughter. It cast a supernatural darkness all across the worlds, but the subject of this laughter was one denizen of one world. Indeed, such was the malice, such was the absolute unrelenting sadism of the Thing that it was capable of focusing all of its hatred, all of its evil, all of its everlasting loathing upon one creature.
That creature was a dwarf.
The Thing ceased to laugh and spread its dark tentacles all about itself in a ghastly halo of unrepentant Satanic glee. Its dark work was begun.
*********************
I was going for incredibly overblow Paolini-style purple prose... But I feel as if it might be a little TOO purple. D'ya think it'll be obvious it's a trollfic? | |
| | | ZoZo Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : In WD40's head
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Thu Jul 09, 2009 3:26 am | |
| - Sloth wrote:
- I was going for incredibly overblow Paolini-style purple prose... But I feel as if it might be a little TOO purple. D'ya think it'll be obvious it's a trollfic?
Not at all. I'm sure I've seen worse! | |
| | | Maximilia My spoon is too big.
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 50 Location : South Dakota
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Thu Jul 09, 2009 8:09 am | |
| Ok. The first chapter is really nothing special. The SECOND chapter is the massive rape scene. The last chapter will be the healing sexors which will not only heal Buffy of her emotional scars BUT ALSO give Spike back his soul. I have two other chapters to fill. >< One will probably be a huge wangst chapter... but I need some advice on how to make them horrible. Any suggestions? | |
| | | ZoZo Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : In WD40's head
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:19 am | |
| - Maximilia wrote:
- Ok. The first chapter is really nothing special. The SECOND chapter is the massive rape scene. The last chapter will be the healing sexors which will not only heal Buffy of her emotional scars BUT ALSO give Spike back his soul. I have two other chapters to fill. >< One will probably be a huge wangst chapter... but I need some advice on how to make them horrible. Any suggestions?
Why not stick in a truly horrible diary entry as one chapter? Lazy writing and you get to stick in another trope as a bonus! | |
| | | KelinciHutan Global Nomad
Join date : 2009-06-03 Age : 39 Location : USS Enterprise
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:37 pm | |
| So, I'm writing an HP fic and I was wondering if our British contingent had any advice on which horrible, grating mischaracterizations of their culture(s) I should definitely throw in? I'm already not even bothering to try for avoiding American spelling or phrases. Any other thoughts? | |
| | | ZoZo Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : In WD40's head
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Thu Jul 09, 2009 6:33 pm | |
| Tea. Lots of tea, all the fucking time. Apparently we Brits just love tea. Oh, and say bloody every other bloody word. | |
| | | Fairlight Keeper of the Gaffapedia
Join date : 2009-06-11 Age : 43 Location : England.
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Sat Jul 11, 2009 8:37 am | |
| - ZoZo wrote:
- Tea. Lots of tea, all the fucking time. Apparently we Brits just love tea. Oh, and say bloody every other bloody word.
And call each other "mate" or "love" all the bloody time, except when we're bloody well upset and then we call each other bloody gits and sodding wankers. | |
| | | Harley Quinn hyenaholic Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-12 Age : 38 Location : Taking that picture...
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Sat Jul 11, 2009 9:35 am | |
| Don't forget Authors Notes mid-chapter. If there's any decent mood building up AT ALL, A/Ns will crush it, rubbing its face into a pile of gigantic turds.
And hey, why not involve song lyrics! I mean, everybody loves MUSIC, so putting in a bunch of song lyrics while your character dances naked can only make your fic BETTER, right?
As for names... why not show your originality by basing them off another character in another fandom you like? | |
| | | ZoZo Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : In WD40's head
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Sat Jul 25, 2009 7:01 am | |
| Right, what are the kids listening to these days? I'm considering incorporating some angsty song lyrics into my badfic somewhere, but I am so completely out of touch with pop culture that I have no idea what songs a fourteen year old would find REALLY FUCKING SAD. | |
| | | Dr. Professor Science Ghoti
Join date : 2009-06-25 Age : 32 Location : One of the guys with the giant papier-mâché dongs in Lysistrata
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Sun Jul 26, 2009 3:32 am | |
| I'm a little worried that my badfic is a tad too over-the-top and would get recognised as trollfic. I was wondering if I could have someone give it a look-see and tell me if you think it's the kind of garbage that a fanbrat would write. Spoiler tagged to prevent people from finding it on Google and to save your eyes. - Spoiler:
Rose thought that the rain on Venlafaxa V looked almost like blood. It was the local minerals in the water. They died the water a deep, thick red colour. She was sitting in one of the local buildings, waiting for the rain to stop and the Doctor to come back. The Doctor was busy dealing with a man who had escaped from the local penitentiary. He was a vicious criminal who had killed many people. His name was Quirbuti Laciell and he was a madman. Venlafaxa V was an alien planet far from Earth and Rose was fairly sure the Doctor had taken her to a different time as well. The fact that Quirbuti Laciell was an alien made him more dangerous to Rose than anyone else on the planet. The criminal madman had an unusual way of killing people. He would puncture two tiny holes in the neck of his victim and suck their vital fluids out through the holes. The result left them as empty of blood as the sky seemed full of it right now.
Rose and The Doctor had arrived on Venlafaxa V just that day and had all but walked out onto a dead body. It was one of Quirbuti Laciell's new victims. The Doctor, for all his genius, didn't realize right away that the man was bloodless because he was so covered in the horrible rain that had been falling.
It was the same rainstorm that Rose looked out on now, a few hours later. The Doctor had left her here, telling her that it was way too dangerous for her to be actively looking for the criminal. Human blood was especially pungent for the Venlafaxans.
“Venlafaxans have a very strong sense of smell,” he had said, “I have no doubt that if you spread your smell around a large area then Quirbuti Laciell will be much more likely to come after you. Rose, I don't want that.”
He had left here here, in this building, and she hoped that he was right and that she wouldn't be in danger if she stayed here. The blood rain deadened her smell and she doubted that the violent madman would come anywhere near a settlement when so many people were looking for him.
And so Rose sat in quiet contemplation at the window, the blood rain reminding her strongly of memories she didn't want to remember...
~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~
“Rose, you horrible little girl! How dare you?”
And then she felt a short, sharp spurt of pain. Then nothing.
~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~
The Doctor carefully made his way through the thick forest – the trees too dense for him to easily travel. He was worried about rose. He had exaggerated the strength of the Venlafaxans sense of smell to keep her from coming with him.
Rose had been getting increasingly worse over the past few weeks. First, the amount she ate slowed to a crawl. The Doctor had tried to help her out through a series of subtle hints but apparently she just didn't understand. The Doctor didn't know what the problem was or why it had cropped up so suddenly.
Somehow, he felt like it was his fault, which just made everything worse. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
The Doctor was part of a much larger search party all looking for the escaped criminal. They had spread out relatively far. The Doctor was traveling with only one other man, someone who, in his opinion, was a bit of a twit.
“Doctor, really, what are we doing in the middle of the woods?” The Doctor heaved an internal sigh. Really, the man was unbelievably thick.
“Our quarry could be anywhere, man, anywhere. Anywhere includes forests. In fact, he's more likely to be in a place where it's easy to hide.”
Luckily that shut him up.
The Doctor would prefer, at the moment, to travel without talking so that he could focus on the problem at hand: Rose.
The Doctor was so worried about her, he almost missed the telltale sign on the ground. Thankfully, he didn't, and it made him realize something important.
“Gods,” he said, “he's going for Rose!”
~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~
Rose continued to look wanly out the window at the blood-rain, thinking about her mother. The Doctor liked her mother. She didn't want to tell him the truth. She wasn't sure he will believe her about the truth. The Doctor liked her mother around but Rose knows better. Her mother was nothing but courteous around the Doctor but rose knows better.
When rose was a kid, her mother would beat her for seemingly no reason. Her mother beat her all the time. Rose still has the scars from some of the worse beatings. There were times in rose's childhood when she knew only sorrow.
And the sky bled down, down...
She knew that the doctor must worry about her. She knows that she has not been taking good care of herself lately. She knows that she has been eating badly. She also knows that the doctor doesn't know about her scars. She can feel the memories of her mother have been getting more intense.
Rose, ever since the memories had begun to grow more intense, has begun to cut her wrists, as well as burn the cuts. She liked fire. She found the blood rain here disturbing, but it seemed to fit the situation at hand.
The back of her neck prickled.
Rose could hear a soft snuffling behind her. She turned around, expecting a stray dog, or whatever the equivalent of a stray dog here was.
Instead, she sees a tall man. His skin was pale, his mouth wreathed in blood, though that could just have been the water. His hair is black and slicked back. His skin is white. It is actually white, like the rest of his species, and his open mouth shows a pair of fangs that is not normal for a Venlafaxan to have.
Rose gasped.
The man smiled.
“Hello little girl, you smell lovely.”
“Who are you?!” Rose gasped.
“I am Quirbuti Laciell and I am here to eat you.”
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| | | ZoZo Knight of the Bleach
Join date : 2009-06-10 Age : 38 Location : In WD40's head
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Sun Jul 26, 2009 5:26 am | |
| Dr Prof, that is absolutely brilliant! By brilliant, I mean it sucks, but it sucks in exactly the right way. I don't think that would get spotted as trollfic. | |
| | | Dr. Professor Science Ghoti
Join date : 2009-06-25 Age : 32 Location : One of the guys with the giant papier-mâché dongs in Lysistrata
| Subject: Re: The badfic challenge: help, advice and support Sun Jul 26, 2009 5:30 am | |
| Really? I thought the concept alone was bad (cutter + anorexic + abused Rose + vampire) but that maybe I'd harped on a little too much about the blood rain or switched tenses too many times or forgot to capitalize Rose or the Doctor's name too many times. I wrote it while watching TV to add the badness that comes with distraction. Okay, well, I'll take your compliment at face value and call it just bad enough (though Raine said that I could make it worse and still have people not call it a trollfic).
Unfortunately, I can't post it until later today because my account still hasn't been validated. : / | |
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