Twilight: The Death of Feminism

Seule wrote:

Quote :

Today, I came home to my son doing 150 push-ups on our kitchen floor. He's 11. We watched New Moon yesterday. MLIT

This just made me kind of sad.

Even if this abomination kills feminism, literature, and film, at least one kid won't be a fatty fat fat fuck because of it.

One very, very gay kid...

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Seule wrote:

Quote :

Today, I came home to my son doing 150 push-ups on our kitchen floor. He's 11. We watched New Moon yesterday. MLIT

This just made me kind of sad.

Even if this abomination kills feminism, literature, and film, at least one kid won't be a fatty fat fat fuck because of it.

One very, very gay kid...

Or a kid looking to get a head start with the ladies by building muscles. Probably heard all the twitards squeeing at Jacob on-screen and decided he wanted that kind of attention. 11 isn't necessarily too young for those thoughts, after all.

...or possibly the beginnings of body dysmorphic disorder, having seen and contrasted the attention that his mother pays to the muscly men on the screen and in her books with the attention that she pays to him. Just a thought.

Seule wrote:

...or possibly the beginnings of body dysmorphic disorder, having seen and contrasted the attention that his mother pays to the muscly men on the screen and in her books with the attention that she pays to him. Just a thought.

He's 11. He's probably going to forget all about this by next Thursday.

And if he doesn't, he'll do pushups and pushups and pushups and other stuff and he'll become and big and manly and stuff and become a football player and get a scholarship to Ball State and graduate and get drafted just in time to replace Mendenhall as the Steelers' NFL leading rusher. :eng101:

Just found out something antidotic from the local news...
The shopkeepers in Volterra appreciate the extra tourists that New Moon is bringing, but lament that vicolo Mazzoni could be kept better: it's littered with garbage and assorted dirt.
The problem is that the alley used to host the public urinals (the locals still call it Piss-pot Alley and use it accordingly, especially on Saturday nights) and as far as the manhole leading to the Volturi's den...
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...it's actually used for emptying the septic tank below.

Italian Twihards weren't pleased (capitalisation and spelling mantained from the original):

Alessandra wrote:

...just to say, they should be ashamed of saying that the alley was a urinal, they expect tourists, but this is not very good advertising, what with edward and bella entering a septic tank, alraedy the manhole wasn't a nice panorama, but to think that the volturi may have a latrin for an entrance is unlikely, since they appear like royalties in their castle...

So it's not Meyer's fault for doing a piss-poor research (pardon the pun): it's the architecture that ought to change and conform to a work of imagination.

Who wants an authentic intimate experience with Edward? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

P.S. Don't read the comments.

Kitbug wrote:

Who wants an authentic intimate experience with Edward? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

P.S. Don't read the comments.

What the fuck? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Also, those comments...most of them have to be jokes. I refuse to believe that they were serious. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Inciter wrote:

Kitbug wrote:

Who wants an authentic intimate experience with Edward? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

P.S. Don't read the comments.

What the fuck? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Also, those comments...most of them have to be jokes. I refuse to believe that they were serious. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

Naomi 01/08/2010
This product is AH-MAZING. I bout 27. I gave them out to all my friends as party gifts. Then I kept 7 of them for myself so I could pretend the whole Cullen family was inside me. AT ONCE. The sparkles only added to the experience because they go good with my cat's fur and I strapped it onto him. The fur made it feel like Jacob was ravaging my orafices! There should be balls though. I stuck it up my bum. Sometimes I get my friends to join in 'cause I have too many lil eddies for my hands to hold. Sometimes i attatch it to the refrigerator door for an authentic cold experience.

God, I hope so.

Kitbug wrote:

Who wants an authentic intimate experience with Edward? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

P.S. Don't read the comments.

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Someone send help, my brain is startingtomelttgjgojfkfdlfgj

Quote :

11/20/2009

This dildo is AMAAAZING. I have 7 of them so I have enough to imagine
Edward Cullen ramming every orifice in my body with his sparkling peen.
I also like to attach them to my grandma while she's sleeping and
pretend she's a giant vampire cockmonster. so hot

I'm officially deciding that the comments are the best part about this.

LOL EDIT:

Quote :

Suzie 09/23/2009

Dildo? Holy shit! I thought this was a child's toy! O__o;

Well, looks like my nephew is going to get a strange surprise mailed to him for his birthday this week.

Oh dear god I hope this one is real.

Quote :

This dildo is AMAAAZING. I have 7 of them so I have enough to imagine
Edward Cullen ramming every orifice in my body with his sparkling peen.

HOW MANY HOLES DO YOU HAVE ON YOU?!?!

And how many of those could you even fit a vampire penis in?

Also, I call bullshit. It almost sounds like /b/tards trolling, because there's another one saying they got 7 Vamps, and we know that /b/tards can't do anything but imitate each other.

Well, the comments made me die, both on the inside and in real life [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Kitbug wrote:

Who wants an authentic intimate experience with Edward? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

P.S. Don't read the comments.

Hasn't this been posted something like 3 times before?

Seule wrote:

Kitbug wrote:

Who wants an authentic intimate experience with Edward? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

P.S. Don't read the comments.

Hasn't this been posted something like 3 times before?

I believe it's in the dreadful products thread, but we really didn't talk about the comments.

Nihilist wrote:

Bamshalam wrote:

Quote :

11/20/2009

This dildo is AMAAAZING. I have 7 of them so I have enough to imagine
Edward Cullen ramming every orifice in my body with his sparkling peen.
[b]I also like to attach them to my grandma while she's sleeping and
pretend she's a giant vampire cockmonster. so hot

I'm officially deciding that the comments are the best part about this.

My troll-dar's going off, though. Sounds like something a /b/org would put, if you ask me. Twihards don't have such varied terminology to describe genitalia.

I'm pretty sure no one believes those are real, come on. They're just amusing.

Seule wrote:

Kitbug wrote:

Who wants an authentic intimate experience with Edward? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

P.S. Don't read the comments.

Hasn't this been posted something like 3 times before?

It hadn't been posted here, I checked when I finally read this thread last night. XD

Kid, if you don't have anything of substance to add, gtfo.

theweirdkind wrote:

I actually got into an argument with that girl on Twilight Sucks about that. IIRC, I pissed off a mod and lost all of my karma . That's when I stopped posting.
ETAA: Found where I came in on that thread. It still makes me rage.

Allow me to come out of lurking to

That is insanely revolting. In effect, the prank... *could* have been funny IF the family was not involved, and they didnt actually rip up her book, instead just painted the crap on her wall with easily washable paint.

however, it was not funny. It was not biblical. It was cruel. Now she's getting forced into therapy and confession and actually thinks shes crazy? And she's an alcoholic to boot. How funny. how terribly lulz worthy.

I am honestly sick to my stomach. That's revolting.

...And interestingly enough, reminds me of Equus. :spock:

Jesus. wrote:

theweirdkind wrote:

I actually got into an argument with that girl on Twilight Sucks about that. IIRC, I pissed off a mod and lost all of my karma . That's when I stopped posting.
ETAA: Found where I came in on that thread. It still makes me rage.

Allow me to come out of lurking to

That is insanely revolting. In effect, the prank... *could* have been funny IF the family was not involved, and they didnt actually rip up her book, instead just painted the crap on her wall with easily washable paint.

however, it was not funny. It was not biblical. It was cruel. Now she's getting forced into therapy and confession and actually thinks shes crazy? And she's an alcoholic to boot. How funny. how terribly lulz worthy.

I am honestly sick to my stomach. That's revolting.

...And interestingly enough, reminds me of Equus. :spock:

KEEP CRYING BABY

A thread was recently started at the alternatehistory.org forums with the premise: how could Twilight be made worse? Someone introduced the concept of various things from the Warhammer 40K universe vs. the Twilight vampires, so I threw together the following:

Imperial Communique 1337-47-666-BBQ
Action Report: Exploration and Liberation of "Meyer's World"

Inquisitorial support was requested following the discovery of an early-industrial stage human colony in star system WTF-1471 by exploratory vessel "Twilight", captained by Rogue Trader Robertus Pattinz. The fourth planet in the system, provisionally designated "Meyer's World" after the ship's Navigator (currently under interrogation for suspected daemonic contamination), was found to harbour a population of some six billion humans. Trade negotiations with the world's leaders were hampered by its disunity, but proved fruitful. However, when several of the vessel's junior officers went on a hunting expedition in the northern region of the smaller of the planet's two main landmasses, they encountered daemonic creatures capable of passing as human when not in direct sunlight. On discovering the inhuman nature of these entities, the officers naturally attempted to destroy them. Two of these vigilant servants of the Emperor lost their lives in the ensuing battle, but the daemonic "family" resident in the area was eradicated and one of their human thralls taken into custody.

On being appraised of this situation by Captain Pattinz, I made haste to System WTF-1471 via Inquisitorial courier ship. Interrogation of the captured thrall, a young female who believed herself to be romantically involved with one of these creatures, revealed that a large number of sthem existed among the world's population, sustaining themselves on human blood and converting humans into more of their own kind. These "vampires" (connections with other similarly designated warp entities can only be hypothesized about) were governed by a secret cabal possessed of considerable sorcerous powers.

Having determined and verified (through covert investigations among the world's population) the nature and scale of the threat, I took the step of requesting assistance from the Grey Knights. While awaiting the arrival of the strike cruiser Foe-Hammer from Titan under Brother-Captain Stern, I chose to liaise with segments of Meyer's World's political leadership, all of whom were shocked and disgusted to learn of the daemonic threat in their midst. The Grey Knights' operations against the vampires could therefore be carried out with local support and with minimal need for discretion or subtlety.

I am pleased to report that the Grey Knights, as always, performed their duty with exemplary zeal. Brother-Captain Stern personally led a teleport assault on the lair of the "Volturi" (the vampire leadership). The daemons' sorcery was ineffective against the shield of the Grey Knights' faith, and all those within their hideout were slaughtered, with two Grey Knight battle-brothers giving their lives to ensure victory. The Volturi's records were then used to identify prominent vampire "hunting grounds", within which auguries and telepathic scans were used to locate each and every vampire, which was duly put down by a Grey Knight squad. Within four weeks the planet was cleansed of the vampire threat, and negotiations begun to admit the world to the Imperium with popular support (galvanized by the sight of the inhuman warp-predators openly attacking humans as they sought to escape the Grey Knights and battling them in the streets).

The Emperor Protects.

Inquisitor Thande
Ordo Malleus

(Actual suggestions for making Twilight worse, as opposed to arguably better, included making the vampires Nazis, Teletubbies or Gungans, SMeyer converting to Scientology [one of mine], and having it written by Tara Gillespie or Chris-chan. )

It's possible to make Twilight worse?

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