Amy Alkon -- fat-hating advice columnist

Jesus. Get her together with the guy who writes Savage Love, and you'll have the most shallow, misogynistic advice column ever!

Although, I think there is something to be said for physical attraction being an important component of a healthy marriage. And it isn't exactly shallow or petty to be concerned when your husband/wife just isn't giving you tingly feelings in your pants as much as they used to.

Also, LMAO at the "skinny chicks never hate their bodies" part. I've known plenty of skinny girls who were jealous/insecure about their lack of curves. One of my friends in high school was very thin and had very small breasts. I still remember one time when she and I were trying on bathing suits together, and she begged me not to go outside the dressing room where her boyfriend would see my cleavage. Another woman I worked with would go insane every time someone said to her: "Oh, I hate you! You're so skinny!" She was almost near tears one day, ranting about how no one would ever get away with saying: "Oh, I hate you! You're so fat!"

Chocho wrote:

Anathema wrote:

Melissa wrote:

theweirdkind wrote:

Blooferlady wrote:

Delcat wrote:

As for the former query about how 21-year-old women react to a baby, this 21-year-old woman reacts to babies with utter revulsion.

I thought that was the normal reaction. I hate babies. Do I count because I'm 18? Anathema, where are you on this baby hating train?

WAIT A SECOND GUYS WE HAVE A STATISTIC. 2 OUT OF 2 WOMEN (of 2 interviewed) HATE BABIES. I BET THAT MEANS ALL WOMEN HATE BABIES.

I'm 19 and I can't stand babies. The only time I act like I like them are when I'm at work and the mom expects me to compliment the little bundle of joy.

THAT'S 3/3.

Make that 4/4. Give me a puppy any day.

5/5! You know I'm always here when baby hating is involved, Bloofer. Should we induct everyone else who responds into the baby hater's club?

Also, so on board with snarking the hell out of this woman.

I love my niece but otherwise do not like babies, especially not newborns. Does that count? If so, 6/6.

I don't hate babies, but I prefer them when they're someone else's. If that counts then it's 7/7.

KelinciHutan wrote:

Well, I've already posted my snark. Where are you guys at?

Link? Or, which one did you post on?

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

KelinciHutan wrote:

Well, I've already posted my snark. Where are you guys at?

Link? Or, which one did you post on?

Here. You will find my comments under the name of "Alice."

Boy, they've really got their little hearts set on taking [us] out of context.

Flame warz!

Seriously, those people are really trying to discredit everything you said, even though it's the best advice up there, IMO.

Quote :

The hostility in Alice's comment bespeaks somebody who wishes they had
a job as an advice columnist -- my job. They think it's easy, just
typing words on a page, and think they have something of value to say
without spending any time reading, thinking or studying...just because
they're who they are and they have a computer with a keyboard attached.

My God, it's the Stephanie Meyer of advice columns.

Did... she just call you JUST JELLIS?

:roflmao: Amy Alkon: Fanbrat Extraordinaire!

It's interesting that many of the people think that "being honest with children" means "give 'em ever graphic detail!" Jeeze, if you give kids a reason to mistrust you they aren't going to listen to what you say. I know that Junior high was only 9 years ago, but I remember talking with friends whose parents lied to them to soften everything. They could tell they were being lied to and complained about it often, and later on, their relationships with their parents were rocky. One of them doesn't talk with her mother at all anymore, and she puts a lot of effort into opposing everything her mother tried to teach her. If people were a little less protective of their kids, maybe these tragedies would happen less often.

KelinciHutan wrote:

Chocho wrote:

Anathema wrote:

Melissa wrote:

theweirdkind wrote:

Blooferlady wrote:

Delcat wrote:

As for the former query about how 21-year-old women react to a baby, this 21-year-old woman reacts to babies with utter revulsion.

I thought that was the normal reaction. I hate babies. Do I count because I'm 18? Anathema, where are you on this baby hating train?

WAIT A SECOND GUYS WE HAVE A STATISTIC. 2 OUT OF 2 WOMEN (of 2 interviewed) HATE BABIES. I BET THAT MEANS ALL WOMEN HATE BABIES.

I'm 19 and I can't stand babies. The only time I act like I like them are when I'm at work and the mom expects me to compliment the little bundle of joy.

THAT'S 3/3.

Make that 4/4. Give me a puppy any day.

5/5! You know I'm always here when baby hating is involved, Bloofer. Should we induct everyone else who responds into the baby hater's club?

Also, so on board with snarking the hell out of this woman.

I love my niece but otherwise do not like babies, especially not newborns. Does that count? If so, 6/6.

I don't hate babies, but I prefer them when they're someone else's. If that counts then it's 7/7.

Forgot to mention this earlier: I don't mind sleeping infants, but I don't much care for small children. And that includes my own. 8/8

myeerah wrote:

KelinciHutan wrote:

Chocho wrote:

Anathema wrote:

Melissa wrote:

theweirdkind wrote:

Blooferlady wrote:

Delcat wrote:

As for the former query about how 21-year-old women react to a baby, this 21-year-old woman reacts to babies with utter revulsion.

I thought that was the normal reaction. I hate babies. Do I count because I'm 18? Anathema, where are you on this baby hating train?

WAIT A SECOND GUYS WE HAVE A STATISTIC. 2 OUT OF 2 WOMEN (of 2 interviewed) HATE BABIES. I BET THAT MEANS ALL WOMEN HATE BABIES.

I'm 19 and I can't stand babies. The only time I act like I like them are when I'm at work and the mom expects me to compliment the little bundle of joy.

THAT'S 3/3.

Make that 4/4. Give me a puppy any day.

5/5! You know I'm always here when baby hating is involved, Bloofer. Should we induct everyone else who responds into the baby hater's club?

Also, so on board with snarking the hell out of this woman.

I love my niece but otherwise do not like babies, especially not newborns. Does that count? If so, 6/6.

I don't hate babies, but I prefer them when they're someone else's. If that counts then it's 7/7.

Forgot to mention this earlier: I don't mind sleeping infants, but I don't much care for small children. And that includes my own. 8/8

9/9 here. I really don't like babies. When they hit about 2 or 3 and start talking and asking questions, then they're interesting.

Maximilia wrote:

Quite a few of them are on welfare, or some sort of social program, as well as the "hand-outs" which are given out by the government. As much as I dislike Natives, I would NEVER ever say that 99% of them are squeezing out kids just to get on DA FAT WELFAREZ.

So I know that the real point of this thread is to bash the woman featured, but I'm pretty flabbergasted that you haven't been called out on this yet.

Wtf.

Bamshalam wrote:

Maximilia wrote:

Quite a few of them are on welfare, or some sort of social program, as well as the "hand-outs" which are given out by the government. As much as I dislike Natives, I would NEVER ever say that 99% of them are squeezing out kids just to get on DA FAT WELFAREZ.

So I know that the real point of this thread is to bash the woman featured, but I'm pretty flabbergasted that you haven't been called out on this yet.

Wtf.

I just mentally marked it. I don't like to argue, so I just know who to ignore/avoid.

Amy Alkon wrote:

I was actually going to get a degree in psychology and train at
Albert Ellis' Institute, but Ellis himself advised me not to: "You know
what you need to know; it would be a waste of time."

What's interesting to me is how so many people assume spending
thousands on school is any sort of qualification of wisdom or ability,
and how few people realize that you can educate yourself for the cost
of books and conferences and e-mail to profs for their PDFs. Which I
did -- and do.

I'm somehow not surprised she thinks that formal education is a waste of time.

Is she talking about those 'online diplomas' of dubious quality that pop up everywhere? Well, isn't that... special...

myeerah wrote:

Bamshalam wrote:

Maximilia wrote:

Quite a few of them are on welfare, or some sort of social program, as well as the "hand-outs" which are given out by the government. As much as I dislike Natives, I would NEVER ever say that 99% of them are squeezing out kids just to get on DA FAT WELFAREZ.

So I know that the real point of this thread is to bash the woman featured, but I'm pretty flabbergasted that you haven't been called out on this yet.

Wtf.

I just mentally marked it. I don't like to argue, so I just know who to ignore/avoid.

She's usually pretty cool, though, which is why I asked. Don't write her off just yet.

Kremlin wrote:

Amy Alkon wrote:

I was actually going to get a degree in psychology and train at
Albert Ellis' Institute, but Ellis himself advised me not to: "You know
what you need to know; it would be a waste of time."

What's interesting to me is how so many people assume spending
thousands on school is any sort of qualification of wisdom or ability,
and how few people realize that you can educate yourself for the cost
of books and conferences and e-mail to profs for their PDFs. Which I
did -- and do.

I'm somehow not surprised she thinks that formal education is a waste of time.

:D She's absolutely right! So, who wants to be the first to volunteer their pet for me to perform surgery on with my awesome, self-taught skills? I assure you, I've watched people doing it and looked at a bunch of very educational pictures in books.

This chick is at least as fun as Lee Goldberg. I can't believe she actually said "don't like; don't read!"

VB wrote:

Kremlin wrote:

Amy Alkon wrote:

I was actually going to get a degree in psychology and train at
Albert Ellis' Institute, but Ellis himself advised me not to: "You know
what you need to know; it would be a waste of time."

What's interesting to me is how so many people assume spending
thousands on school is any sort of qualification of wisdom or ability,
and how few people realize that you can educate yourself for the cost
of books and conferences and e-mail to profs for their PDFs. Which I
did -- and do.

I'm somehow not surprised she thinks that formal education is a waste of time.

:D She's absolutely right! So, who wants to be the first to volunteer their pet for me to perform surgery on with my awesome, self-taught skills? I assure you, I've watched people doing it and looked at a bunch of very educational pictures in books.

I will, but be careful. My internal organs aren't all color-coded like in the books.

Okay, I just found this again after RAGING about it all day.

Possibly one of the worst pieces of 'advice' I've seen Amy give so far when it comes to size issues.

Here's the letter to her in its entirety:

Quote :

Last year, I had a one-night stand with a guy I‚d gotten to know online. I was very attracted to him, mentally and physically. Apparently, he didn‚t return my feelings, because he blew me off totally -- probably because of my significant weight problem, and my deep insecurity about it, which made our encounter extremely awkward. (I wouldn‚t have dated me either.) Well, that night was part of a big wakeup call that my weight was getting in the way of who I really am. I‚ve since lost 85 pounds, and revamped other areas of my life. I‚m happier and more confident than I‚ve ever been. I recently saw the guy at a club. Although he didn‚t recognize me immediately, he did remember me, and asked for my number. He‚s called several times, and I don‚t answer even though I want to. Is it okay to want to give him another chance? The vast majority of my friends say no way, while 25 percent are in the yes camp. I look, feel, and act like a totally new person, but the catch is, I‚m not.
--Less Is More

Here is part of Alkon's response -- the most relevant, RAGE-worthy part -- to a woman who was USED LIKE A KLEENEX by this guy and then dumped when she already had massive self-esteem issues.

Quote :

No, you don't have to look like a breadstick to have a boyfriend, but 85 extra pounds and all the heavy thoughts that went with them were enough of a barrier to make you un-dateworthy even to yourself. But do remember, four score and five pounds ago, this guy did think enough of the you buried under all that flesh to want to meet. Now, after viewing the impressive results of your recent excavation, he's hot for the whole package. This is a problem?

Your real problem is your method of decision-making: a mini Gallup Poll. Extend this to other areas of your life, and it should make even the simplest errands exceptionally slow: “Paper or plastic?” -- “Um, hold on...lemme phone a few friends.” Chances are, you still see yourself as the fat girl, and you're looking to your friends to tell you how thin girls are supposed to think. Well, the happiest ones think for themselves. The question isn't what's the right thing to do, but what's the right thing for you? Just a guess, but: answering the ringing phone, going out with a guy you like, who also likes you -- now that he can find you.

He 'likes' her? What, you sure he just doesn't want to stick his dick in her again, because he knows she'll accept him, because she let him USE her the first time?

I'd say, fuck that advice and fuck this guy too -- or rather, let him sit there by the unanswered phone. He used her for a night and then left her -- leave him in return.

How is this in any way good advice? I'm honestly, truly, COMPLETELY baffled as to how anyone sane would think this is good advice at all. In all likelihood, this woman is just being set up to be used again by this man if she does take him up on his offer.

Oh, and this is rage-worthy, too.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

I can barely even quote from it. The original article is so sad, and Alkon's comments are even worse:

Quote :

Sure, this lady does seem a few crullers short of a healthy psychology, but the point I wanted to make is that appearance is important. Maybe if the kid's mother cared about it, instead of letting her get fat, granny wouldn't have gone so psycho on her. Or maybe she would have anyway.

An old woman who is obsessed with her weight as she lies dying and helpless is not "a few crullers short of a healthy psychology", she's mentally ill. And a woman who says that her granddaughter isn't welcome in her house unless she loses the 20 pounds she gained during puberty isn't showing tough love, she's being abusive.

Malganis, I am seriously sitting here in open-mouthed shock at that advice. WHAT the FUCK? Really? She seriously advised a woman to go crawling back to a man who fucked her and blew her off? Oh, but evidently he can't be blamed for that. She was a fatty, you know. A Fatty McFatass! Why, she should be grateful that one of the Beautiful People even deigned to gift her with pity sex in the first place! Now that they're both beautiful and he can see who she really is underneath all that fat, it's totally worth a shot!

My mind is so boggled I cannot even begin to express it.

Bamshalam wrote:

myeerah wrote:

Bamshalam wrote:

Maximilia wrote:

Quite a few of them are on welfare, or some sort of social program, as well as the "hand-outs" which are given out by the government. As much as I dislike Natives, I would NEVER ever say that 99% of them are squeezing out kids just to get on DA FAT WELFAREZ.

So I know that the real point of this thread is to bash the woman featured, but I'm pretty flabbergasted that you haven't been called out on this yet.

Wtf.

I just mentally marked it. I don't like to argue, so I just know who to ignore/avoid.

She's usually pretty cool, though, which is why I asked. Don't write her off just yet.

Well, thanks. The "dislike" thing--off-topic, obviously--comes from working nights at the hotel I used to work at. It's sad to say, but 99% of the disturbances I had to deal with--up to and including child/spousal abuse right in front of me, drug pushers, being physically threatened, damage to the property, having to break up fights, and probably lots more I can't remember--were with Natives. I'm not saying all Natives are like that: far from. My manager at that same hotel was a Native and he's cool as hell--one of my best friends. Yet from having to deal with admittedly probably the WORST SAMPLE EVAR, I am left with a negative outlook. I can't help it, though I'm trying. This is probably the only thing on here I will apologize for (cuz the rest of my outlooks, fuck 'em if people don't like 'em), but it's ingrained so deep into me I don't know if I'll ever shake it.

And just so everyone knows, I fucking HATE cowboys. Drunk, sober, night, day: most of the time they're assholes.

Anyway, on topic. I've been reading through some of her other articles... and most of them I agree with. It's just... the few we've found that are truly atrocious. I still can't believe she advocated that woman lying to her kids, or that fat = fail automatically. Of course, most of the people who are writing to her seem to need some sort of reality-relationship check anyway.

Okay, here's what I posted on her column "Thighs Matter":

Quote :

I can't believe this.

This woman was used by this man like she was nothing more than a Kleenex to wipe up after a fun session with his hand, and you actually advised her to give him a second chance? What, a second chance to use her like a slightly-less-disposable Kleenex? Maybe one of those super-absorbent paper towels that don't tear when it comes to wiping up lots of liquid?

Forget that. That's the worst advice on the planet!

This woman was USED by this man. He used her for a one-night-stand, and then, by her own admission, he left her, and left her feeling extremely hurt, which says to me that their 'relationship' probably didn't last through the following day after the big night. And now he's interested in her again? Yeah, interested in her body, but what about her emotions? Her personality? Her, who she is as a person?

Has he apologized to her for how he treated her? Has he at all reflected on how absolutely shoddy he was to her?

If no, if he hasn't grown a conscience, then he doesn't need to be involved with this woman. He needs to be reflecting on his own behavior and she needs to get over him and find a man who will love her for her, not just use her body and then dump her the next day.

In concluding, your advice sucks and this woman should get over this guy and find a decent human being instead of a cad.