Movies That are Going to Suck: Part Deux

Me either.

...holy crap. The only good thing about that movie is the Rifftrax that will be going along with it. I also love all the EPIC MUSIC when they're going up to get married, like getting married IS COMPLETELY EPIC and no one EVER does it.

I also liked the "blarnmghnh" sound Bella makes right at the end when the vampire spawn is getting ready to come out. lol

Maximilia wrote:

I also love all the EPIC MUSIC when they're going up to get married, like getting married IS COMPLETELY EPIC and no one EVER does it.

Getting married can be pretty epic, you know. Provided you, you know, can.

Jay/Cris wrote:

Maximilia wrote:

I also love all the EPIC MUSIC when they're going up to get married, like getting married IS COMPLETELY EPIC and no one EVER does it.

Getting married can be pretty epic, you know. Provided you, you know, can.

Did you just equate gay vampire/vapid whore marriage to regular gay marriage?

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Jay/Cris wrote:

Maximilia wrote:

I also love all the EPIC MUSIC when they're going up to get married, like getting married IS COMPLETELY EPIC and no one EVER does it.

Getting married can be pretty epic, you know. Provided you, you know, can.

Did you just equate gay vampire/vapid whore marriage to regular gay marriage?

I prefer the gay porn version, really. Bad porno acting anyday.

I would pay to see the gay porn version of Twilight.

EileenK98 wrote:

I would pay to see the gay porn version of Twilight.

"Lesbian" is kinda like "gay", right?

Two parts? There isn't enough plot for one, and they want two?

Maximilia wrote:

...holy crap. The only good thing about that movie is the Rifftrax that will be going along with it. I also love all the EPIC MUSIC when they're going up to get married, like getting married IS COMPLETELY EPIC and no one EVER does it.

I also liked the "blarnmghnh" sound Bella makes right at the end when the vampire spawn is getting ready to come out. lol

Actually, I've always thought the Twilight movies had really good cinematography. The wide angle shots and compositions are quite well-done. Like, the white hanging shit in the wedding was cool, as well as that field of purple flowers in the first movie. Then some of the mountain shots sprinkled throughout.

Too bad great framing isn't enough to carry a film franchise.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Jay/Cris wrote:

Maximilia wrote:

I also love all the EPIC MUSIC when they're going up to get married, like getting married IS COMPLETELY EPIC and no one EVER does it.

Getting married can be pretty epic, you know. Provided you, you know, can.

Did you just equate gay vampire/vapid whore marriage to regular gay marriage?

Yes.

It felt pretty epic, I must tell you.

EileenK98 wrote:

I would pay to see the gay porn version of Twilight.

Actually... (NSFW)

Spoiler:

I've heard the storylines were improved, and not one drop of glitter bodypaint was used.

...After watching that did you have any idea what this movie is about, other than SHAKESPEARE WAS A FRAUD!!!1 Ok, neither did I. Let's check their website!

Quote :

Anonymous speculates on an issue that has for centuries intrigued academics and brilliant minds ranging from Mark Twain and Charles Dickens to Henry James and Sigmund Freud, namely: who was the author of the plays credited to William Shakespeare?

Quote :

Despite being credited with writing 37 plays, 154 sonnets and several epic poems and being the most performed playwright of all time, no documentation exists that Shakespeare wrote a single word.

In other words, this movie actively puts forth the idea that Shakespeare's plays were not written by William Shakespeare but by Edward de Vere. I don't get enough conspiracy theories on the History Channel, Imma go see this one too cuz society and my english teacher lied to meeee

Jay/Cris wrote:

Twinklight

I've heard the storylines were improved, and not one drop of glitter bodypaint was used.

Not surprising. Even a complete lack of a plotline would be an improvement on the original material, having 90% less problematic stalkerific sexist bullshit, despite being porn. Or is this one of those porns that kind of sort of pretends to have a plot?

I think I need to see this. You know. FOR SCIENCE.

Quote :

Despite being credited with writing 37 plays, 154 sonnets and several epic poems and being the most performed playwright of all time, no documentation exists that Shakespeare wrote a single word.

Because it's not like the First Folio, the single most complete contemporary source for my work is called Mr. Shakespeare's Comedies, Histories, and Tragedies
What, do you want a copyright application written out by me?
Damn it, you don't see Tolkien going though this horse-shit.


And I don't even understand how they could make a movie about this? Would it just be a National Treasure/DaVinci Code rip-off where they have look in various historical places and documents for clues to find where an original copy of "my" work is? While being chased by agents of the Shakespeare Globe TrustIlluminati?

EileenK98 wrote:

I would pay to see the gay porn version of Twilight.

I wouldn't pay a nickel to see ANY version of Twilight.

Chris91 wrote:

EileenK98 wrote:

I would pay to see the gay porn version of Twilight.

I wouldn't pay a nickel to see ANY version of Twilight.

The Rifftrax version is quite hilarious, especially if you're a MST3K fan.

The Lorax

Prepare to weep as Dr. Seuss's saddest story is turned into a day-glo candy-coloured fest. At least it's not live-action, I'll say that much.

Dr. Seuss's widow won't allow anymore live action movies to be made. Smart woman.

William Shakespeare wrote:

And I don't even understand how they could make a movie about this? Would it just be a National Treasure/DaVinci Code rip-off where they have look in various historical places and documents for clues to find where an original copy of "my" work is? While being chased by agents of the Shakespeare Globe TrustIlluminati?

That would imply some actual investigation and love for truth is in this movie. Sorry, you won't find any. The story takes place in Shakespeare's time, and is basically an anti-biography.

In the end, though, all they have to offer is an argument from incredulity. They take as a given that a commoner (even a classically educated commoner, like Shakespeare) couldn't possibly have written the plays, so they start digging for alternatives. They attribute A Midsummer Night's Dream to someone who was eight years old. Apparently, an eight-year-old noble is just *speshul* and smart enough to do what a commoner who knew Latin and read classic Greco-Roman literature couldn't.

I think I might want to see the Lorax. I'm a sucker for CGI movies. It actually doesn't look all that bad. Granted, the story itself is sad and grim, and a film adaptation with almost nothing else to go on, there's got to be a few liberties for a good story to be told.

Of course, granted, the story to be told has to be well thought out in any case, and the trailer doesn't necessarily provide enough information to tell us what's really going on.

All this talk of Seuss and Shakespeare reminded me of this awesomeness.

To absolutely nobody's surprise, "Jack And Jill" is getting a big 'thumbs' down from critics and audiences alike-- not to mention the Rotten Tomates website.

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I can't figure out if I really want to see this because of Chris Hemsworth, or want to stay faaaaar away from Kristen Stewart dull surprise.

i'm so confused


It'll probably be pretty terrible. I'll probably go see it anyway because I just can't say no to two hours of Chris Hemsworth looking hot and swinging a hammer/axe/whatever onscreen and being generally awesome.

Adagio wrote:

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I can't figure out if I really want to see this because of Chris Hemsworth, or want to stay faaaaar away from Kristen Stewart dull surprise.

i'm so confused


It'll probably be pretty terrible. I'll probably go see it anyway because I just can't say no to two hours of Chris Hemsworth looking hot and swinging a hammer/axe/whatever onscreen and being generally awesome.

I don't know... This one looks worse
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Salamas wrote:

Adagio wrote:

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I can't figure out if I really want to see this because of Chris Hemsworth, or want to stay faaaaar away from Kristen Stewart dull surprise.

i'm so confused


It'll probably be pretty terrible. I'll probably go see it anyway because I just can't say no to two hours of Chris Hemsworth looking hot and swinging a hammer/axe/whatever onscreen and being generally awesome.

I don't know... This one looks worse awesome.
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Fixed.

TheIan wrote:

I don't know... This one looks worse awesome.
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Fixed.[/quote]

You...are kidding, right? This looks even worse and more humourless than Your Highness. (which had its moments but still was...pretty darn bad).

I don't know what it is with with the producers, that they all want to rape the same fairy tale at the same time. My main problem with Snow White and the Twilight whatshername is that No way she is better-looking than Theron. I haven't ever actually seen her in a movie, only in the EVER PRESENT Twilight trailers, but when I compare her to Theron, I don't think, Yeah, she's prettier. Of course that's an Eye of the Beholder thingy, but still...

Why is she swinging an axe, for fuck's sake? Can I get a Snow, Glass, Apples movie, please, in which Snow White is the bad guy?

From Variety Magazine

Quote :

"Harry Potter" director David Yates is teaming up with the BBC to turn its iconic sci-fi TV series "Doctor Who" into a bigscreen franchise.

Doctor Who was made into a movie before, in an attempt to sell it to the US audience of the mid-90's

It was shit.

Quote :

Yates made clear that his movie adaptation would not follow on from the current TV series, but would take a completely fresh approach to the material.

Mostly because it did that^

Quote :

"It needs quite a radical transformation to take it into the bigger arena."

Oh.... dear....

Quote :

"Russell T. Davies and then Steven Moffat have done their own transformations, which were fantastic, but we have to put that aside and start from scratch," he said.

Oh dear.

Quote :

"We want a British sensibility, but having said that, Steve Kloves wrote the Potter films and captured that British sensibility perfectly, so we are looking at American writers too," he explained.

Quote from Topless Robot

Quote :

First of all, the Harry Potter movies don't exactly exude Britishness. They star kids with British accents, but that's about it.

I agree.


I can almost visualise the localisation department trying to figure out how to turn the TARDIS from a police box into a Gamewell call box.