Your Top 10 Worst Movies of the 2000's

Lysander wrote:

BATTLEFIELD EARTH. Did none of you people see this? It's clearly the worst major studio production of the entire decade.

Yes, I believe I hosted that on Stickam one night, and it was so awful that we voted to watch something else. That never happens. Even putting shit to music helps most times, as it does with Howard The Duck, but no.

Now my movie watching's kind of iffy- I didn't see many movies until 2004 and don't know when some came out- so I'm going to throw a bunch of shit at the ceiling and see what sticks.

Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
Saw this on TV a long time ago when I was obsessed with Martial Arts movies. Now admittedly, most martial arts movies aren't that great. But this was the only one I couldn't sit through. Now, what other martial arts films sucked? Most with Jet Li, Wild Wild West...

The Scary Movie Franchise
Unfunny. I can feel vomit welling up in my throat during the pie scene, in which the guy with a deformed hand sticks his hand in it and.... uuuuugh. I don't care which Scary Movie this is from, but for fuck's sake that's disgusting and I don't see what the fuck is so fucking funny.

Oh, and the remakes of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, King Kong, and Dawn of the Dead.

Lysander wrote:

BATTLEFIELD EARTH. Did none of you people see this? It's clearly the worst major studio production of the entire decade.

Shit, I thought that was from '99. I retroactively replace Dungeons and Dragons with this.

Also, Inciter, get back to shoving crayons up your nose. Up was awesome (overrated, but then anything with that level of hype is. By no means boring, though).

KelinciHutan wrote:

2001 - Moulin Rouge!
This movie attempts to distract you from the fact that it has a fairly boring and predictable plot by really, really colorful and overwhelming song and dance numbers. And, to their credit, the singing and dancing does not entirely suck. Unfortunately, they only exacerbate the overwhelmingly odd final product. Maybe this movie is better when you are high?

1) Consider me distracted. I loved that movie just for it's pretty colors and sheer camp value.

2) Moulin Rouge! is scary as all fuck when you're high. Particularly the "Like a Virgin" scene and when the main characters dad says the line about "a cesspool of sin" (or something).

Some of my worst movies of the decade...

2006 - X-Men: The Last Stand
Three is a magic number for Marvel movies, because it seems like the third movie always manages to take a good (or at the very least, mediocre) series and completely ruin it by stuffing it full of half-assed adaptations of classic story arcs, and far too many recognizable villains that are similarily butchered.

Which leads me to...

2007 - Spider-Man 3
Commits all the sins of X-Men 3, but manages to be worse by turning nearly the entire movie into a soap opera with tights. Seriously, if you would've told me about the Harry getting amnesia story arc before I went to see this movie, I would've probably laughed and thought you were joking. Especially after seeing Spider-Man 2 (I particularly enjoyed Alfred Molina's performance as Dr. Octopus).

The only high point of this movie was Harry's line about the pie being "so good".

2008 - the Love Guru and What Happens in Vegas
This was honestly a toss up because both these movies were equally terrible (luckily I saw both of them on DVD that I rented). The Love Guru was just painfully unfunny, and was one of those movies where you see a metric shitton of commercials for it, than the movie is released, people actually see it, and suddenly those commercials disappear. What Happens in Vegas was, while unfunny, not painful-unfunny like The Love Guru. What was painful about it? Watching the two leads try to have chemistry with each other.

On another note, I know I should have put the Spirit in as the worst movie of 2008, but I found it enjoyable at moments. The visual style was like action movie-pop art, and it had a lot of potential to be a great, trashy, cult-movie. Not only that, but parts of it made me laugh in ways that the Love Guru and What Happens in Vegas didn't (see: Samuel L. Jackson screaming, "NO EGG ON MAH FACE!")

And now for my vote for worst movie of the entire decade...

*drumroll*

The Scary Movie Franchise (and all of it's ilk)

From Scary Movie 1, to countless spinoffs such as Superhero Movie or Date Movie, this franchise started off just plain unfunny, than proceeded to get worse and worse until it not only became painful to watch, but you could actually feel your IQ dropping as you watched it.

The worst part? For all of its gawdawfulness, the franchise continued at a pace of approximately 1 movie per year, putting out sequel after sequel, spinoff after spinoff, and it shows no sign of slowing down into the next decade. God help us all.

I remember reading a discussion about the Seltzer/Friedburg "_____ Movie" franchise at The Agony Booth when a recap of one of them (I think it was Disaster Movie) was posted there. Someone pointed out/theorized that the terrible twosome release a new movie every year to capitalize on the new group of American 13-year-olds who're now old enough to go to a PG-13 movie by themselves. Furthermore, it was pointed out that when they got greedy and released two movies in one year, one of them flopped, vindicating the theory.

2000 - BATTLEFIELD EARTH
Nothing more needs to be said.

2001 - Bridget Jones' Diary
2001 was a terrible year for movies in general I think. But after having to sit through this one more times than I care to count in English class, I developed an intense hatred for it and Jane Austin in general.

2002 - Ghost Ship
The opening is the only good part of this movie. From there you might as well call this movie "The Fail Boat". I was so disappointed.

2003 - The Cat in the Hat
This movie scared me. It was an acid trip with a furry Mike Myers at the helm.

2004 - Napoleon Dynamite
I don't get what everyone sees in it. I hated this from start to finish. Napoleon just seemed like such a rude jerk to me.

2005 - Dark Water
I loved the original Japanese version. The remake was just terrible though. You can see they tried, but somewhere amongst the translation something went wrong.

2006 - X-Men: The Last Stand
Terrible.

2007 - Alien vs Predator: Requiem
I will admit I liked the first AvP in a way that it was so bad it was good. AvP2 was just bad. REALLY bad. The scene with the chestbursters in the pregnant women was just stupid, pointless and really gross.

2008 - Drillbit Taylor
It's really hard to pick a particular movie for 2008. It was between Drillbit Taylor and The Ruins for me. The Ruins is a spectacularly bad horror movie, but it comes down to Owen Wilson recycling his character from Zoolander that really makes it.

2009 - 2012
It was every single disaster movie abridged. The stunt driving/piloting got really boring after a while. And... UNNECESSARY DEATHS!


Can we have an antidote thread where we list our favourite movies from the decade?

Raine wrote:

Can we have an antidote thread where we list our favourite movies from the decade?

Why don't you go start one in the antidotes?

theweirdkind wrote:

Raine wrote:

Can we have an antidote thread where we list our favourite movies from the decade?

Why don't you go start one in the antidotes?

Awesome. I'll start one up right away.

Damn, I have a lot of movies I like though.

My list, not following the 'one movie per year' thing:

10. Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)

More of a sloppy remake than a sequel, it follows two siblings with the surname of Emerson (though it's never made clear if they are related to the previous Emersons) and Edgar Frog doing battle with SurferDude!Vampires. Of course, the whole thing could have been avoided just by having a priest bless the ocean, but that would have been too easy. Angus Sutherland (Kiefer's half-brother) plays the head vampire. Judging by his laughably bad acting, I'd say the family talent pool had dried up by the time he came around.

9. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

From the director of such cinematic slop as Deep Rising, The Mummy and Van Helsing, comes G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Watch as Channing Tatum and Sienna Miller compete to see who can deliver the most flat, lazy, wooden performance. I'm still picking splinters out of my DVD player.

8. Alone in the Dark (2005)

Just when you think you seen the worst Hollywood has to throw at you along comes a movie like Alone in the Dark to make you question what the people who greenlighted this crap were smoking. Thrill as Tara Reid mispronounces "Newfoundland" as New-FOWND-land. Uwe Boll should be hunted down and shot.

7. Disaster Movie (2008)

An apt title of there ever was one, Disaster Movie can't even be called a movie; it's 90 minutes of pop culture references flung at the viewer like a handful of cold spaghetti, and none of it sticks. If your friends invite you over to watch this, it's time to get new friends.

6. Salem's Lot (2004)

I know it's a TV movie. So sue me. When I heard that there was going to be a remake of Salem's Lot I was actually looking forward to it. I had always been a fan of the novel and the 1979 version. Sure, Rob Lowe was going to star in it, but he had been in The Stand a decade earlier and that had turned out decent. Somewhere, somehow, teleplay writer Peter Filardi got the words "adaption" and "butcher job" confused. I understand that sometimes changes are made, just check out Barlow in the 1979 version and tell me I'm wrong. To make a long story short, this hairball changed the stories and the characters and made the whole damn thing unrecognizable. About the only thing this piece of shit has in common with the name are the character names and the fact that there are vampires running around.

5. Rollerball (2002)

Ah yes, one of the most godawful remakes featuring the most hilariously miscast pretty boy in recent history. A message to Chris Klein--you are not an action hero and you will never be an action hero. Imagine if Kirk Cameron had been cast as Neo in The Matrix and you'll have an idea of how much Klein is in over his head here. A message to film makers--don't cast the lead in action movie with a guy who looks like he finished going through puberty the day before filming started. Seriously, when it appears that Rebecca Romijn can kick your hero's ass from here to next week, it's time to look elsewhere for your hunky male lead.


4. Hannibal (2001)

When Jodie Foster decided not to reprise the role of Clarice Starling I think the writing was on wall. But noooooo...they had to make it anyway. They were smart enough to change the ending...and those of you who have read the book know what I'm talking about. They were smart enough leave out Mason's freaky body-building lesbian sister Margot...and those of you who have read the book know what I'm talking about. The cast is great. The director, Ridley Scott, is more than competent. So what the hell happened? They tried to make a good movie from a bad novel, that's what happened.


3. Gigli (2003)

Jennifer Lopez compares a penis to a really long toe and her crotch to a Thanksgiving turkey. I think that tells you everthing you need to know about this movie right there.

2. Halloween II (2009)

This isn't a horror film, this is redneck torture porn. A grimy, endless bloodbath. Blech!

1. Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

As far as I'm concerened, this is the worst movie ever made.

It is said that writer-director-star Tom Green made exactly the kind of movie he wanted to make. And I have to agree. But does that mean it's any good? No. Does that mean I have to like it? No. There's a fine line between a misunderstood genius and a no-talent jackass and I don't think I have to tell you which side of that line Green is on. This is a guy who does not possess one single ounce of charm, wit, talent, class, or shame. If this is the best Canada has to offer anymore it's time to close down the border and post heavily armed guards with orders to shoot to kill. The bar of what is acceptable in mainstream cinema has been lowered forever and we have one man to thank for it. Never again in my lifetime will I watch a movie and say "Wow, that's worse than Freddy Got Fingered!"

Miss Misery wrote:

10. Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)

You know, I watched the original for the first time the other day at a vampire movie night. We discovered that it was the first movie to feature sparkly vampires... granted the sparkles were on the inside in their blood, but still...

Guys, I am disappoint. No Twilight (2008)?

Anyone who puts Twilight on the list has obviously never seen or read New Moon.

Lysander wrote:

Anyone who puts Twilight on the list has obviously never seen or read New Moon.

I did all three of those things.

Twilight went up there because I hadn't really seen much else in 2008.

And yeah, New Moon (Both book and movie) were far worse than Twilight.

Lysander wrote:

Anyone who puts Twilight on the list has obviously never seen or read New Moon.

But I thought we were doing it one per year, so it could be Twilight (2008) and New Moon (2009).

I don't have a fancy list, but here's a few off the top of my head:

The Happening
You'd think that something that makes people an hero would make for a really interesting movie, but upon finding out it was plants that were killing people off with a toxin they released(?), I was immensely disappointed.

Inglorious Basterds
Because not even half way through the film, I wanted my money back. I just don't see the fascination with Tarantino. The only somewhat redeeming factor about that movie was that Mike Myers was in it, but no one could pay me to watch that garbage again.

Twilight Saga
No explanation necessary.

Dr. Quinzel wrote:

Inglorious Basterds
Because not even half way through the film, I wanted my money back. I just don't see the fascination with Tarantino.

Meh, I guess I can live with-

Quote :

The only somewhat redeeming factor about that movie was that Mike Myers was in it, but no one could pay me to watch that garbage again.

Dr. Quinzel wrote:

The Happening
You'd think that something that makes people an hero would make for a really interesting movie, but upon finding out it was plants that were killing people off with a toxin they released(?), I was immensely disappointed.

To be honest, I see The Happening as one of those "so bad it's good" types of movie.

Quote :

2005

The Island

Of course, it's really sad when you rip off a late-70s movie featured on MST3K for your epic blockbuster. It's even sadder when the MST3K film was better. Sadder still when MST fans all over the Internet point out to the original filmmakers that their film was completely ripped off, and they go on to sue, winning a seven-figure settlement. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Quote :

According to an inside source, Clonus Associates v. DreamWorks was settled out of court in late 2006, reportedly for a seven-figure sum to be paid to Clonus Associates.

Of course, there's no mystery about who that inside source is. It's original Clonus screenwriter Bob Sullivan, who despite the sealed nature of the settlement, is more than willing to talk about the lawsuit.

theweirdkind wrote:

Lysander wrote:

Anyone who puts Twilight on the list has obviously never seen or read New Moon.

But I thought we were doing it one per year, so it could be Twilight (2008) and New Moon (2009).

I think that's really underselling how bad Meet the Spartans was.

Dr. Quinzel wrote:

Inglorious Basterds
Because not even half way through the film, I wanted my money back. I just don't see the fascination with Tarantino. The only somewhat redeeming factor about that movie was that Mike Myers was in it, but no one could pay me to watch that garbage again.

Oh, you can come sit next to me. I like you.

2001 - Donnie Darko. What an utter waste of time.

Here's a few more:

* Cabin Fever (2002)

A group of foul-mouthed, over-sexed college kids battle an icky flesh-eating virus. After five minutes with these obnoxious yahoos, you're rooting for the virus.

* I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

I know what killed Lindsay Lohan's film career. You will never look at the color blue the same way again.

* Basic Instinct 2 (2006)

Sharon Stone crashes through the bottom of the barrel while David Morrissey looks like he's about to vomit during all his sex scenes.

Penguin wrote:

2001 - Donnie Darko. What an utter waste of time.

I didn't like it either. People always looked at me like I had an extra head for thinking that.

Looks like most of the movies I disliked have already been put up. Of course I just gotta say that obviously the Twilight series movies are the worst I can think of right now.

Miss Misery wrote:

4. Hannibal (2001)When Jodie Foster decided not to reprise the role of Clarice Starling I think the writing was on wall. But noooooo...they had to make it anyway. They were smart enough to change the ending...and those of you who have read the book know what I'm talking about. They were smart enough leave out Mason's freaky body-building lesbian sister Margot...and those of you who have read the book know what I'm talking about. The cast is great. The director, Ridley Scott, is more than competent. So what the hell happened? They tried to make a good movie from a bad novel, that's what happened.

Never saw any of the movies, but I enjoyed the books, personally.

ZoZo wrote:

Penguin wrote:

2001 - Donnie Darko. What an
utter waste of time.

I didn't like it either. People always
looked at me like I had an extra head for thinking that.

I finally watched it recently and am still confused.

Lapin wrote:

Dr. Quinzel wrote:

Inglorious Basterds
Because not even half way through the film, I wanted my money back. I just don't see the fascination with Tarantino. The only somewhat redeeming factor about that movie was that Mike Myers was in it, but no one could pay me to watch that garbage again.

Oh, you can come sit next to me. I like you.

I'm in completely agreement. I like Quentin Tarantino less and less as time goes on. What was with Brad Pitt fingering Diane Kruger's bullet hole? What was with the random, noisy doggystyle? It's like a 15 year old boy sat down and said, "You know what would be cool? A movie where we change history and the Jews fucking SHOOT HITLER IN THE FACE AND BURN ALL THE NAZIS! Also, TITS! AND GORE! AND A RANDOM VOICE CAMEO BY SAMUEL L. JACKSON! FUCK YEAH THAT'D BE SO SWEET!"