Movies That are Going to Suck: Part Deux

TheIan wrote:

Red Riding Hood

What.

The.

Fuck.

Uggghh... A lot of people on my Twitter feed were complaining about this as well (luckily they didn't show it when I went to see HP). It's become such a formula now that nobody in their right mind could find this interesting. Boring girl meets pretty monster boy, they fall in love, OH NOES DRAMA, resolution, the end. It's like watching someone put together a cupboard from Ikea - each one has a different design, but ultimately it's just all the same construction process.

On a slightly different note, this looks so much better when it comes to adapting a well-known character: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

I feel like this is relevant, even if it's been thrown into the thread already in the pages I'm too lazy to check.

Raine wrote:

On a slightly different note, this looks so much better when it comes to adapting a well-known character: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

...I have nothing to say to that except

TheIan wrote:

godawful red riding hood movie

uhhhhh hmmmm

On the one hand it looks horrid and is a twilight knockoff, on the other hand, it has Gary Oldman.

It has a Paramore soundtrack(or sounds like it) ):, but it also has Gary Oldman.

The hair/costumes look ridic. esp considering it's medieval. But... Gary Oldman.

guess who I fanboy

TheIan wrote:

Raine wrote:

On a slightly different note, this looks so much better when it comes to adapting a well-known character: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

...I have nothing to say to that except

Sorry, Ian, but from where I sit this trailer reeks of industrial strength FAIL. Uwe Boll would be ashamed to put this kind of crud on a movie screen.

TheIan wrote:

Raine wrote:

On a slightly different note, this looks so much better when it comes to adapting a well-known character: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

...I have nothing to say to that except

I am going to watch the shit out of this.

Max III wrote:

TheIan wrote:

godawful red riding hood movie

uhhhhh hmmmm

On the one hand it looks horrid and is a twilight knockoff, on the other hand, it has Gary Oldman.

It has a Paramore soundtrack(or sounds like it) ):, but it also has Gary Oldman.

The hair/costumes look ridic. esp considering it's medieval. But... Gary Oldman.

guess who I fanboy

MY NAME

IS VIKTOR

REZNOV

AND I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE

Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots... The Movie.

I'm really, really hoping this is going to be so-bad-it's-good. Because if not, it's just going to be one pathetic two-hour toy commercial. Coughtransformerswhat

Sakurelf wrote:

Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots... The Movie.

I'm really, really hoping this is going to be so-bad-it's-good. Because if not, it's just going to be one pathetic two-hour toy commercial. Coughtransformerswhat

For a moment I read that as "Red Steel" and my first thought was, "Oh god, the Wii game that sucked has been out for only a few years and they're already making a movie out of it?"

I dunno, Robot Wars EXTREEEEEME! Medabots America Real Steel looks like an interesting premise. I'm gonna have to be fence and watch this one, only because I like watching robots beat the shit out of each other (ie: Transformers, Gundam, etc.).

Sakurelf wrote:

Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots... The Movie.

I'm really, really hoping this is going to be so-bad-it's-good. Because if not, it's just going to be one pathetic two-hour toy commercial. Coughtransformerswhat

wut.

TheIan wrote:

looks like an interesting premise.

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This is never a good premise for a movie.

Damn. I thought 'Red Riding Hood' was going to be a horror-type adaptation of the original fairy tale, which I read when I was young, and which was pretty horrific in and of itself-but most of the non-watered down fairy tales were. I didn't realize it was going to be a quasi-Twilight rip-off with Werewolves.

As for a Rock'em Socke'em Robots movie...

Excuse me while I go start work on my next screenplay: Slinky-The Early Years

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Gnomeo & Juliet

WHY DID ANYONE THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA

^
I think the thought process went something like this:

Hollywood Idiot #1: "Hmm, we're out of ideas. What can we make a movie about now?"
Hollywood Idiot #2: "I know, let's take Shakespeare's most awful, painfully tedious and boring play and make it into a kid's movie with a pun in the title. Afterwards, we can take the millions we make off of that piece of shit and use it to snort blow off the ass of a $10,000 a night hooker."
Hollywood Idiot #1: "That's the smartest thing anyone has ever said in the history of time. I salute you, sir."

Guys....

GUYS

YOU ARE MISSING SOMETHING IMPORTANT HERE

WHY IS GARY OLDMAN IN THIS RED RIDING HOOD MOVIE

...Gary Oldman, whyyyyyy

InkWeaver wrote:

WHY IS GARY OLDMAN IN THIS RED RIDING HOOD MOVIE

...Gary Oldman, whyyyyyy

Needed the money on account of being blackmailed?

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Gnomeo & Juliet

My only regret is that I cannot unsee the trailer I just watched.

I mean what is this, some strange attempt to make money off of Toy Story 3's recent success by copying its inanimate-objects-come-alive formula (except like a thousand times worse)? It is, isn't it.

Adagio wrote:

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Gnomeo & Juliet

My only regret is that I cannot unsee the trailer I just watched.

I mean what is this, some strange attempt to make money off of Toy Story 3's recent success by copying its inanimate-objects-come-alive formula (except like a thousand times worse)? It is, isn't it.

It's even worse when you realize they're desecrating Shakespeare's most famous love story!

TheIan wrote:

Adagio wrote:

Mr.Doobie wrote:

Gnomeo & Juliet

My only regret is that I cannot unsee the trailer I just watched.

I mean what is this, some strange attempt to make money off of Toy Story 3's recent success by copying its inanimate-objects-come-alive formula (except like a thousand times worse)? It is, isn't it.

It's even worse when you realize they're desecrating Shakespeare's most famous love story!

I hate it when everyone says that R&J is the "greatest" shakespeare story. It isn't, by far, it's just the most well-known. I'll take a Gnomelet or a MidsummerGnome's Dream any day over rehashed R&J.

I BET NOBODY DIES IN THIS MOVIE, EITHER WHICH IS WHAT R&J IS ABOUT.

"Much Ado About Gnomething"?

"A Gnomedy of Errors"?

"Gnomebeline"?

"Trollus and Cressida"? [Whoops, wrong species.]

This looks like it's going to be a bad spring.

Mr.Doobie wrote:

This looks like it's going to be a bad spring.

The only thing I see wrong with that is a gag stolen from Johnny English.

Drabbler wrote:

"Much Ado About Gnomething"?

"A Gnomedy of Errors"?

"Gnomebeline"?

"Trollus and Cressida"? [Whoops, wrong species.]

My favorite was MacGnome.

The following movie ideas, if you Google them, are all supposedly still in the works and I predict they will all suck:

Monopoly (the board game)
The Sims (and EA is apparently talking about a MySims TV series as well)
Candy Land
Stretch Armstrong (with Taylor Lautner as Stretch)
Ouija Boards
Magic 8-Balls
Battleship

...seriously, wtf?