Movies That are Going to Suck: Part Deux

Cactus Wren wrote:

A new film production of "For Colored Girls" is in the works.

To be produced and directed by Tyler Perry.

Oh. WOW. Jesus CHRIST, that looks terrible. (The fact that Lionsgate is producing means they got the rights cheap, unless they're playing against type.) Also: Toussaint L’Ouverture? Seriously? Talk about your downer endings.

Aggie wrote:

Trioculus wrote:

Meaning: 63 year-old Sylvester Stallone likes the idea of another paycheck, and if this is the only way to get it...

If Harrison Ford can do it, why not Stallone?

Ford actually has done a pretty good job of keeping himself in shape, while Stallone...kinda hasn't.

gaijinguy wrote:

Cactus Wren wrote:

A new film production of "For Colored Girls" is in the works.

To be produced and directed by Tyler Perry.

Oh. WOW. Jesus CHRIST, that looks terrible. (The fact that Lionsgate is producing means they got the rights cheap, unless they're playing against type.) Also: Toussaint L’Ouverture? Seriously? Talk about your downer endings.

I have a question. Has Tyler Perry ever made a movie that didn't suck?

Really, it's becoming the X Movies. Ever other week there's some crappy looking "black" movie, usually featuring a batshit grandmother, produced by Tyler Perry.

Cactus Wren wrote:

A new film production of "For Colored Girls" is in the works.

To be produced and directed by Tyler Perry.

Tyler Perry sure does love broken birds.

So the non-Nickelodeon Avatar boasts creatures made from superspecialawesome photo-realistic motion capture... for an X-box game. It's not that it isn't ambitious, or even that the film's going to be terrible, but if this is the selling point in what otherwise looks to be a generic sci-fi fantasy epic that just happens to vaguely resemble a certain notorious CGI flop, then there's a very, very high chance that it may not quite live up to whatever hype it's gotten in nerdy Internet circles.

Mae Bedlam wrote:

So the non-Nickelodeon Avatar boasts creatures made from superspecialawesome photo-realistic motion capture... for an X-box game. It's not that it isn't ambitious, or even that the film's going to be terrible, but if this is the selling point in what otherwise looks to be a generic sci-fi fantasy epic that just happens to vaguely resemble a certain notorious CGI flop, then there's a very, very high chance that it may not quite live up to whatever hype it's gotten in nerdy Internet circles.

Imperial Guard vs. Eldar Exodites? Fuck this, I wanna play Necrons. What button do you press to skip the intro?

Well, we've got a twofer here...

Quote :

A 3D remake of The Beatles' 1968 film Yellow Submarine has been confirmed, Disney Studios has announced.

It will incorporate the 16 Beatles songs and recordings from the original animated film.

Disney Studios chairman Dick Cook said the new film will be directed by Robert Zemeckis using the same motion-capture effects employed in Polar Express.

Meanwhile, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides has been confirmed as the name of the new film in the series.

Oh, yes. It's not like Yellow Submarine was an iconic film with a totally unique animation style, noooo! Let's remake the entire fucking thing in fantastically shitty CGI! And while we're at it, let's make another Pirates of the Caribbean movie, it's not like it jumped the shark somewhere near the end of Dead Man's Chest! God, that's it, I don't care that the Eisner era is over, Disney is still going straight down the--

Quote :

Disney has also said it was starting a new "scary movie" label venture with Pan's Labyrinth director Guillermo del Toro called Disney Double Dare You.

--man, why you got to jerk my emotions around like that. Why you got to do a thing.

Goddamit, del Toro, quit dicking around and make "At The Mountains of Madness" like you said you would!

Edit: And while we're at it, if the Arrested Development movie stays in production limbo too much longer it will never be able to live up to anyone's expectations. COME ON!

Quote :

Disney has also said it was starting a new "scary movie" label venture with Pan's Labyrinth director Guillermo del Toro called Disney Double Dare You.

That doesn't sound scary at all. It sounds like something geared to kids. If Disney's seriously trying to make a bid for teens/adults with that title... no, ain't buying it.

Mae Bedlam wrote:

So the non-Nickelodeon Avatar boasts creatures made from superspecialawesome photo-realistic motion capture... for an X-box game.
It's not that it isn't ambitious, or even that the film's going to be
terrible, but if this is the selling point in what otherwise looks to
be a generic sci-fi fantasy epic that just happens to vaguely resemble
a certain notorious CGI flop, then there's a very, very high chance that it may not quite live up to whatever hype it's gotten in nerdy Internet circles.

I'll give it a chance, for reasons that should be be obvious.

I've been looking forward to a Jonny Quest movie and it looks like I'm getting my wish, but...

...twenty-something Zac Efron playing a character who's supposed to be eleven?

read article here

Also, it seems Warner Bros. is considering changing the name of the movie altogether, to avoid comparisons to Speed Racer. So they're making a Jonny Quest movie, but they don't want to associate it too much with the original franchise.

The Host is going to be made into a movie. I've heard that it's better than Twilight, but considering it's still by Stephenie Meyer, that's probably not saying much.

Generic Thirteen wrote:

The Host is going to be made into a movie. I've heard that it's better than Twilight, but considering it's still by Stephenie Meyer, that's probably not saying much.

I'm debating whether or not I should waste the eight hours and read the entire thing. That's about how long it took me to read most of twilight......

on the other hand, I could make a bitchin' pillow fort, write a short story, draw something cool, or play pirates versus ninjas with the adjoining apartment instead. Decisions, decisions......

I do sort of want to read it just to see what her idea of "directed more towards adults" is.

ETA: Earth is Wanderer's ninth planet, and Mel is her ninth host body. Upon waking inside her new body, Wanderer is shocked not only by the power and vividness of human emotions, memories, and senses, but quickly learns that Melanie Stryder is not willing to give up the entirety of her mind.

......okay nevermind. It's just another Sue-novel. Am I the only one who sees some sort of parallel between "Melanie Stryder" and "Stephanie Meyer" besides the syllabes? IF YOU TAKE THE LETTERS FROM MELANIE STRYDER AND TRY TO WRITE STEPHANIE MEYER, YOU'RE ONLY MISSING A P, H, AND EXTRA E, AND THE LETTERS LEFT OVER THAT YOU DON'T USE SPELL L-RD, LORD? LIKE HOW PEOPLE WRITE G-D FOR GOD? I'm reading too much into this and getting off topic.

Deutschtard wrote:

......okay nevermind. It's just another Sue-novel. Am I the only one who sees some sort of parallel between "Melanie Stryder" and "Stephanie Meyer" besides the syllabes? IF YOU TAKE THE LETTERS FROM MELANIE STRYDER AND TRY TO WRITE STEPHANIE MEYER, YOU'RE ONLY MISSING A P, H, AND EXTRA E, AND THE LETTERS LEFT OVER THAT YOU DON'T USE SPELL L-RD, LORD? LIKE HOW PEOPLE WRITE G-D FOR GOD? I'm reading too much into this and getting off topic.

Given that Stephanie Meyer's neither Jewish nor capable of satire, I'd say yes, yes you are.

gaijinguy wrote:

Deutschtard wrote:

......okay nevermind. It's just another Sue-novel. Am I the only one who sees some sort of parallel between "Melanie Stryder" and "Stephanie Meyer" besides the syllabes? IF YOU TAKE THE LETTERS FROM MELANIE STRYDER AND TRY TO WRITE STEPHANIE MEYER, YOU'RE ONLY MISSING A P, H, AND EXTRA E, AND THE LETTERS LEFT OVER THAT YOU DON'T USE SPELL L-RD, LORD? LIKE HOW PEOPLE WRITE G-D FOR GOD? I'm reading too much into this and getting off topic.

Given that Stephanie Meyer's neither Jewish nor capable of satire, I'd say yes, yes you are.

Jewish people aren't the only ones who do that, now. It's caught on with some Christian fundies. Though they might say things like "G*d help us" or whatnot.

Well, I might be interested in this, if they throw in a mutant creature from Korea.

Penguin wrote:

gaijinguy wrote:

Deutschtard wrote:

......okay nevermind. It's just another Sue-novel. Am I the only one who sees some sort of parallel between "Melanie Stryder" and "Stephanie Meyer" besides the syllabes? IF YOU TAKE THE LETTERS FROM MELANIE STRYDER AND TRY TO WRITE STEPHANIE MEYER, YOU'RE ONLY MISSING A P, H, AND EXTRA E, AND THE LETTERS LEFT OVER THAT YOU DON'T USE SPELL L-RD, LORD? LIKE HOW PEOPLE WRITE G-D FOR GOD? I'm reading too much into this and getting off topic.

Given that Stephanie Meyer's neither Jewish nor capable of satire, I'd say yes, yes you are.

Jewish people aren't the only ones who do that, now. It's caught on with some Christian fundies. Though they might say things like "G*d help us" or whatnot.

That was the "satire" part. Also, Mormons aren't your typical stripe of fundamentalist (who tend to be some offshoot of Baptists, Penticostalists, and other un-fun Protestant denominations) and have a centralized leadership. So, yeah, still not making any sense.

gaijinguy wrote:

Penguin wrote:

gaijinguy wrote:

Deutschtard wrote:

......okay nevermind. It's just another Sue-novel. Am I the only one who sees some sort of parallel between "Melanie Stryder" and "Stephanie Meyer" besides the syllabes? IF YOU TAKE THE LETTERS FROM MELANIE STRYDER AND TRY TO WRITE STEPHANIE MEYER, YOU'RE ONLY MISSING A P, H, AND EXTRA E, AND THE LETTERS LEFT OVER THAT YOU DON'T USE SPELL L-RD, LORD? LIKE HOW PEOPLE WRITE G-D FOR GOD? I'm reading too much into this and getting off topic.

Given that Stephanie Meyer's neither Jewish nor capable of satire, I'd say yes, yes you are.

Jewish people aren't the only ones who do that, now. It's caught on with some Christian fundies. Though they might say things like "G*d help us" or whatnot.

That was the "satire" part. Also, Mormons aren't your typical stripe of fundamentalist (who tend to be some offshoot of Baptists, Penticostalists, and other un-fun Protestant denominations) and have a centralized leadership. So, yeah, still not making any sense.

The only person i know who does the G-d thing is a Catholic. And now, yes, I know she's not capable of satire, but we DO know she's capable of self-inserts. How much more of a self insert can you get than almost giving her your NAME? -shrugs- i just think it's her being super Sue again.

Apparently no one has mentioned that a remake of Red Dawn is currently filming. [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] The original 1984 version that starred Patrick Swayze was silly enough, but a 2010 version is even sillier despite having the Chinese as main bad guys. The screenwriter for the new version, Carl Ellsworth, thinks the movie will scare people just like the original version did. Of course there's the problem that most people weren't scared by the original. Its also amusing that the film is set in Washington state, yet is being filmed in Michigan.

tim gueguen wrote:

The original 1984 version that starred Patrick Swayze was silly enough, but a 2010 version is even sillier despite having the Chinese as main bad guys.

The Chinese? Really? I could almost understand being irrationally afraid of Russian paratroopers suddenly appearing in the sky over a hick town, but why would America's Sweatshop declare war on our attractive high school kids?

tim gueguen wrote:

Its also amusing that the film is set in Washington state, yet is being filmed in Michigan.

Oh, bloody hell. Like having the latest Butterfly Effect movie being set here wasn't enough of an embarrassment.

Speaking of terrible sequels, I hear they're making another 28 Arbitrary Measurements of Time movie. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the first one...which is why the sequel sucking so hard hurt me inside. If they flip another fucking helicopter as a fucking zombie blender in fucking midair...

Not a movie that is going to suck, but a movie that I found out genuinely DOES suck:

2012

THEY KILLED OFF THE MOST AWESOME GUY FOR NO REASON BY MAKING HIM SIT IN A PLANE WITH NO BRAKES AND I RAGED HARD.

The final nail in the coffin for me when it came to 2012 was when they decided not to destroy Kaaba, in case some radical Muslims heard about it and decided to put a jeehawd on them.

I would only see the movie it were scored like this.

How do they intend to remake a Beatles movie without the Beatles? The reason the Beatles movies were popular in the first place was because they were a major music group with a huge following. I'll admit, I thought 'Yellow Submarine' was silly (most things from the psychadelic era tended to be silly), but 'Help' was really good, and part of what made it good was the chemistry between the boys, who were still at the point where they hadn't gotten so popular their egos had outstripped their talent.

It's be like remaking Animal House with Jim Carrey in John Belushi's role. They're both comedians, but that's where the comparison ends.

Rabid Badger wrote:

How do they intend to remake a Beatles movie without the Beatles? The reason the Beatles movies were popular in the first place was because they were a major music group with a huge following. I'll admit, I thought 'Yellow Submarine' was silly (most things from the psychadelic era tended to be silly), but 'Help' was really good, and part of what made it good was the chemistry between the boys, who were still at the point where they hadn't gotten so popular their egos had outstripped their talent.

Um...you do know that the Beatles didn't voice themselves in Yellow Submarine, right?

I'm actually really digging the animation here, but hogod I can already hear the furries congregating.