Movies That are Going to Suck: Part Deux

Oh hey, a review for Transformers 2! Let's check it out!

Quote :

A notable moment occurs during the dementedly frenetic final act of
Transformers 2. A robot-on-robot fracas is unfolding around Egypt’s
Giza Necropolis, with Devastator, an especially massive mechanoid
comprised of several construction vehicles, set on clawing its way to
the peak of a pyramid. As it lumbers up the dusty colossus, a shot
tilts up to its mid-section, revealing two wrecking balls dangling
down. Yes, Michael Bay, the man who brought us cyber-micturition in
this movie’s predecessor, has one-upped himself: Decepticon testicles.

. . . he has Decepticles.



Well, at least one of us is gonna be happy.

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

WRY?!

Seriously, why? Did someone think it was clever?

Harley's going to love this movie. :panic:

GI Joe isn't faring too well either - rumors are that they fired the director and locked him out of the editing room to see if the footage was somehow salvageable by some other editors. Big studio denies it, but where there's smoke, there's fire...

Yes, but did anything think GI Joe was going to be anywhere near passable?

Miraba wrote:

Yes, but did anything think GI Joe was going to be anywhere near passable?

Honestly, I held a glimmer of hope that it would be, in the very least, watchable as it has Joseph Gordon-Levitt in it and I figured, after his long career in awesome independent films, he wouldn't sign up for a movie that was complete and utter garbage.

I guess I was wrong.

Ceres wrote:

GI Joe isn't faring too well either - rumors are that they fired the director and locked him out of the editing room to see if the footage was somehow salvageable by some other editors. Big studio denies it, but where there's smoke, there's fire...

The chief editor they hired to fix the movie is Stuart Baird, director of Star Trek: Nemesis.

Yeah, I wouldn't be too confident he can fix this, either.

Lysander wrote:

. . . he has Decepticles.

Is it bad I want to see if this is true?

Decepticles. Way to coin a phrase.

Miraba wrote:

Yes, but did anything think GI Joe was going to be anywhere near passable?

I dunno, those pork chop sandwiches sure did smell good.

Mr. Comic Book wrote:

Ceres wrote:

GI Joe isn't faring too well either - rumors are that they fired the director and locked him out of the editing room to see if the footage was somehow salvageable by some other editors. Big studio denies it, but where there's smoke, there's fire...

The chief editor they hired to fix the movie is Stuart Baird, director of Star Trek: Nemesis.

Yeah, I wouldn't be too confident he can fix this, either.

To be fair, Baird is a much better editor than he is a director (his editing credits are a pretty good list of solid Hollywood hits).

The only thing I could think about the "Decepticles" was that if someone kicked him, it would hurt them worse than it would hurt him.

GI Joe was stupid to begin with. How could a movie be any better?

Jesus Christ, has anyone seen those trailers for that guinea pig movie Disney is producing?

I think they were specially tailored to piss me off.

Decepticles. Srsly. WTF???

SokMunkie wrote:

GI Joe was stupid to begin with. How could a movie be any better?

*thinks* The movie has Christoper Eccleston in it?

Mafiosa wrote:

Jesus Christ, has anyone seen those trailers for that guinea pig movie Disney is producing?

I think they were specially tailored to piss me off.

YES

AND WHY THE HELL IS BILL NIGHY IN THIS

BILL FUCKING NIGHY

I THOUGHT HE HAD A CAREER

So did I.

And what are those Boba Fett heads doing above my avatar?

InkWeaver wrote:

Mafiosa wrote:

Jesus Christ, has anyone seen those trailers for that guinea pig movie Disney is producing?

I think they were specially tailored to piss me off.

YES

AND WHY THE HELL IS BILL NIGHY IN THIS

BILL FUCKING NIGHY

I THOUGHT HE HAD A CAREER

WHY IS WILL ARNETT IN IT?!

Animir wrote:

SokMunkie wrote:

GI Joe was stupid to begin with. How could a movie be any better?

*thinks* The movie has Christoper Eccleston in it?

So did The Seeker.

I'd only see the GI Joe movie if it had the PSAs. And knowing is half the battle! Bonus if they did live-action versions of the Fenslerfilm ones. MR. BODY MASSAGE MACHINE GO!

Ouch, The Seeker! I remember that one!

Oh, 9th Doctor, why must you disappoint me so?

InkWeaver wrote:

Mafiosa wrote:

Jesus Christ, has anyone seen those trailers for that guinea pig movie Disney is producing?

I think they were specially tailored to piss me off.

YES

AND WHY THE HELL IS BILL NIGHY IN THIS

BILL FUCKING NIGHY

I THOUGHT HE HAD A CAREER

I think these days its mainly based on the Richard Curtis films.You know, the ones where Curtis heavily uses the 'replace word' feature in his script writing. Love Actually, The Boat that Rocked etc

Lysander wrote:

Oh hey, a review for Transformers 2! Let's check it out!

Quote :

A notable moment occurs during the dementedly frenetic final act of
Transformers 2. A robot-on-robot fracas is unfolding around Egypt’s
Giza Necropolis, with Devastator, an especially massive mechanoid
comprised of several construction vehicles, set on clawing its way to
the peak of a pyramid. As it lumbers up the dusty colossus, a shot
tilts up to its mid-section, revealing two wrecking balls dangling
down. Yes, Michael Bay, the man who brought us cyber-micturition in
this movie’s predecessor, has one-upped himself: Decepticon testicles.

. . . he has Decepticles.



Well, at least one of us is gonna be happy.

Lysander, that phrase has automatically turned you into my god.

In other news, just because this movie has Decepticles (Lysander can I give you oral?) doesn't mean I'm going to enjoy it. Part of the POINT is that the damn Transformers get some god damn DEVELOPMENT this time around, unlike you know, the only time they are on screen being the instances when they're either product placing or blowing the fuck out of something.

Although if he can bring himself to pull this sort of shit off, I feel obligated to ask why he had trouble explaining robot genders the first time around. Nobody ever had trouble with it in the cartoon.

Bill Nighy did have one of the best lines in Flushed Away when he said he had "a bum like a Japanese flag."