Movies That are Going to Suck: Part Deux

On MSN, the Transformers movie got a grand total of zero stars in a review.

I can count how many times I've seen that happen on one hand. Lots of movies get one star, or one and a half, but almost never zero. That movie must REALLY suck!

EDIT: Oh, right, here's the link:

[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Oh, shit.

I maintain my desire for this film to actually develop the robots as characters. Unfortunately I am aware that this would cost too much to pull off live action.

In which case, the world isn't READY for Live Action Transformers yet, and should stop begging for films that consist primarily of things exploding and secondarily of human ass.

It's a film about fucking giant robots, not an emotionless bitch called Megan Fox who had ABSO-BLOODY-LUTELY no reason to be in the first film other than for Sam to want a car.

There are a MILLION reasons for a teenager to want a car.

Why does it have to be Megan Fox?

Update on S. Darko: Is there a "Movies That We Said Were Going to Suck and Then, In Fact, Sucked" thread?

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Why does it have to be Megan Fox?

Because most adults would rather look at a woman with the body of a porn star, than a two hour movie based on a twenty year old, half-hour toy commercial.

And, they're REALLY shameless about it.

I don't know. I just got back from Transformers, and I liked it alright. I wasn't expecting a cinema masterpiece though (Michael Bay, come on), just a lot of explosion/fighting silliness with good special effects. And that's what I got.

I saw Transformers the other night.
I'm sorry, I meant 'Megan Fox's Boobs With Some Robots in the Background'.

It was alright, just another mindless popcorn flick. Also, what was with the twins? Nothing should remind me that much of Jar Jar Binks.

Guys, what? There was way more robot fighting than Megan Fox boobs. At least, I thought so.

fishstickhater wrote:

Also, what was with the twins?

You mean Step & Fetchit?

I mean, Skids & Mudflap?

Delcat wrote:

Update on S. Darko: Is there a "Movies That We Said Were Going to Suck and Then, In Fact, Sucked" thread?

If there isn't, there will be soon enough.

Watching the Avatar trailer has extinguished what little curiosity I had in the film after finding out that it got cast with a bunch of white folk. I'm seriously sick of Shamalan stamping his xXxsUpER HaRdXcOre EDGYxXx trademark on everything he lays his hands on, because sometimes? It's not really appropriate. This is one of those times.

It could have been worse...Uwe Boll could have directed it.

Uwe Boll ruins video game movies, Chris.

I just saw the trailer for the Sherlock Holmes movie coming out this winter. I may be prejudiced due to my adoration for the Jeremy Brett series, but this just doesn't fit with my understanding of Holmes - the action (fighting, boxing, etc and at least one explosion) I can understand, but I cannot imagine Holmes kissing a woman...

I'm a huge Holmes fan. It looks almost like a badly written semi-crack fanfiction. I'm going to try to refrain from judging it based on how much they've deviated from the canon. At the same time, it doesn't look like it's got quite the right tone for a Sherlock Holmes movie. I don't know... that's one I'll have to wait until I see.

This is all just the result of the producers trying to cater to little kids, 13 year old fanboys and stupid people. Still, remember that there ARE good movies out there.

My mom is really looking forward to that Sherlock Holmes movie. I keep warning her that it's going to suck, but does she listen? Nope.

I hate the movie industry right now. It's become so expensive to make movies and each one is such a massive investment that they are only green-lighting sure-fire movies. That's why the box office is flooded with superhero movies and sequels.

Of course, this is ignoring independent movies, but how many of those make it to theaters?

Kirby wrote:

My mom is really looking forward to that Sherlock Holmes movie. I keep warning her that it's going to suck, but does she listen? Nope.

I am looking forward to it, as well. I don't think it will suck.

Anyone seen the preview for Aliens in the Attic? It looks completely stupid. It doesn't help that the aliens look just like the creatures from that '80s horror movie Ghoulies.

Bamshalam wrote:

Watching the Avatar trailer has extinguished what little curiosity I had in the film after finding out that it got cast with a bunch of white folk. I'm seriously sick of Shamalan stamping his xXxsUpER HaRdXcOre EDGYxXx trademark on everything he lays his hands on, because sometimes? It's not really appropriate. This is one of those times.

That movie has fail written all over it.

SokMunkie wrote:

Anyone seen the preview for Aliens in the Attic? It looks completely stupid. It doesn't help that the aliens look just like the creatures from that '80s horror movie Ghoulies.

Just seeing the commercial for that launched me into a diatribe about how just because a movie's for kids doesn't mean it has to be mindless, and then ranting about examples (mostly from Disney) of darker or more mature themes in children's movies.

So yeah, I'm not expecting brilliance.

SokMunkie wrote:

Anyone seen the preview for Aliens in the Attic? It looks completely stupid. It doesn't help that the aliens look just like the creatures from that '80s horror movie Ghoulies.

It looks like a cross between E. T. and Gremlins, with all the wonder sucked out. Thanks, I'll pass.

Seconded. Everything about the promotional poster for that movie screams "SUCKFEST!" in capital letters.

Do narrowly avoided bad ideas count for this thread? Because the casting of Green Lantern certainly qualifies.

Just today, it was announced that Ryan Reynolds had been cast as Hal Jordan. Sounds all right, doesn't it? But there were two other guys Reynolds was competing with. One was Bradley Cooper (He's Just Not That Into You), who, to be fair, would have been a fair choice.

The other was Justin Timberlake. The same Justin Timberlake who WB wanted to cast as either Superman or a gay Jimmy Olsen during the JJ Abrams/McG/Brett Ratner period on Superman Returns.

Thankfully, saner heads (director Martin Campbell and writers Greg Berlanti, Michael Green, and Marc Guggenheim) prevailed and WB was swayed away from repeating one of their worst past mistakes. Why do they keep thinking Timberlake is superhero material?

Justin Timberlake should just stick to singing.

Oh wait, he can't. :lolinsane: