The Greatest Mary-Sue Writer Of All Time

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Yes, it requires that many face-palms.

This may possibly be the big one, everybody.

Let the snarking begin!

Shit, it keeps eating my link. Look up 'MansonDoll' on fanfiction.net. Her writing is absolutely dreadful. Her OCs are Mary Sues named after her, all of her stories are horrendous romance, and she can't stand negative reviews.

MansonDoll

Merry Christmas

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Author has written 11 stories for Batman Begins/Dark Knight, Halloween,
A Nightmare on Elm Street, Schindler's List, Texas Chainsaw Massacre,
Edward Scissorhands, Friday the 13th, and Haunting in Connecticut.

Well this isn't promising.

Author bio:

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My name is Natalie. I am 17 and now a senior in high school.

Bio of one of her characters:

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Name:Ariella[but mostly called Ace]Age:17Personality: Sarcastic, blunt, funny, not scared of anything and veryromantic

I'M SEEING DOUBLE

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Past:
Father is dead, I live with my mother who is a b*itch

WHOA LANGUAGE YOUNG LADY YOUR MOM MIGHT CHECK YOUR HISTORY

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and doesn't like
me because I'm not like all of the preppy cheerleaders.

Looks: black hair with hot pink streaks, midnight blue eyes, tattoo of an angel on left shoulder, and very fit.

Translation: hot topic girl using myspace angles IRL with ballpoint pen doodles on her arms. If you write enough fanfiction portraying yourself as a beautiful, gawffic damsel in distress with a bizarre name all your masturbation fantasies will come true...you just have to believe~

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"Mom, no I won't help you unpack your s*hit

HARDCOREXXX OMG YOU ARIELLA IS SO EDGY

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How can a person go into someone dreams, kill them in their dream, and
they turn up dead in real life? It just doesn't make any sense.

Hey thanks for the recap of shit everyone already knows. Way to think of the hermits and people who have been living under a rock for the last 30 years.

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I was the one that had to organize the living room and kitchen. After hours of pain and sweat, the house is ready to live in.

DEAR DIARY TODAY MOM MADE ME CLEAN MY ROOM UGH
I'LL GET HER BACK. SHE'LL BE SORRY WHEN I GET TO USE THE LIBRARY COMPUTER TOMORROW THAT *SSH*LE!

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"Ariella, when you start school next week, why don't you try out for
the cheerleading squad?" mom asked like I was actually interested in
it. She is the only person that still calls me Ariella. I just ignored
her. She isn't worth my time.

Let's play Spot The Douchebag.
I mean D**ch*b*g.
A mother taking an interest in her child's life? UGH GOD YOU ARE SO BENEATH ME YOU WORM

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"Don't go in the basement. You don't know what's down there."

Ariella Natalie: Foreshadowing is a word I learned in English today, not that I was paying attention or anything. Learning is for preps!

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I found myself in a room filled with pipes.

She's stuck in a Windows screensaver circa 1995! A fate worse than Freddy sex I mean death.

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I walked around the area when I heard screeching noises, like someone grinding metal over a chalkboard.

THERE'S THAT FORESHADOWING AGAIN.

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His skin was burned and he had his glove with blades on his right hand.

Oh hey, thanks again. Because, you know, as you assumed before I don't know jack shit about Freddy Kruger despite the fact he's a movie icon and that someone would find this fic by looking in the Nightmare on Elm Street fanfiction section so they would presumably know at least the basics of this fandom.
Thanks for assuming I'm an idiot. Again.

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"I haven't seen a vulnerable victim on a while" he said, raising his gloved hand up, moving his blades so they made noises.

So just...noise in general then? I'm going to imagine they meowed like newborn kittens. Mew mew mew

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"Are you going to kill me?""No, no I am not. But, I am going
to have some fun with you" he said and grabbed my wrist and pushed his
body against mine. For some reason I felt butterflies in my stomach.

And by butterflies I mean knives.

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"For being young you sure do have a body" Freddy said while looking
down at my breasts. I blushed. What else was I going to do? He was the
first person ever to notice my body like that.

Projection alert #2.

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Of course I am still
scared, but the feeling of lust was bigger.

That's a curious euphemism for a p*nis.

Mmmmmm men with grilled cheese faces get me all hot.

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"Because everyone is taking f*ucking medicine that makes them not have
dreams. You, and your mom, are the only ones that aren't taking them
right now."

I don't.
I.
What.

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"I prefer the teens" he said with a smirk on his burnt lips. His soft
looking lips. Even though they were burnt, they still looked so....

Tender and smelled like a Texas barbecue.

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One thing led to another and a bed had appeared from nowhere and Freddy and I are on it, Freddy on top of me.

OKAY AWKWARD UNDERAGE SEX TIME WHAT

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"So how was that?" he asked."Good. I think this has to be the best dream ever""Yea, this beats killing for sure.

I can change hiiiiim!

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"Ok, only on one condition" I said."And what's that?""Kill my mom when you're in the real world. I'm sick of her. She is making me crazy"

SPEAKING OF CRAZY: YOU.

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"Oh, don't worry, I will always be with you, even if you don't know it"

And then Natalie Ariella and Edward Freddy lived happy ever after.

Nice find, bro.

"I prefer the teens" he said with a smirk on his burnt lips. His soft looking lips. Even though they were burnt, they still looked so...."

Here's a good little bit from 'The Beginning Of The End'.

His lips looked soft, but yet burnt? WTF? I'm thinking since he's toasted, they had to be crispy like potato chips. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Moving to a new city is one thing, but moving to a new state is an even bigger thing. But for me, it's not something good. Sure I only had one friend back at my old place, but I never wanted to leave.

We had the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood. Sure more than half of the people in the high school I went to thought I was a freak, I was still fine with being there.

As an 18 year old girl, half way through senior year already, I am able to take care of myself. I tried telling that to my parents, letting me just stay, but that didn't work well.

The only reason why we are moving to....ew....Springwood, is because both my mom and dad are some special type of doctors, and apparently there is a huge crisis going on in Springwood and they need all of the certain type of doctors help they can get.

"Mom, dad, are we almost there?" I asked for probably the hundredth time.

Very good characterization. You've established vividly that your eighteen-year-old character is intellectually ("my mom and dad are some special type of doctors"?) and emotionally about half that.

Actually, Freddy really preferred little girls under 10 because he was a child molester as well as a pervert. It was just that by the time he got back the kids of Elm Street had suitably aged so that they had great bodies and Freddy's not a guy to give up killing just because the kids of the people who killed him have now got breasts.

Freddy didn't thrive on lust, he thrived on fear, There is NOTHING redeemable about him. Hell, even in Freddy vs Jason, you were supposed to root for Jason.

What're they doctors of? What's their doctorate in? Oh, I know! Astrology!

The thing about these horror movie villains is that you CANNOT change them. YOU need to have the HELLUVA good understanding of them to create a character that they will not instinctively kill.

Freddy Krueger killed and molested children WHEN HE WAS ALIVE. I can't think why anybody would WANT to get it down with him.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Actually, Freddy really preferred little girls under 10 because he was a child molester as well as a pervert.

Child molester = pervert, bee tee dub.

Picky, picky, picky.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Freddy Krueger( not sure how to spell his name)... WHY would ANYONE want him.

Robert Englund isn't exactly a looker either. And he's pretty short. And with the burn makeup, well, you get the idea. Why would anybody want him to want them?

At least you can pretend that Jason is a muscly hunk from the neck down, plus all the reasons you feel sorry for him. But Freddy doesn't even have the sympathy factor going for him.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

At least you can pretend that Jason is a muscly hunk from the neck down, plus all the reasons you feel sorry for him.

I guess that's why there ARE a few Jason x OC/self inserts/Mary Sues floating around. It' son the imagination of the person who perceives the character... Now, on to who the fuck is warped enough to want Freddy, they need to do us ALL a favor and take a rope and end their sick and twisted thoughts.

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Because everyone is taking f*ucking medicine that makes them not have
dreams

Viagra does not work that way.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Robert Englund isn't exactly a looker either. And he's pretty short.

I keep reading the above quote but all I keep seeing is[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.].

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Robert Englund isn't exactly a looker either. And he's pretty short. And with the burn makeup, well, you get the idea. Why would anybody want him to want them?

Robert Englund has been married 3 times, so someone out there wants him. I imagine there are more than a few women who wouldn't mind being the 4th or 5th Mrs. Englund, whether he's a looker or not.

Malganis wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Robert Englund isn't exactly a looker either. And he's pretty short.

I keep reading the above quote but all I keep seeing is[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.].

I knew somebody would.

AhLawdy wrote:

Shit, it keeps eating my link.

I think guests cannot post them due to spambot issues?

Knorg wrote:

AhLawdy wrote:

Shit, it keeps eating my link.

I think guests cannot post them due to spambot issues?

Correct.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote: At least you can pretend that Jason is a muscly hunk from the neck down

MansonDoll also posted 2 Jason stories and a Friday the 13th crossover. All of which are ridiculously terrible.

Snark party, anyone?

Good idea.

*gets right on it*

Don't Fear The Reaper

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good summary coming soon. JasonxOC

How many times do I have to say it? If you can't even write a summary, why should I believe you can write a fanfic?

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My heart is racing as fast as it can without it exploding. The adrenaline rushing through my body is at an all-time high as I made my legs move as fast as they could through the forest.

This confusion of past and present tense will continue throughout the fic. As will the absolutely PATHETIC attempts to use similes and metaphors.

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I woke up in an unfamiliar place.

Jason was chasing you, he caught up and you WOKE UP? Sue Alert!

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The smell of decaying bodies filled the air, making me not want to breath.

Good. Please stop right now. And it's BREATHE, by the way.

Unfortunately they DON'T STOP. They continue into the second chapter.

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I also notice that I am on a bed. Oh god, please tell me that this killer dude isn't a perv. I looked down at my clothes to see that they are still in place. If a killer was going to rape me and keep me tied up, I really don't think that they would put my clothes back on.I also didn't feel any different 'down there'.

"Yes, my feet felt just fine."

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Now, you may wonder what I'm doing in this situation. Well, it all started out as a camping trip to get away from everything. College has been stressful, and I have always loved camping, and when I heard about this camp-sight being 'haunted', of course I had to come check it out.People aren't supposed to go here, but I'm 19 and wanted to have more fun, so I came here to camp. All you have to do is climb over a fence and you're in.All the cabins were unlocked, so I chose the cleanest one, which wasn't all that clean actually. But it was better than nothing, because my tent wasn't that big.But I packed enough food, water, and clothes to last me two weeks, as well as all the bathroom stuff that I need.But when I went into the woods to get some firewood, that's when everything got worse.

This actually comes near the end of the second chapter. It would have been infinitely better suited in the first chapter.

So, this girl came to camp ALONE. She brought enough food to last two weeks, but she didn't bring a big enough tent. Despite the fact that she claims to be an experienced camper she couldn't spend the night in the small tent so she had to use a cabin. You know, those cabins that look like a small whirlwind hit them.

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I can still feel my head bleeding. Spots scattered my vision as I tried to stay conscious from the painful head wound that is telling my body to black out.

Your fic is telling my BRAIN to black out.

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~2 Days Later~
The smell of burning wood filled my lungs as I opened my eyes. I don't know where I am, how I got here, or how long I was out. But I do know that my head still hurts like a b*itch.

If you're going to rate the fic M, you have the right to curse in it. Dumbass.

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I realize that I am in the same place that I was when I had blacked out. It felt like I was asleep forever. But how long had it really been? A few minutes? Hours? Days? Who knows.

Why don't you ask the reader? You just told us it was two days, idiot. If you want us to be unsure about how long you were out, DON'T TELL US HOW LONG YOU WERE OUT.

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Everything looks the same, but there is one thing missing. A pretty big, scary thing missing. The Scary Man.

He hasn't shown up in this fic much at all, in fact. He hasn't even been named. Hell, the goddamn location hasn't been named. If it wasn't in the Friday 13th location it could be just about any serial killer. You heard stories about the woods being haunted but you didn't know the name of Camp Crystal Lake's most infamous resident?

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The bed creaked as I moved into a more comfortable position, learning to deal with the pain that my head is causing me.

LEARNING to deal with physical pain? My head is hurting just trying to snark the boringness of this fic.

Has anyone left a review on any of her fics yet? I'm about to drop a bomb on her, LOL.

And even though it says on her profile that doesn't update very much, some of her friends (including her clingy-as-hell bestie) reside on DeviantArt. I imagine leaving a link to this forum on her buddy's page will really stir some shit.

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I also notice that I am on a bed. Oh god, please tell me that this killer dude isn't a perv. I looked down at my clothes to see that they are still in place. If a killer was going to rape me and keep me tied up, I really don't think that they would put my clothes back on.I also didn't feel any different 'down there'.

Ok, In all honesty I must say I didn't read the actual fic, but...isn't this part WEIRD?

Oh god, I'm kidnapped by a killer. I really hope he's not a perv. Since, you know, I might have a nice cup of tea with him otherwise, turn him away from being a killer, discuss a little Twilight with him. But only if he's not a perv. I can't stand pervy killers. I mean, I don't mind being killed, but not by a PERVY killer.

For fuck's sake, isn't him being a killer scary enough?

Well, if you were about to be killed, wouldn't you rather be not raped first?

AhLawdy wrote:

Has anyone left a review on any of her fics yet? I'm about to drop a bomb on her, LOL.

Will it be in the form of a freestyle rap? I could help you drop a bomb on this crazy bitch as I'm pretty sick with droppin' bombs. WUDDIT DO?

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I imagine leaving a link to this forum on her buddy's page will really stir some shit.

Oh, I'm not too sure if that would be wise. I don't exactly know about Nihilist's advertising protocol but having the link to this board posted on a random fanbrat's DevArt might just cause unneeded annoyance on here more than anything. Not that I'm the WGW-police or anything [], just putting that out there.

So this is the review I left for the fanbrat's story 'Beginning Of The End':


What...The...Fuck?!

"Past: Father is dead, I live with my mother who is a b*itch and doesn't like me because I'm not like all of the preppy cheerleaders."

Uh-oh, somebody call the WHAAAbulance! Be happy you have a mother who keeps a roof over your head and food stocked in the cabinet. My mom is dead and you never saw see me bitching about something as simple as having to "help unpack her shit."

"Personality: Sarcastic, blunt, funny, not scared of anything and very romantic

Looks: black hair with hot pink streaks, midnight blue eyes, tattoo of an angel on left shoulder, and very fit."

Oh shit. Here we go. A perfect Mary Sue who's so bad-ass and hot, but no one but Freddy would notice.

"For being young you sure do have a body" Freddy said while looking down at my breasts. I blushed. What else was I going to do? He was the first person ever to notice my body like that. Of course I am still scared, but the feeling of lust was bigger. Having our bodies this close is making my hormones go crazy."

Yes, the feeling of lust ALWAYS outweighs the feeling of terror when a child molester/serial killer gets his hands on you. Right.

"You are the only person that can help me escape from this hell hole"

Of course! Ariella is so special that ONLY SHE can save Freddy from the nightmare he so thoroughly hates. Yeah, he doesn't like killing and causing people pain at all.

"I prefer the teens" he said with a smirk on his burnt lips. His soft looking lips. Even though they were burnt, they still looked so..."

Like what? Well-done Barbecue? Yeah. You WOULD kiss that.

"I'm not afraid of doing this. It's a dream, right? Nothing bad can happen. We reached our peaks and Freddy pulled out and layed down on the bed next to me.
"So how was that?" he asked. "Good. I think this has to be the best dream ever" "Yea, this beats killing for sure. But get up. Get dressed. I still need your help."

Whoopee! You changed the Springwood killer, you're a fucking hero. We can all sleep safely once again. And now you get to go help him enter the real world that is tainted with Mary Sues such as yourself. Let's see how long it takes him to realize this and take his ass back to Hell.

"Kill my mom when you're in the real world. I'm sick of her. She is making me crazy"

*Face-palm* Goddammit, I HATE kids like you. Yeah, you're mother is SO terrible. She didn't give you up when you were born. You're alive and well, and supposedly in good shape for your age. Of course, that would make ANY teen crazy. Ungrateful bitch. If she knew how you'd act when you grew up she would have given herself an abortion with a fucking coathanger.


"Oh, don't worry, I will always be with you, even if you don't know it"

Yep! In your heart, kiddo, hur-hur.


Worst. Fic. EVER.

PLEASE stop writing. I may get my sight back in 3 days, if I'm lucky. These stories are an insult to the Nightmare On Elm Street fandom and a waste of space. I guess you don't realize that the people who leave positive reviews on this story have no more than a third grade reading level. Either that or they don't have the balls to tell you how much this story sucks.


Anyone else going to leave a review? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Does this writer have any idea how many times Freddy came back from hell for the sole purpose of killing kids? He's even less likely to be changed by love than Jason.

And good god, I can't BELIEVE that she wanted Freddy to kill her mom just because they don't get along because she's not a preppy cheerleader.

I get the most powerful feeling that the personality of this girl is what she thinks she's like. Looks are more difficult to decide but at the least it's what she WANTS to look like.

With this little imagination I expect she DOES dislike her mom for some petty reason.

And finally - she's very fit but the perverted psycho Freddy Krueger is the first person who ever noticed? Even the movies had the guts to have the sexy lead female noticed by other guys as well as Freddy. I thought this writer didn't LIKE perverts.

Incidentally, when Freddy molested kids, he always killed thim afterwards (or tried).