I would like to present one of the greatest, most underrated classics of all time:

Take it away, maestro.

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This may just be the best day of Eddie Blake’s life.

He'd finally known the touch of a woman.

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The worst so far was a year ago, eye blackened by a paternal fist, finding out that the pale raven-haired beauty in the other class he’s been crushing on for weeks was really a boy.

Why there are heartaches, why there are tears
And what to do to stop feeling blue
When love disappears

I know all there is to know about the crying game
I've had my share of the crying game

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Yesterday had been bad too; finding out his best friend – Jiraiya - won’t be on the same genin team.

There is nothing wrong with your eyesight. Do not adjust your screen resolution. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery of "Who Watches The Ninja?"

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They made it. Eddie is going to be a ninja. He’s going to kick butt and take names. He’s gonna have girls all over him, make a name for himself. He’s going to make enough money to move him and his mother out of his asshole father’s house.

And all the ramen he can eat.

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Rolf Muller is the Juggernaut,

BITCH!

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unstoppable once he gets his momentum going, all burly muscles and anger. He’s also a faggot.

Nelson Gardner has no battle name. Eddie comes up with a lot of names for him, but none of them ever stick. Again, Nelly has no use for women.

He's too pretty for all of them.

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Hollis Mason is Night Owl. He’s created some crazy jutsu – one that lets him see in pitch darkness, one that lets him map out an area using echolocation. The owl part comes from his owl summons.

I'm glad the author clarified, because with a name like that and echolocation powers I thought maybe he summoned dolphins.

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Sally Jupiter is known as the Silken Spectre for her uncanny genjutsu and silent grace over the battlefield.

Her negligees were just a bonus.

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Eddie Blake is known as the Laughing Death, because he laughs as he fights and kills and burns his way through the enemy lines.

He hates it. It’s a stupid name.

But it has a certain j'ne sais quoi.

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They’ve been sleeping together for maybe three months when Sally tells him about her rape fantasies.

Oh, fuck.

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He knows he’s a monster, has thought about doing… it, only female enemies, just a little extra victory, yeah? But a thought stopped him all those times when he could’ve, same one that has for years. Sally wouldn’t like this. And he’s been trying to start something with her for so long that her opinion mattered. So he didn’t.

Sally wouldn’t like me to rape women, but she wants me to rape her.

God, they’re both sick in the head.

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They’ll do it carefully, plot out what’s going to happen together, even a little research, determine safe words to say if it gets to be too much. She wants to do it outdoors, he insists on inside behind a locked door. They can be exhibitionists the normal way later, without adding in loud S&M role-play sex to the pile.

Four days to go, and they’re both getting excited about it. The sex is wilder, better than before, the anticipation is delicious.

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He grabs her by her long chestnut hair and drags her to the bed so she doesn’t cut herself on the broken glass. Sally flops limply onto
the covers, still struggling weakly. He reaches for his belt, as she whimpers,

“Oh. Oh no, Eddie don’t…” But she hasn’t said her safe word, hasn’t said ‘garden’ so he keeps going.

“Sally? Sally, what’s…” A third voice intrudes, trailing off in astonishment.

Hollis Mason stands in the doorway, eyes wide before they narrow in hate. “You vicious little sonuva...” And then he’s there, dragging
Eddie off Sally, who stares at both of them in shock.

“Hey, hey! She asked for it!” The ninja gives an inarticulate scream of rage.

Hollis’ fist hits Eddie square in the nose and Eddie gasps out “crossbow”, because damn it, role-play time is over. Hollis doesn’t know, that this is consensual, has no idea Eddie and Sally are together, and so has dropped the yellow roses meant for the battered woman in the other room, his fists pummeling into the stockier man’s face.

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And then there's pregnancy, and a miscarriage, and the author says she plans to continue it through two other parts after she finishes this one.

Mmm. Was it good for you, too?

Hollis
Mason is Night Owl. He’s created some crazy jutsu – one that lets him
see in pitch darkness, one that lets him map out an area using
echolocation. The owl part comes from his owl summons.

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I'm glad the author clarified, because with a name like that and echolocation powers I thought maybe he summoned dolphins.

This made me sporfle.

So the author's turned all the members of the Watchmen into ninjas? Is there an explanation given, or is it the result of too much Jolt Cola and pixie stix?

Rabid Badger wrote:

So the author's turned all the members of the Watchmen into ninjas? Is there an explanation given, or is it the result of too much Jolt Cola and pixie stix?

Author of Doom: Rin wrote:

After watching and reading Watchmen, I couldn't help myself, and started thinking of crossover ideas for Watchmen and Naruto. A single thought occurred to me. Wouldn't the characters of Watchmen, particularly Rorschach and the Comedian, have been better off for being rewarded for their work? Where wearing masks is commonplace and fights are expected? Where bad tempers are trained to constructive purposes and children can leave their families and be considered adults at the age of twelve if they become ninja?

Do not fight the batshit. Let it flow through you, guide you. Only then can you become one with the internet.

...You know, when I started reading this, I was like, "WTF? Is this Watchmen fanfic?" because it was Watchmen in name only.

And then I realized, with a sinking heart, that yes. Yes it was.

Love the cum graphic, BTW.

Good snarking, Ayezur! Y'all still got it!

Malganis wrote:

Love the cum graphic, BTW.

[Sing-song voice]I know where she got it from... but I'd never tell.[/Sing-Song voice].

Knorg wrote:

Good snarking, Ayezur! Y'all still got it!

Malganis wrote:

Love the cum graphic, BTW.

[Sing-song voice]I know where she got it from... but I'd never tell.[/Sing-Song voice].

That reminds me, Knorg. I thought you should know... that night... there's a child.

I've named him Mordecai.

I'm not asking for anything, but he should know who his father is.

Tell 'im "It was Jair!".

Knorg wrote:

Tell 'im "It was Jair!".

That isn't funny, Knorg. He's your son. Don't you feel any responsibility?

Nope.

Knorg,
Deadbeat Dad.

The paralegal should be delivering the papers shortly. I'll get my child support out of you, one way or another.

"I shaved my beard for you devil woman!"

Whatever. Tell it to the judge.