I love Star Wars. Its story, its characters, its movies (More the original Trilogy than the Prequel Trilogy, pretending the Holiday Special never happened) and its few spin-offs.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars, isn't a bad series, once you get past the majority of plotholes, awkward voice-acting, unnecessary characters (I'm looking at you, Ziro the Hutt), and downplayed writing, but after that, the series is decent. I've no qualms with it, I especially like how the art-style is meant to be based off the Genndy Tartakovsky animated mini-series.
But then there's Two Worlds, One Family, a story that has no promise of sounding any better than a Phil Collin's song off the same name.
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- Anakin and Anya Skywalker. Children of Shmi Skywalker.
Oh yeah, there also happens to be a
Sueicus siblinicus canonica in this mess.
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- The children didn't have a father or any form of a father. Anakin was nine and Anya was five. They were all slaves on Tatooine.
This is the only point of the story that has any form of relation to the canon. Savor it.
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- Anakin was a repair man. He fixed pod racers and other kinds of ships. Anya stayed in the shop to clean and keep dust off of parts.
Not even past the first paragraph and we're already running headfirst into continuity problems.
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- One morning before her and Anakin had to check in at the shop, Anakin was in the kitchen helping his mother. Anya in her baby blue pajamas, ran into the kitchen screaming "Ani! Ani! Ani!"
"What is it Anya?" Anakin turned around. His long shaggy blonde hair swished as he spun around.
"I just wanted to say I wove you!"
Anakin: What'd you weave for me? A basket to hold all my tools? A sweater, even though it isn't necessary on a hot barren desert planet?
Anya: No, I'm saying I hate and detest you for what you will do in the future. I can't pwonounce pwoper l's, and r's wight.
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- Her nine year old boy was acting more like a father than a brother.
In light of the few news articles on GodAwful News, I'm not going to say anything.
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- Anakin was a form of a father to Anya. All Anya had was her mom and brother.
Hurr durr thanks for telling what we already know, author.
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- "Ani? Why won't you put a smile on your face for your sister?" Shmi whispered. Anakin glanced over at Anya, who had stuffed her mouth with pancake. Her cheeked bulged, looking like a chipmunk.
Sweet Optimus Christ, this story is more bubbly than Teletubbies!
We then cut to two weeks later where Obi-Wan appears with startling news...
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- "My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi. I'm here to pick up Anakin Skywalker," Anakin got up from his Pod Racer and walked over the man.
Shmi: Ani! Your space-soccer coach is here to pick you up!
Anakin: One second! I can't find a pair of socks that are still clean!
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- "I sense that you have midi-chlorines in your blood steam,"
How Obi-Wan knew that without a proper Midichlorian count, let along a valid blood sample is probably the biggest of all plot-holes in this story.
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- "Ani, who's that?" "I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi, I'm Anakin's Jedi Master. I'm here to take him Corosaunt…"
That’s a bit presumptuous, don’t you think?
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- "You're taking him?" Shmi seemed shocked. Obi-Wan nodded.
"It's ok, mom. I've been wanting to meet and actually be a Jedi," Anakin walked out of the room to go and pack his things.
I get the feeling the author has never watched any of the movies. Which probably explains why I found this in The Clone Wars section of the Pit and not the movie section. Then again, canon is canon and there’s no excuse for this level of ignorance.
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- "Oh no, young one, over there," Obi-Wan pointed to the passenger seat. Anakin grunted,
Anakin: Too late. Marked my territory.
And of course the worst part this is chapter 1 of 11. It’s still ongoing, from what I can tell, and it’s all just as bad.