Godawful fucking levels

I'm sure all of you have played games; awesome video games that have you physically yearning for more gameplay or plot development like sparkling vampires yearn for virginal blood. And I'm sure that all of you have come to levels in those games that infuriate the fuck out of you because it keeps you from getting forward.

Right now, I'm playing Cave Story. I've already beaten it once and decided to try it again to get the good ending. However, I was completely unaware that achieving the good ending meant that I'd have to trudge through the bloody spike-encrusted, acid ceiling-dripping, enemy-infested fucking Final Cave.

Fuck the fucking Final Cave.

After having to meticulously dodge spikes on every other fucking surface there is to land on, as well as dripping acid and bats and power critters and lava pools,

Spoiler:

And. AND. As if that isn't enough,

Spoiler:

I started this topic that we may all seethe in bloody-teared rage at our various gaming woes, because no one should have to suffer alone. Other than the goddamn Water Temples that helped give this board a name, what else have you guys fought through?

I know this gets mentioned all over the internet but what the fuck is with the fucking Temple in Phantom Hourglass? It's bad enough I have to go in there every damn time I need to advance the game but to make me go through thewhole fucking thing again and again and again... that just isn't right. It just isn't right.

If you can't think of a better way to pad out a game then maybe you should find a new job.

From Psychonauts. Everyone who's played the game automatically knows what the rest of this post is about. Oh yeah, it's really that bad.

The Meat Circus.

It looks even worse than the mental image that name conjures up. Giant slabs of bloody meat hang everywhere. Horribly mangled and deformed rabbits come shooting out of sausage grinders to attack you. Every so often a ghostly face and hands will appear and call out your name in a chilling manner. But I'd think all that was kinda cool... if the level were designed well otherwise.

There's an escort mission. The platforming is several orders of magnitude more difficult than anywhere else in the entire game (and considering the asylum climb right before it had some pretty hairy sections, that's saying a lot). It's never immediately clear where you're supposed to be going or how you're supposed to accomplish your goals. There's a four-part boss fight, no part of which is really much fun. It taunts you by being the last level of the game, so even if you hate it you feel you have to slog through it to get the liquor and whores of victory. And just to add insult to injury? If you lose all your lives trying to beat the boss (common, the second part is hair-tearingly frustrating platform climbing on tiny platforms while the boss takes potshots at you and swiftly rising insta-kill water to greet you if you slow down), you get to do the whole level aaaaaaaaall over again.

Put simply, if you asked somebody to make a level of a platforming game guaranteed to piss off as many people as possible, you'd probably get something similar to the Meat Circus.

Damn, am I the only person who didn't think the Meat Circus was all that bad?

DarthDarthington wrote:

Damn, am I the only person who didn't think the Meat Circus was all that bad?

No.

The obstacle course was the only part that was TOTAL BULLSHIT. That level rocked for the music and atmosphere alone.

The final planet in Metroid Prime 3 was bad less because it was ridiculously difficult and more because it was anti-climatic. Oh, infinite HyperMode, fall to center of Phazon blob planet, wee...

FUCKING LAME! And the final boss was disappointingly weak if you weren't on HyperMode difficulty.

I don't know if the Thunder Plains from FFX counts as a level, since it was more of an area, but it was tedious. The monsters were more pesky than usual and you were getting struck by lightning at totally random intervals, regardless of your distance from the giant lightning rods. The only more annoying than getting through that area once, was coming back to dodge 200 straight lightning bolts to unlock Lulu's legendary weapon. Sorry, sugar tits, you're just going to have to use the beefed up cactus doll I put together.

Also, if multiplayer maps count as levels, fuck Highground from Halo 3. Just fuck it. Nothing good has ever come from that level EVER!

Mafiosa wrote:

DarthDarthington wrote:

Damn, am I the only person who didn't think the Meat Circus was all that bad?

The obstacle course was the only part that was TOTAL BULLSHIT. That level rocked for the music and atmosphere alone.

I didn't have a problem with the obstacle course except for the unexpected memorisation and the twisty ladder, but the escort mission was pain incarnate and almost made me give up on the game. Stupid kid always headed straight for the meat abominations, and because of the level design you'd always be playing catch-up.

R-Type's level 3 is vicious. Not only does it constantly throw enemies at you from odd places (unlike the first two levels, which only did it sometimes), but it introduces barriers which must be shot at and destroyed unless you want to crash and die. There's a point I haven't got past where they fill the screen entirely and (I think) you have to clear a path by shooting your mobile shield pod backwards. To do that you have to fire it forward, leaving yourself unprotected, and then fly past it so it reattaches itself to the rear of your ship. It's something that sees some use in the second level, but everything wasn't trying to kill you then.

I know arcade shooters aren't supposed to be easy. It's the sudden spike in difficulty that makes it suck.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

The only more annoying than getting through that area once, was coming back to dodge 200 straight lightning bolts to unlock Lulu's legendary weapon.

Rather that than the butterfly minigame. The chocobo racing is often said to be the worst, but Tidus and his Caladbolg are better than Kimahri and his Spirit Lance and the race isn't too hard if the RNG is kind enough to give you the race with the run of easy balloons before the first corner.

It took me an hour and a half STRAIGHT to get the stupid fucking sword for Tidus. An hour in, I got 0:0.0 EXACT and then it was like LOL YOU HAVE TO GET BETTER THAN THAT and I about cried.

Fuck FFX and it's ultimate weapons with the business end of a rake. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Also, Atlantica in KH and KH2 can jump off a cliff in flames.

Kitbug wrote:

An hour in, I got 0:0.0 EXACT and then it was like LOL YOU HAVE TO GET BETTER THAN THAT

And then you'll never know until you actually get the Sigil, because the timer can't do negative numbers! ...Yeah, that is cruel.

KH2 - Final boss and the BUTTON MASHING. OH LORD, THE BUTTON MASHING.

And all water levels. I can't stand water levels!

Mafiosa wrote:

DarthDarthington wrote:

Damn, am I the only person who didn't think the Meat Circus was all that bad?

No.

The obstacle course was the only part that was TOTAL BULLSHIT. That level rocked for the music and atmosphere alone.

Yep. My favorite part about the obstacle course was the part where you needed to do new moves that they didn't tell you how to do and just sort of assumed that Shift+ctrl+p to use the trapeze just right would come naturally to you.

Bamshalam wrote:

Fuck the fucking Final Cave.

Wait 'til you manage to get to the final final level, the Sanctuary (a.k.a. Hell).

To this day I have not completed it.

The Sanctuary makes the Final Cave look like Curious George Learns Phonics.

I am not overestimating its difficulty.

I second and third Kitbug and Mikey on Final Fantasy X's various Sigil sidequests.

God damn it that's the second time I agreed with Mikey about something.

Nthing the fucking Sigil sidequests in FFX - Lulu's Thunder Plains dealie can go fuck itself with a broom. I once got 198 in a row, and then crashed and burned.

I think there's still a dent in my bookcase where the controller hit it.


What else...? Can I nominate Dark Cloud's dungeons in general? Randomly generated, random silly restrictions on you (weapons break faster, water runs out faster, OH BY THE WAY YOU HAVE TO USE THE FUCKING CAT FOR THIS LEVEL FUCK YOU VERY MUCH) endless stream of stupid monsters and you often have to kill ever single damned one of them to get the stupid key... The fact that your weapons actually disappeared once you broke them really took the cake - imagine spending hours upon hours levelling a weapon up and then running out of repair-materials.

I got to the minotaur in one of the later dungeons, and just gave up, because there was simply nothing about the game that was remotely fun any more.


Also, the big crystal thingamajig section in Giruvegan in FFXII - teleports, crazy strong monsters, extreme difficulty in telling whether you'd gotten to a new place, or had just been transported back to the same place you started. It was just... argh.

Any and all boss levels in New Super Mario Brothers Wii when there are more that 1 player.

What is a mild test of a skilled player rapidly becomes a deathfest especially when two players try to be in the same spot, by comparison the bosses themselves are easy and that is saying something.

Rainy hinted at it. Every Water Temple ever. Especially the Majora's Mask version, where you had to spend hours fucking around with the direction water was flowing in. But particularly the Twilight Princess level, where you spent hours FUCKING AROUND WITH THE DIRECTION WATER WAS FLOWING IN!

But the worst was the Ocarina of Time Water Temple, where you spent hours FUCKING AROUND WITH WATER LEVELS and you could actually make the game unbeatable by using a Small Key on the wrong door. Doing so would prevent you from obtaining a key that was behind the locked door you SHOULD have unlocked first, but now you can't unlock the door to get that key BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO KEYS!

CAPS LOCK RAEG!!!!!

See, the water level in Link to the Past wasn't that bad at all. The Ice level, though? FILLED ME WITH RAGE.

I'm in complete agreement with the FFX bullshit, though. Fuck the thunder fields.

Megaman X7's fire stage: the Lava Factory.

That entire stage is a hellish gauntlet of suffering, misery and death, even in Game Plus Mode.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention trying to rescue the reploids in Megaman X7. "Friendly Fire" is active in X7, so ONE STRAY BULLET from your arm cannon OR your enemies can and will kill the helpless bastards.

GUESS HOW MANY TIMES I HAD TO REPEAT THE "AIR FORCES" STAGE.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Rainy hinted at it. Every Water Temple ever. Especially the Majora's Mask version, where you had to spend hours fucking around with the direction water was flowing in. But particularly the Twilight Princess level, where you spent hours FUCKING AROUND WITH THE DIRECTION WATER WAS FLOWING IN!

But the worst was the Ocarina of Time Water Temple, where you spent hours FUCKING AROUND WITH WATER LEVELS and you could actually make the game unbeatable by using a Small Key on the wrong door. Doing so would prevent you from obtaining a key that was behind the locked door you SHOULD have unlocked first, but now you can't unlock the door to get that key BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO KEYS!

CAPS LOCK RAEG!!!!!

Am I the only one who has no problem with the Majora's Mask and Ocarina of Time water temples?

Twilight Princess's fucked me over, though. Either I made it unwinnable or at the least, made it extremely difficult to correct my mistake. Difficult enough that, even after consulting the official guide, I still couldn't figure out how to fix things. Had to restart the damn game.

Sparrow wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Rainy hinted at it. Every Water Temple ever. Especially the Majora's Mask version, where you had to spend hours fucking around with the direction water was flowing in. But particularly the Twilight Princess level, where you spent hours FUCKING AROUND WITH THE DIRECTION WATER WAS FLOWING IN!

But the worst was the Ocarina of Time Water Temple, where you spent hours FUCKING AROUND WITH WATER LEVELS and you could actually make the game unbeatable by using a Small Key on the wrong door. Doing so would prevent you from obtaining a key that was behind the locked door you SHOULD have unlocked first, but now you can't unlock the door to get that key BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO KEYS!

CAPS LOCK RAEG!!!!!

Am I the only one who has no problem with the Majora's Mask and Ocarina of Time water temples?

Twilight Princess's fucked me over, though. Either I made it unwinnable or at the least, made it extremely difficult to correct my mistake. Difficult enough that, even after consulting the official guide, I still couldn't figure out how to fix things. Had to restart the damn game.

I thought the Twilight Princess one was full of hand holding and ridiculous straightforwardness. Majora's Mask was just sort of annoying, but the cool swimming controls helped.

The part I got stuck on in OOT: Swimming under that platform where there is a passage no one tells you about.

Mafi wrote:

The part I got stuck on in OOT: Swimming under that platform where there is a passage no one tells you about.

Yeah, that took me half an hour to figure out.

And I didn't have any REAL BAD problems with any of them. I just got turned around all over the place and took forever to get past them.

Sparrow wrote:

Am I the only one who has no problem with the Majora's Mask and Ocarina of Time water temples?

Didn't play Majora's Mask, but the Water Temple in Ocarina never seemed as difficult as people make it out to be. Of course, it's possible I went for the strategy guide before I got to the pulling-out-hair stage...

Now, the Shadow Temple from Ocarina, that's an entirely different kettle of fish. I first played the game on a TV with a contrast problem, so everything was several shades darker than it was supposed to be. This wasn't a problem until I hit the Shadow Temple, which is, obviously, the darkest place in the game. I got stuck because I couldn't see the tiny little ledge you were supposed to walk on to reach the next area. Link fell into a lot of pits in that temple.

Raine wrote:

KH2 - Final boss and the BUTTON MASHING. OH LORD, THE BUTTON MASHING.

And all water levels. I can't stand water levels!

"GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BAA-AACK!"

"GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BAA-AACK!"

"GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BAA-AACK!"

Any level where you're not slaughtering the dick-bearers in biblical numbers has me stymied. Why can't I shoot Irquois Pilskin? He isn't helping kill the malxxles, so he must be put down.

Waffles wrote:

Any level where you're not slaughtering the dick-bearers in biblical numbers has me stymied. Why can't I shoot Irquois Pilskin? He isn't helping kill the malxxles, so he must be put down.

Hey tit-creature, look up Dominus Predator Sim. You'll love it!!! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I love MGS4, but I seriously spent an hour trying to figure out how the hell to get to Naomi.

... I mean, I got about ten bajillion points off of it, but damn that was an unintuitive secret passage. D: