NOTE:
Yeah, I'm not entirely sure what happened here, guys. I am just incredibly silly tonight for some reason. Hopefully it's not too stupid. And if it is, ~*fuck you it's my birthday [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] *~BWAHAHAHA! Welcome, ladies and
ghouls, to the Halloween
spooktacular! We're going to have a...a...what is that word...ah,
boohaha, I see, because it is a comical play on words, that will make you
scream with...with...D...D-E...aw hell guys, I'm sorry, these Cryptkeeper cue cards I got on eBay have fake blood all over 'em...at least, I hope that's fake. Crap, I can't read one word out of five on these! How the hell am I supposed to make charming PG-horror-based puns now? I'm sorry, guys, I am so embarrassed. I guess I'll just have to snark this fic freestyle, as usual. I know you were really looking forward to the clever wordplay, too, and I went ahead and bought all these fake spiders and fog machines and male prostitutes and...I'm sorry, I just...roll fic. Just roll fic. It's ruined now, just go. And one of you prostitutes, get me a popcorn ball and some vodka, I'm not paying you seven-fifty an hour to sit there and look pretty!
Our, uh...g...
goulash delight tonight is a
sprited Halloween fic called
Our Halloween, in which Vincent and Cloud have
freezy fun and...no, I really can't read these at all, sorry. It also won a Halloween fic competition at a fanfiction archive so popular and influential that it no longer exists. Anyway, it starts out with the full lyrics to
This Is Halloween from The Nightmare Before Christmas, which I will spare you, except for the two lines that the author "tweaked a bit to better flow with the story":
- Quote :
- Our man Vincent will take what is succulent Everyone hail to the vampire king now!
In this town we call home
Everyone hail to the vampire song
Cloud: ...I'm a cactus?
Vincent: ...I'm not a vampire.
Cloud: No no no, that's not your line! Remember?
Vincent: ...this is degrading enough already.
Cloud: C'mooooooon, pleeeeeeease?
Vincent: ..*sigh* "Your hair is certainly spiky enough."
Cloud: THANK YOU FOLKS WE'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT
- Quote :
- The cold smoggy air filled ungodly lungs as Vincent relished the evening breeze. The gloomy city of Midgar was his territory, and he loved every Mako lit corner of it.
Cid: Vinceeeeent, you don't have to put on that Mako light! Those days are over, you don't have to sell your body to the night! Vincent, you don't have to wear that dress tonight! Walk the streets for money, you don't care if it's wrong or if it is right!
Vincent: Cid, just how drunk are you?
Cid: The answer is very drunk, babe.
- Quote :
- Who could resist living under the rule of the vampire king?
A dark chuckle escaped the pale thin lips as he watched the last bloody ray of the sun disappear behind the eternal darkness of the horizon. He needed to feed tonight if he was going to enjoy the rest of this beautifully dark holiday. Ah, Halloween, the day for all of the aphotic beings to be worshiped and adored.
...apothic...apothic...A-P-O...ah, here it is: "apho·tic (ā fōt′ik),
adjective: without light; specif., pertaining to that part (aphotic zone) of the ocean below a depth of c. 100 m (c. 328 ft) which does not receive sufficient sunlight for photosynthesis". So, uh...vampires drink blood because they can't photosynthesize properly? Wow, you learn something new every day!
- Quote :
- Even little children wandered around in the night playing as these entities.
Kid #1: Look, look, mister! I'm a dumbo squid!
Kid #2: I'm the dark lord Cthulhu! Ia, ia fthagn!
Kid #3: Me an' my sister are anglerfish! We're gonna run at cars in the dark so they think they're about to be in a head-on collision and get heart attacks and DIE!
Vincent: What you are is barnacles. Get off my leg.
- Quote :
- Dark magic seeped through the shadows feeling throughout the city like the sensitive tentacles of an octopus, feeling for an appropriate meal.
Cthulhu: Did someone call me?
Vincent: Don't think I don't feel that. Get off my leg.
Cthulhu: I just want to give people love. Violently. In multiple orifices.
- Quote :
- The tickle in his mind alerted him to a group of drunks (tch, so soon?) that were making their way down an alley, chasing after a prostitute.
Vincent: Good evening, Reno.
Reno: I LOST A BET YOOOOOOOOO
Rude: 83
- Quote :
- Before the dead body even hit the ground, Vincent had grabbed the other spectator by the throat and slammed him into the brick wall. The man was too drunk to realize what was going on, so the dark creature took the time to smile and look his prey in the eye. In the blink of those drunken eyes, the teeth were sunk into the warm stubbled skin, ravenously gulping down the molten life. A quick twist of that neck and another one was sent to the god of the underworld, Odin.
Odin: GUNGE LANCE--oh hell, did you kill him already? Why even bother summoning me if you're gonna swing it like that, dude?
Vincent: Sorry, I got carried away.
Odin: You know, I have a life outside of this. If you're gonna call me out here, it'd better be for a reason. You could be interrupting something very important.
Vincent: ...don't you just sit at home and watch NCIS?
Odin: Yeah, and I wasn't taping it tonight! What if I missed Abby and Gibbs bantering? I could be missing
bantering, Vincent.
Bantering. - Quote :
- Feeling the warmth of the blood, the woman opened her amber eyes and looked right up at the nearly sated creature.
Awww, he saved the lady! Look, guys, he saved the lady! Vincent is so cool! He's such a gentleman! I wanna be just like him when I grow up!
- Quote :
- His graceful body lowered to the shuddering woman and his moist tongue dragged over her cunt and up over the clitoris. Dark magic pushed aside all of her fears and replaced them with pleasure and a sense of calm. Slowly, he lapped up her sweet honey then moved to nipping and licking his way up to her throat. Only a momentary pause was given in order to tease a nipple. Cradling the woman’s body to his own, Vincent licked her neck gently, and finally feasted on her drug addled blood. The worthless harlot moaned and gasped in pleasure even to her last breath.
Or, y'know, he could be a murderous rapist. That's also an option.
- Quote :
- “Shouldn’t you be scaring little children at this time of the night?” Vincent question lazily.
“My Lord,” the creature slurped, “you know better than us, that at Hollow’s Eve little children do not sleep so early. They masquerade in sad mimic of creatures like us, King.”
“So you decide to partake of my meal?”
“Only after you have had your fill, Lord.”
Vincent: Very well. Before you do, drop my...friend...in the coat room to sleep it off.
Cid: I decided to partake of your mother! Last NIGHT!
Vincent: You may hit him a few times first.
Creature: Very good, sir.
- Quote :
- Baking pumpkin pie’s aroma saturated the air, and would have made his mouth water if food was his source of sustenance. It did make him smile though, since he knew there was a certain someone in here that would be salivating. The sadistic vampire walked to the kitchen and checked the pie. Excellent, it was done. The dangerously hot pie was put on a silver platter. Next, he placed a can of whipped cream and a knife by it. Then he carried it into his bedroom with a devilish grin.
I...I'm doing my best here, guys, but any air of soberness and darkness I could lend to this fic is bouncing off the word "pie". Pie is just charming and delightful by definition. Even with the words "sadistic" and "vampire" in that one line there, it could still be in a children's book, like a little sixteen-page dealie you get in your treat bag at a first-grade Halloween party. It's just not happening. Unless...the pie is made of PEOPLE OH MY GAWD AHHHH NOOOOO SO EVIIIIIL oh wait it's pumpkin. ...just...just keep going.
- Quote :
- Just then, the doorbell rang, and Vincent went to answer it with a bowl of candy. Predictably, a group of young children was standing in front of the door holding out their bags and chanting “Trick or treat!” He noted all of the silly little costumes and handed each child a generous portion of the delectable chocolate. After all, who could be unhappy with such a glorious holiday? A little boy in a ninja outfit eyed Vincent in awe.
Vincent: Well, aren't we just terrifying? And did your mother make that costume for you?
Ninja boy: Yuh-huh! She skinned a lady that stoled our Materia an' boiled the skull an' everything!
Vincent: Yes, I see it on your belt, there. Very nice.
- Quote :
- All of the innocent children laughed and wished him a good night before moving on to the next door. Ah, the witches would be sure to give all of those little children an extra “treat” or two. Such was the fate of all little or not so little children that passed through this apartment. If it wasn’t the witches, it was the ghouls or the corpse family.
Or the cat with the intense stare and the mustache who promised to take them to the Super-Secret Ice Cream Shop.
...yeah okay that arc fucked me up a bit all right - Quote :
- The light revealed a gloriously disturbing sight. In front of the bed a blond haired beauty was in a very difficult and enticing position. A black velvet blindfold prevented any chance of sight, as the ball gag kept his mouth full. Pale ankles were locked in a stock and those slender legs were bound in a soft nylon rope which attached to his elbows. Both forearms were tied intricately to each other behind his back. The well formed body was shuddering as a large vibrating butt plug drove his body to insanity; his hard cock looked ready to explode, but a leather cockring prevented any release.
Vincent: ...for the...who left this on my bed?
Cid: Merry Christmas, baby!
Vincent: Cid, we have been over this, I have to work tomorrow! ...ugh, no, don't get up, I don't want a repeat of New Year's on the carpet, just...just lie there, and I'll wrap it in a pillowcase and put it out on the curb...you need to stop going out with Reno on holidays...
Cid: Uh, if ya don't like that, you pro'lly don't wanna check the closet, either.
Sephiroth: I am beginning to doubt that there is cake in here at all.
- Quote :
- Vincent took the delicious sight in, loving every little detail. The expensive lace that barely covered the firm ass, black cloth wrapped around his body forming a slave uniform, even the specially ordered garter placed high on his thigh. Light glinted off of the metal and jeweled barrette that complimented the maid outfit and that golden hair. His brand new pet was an absolute doll, the most gorgeous slave he had ever had. The blue eyes that were hidden behind the blindfold would shine in defiance, those pouty lips forever in a frown. His pet had been a hard one to train, his feisty spirit always ready to defy. When the young mortal gave him head, the experienced vampire had to keep his wits about, lest the young one bite him or do something else regrettable.
I...I just...I am never going to get away from
this fucking fic, am I? I WANT MY LIFE BACK, AFF.NET. I WANT MY FUCKING LIFE BACK.
...*sob*
- Quote :
- “Pet, today is Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year. My kind are worshiped, adored, and mimicked during this day. It will be our first Halloween together, pet, and you will utterly enjoy it. Do you understand?”
The lean body continued to shudder, but he refused to give any acknowledgments. This made Vincent lick his lips in anticipation.
“All right then, lovely creature.”
Pale fingers picked up a controller that rested on the dresser.
Vincent: Let the Mario Party...commence.
Cloud: :D
- Quote :
- Vincent decided to reward his little pet, and he turned the vibrator off; then, he sliced a piece of the pumpkin pie and fed the starving young one. His pet had been in the same position all day long, and nothing to eat or drink. The brunette filled his mouth with a fruity wine that was always kept in his room, and he pressed his lips against the mortal’s to offer the drink. Eagerly, the thirsty one drank from the wine tinged with blood.
So...the pie wasn't evil at all, but the wine was? Is this like the lamest bait and switch ever or something? I'm just not getting it.
Cid: Hey, you know what's fruitier than that wine? This story! Yeah, I went there!
God, you really
are hammered. NO DON'T--oh jeez, right in my boot. I just bought new insoles, too :<
- Quote :
- The legs were carefully unbound and released from the stocks, and when the day walker whimpered in pain, Vincent rubbed the legs to get that enticing blood flowing.
"Day walker"? ...what? Is that like mall walking, only on the sun?
- Quote :
- The gauntleted hand scraped down the quivering abs, drawing little beads of blood to the surface. The vampire was quick to lap them up, and then he traveled down and engulfed the hard cock completely in his mouth. His pet bucked up reflexively crying out in the delight of that mouth. Being in a good mood, the old one did not mind his little lapse in proper slave protocol, and continued to pleasure the boy.
Vincent: --?! Cthulhu, what did I tell you?
Cthulhu: Aw, c'mon, he likes it! Look, he's all squirmy and stuff and stuff is coming out of his stuff! That is a good thing in humans! I have learned this! From
experience!
Vincent: I don't think the...stuff...is supposed to be arterial red.
Cthulhu: I did wonder why he had more holes than usual.
- Quote :
- The doorbell rang again, and once again the vampire offered the children the luscious cavity giving chocolate.
Aerith: Vincent! Look! I'm a bumble-bee!
Vincent: Oh awesome that is so radical Aerith here is a whole-size Snickers bar
- Quote :
- He even watched as the children unfortunately passed the inconspicuous pumpkin that was endearingly named Scream. It was a very unoriginal name, really.
Reader: Are you just typing things that come into your head at this point?
Author: Meh.
- Quote :
- He petted his slaves head for a moment before he took off the blindfold, and untied both arms.
Cloud: D-did I get it? Did I finally get the pinata? Is there candy now?
Vincent: Cloud, what have I told you about believing things Cid says about sweets when he's drunk?
Cloud: But he said there would be Bottlecaps!
Bottlecaps, Vincent! And none of the icky orange ones!
- Quote :
- “I’ve decided that this round we will do without the handcuffs,” the dark one muttered thinking how much easier it would be to remove the clothing, “but if you are disobedient, and upset me, I will punish you and never allow you this much freedom again. Do you understand me, pet?”
“Yes, master.”
Hearing those words fall from such lips was music to the damned one’s ears. However, his needy cock was singing a different and much louder tune.
Vincent's cock: I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS, THERE THEY ARE ALL STANDING IN A ROW (BUM BUM BUM)~
Cid: Uh, babe...
Vincent: ...Hojo was a...cruel and unusual man.
Vincent's cock: BIG ONES, SMALL ONES, SOME AS BIG AS MY HEAD, GIVE ME A TWIST, A FLICK OF THE WRIST, THAT'S WHAT THE SHOWMAN SAID, HO!~
- Quote :
- This heat was one that could never be replaced, or forgotten. The friction was undeniably gratifying and both the master and the slave moaned in their world of pleasure. There was no doubt that Vincent was the master, in complete control and dominating. Also, one could not deny the slave’s position, to be controlled and used, to pleasure or punish, as long as it pleased the master.
Author: See, what I'm doing here--what my
hook is, you see, is that I'm
telling and not
showing. See, this whole "show don't tell" thing is just so
overused that I'm
reversing it and making it new again! Bam!
Reader: uh huh that's great listen I have an orgy to get to
Vincent's cock: EVERY BALL YOU THROW WILL MAKE ME RICH~
Cid: HAVE A BANANA~
Vincent: Stop encouraging it!
- Quote :
- This is their Halloween, one filled with sex, blood, sweat, and tears. And by the gods, how it was enjoyed every moment. Each rock of their bodies, each drop of blood that attempted to sate the endless hunger brought them closer and closer. Release took them both to as close to heaven as they would ever reach, blood pouring down the pale shivering chest. The tongue dancing in the liquid, bathing in such an unholy practice. Shadows quivered around the two bodies, both joined together by the sinful deed, and the profane relationship. And of course all the sounds of screaming children, cursing witches, mischievous ghouls, and the happy deathday songs of the corpse family. That was all just an added bonus.
Clive Barker: ...and that's the story of Cloud and Vincent's very special Halloween, and they all lived happily ever after! Wasn't that a good story, kids? ...kids? ...did you
all just wet yourselves? ...no? Then why do I smell urine?
Cid: Uh-oh.
And that about wraps it up, Nomads...unless...could it be? Why, yes! We have a very special guest here to say something very special to you all! What could it be?
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]Yaaaaaay! Happy Halloween, everyone! I hope it's filled with joy! Now, I need to go find me those male prostitutes...
Cid: I'M an old-time RHYYY-MING BOX~
...and a mop. How the hell do you get secondhand scotch out of leather, anyway, I don't even...
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