In Which Q is Turned Into a Cat and Raped For No Reason - with Weird, Zeiss, and Skillet

What's Q Pussycat - a fanfiction that's written like a lighthearted comedy, except that it randomly turns dark at one point and there are no jokes.

Now, just to be fair to the author, the bits where words are cut off seems to be a problem with the archive and not the writing itself. We're assholes, but we're not those kinds of assholes.

Quote :

Data took t
kitten to the nursery and had it examined.

Unskilled78: Poisoning a couple of babies with its god-fuzz
Dr. Professor Science: Cats like to sit of babies' faces and suffocate them
Because they're warm
Zeiss Manifold: A nursery ain't no place to raise a cat
In fact, it's cold as hell
Weird: SAVE THE KITTIES
FORGET THE BABIES
Unskilled78: Save the PUSSIES, Moar Like

Quote :

The kitten had a look of "oh, please?" on it's cute little face. It scam
up on the computer and tapped the 'Q' key.

Quote :

"Down, kitty." Data said, putting the kitty back on the floor and backin
the cursor.

Quote :

The kitten climbed back up and did exactly the same thing, tapping preci
the same key.
This time, Data looked at it.
"Q." He said.
"Meow." Q replied.
"You wish to be called Q." Data noted. "Very well. Q."

Zeiss Manifold: Tonight, Data has a date with SASSINESS
Dr. Professor Science: And of course Data, who is brilliant, doesn't make the connection between the cat and the god he knows can take any shape. Huh.
Zeiss Manifold: Wall-mounted keyboards? It must be THE FUTURE!
Weird: Pretentious cat. Heh, I don't exactly see how that is different from regular cats

Quote :

"You named your kitten Q?" Geordi asked.
"Seems appropriate." observed Deanna, who was sitting with them. "Q is v
mischievous just like a kitten."

Zeiss Manifold: THAT Q IS A WACKY FELLOW
Zeiss Manifold: AND RAKISH AS WELL
Professor Science: OH THAT Q
Professor Science: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Weird: This is no ordinary cat.

Quote :

Deanna walked into Data's cabin and sat down. Data brought the new kitte
over to her and she held it. She gazed down at it for a moment, then loo
up.
"Data," she said, in an astonished voice, "this kitten IS Q!"

Dr. Professor Science: HOLY SHIT I NEVER COULD HAVE GUESSED
Weird: No wai!
Unskilled78: KITTENS BE SRSBZNZ, Yo.
Weird: Is that why he kept on typing Q?
I'm amazed

Quote :

"Data," he said, not scolding Data since he guessed that Data merely ass
that Q had visitted Picard first, "where's Q?"
Data pointed at the litter of kittens and said "The all black one."
Picard blinked at the Android as if Data had gone quite mad.
"A kitten?!" He yelped.
"Yes, sir." Data replied.

Unskilled78: Picard does NOT "yelp"
he rages in Shakespearean fashion.
Dr. Professor Science: You'd think Troi would have told Picard already. You'd think this would be important, wouldn't you? Well, you're wrong.

Quote :

A few weeks later Q had gotten out of Data's cabin. She was wandering ar
the ship when she found herself facing another cat. A male. It sniffed h
and she spun around, swiping at it and hissing at it, her fur bristling.
tried to bolt, but the male was stronger and swifter and it caught her
beneath it. It mated with her as she hissed in protest. Finally, the mal
cat jumped off and leaped back, not quite fast enough to avoid an angry
from Q's paw.

Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

The male cat ran off and Q stood there, glaring in the dir
it had run, hackles bristling, teeth bared, yowling and hissing at the f
rapist.

Zeiss Manifold: If Oscar shows up I'm fucking leaving.
Weird: Good to know Q changed genders and species
Zeiss Manifold: Q, a cat, a female cat
Weird: Q, a god, raped by a cat
Dr. Professor Science: Okay so this fic has taken a turn from light and fluffy to RAPE.
Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

"So she was raped." Data concluded.
"Animals do not view sex the way we do, Data." The vet explained. "The t
who mated with her was concerned only with his hormones not causing her
physical or emotional distress."
"I wonder if the female sees it that way." Data mused.

Zeiss Manifold: Q rape is never funny gaiz
Weird: Even as a cat
Which isn't rape
...Right?
Dr. Professor Science: Couldn't Q zap the cat or something?
Seriously this fic doesn't explain why he's a cat.
I think this is a pretty glaring plot hole, guys.
Weird: We're supposed to use our ~*Imagination*~
Weird: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Quote :

"You may have a point." The vet admitted. "At any rate, she's going to h
litter of kittens. Now, we can abort and spay her, however."
Q raised her fur and spat at the vet.
"I do not believe she wishes that." Data told the vet.

Weird: You can abort cats?
Dr. Professor Science: Miniature coathangers.
Zeiss Manifold: she's a seven-week old cat she is bound to be aborted and spayed sooner or later eh
Unskilled78: Turns out, Q is a fundie.
Dr. Professor Science: This is the kind of shit I'd expect in porn-form. WHERE IS THE PORN?
Weird: Wait, so if Q is spayed, then doesn't that mean he wouldn't have balls in his humanoid form?

Quote :

The cat was curled up in a corner, several weeks later, when Q Two showe
"You ready to come back to the Continuum?" He asked.
Q looked up at him. "Meow." She replied. She stood up and trotted into t
other room. A moment later she came out again, carrying a mewing kitten.
went into the other room again, and again re-emerged carrying a mewing k
This went on for several minutes until Q had carried twelve kittens out
other room. She licked each kitten's face and then looked up at Q Two.
"You mated?!" Q Two yelped. "Q for time's sake!" He saw the look the mot
cat was giving him and realized that she'd been raped. "Oh, Q." He said,
picking her up and petting her. "I'm sorry."

THE END.
Unskilled78: Which one is Q2? Quinn? the one that earns asylum to commit suicide?
Dr. Professor Science: "For time's sake" - the shittiest way of getting around the word 'God' ever.
Weird: I never thought Q would be so emotional
Dr. Professor Science: There's a specific look you can give people that says "I've been raped". Cat's have "looks" dontchaknow.
Weird: *glances at cat*
I don't think my cat's been raped
Dr. Professor Science: There is no context for this.
It doesn't even explain why Q is a cat.
It doesn't turn Q back into a Q
It's just pointless.
Weird: It's cat PWP
Dr. Professor Science: But there's no sex!
This would make sense if it was a porn!
At least I'd understand the point!
As it stands I'm just confused.

And so, in conclusion...

That was such a pointless fanfic.

Of course, Q represents the ultimate maxxle power fantasy. He has the power of God (also a maxxle fantasy), and his head looks like a penis.

yet, here, he has become femaxxle. Not only has he become a pussy-cat, the ultimate expression of feminity, but he becomes pregnant AGAINST HIS WILL.

Waffles wrote:

Of course, Q represents the ultimate maxxle power fantasy. He has the power of God (also a maxxle fantasy), and his head looks like a penis.

yet, here, he has become femaxxle. Not only has he become a pussy-cat, the ultimate expression of feminity, but he becomes pregnant AGAINST HIS WILL.

You could go as far as to say he represents the ultimate expression of

FELINITY.

...what did I just read? D:

My mind cannot comprehend this fic. It is like a giant hairball that is immune to my thought-enzymes.

What a trip.Too bad I was too tired to participate. Great job everyone.

I'll look on that site for something special for us to share.

Quote :

Zeiss Manifold: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

And here I was specifically wondering where the hell you'd ever get the chance to use that one. I should learn to stop doubting your cap skills, Zeiss. Or should I say YOUR CAT SKILLS AH HA HA HA HA HA it's been a rough week okay

I am just confused.