How to Write Anatomically Correct Erotica 101

Okay, as suggested by Rabid Badger in a snarking thread, this is "How to Write Anatomically Correct Erotica", where we discuss how to write sex scenes that have at least a modicum of anatomical and/or emotional logic while still being sexy.

Post thoughts and suggestions here, as well as snippets of your own fanfic (or link to your fics) if you want criticism.

The womb is not the vagina. one is the tube that holds the penis, delivers any babies, the other is the sack that provides a safe breeding enviroment for that loveable little parasite.

The penis may twitch, bob or swell.

It does not, however yearn, reach, burst through, growl or become like steel, iron or adamantium or any other substance hard enough to tear a hole through the female body.

Mythandariel wrote:

The penis may twitch, bob or swell.

It does not, however yearn, reach, burst through, growl or become like steel, iron or adamantium

Oh, I rather liked "hard as steel".

A penis should not be scarlet, crimson, blood red or any other shade of red and neither should any other body part. The only exception is lips and only when the person in question is wearing red lipstick. Body parts being vivid red is not sexy, it is worrying.

I find it fascinating that the first three comments are a man talking about female anatomy and two women talking about male anatomy.

Fairlight wrote:

A penis should not be scarlet, crimson, blood red or any other shade of red and neither should any other body part. The only exception is lips...

...and internal organs, but if you're dealing with those, your scene has some very important problems not having to do with color.

Fairlight wrote:

A penis should not be scarlet, crimson, blood red or any other shade of red and neither should any other body part. ... Body parts being vivid red is not sexy, it is worrying.

Gotta disagree on both counts... hang around this very NWS site frequently enough and you will see some glans penises that do apparently turn rather red when they are erect. Not quite crimson or blood red... but fairly close. I personally think a more vivid color to the erect glans is pretty neat, but that's just me, and it certainly doesn't apply to every penis (though the heads of uncut penises tend to be more vivid, or so I've heard).

Mouths, vaginas and anuses should be warm but not hot, you may well be able to get away with just "hot" as a passionate description but "as hot as a volcano" is a little over the top (plus, if it was accurate he can say goodbye to his dick.)

Malganis wrote:

Gotta disagree on both counts... hang around this very NWS site frequently enough and you will see some glans penises that do apparently turn rather red when they are erect. Not quite crimson or blood red... but fairly close. I personally think a more vivid color to the erect glans is pretty neat, but that's just me, and it certainly doesn't apply to every penis (though the heads of uncut penises tend to be more vivid, or so I've heard).

Well, I was referring to the entire thing rather than just the head, my statement was based on a slash fic I read recently featuring a "blood-red erection", which sounds as though the whole length has turned vivid red.
Thanks for the link, very educational.

I don't typically read erotica, but I've seen enough snark for this to bother me:

The average length of an erect penis is less than six inches. A foot is pushing the bounds of credulity. Longer than that and you've utterly lost any sane reader.

For the love of all that is holy, no gargantuan pricks, please.

Sometimes, it looks purple, but that all depends on skin color.

The only place that a 3 foot dick belongs is Hentai and even then it's still a bit of a stretch. (Hehe)

Chaltab wrote:

I don't typically read erotica, but I've seen enough snark for this to bother me:

The average length of an erect penis is less than six inches. A foot is pushing the bounds of credulity. Longer than that and you've utterly lost any sane reader.

For the love of all that is holy, no gargantuan pricks, please.

Actual quantified sizes shouldn't appear at all, unless the couple/threesome/group have a measuring tape out. It's sufficient to say that the guy is big/thick/large, etc.

Maybe if you really want to give a measurement beyond small, medium, or large you could try comparing it with something in the room. Like, "his cock was literally as long as her foot!" or something similar. As yes, that would probably be too big to be believable, but you get what I am saying, right?

unskilled78 wrote:

The womb is not the vagina. one is the tube that holds the penis, delivers any babies, the other is the sack that provides a safe breeding enviroment for that loveable little parasite.

How dare you even try to hold a candle to the goddesses greatest gift.
Go suck your own cock, foul ape.

Chaltab wrote:

I don't typically read erotica, but I've seen enough snark for this to bother me:

The average length of an erect penis is less than six inches. A foot is pushing the bounds of credulity.

A foot is also pushing his partner's ribcage. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Six inches is not short. It's about average.

And the penis NEVER enters the womb.

Also, if you're fucking anus, you'd better use lube because the anus is not self-lubricating (unless you're doing scat), and SOMEBODY is gonna get hurt.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

Also, if you're fucking anus, you'd better use lube because the anus is not self-lubricating (unless you're doing scat), and SOMEBODY is gonna get hurt.

Depending on the partners' relative sizes and experience, lube might be optional. It can also be implied rather than clearly noted, especially in a less explicit style of writing that focuses more on sensations and motions than specific descriptions of the body parts involved. If the characters won't be using actual lube or a substitute that reads unobtrusively in context, they might be improvising with something best left up to the reader's imagination. Some folks might enjoy reading about a guy slicking himself up with a wad of spit. I'd rather take it for granted if the fic is written in a way that allows me to do so. If anal penetration is described as comfortable and pleasurable, I assume that the receiver is sufficiently relaxed and the giver has lubed up as needed.

Unfortunately spit dries pretty quickly. You're probably better with phlegm, hacked up from the back of the throat.

Men can't give birth. I know this sounds pretty elementary but you'd be amazed at how many people didn't learn that in sex ed. It takes a lot more than a womb and a vagina to make a baby. You need ovaries, for the egg, and good old-fashioned estrogen, for the ovaries, and a buncha muncha cruncha other shit that requires more than a womb.

A baby developing in the stomach would... well... it's just impossible, okay? Even if you had ovaries leading there.

Damn, now I've got me thinking about all the extra stuff a man would need to get pregnant. In fact, the REASON women are female is BECAUSE they have all the dohickies and whatchamacallits necessecry to give birth. Okay, not exactly that but you get my drift. If a man could give birth, he'd be a woman.

It's easier to just pull a gender bender.

The vagina is not the urethra. A woman. Does not pee. From her vagina.

I will continue to say this until everyone in the world finally gets it through their thick skulls.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

You're probably better with phlegm, hacked up from the back of the throat.

Please don't ever write erotica.

Breasts cannot be used for anal or vaginal penetration. Also, I doubt two people could rub their anuses together because their buttocks would get in the way.

Mystique wrote:

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

You're probably better with phlegm, hacked up from the back of the throat.

Please don't ever write erotica.

Um. Too late, I believe.

Bamshalam wrote:

The vagina is not the urethra. A woman. Does not pee. From her vagina.

I will continue to say this until everyone in the world finally gets it through their thick skulls.

I swear I saw someone make this mistake just the other day.

I think the instruction on female anatomy is appallingly lacking, honestly. Women who don't know where their urethra is, don't know what or where the clit is... it's kind of scary how common that is, even laying aside what men think they know about girl-parts.

The clit is not INSIDE the vagina. It's on the outside. Right near the entrance. Most men don't know this, which is why men come first. Play at the front.

Harley Quinn hyenaholic wrote:

The clit is not INSIDE the vagina. It's on the outside. Right near the entrance. Most men don't know this, which is why men come first. Play at the front.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]