Very, very weird patent application

Courtesy of Broken Toys, we have The strangest patent application ever. Well, it's more like a manifesto. Or something involving very bad drugs. Or someone who seriously needs to increase his medication. Someone who also needs to be kept away from video games, and especially from game development tools.

Lum and his commenters have snarked it better than I ever can. Or just read the screed; it's self-snarking.

LOL!

Quote :

You are saving the millions of damsels in distress - girls who will be turned into whores in such a brilliant manner that they will never even notice it and will, in fact, hate anyone who tries to save them. Many will grow old alone with cats, never knowing what hit them.

Quote :

This video game would allow the First person shooter to roam the sets of TV shows like Sex in the City and shoot the producers instead of innocent prostitutes and pedestrians.

This idiot has got to be a troll; if not, there are no levels of measure that would accurately indicate this guy's insanity.

*attempts to read*

*focuses on minutiae to keep brain from leaking out ears*

You can't patent gameplay mechanics. That would be like patenting a movie genre. You can copyright a game's IP, and if you create new hardware or software, you can patent those, but not gameplay.

Also, the decision flowchart doesn't "[include] branching paths that correspond to the player's choices," it just kills the player for making the decision the crackpot "designer" thinks is wrong. That's even shallower than the "baby-eating or Mother Teresa" style morality systems we've got going now.

Quote :

If the player talks to (the hooker) and listens to her, the world is saved. (. . .) The hooker may tell the player of his duty to exult the gold standard, or the right to life, liberty, and happiness, or some other moral ideal.

She could get foodstamps until she finds a real job, but this hooker prefers to bootstrap herself by sucking cock. :hmm:

Quote :

“Let the feminist movement triumph, and abortion and porn reign supreme, for women like porn far more than men do. Men just watch it while women are in it…”

THIS JUST IN: THERE ARE NO MEN IN PORN. Further updates as batshittery warrants.

Lysander wrote:

Quote :

“Let the feminist movement triumph, and abortion and porn reign supreme, for women like porn far more than men do. Men just watch it while women are in it…”

THIS JUST IN: THERE ARE NO MEN IN PORN. Further updates as batshittery warrants.

So there are no men in porn?

Wow. The special effects in gay porn movies really HAVE improved amazingly over the years!

Quote :

Grad students and young professors ought to remember Leonidas' words. When King Xerxes told the Spartans to surrender their weapons, King Leonidas answered "Come and take them!" Sentiments Heston echoed with, "They can pry this rifle from my cold, dead hands!"

And so it is that gamers may embody the same strong sentiments in games inspired and fostered by the present invention, as they fight for the Bill of Rights.

THIS

IS

MORONIC!

*kick*

Quote :

When the Collectivist Lawyers reign supreme, the culture declines in the name of mashups and the empowerment of the mobs and masses. Instead of Pink Floyd, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and Kid Rock, we get Myspace bands, degradation, and decadence.

No, you see Kid Rock's lyrics are really very deep. For instance here he wants you to know that his name is KIIIIIIIIIIID RAWK!

Bawitdabaw was the anthem of our generation, really. Who can doubt the cultural impact of "Balls in Your Mouth?" Philistines, that's who!

If you cut this guy, he would literally bleed .