The Badfic Contest to End All Badfic Contests (EXTENDED TO SEPT 1)

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

Yay! First negative review!

Quote :

Cormallen
2009-07-18 . chapter 1

I'm confused ... if you're mom helped you with this then why is there so many spelling and grammar mistakes?
What's wrong with this sentence: "Jake turned a violent shade of red
and struggled out of the gaze of her glowing orbs. “I think it’s best
if you go alone,” he said. “If something dangerous happens, I’ll only
get in the way.” ->
1.Jake is a "he". (I hope)
2.Sentence should be: "Jake turned a violent shade of red and struggled out of HIS gaze OF glowing orbs."
Dialogue is OK.
Now, do I have to explain why Melinda is a Mary Sue? If this a repost, did previous reviewers tell you so?

Bwhahahahaah! This one snarks itself all on its own, doesn't it? Not only can't the reviewer distinguish between you're and your, but he can't read, either. I so wish I had the time to join in in this delightful trollism!

ILE, b.t.w. I don't know whether to spank you or kiss you silly for the 'orbs' part! Both, I guess:


Uh, wait, where is the whipping smiley? Ah well, just hugging then

Eldoniel-Alberti wrote:

I'm punishing the principle of this forum

Nah, you're just unqualified to appreciate what we do. Wow, and I thought Inkweaver was being bitchy.

Inky, you bitch. I hate it when you're right.

Edited: Oh, sorry, I just realized I'm spamming you all
because I'm getting updated with what's been going on during the weekend and can't help
reacting to some posts. Seriously, it's like old times at Gaff!

I'll shut up now.

kleine_kat wrote:

Edited: Oh, sorry, I just realized I'm spamming you all
because I'm getting updated with what's been going on during the weekend and can't help
reacting to some posts. Seriously, it's like old times at Gaff!

I'll shut up now.

Just make use of the edit button.

Verandering wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

Edited: Oh, sorry, I just realized I'm spamming you all
because I'm getting updated with what's been going on during the weekend and can't help
reacting to some posts. Seriously, it's like old times at Gaff!

I'll shut up now.

Just make use of the edit button.

I was going to say that, until I noticed it says "edited". Now I'm just lost.

grmblfjx wrote:

Verandering wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

Edited: Oh, sorry, I just realized I'm spamming you all
because I'm getting updated with what's been going on during the weekend and can't help
reacting to some posts. Seriously, it's like old times at Gaff!

I'll shut up now.

Just make use of the edit button.

I was going to say that, until I noticed it says "edited". Now I'm just lost.

Er, then what I totally meant to say was, Just make use of the edit button more often.

Yeah. I totally didn't miss anything.

kleine_kat wrote:

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

Yay! First negative review!

Quote :

Cormallen
2009-07-18 . chapter 1

I'm confused ... if you're mom helped you with this then why is there so many spelling and grammar mistakes?
What's wrong with this sentence: "Jake turned a violent shade of red
and struggled out of the gaze of her glowing orbs. “I think it’s best
if you go alone,” he said. “If something dangerous happens, I’ll only
get in the way.” ->
1.Jake is a "he". (I hope)
2.Sentence should be: "Jake turned a violent shade of red and struggled out of HIS gaze OF glowing orbs."
Dialogue is OK.
Now, do I have to explain why Melinda is a Mary Sue? If this a repost, did previous reviewers tell you so?

Bwhahahahaah! This one snarks itself all on its own, doesn't it? Not only can't the reviewer distinguish between you're and your, but he can't read, either. I so wish I had the time to join in in this delightful trollism!

ILE, b.t.w. I don't know whether to spank you or kiss you silly for the 'orbs' part! Both, I guess:


Uh, wait, where is the whipping smiley? Ah well, just hugging then

I'll gladly take whatever punishment you wish to give me for that horrendous line; just realize that it nearly caused physical pain to write like that. There was this ache in my fingers to go back and edit it. Every fiber in me wants to edit the hell out of it, but I can't. I even started hatching ways to rescue the character from Sueism and ways to make the plot interesting.

This is a very interesting experiment. I didn't realize that writing badly could be so hard! Anyone else have similar dramas?

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

This is a very interesting experiment. I didn't realize that writing badly could be so hard! Anyone else have similar dramas?

I'm having immense trouble writing chapter 4, in which The Doctor begins cutting himself as Rose dies of bulimia and Ianto gives birth to an assbaby named Megane Rose. I just can't bring myself to do that to those poor characters, and "Megane Rose" makes me shudder every time I type it.

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

This is a very interesting experiment. I didn't realize that writing badly could be so hard! Anyone else have similar dramas?

Yes. The ending I have planned might redeem the whole fic. Of course, that'll be the reveal chapter, but the fact that my story might be redeemable at all means I am failing big time.

Verandering wrote:

Er, then what I totally meant to say was, Just make use of the edit button more often.

Yeah. I totally didn't miss anything.

I was going to cheerfully make a post saying, oh, you probably haven't noticed you can edit and delete and stuff here!

And then I noticed it said EDITED and I was so stumped that I just went away.

Okay, I'm officially tired of making everyone fuck each other. Scotty demonstrates that booze negates the effects of sparkles, McCoy passes out injections, all is well. Bella comes in later on, pregnancy is progressing quite fast. She whines. They find out that something else is on the ship, something that they didn't notice due to only thinking about sex. Lo and behold, it's Stephanie Meyer. Or is it something from a parallel universe masquerading as her?

My head, it hurts.

Nihilist wrote:

Okay, I'm officially tired of making everyone fuck each other.

For a moment, I thought you were talking about us wanking in this thread. :lolinsane:

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

This is a very interesting experiment. I didn't realize that writing badly could be so hard! Anyone else have similar dramas?

I got stuck on my latest chapter because I've never tried to write a lame fight scene before (overblown romantic scenes, yes). In the end I decided the best approach was to do it lame-shounen-anime style with everyone posing and shouting attacks (attacks I intend to mostly steal from Naruto) instead of actually fighting. I'm also padding the chapter to compensate for the short fight scene by adding flashbacks to when 'Harry' first met 'Hermione'. Here's some extracts:

Quote :

“Harry,” the Shogun mused as Harry bowed deeply to his master and teacher, “I think it is high time you knew the pleasure of a woman's embrace.”

Harry blushed violently. “Dumbledore-sensei!” he exclaimed in shock, “Forgive me, but there is no need for such a thing. I am more than adequately in control of my baser instincts.” []

“That, grasshopper, is the problem,” Dumbledore explained,[]

Quote :

“This man was assaulting one of the girls.” Harry explained calmly. “I taught him a lesson in manners.”

“Is this true, Hermione-chan?” Molly asked the girl Harry had rescued. The girl – Hermione – had risen gracefully to her feet, and Harry looked at her properly for the first time. Even with tears glittering in her eyes and an angry red mark on her otherwise flawless white cheek, he was immediately struck by her delicate beauty and the kindness and intelligence in her cinnamon eyes.

“Yes, ma'am. He was drunk and violent – he was going to hurt me badly for his pleasure if this man had not intervened.”

“Then we are in your debt, Harry-sama. Hermione – this is Harry Potter, the Shogun's personal champion.”

Blushing brightly, Hermione bowed low. “I cannot thank you enough, Harry-sama. I am unworthy of your gallantry.”

“That's not true!” Harry blurted out without thinking, causing everyone to look at him in surprise. Hermione's eyes were luminous and wide with shock as she stared at him. “I...I mean...you shouldn't say such things. No-one should be brutalized so.”

“You are very kind to say so, Harry-sama.” Hermione averted her eyes modestly, but he could sense her unstated emotion.

I feel like I should write JK Rowling a letter of apology for writing Hermione as such a useless drip... :crap:

grmblfjx wrote:

Nihilist wrote:

Okay, I'm officially tired of making everyone fuck each other.

For a moment, I thought you were talking about us wanking in this thread. :lolinsane:

Glad I'm not the only one that thought that.

Verandering wrote:

grmblfjx wrote:

Verandering wrote:

kleine_kat wrote:

Edited: Oh, sorry, I just realized I'm spamming you all
because I'm getting updated with what's been going on during the weekend and can't help
reacting to some posts. Seriously, it's like old times at Gaff!

I'll shut up now.

Just make use of the edit button.

I was going to say that, until I noticed it says "edited". Now I'm just lost.

Er, then what I totally meant to say was, Just make use of the edit button more often.

Yeah. I totally didn't miss anything.

There used to be like 6 posts. I deleted a few and put them into one. Yeah, I know. Short attention span, reading at work, discovering an infestation by brats that apparently took place while you turned your back for a moment in the weekend; all that makes you post frequently if not contributively (this is not even a word, is it?).

Anyway, I was too lazy to edit all the posts into one. Sorry. On the upside, I did discover the use of the edit button.

So I take it there hasn't been any changes to the rules after that little fiasco?

Just uploaded chapter five.

I still have zero reviews. But, I have four or five story alerts. \o/

Better write chapter two sometime, eh?

InkWeaver wrote:

Why do I detect some angrychocobo going on here?

You get the medal. Since my little attempt to piss on your collective parade failed miserably, my ninja vampire samurai troll honour has been figuratively eviscerated. I was GwennyDear -- on THIS FORUM ONLY, the GwennyDear that reviewed on fanfiction.net wasn't me. I took the name in an attempt to make it appear as if another reader/reviewer had seen through the ruse. Stupid and ineffective, and shame on me for impersonating somebody -- and El Gotho.

If you pull this venture through to the end and get the flood of angry fans signing up to post dumb shit that you expect, you are all grander trolls than I could have ever dreamed of being. I will be watching this thread, though likely not as a registered user.

I expect to be banned. With any luck, my third ban from a GAFF-related forum may awaken in me the drive to finally leave this forum alone for good (after this venture concludes, that is) and go read something more interesting. However, my track record in this area is not the best.


The horrible fanfics were barrels of fun, to be honest, but they do seem to have rather dried up. The News forum can ingest several phalluses.

P.S.: If you need material for the Muzak forum, I strongly suggest Brokencyde.

P.P.S: Try to figure out how much of THIS post is still troll bullshit, if by any unlikely chance you give a shit.

ENOBY DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WAY FOREVER!

Shit I realised all this time I could've just DELETED my fucking account. Trolls are idiots IRL, trufax. 1/1 trolls interviewed was one.

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RING RING, PHONE'S FOR YOU!

Actually it's not! Nobody's calling because nobody gives a shit.




MOVING ON: Contest will continue as planned, and I'll hold a longer one afterwards. I don't want to invalidate all the great stuff you guys have made so far. Keep it up, duckies!

Narwhal wrote:

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RING RING, PHONE'S FOR YOU!

Actually it's not! Nobody's calling because nobody gives a shit.

Oh my, what a witty putdown, with an image and everything.

Bonus points for bothering to post about how you SO DON'T CARE

This forum is now the anangrychocobo arguing with Narwhal forum from now until I'm banned/delete myself.

anangrychocobo wrote:

Since my little attempt to piss on your collective parade failed miserably, my ninja vampire samurai troll honour has been figuratively eviscerated. I was GwennyDear

...you mean you don't even lay claim to this Eldoniel person? You were Gwenny?




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PS you won't get banned. I can tell you that right now. Lemon drop?

grmblfjx wrote:

anangrychocobo wrote:

Since my little attempt to piss on your collective parade failed miserably, my ninja vampire samurai troll honour has been figuratively eviscerated. I was GwennyDear

...you mean you don't even lay claim to this Eldoniel person? You were Gwenny?




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I'm afraid I'm not Eldoniel, no.

grmblfjx wrote:

PS you won't get banned. I can tell you that right now.

Shit.

grmblfjx wrote:

Lemon drop?

Alright.

Thanks.