The Badfic Contest to End All Badfic Contests (EXTENDED TO SEPT 1)

I heart you, aac. :lolinsane:

Check out the response I just got to one of my PMs about the meanie harassing me and my friends:

Quote :

no worries
why are people making trouble to you and your friends? i think that is
really bad consideri ng the whole point of writing on fanfiction is so
that we better out writing style through constructive criticism and
reading things that we enjoy reading. If you dont like it dont read it.

My reviews have been rather lame as of late. They've all been saying this in varying levels of verbosity.

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how this is an LOTR fanfic?

Edit:I.H.N reviewed again! My life is complete.

Well damn. I was so certain that Eldoniel-Alberti was Gwennydear. Pish.

You have to wonder what fics some of these reviewers are reading, because some of their comments don't mesh very well with what we've written. Take this review for Raine's Zutara fic:

Fire Storm Weaver wrote:

Whow, that's a lot of agst...I like it :]
I really like the storry and am looking forward for the rest but I was
just wondering. That must be a really big eye pach he got there if his
scar in anything like in the shows. But then again maybe it isn't.
I think you could have given us a little descrption on how our favorit couple looks lika and how old they are. Just a thought.
Still, loving in a million(no pun intended)

Did this person miss the fact that almost the entirety of chapter 2 consists of Zuko and Katara's gushing mental descriptions of each other's appearance? E.g.:

Raine wrote:

He followed the flowing line of her smooth jaw, her slender swan-like
neck, the angel of her perfect button-nose, long copper lashes that
fluttered like butterfly wings. He wanted to tear of the hair-tie she
wore and run his fingers through her shimmering bronze hair, sure it
would feel like silk in his touch.

Yeah, I just saw that, Keith... Does age really matter if they're supposed to be "OMG FLAWLESS"? =P

Well, I'm on hiatus until the big reveal.

Chapter 3, finally. :downs:
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Quote :

"Spock, his semen excretes the stuff. If there is a way to extract enough semen, the crystals can be separated from the solution using delithiumation. This is the process in which a magnetic force opposite the polarity of the dilithium crystals is applied to the solution, so the crystals separate, forming a solid precipitate that will collect in the fuel chambers. Now the tools used- we're going to need a plasti-steel tube to encase the penis, some plastic tubing , and a few cathodes. I'm sure you can figure out the rest, since we have to hook it to the magnetic field. I estimate we'll need about 6 feet of insulated wire."

Spock sighed. "You're going to have to apply suction to the plasti-steel tube or else it won't work, Doctor. Let me do this, you can go back to tending your patients. I will get the supplies myself."

Nihilist, that second sentence makes me want to be cruel to small animals, the rest makes me truly in awe at your iron stomach. That must have been painful to write.

On my end, the critics are dogpiling Melinda. She got 5 flames this morning. It's at the point that if I'm going to make it to five chapters, I'm gunna hafta have her shouting "LALALAICANTHEARYOU!!!!!!"

Edit:
I figured that such a coordinated attack must mean that Melinda ended up on a snark forum somewhere, and I was right.

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

Nihilist, that second sentence makes me want to be cruel to small animals, the rest makes me truly in awe at your iron stomach. That must have been painful to write.

On my end, the critics are dogpiling Melinda. She got 5 flames this morning. It's at the point that if I'm going to make it to five chapters, I'm gunna hafta have her shouting "LALALAICANTHEARYOU!!!!!!"

Edit:
I figured that such a coordinated attack must mean that Melinda ended up on a snark forum somewhere, and I was right.

Someone found us. :redangry: Next time we really need to keep the users and titles a secret.

Crap, again?! Jesus christ.

Whatever, this is providing the lolz, and at this point, that's all that matters to me.

Miraba wrote:

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

Nihilist, that second sentence makes me want to be cruel to small animals, the rest makes me truly in awe at your iron stomach. That must have been painful to write.

On my end, the critics are dogpiling Melinda. She got 5 flames this morning. It's at the point that if I'm going to make it to five chapters, I'm gunna hafta have her shouting "LALALAICANTHEARYOU!!!!!!"

Edit:
I figured that such a coordinated attack must mean that Melinda ended up on a snark forum somewhere, and I was right.

Someone found us. :redangry: Next time we really need to keep the users and titles a secret.

I think that Eldoniel has been PMing everyone who reviews Melinda.I got this suspicious review a few days ago:

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Cormallen
2009-07-21 . chapter 1
?
Eldoniel Alberti someone PM'd me that this and the "A Troubled Love" story by Emmerlii, is a troll.

So, should I just drop out and write my sixth chapter now? Or should I try to finish it by the deadline as planned?

Don't write your sixth chapter now! Remember:

Narwhal wrote:

All participants will post a sixth chapter. This chapter will be an essay, written by the author of the fic, explaining to the readers that the story they've been slobbering over is complete crap, and detailing why. At the end of the letter the author will state that the readers have been thoroughly trolled courtesy of whygodwhy.org.

If you do that, they'll all be here and it'll be pointless for the rest of us.

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

I figured that such a coordinated attack must mean that Melinda ended up on a snark forum somewhere, and I was right.

I read some of that. I think "militaryhistory" is a bit of a prude.

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Oberon Ty
I imagine if sanity slapped them, they wouldn't notice- they'd be too busy wanking to second-rate hentai shit. Gah! That was absolutely disgusting. Even I know how to write romance better than that.

militaryhistory
Oberon--is there such a thing as first rate porn? I classify it all as filth.

Oberon Ty
Hentai is different than regular pr0n- if done well, with actual relationships and such, it can simply be a story with sex scenes instead of a wankeriffic sex romp.

militaryhistory
Why include the sex scenes, then?

OH NOES THERE'S SEX IN THESE RELATIONSHIPS STOP MENTIONING THAT

And it looks like our idiot is trying to expose it all again.

Quote :

Telcontar Rulz

I just got proof that the Dragonslayer story is a troll. A very convincing troll, but a troll nonetheless. It's written by dreamingfifi.

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Why is this such total serious business? FFS. The butthurt at BEING LIED TO ON THE INTERNET must be very painful.

And yes, I'm assuming it's the same person, because my brain can't fathom the idea of many people really taking this on with that much conviction.

Telcontar Rulz here. No, I'm not Eldoniel Alberti. She PM'ed me after I gave concrit to 'Melinda Dracocida'.

I'm just annoyed that perfectly capable authors will stoop down to such a level. There is enough crap in my fandom without trolls adding to it, making it all the more difficult to find decent fics to read, as if that wasn't hard enough already.

Trulz wrote:

Telcontar Rulz here. No, I'm not Eldoniel Alberti. She PM'ed me after I gave concrit to 'Melinda Dracocida'.

I'm just annoyed that perfectly capable authors will stoop down to such a level. There is enough crap in my fandom without trolls adding to it, making it all the more difficult to find decent fics to read, as if that wasn't hard enough already.

Go read this entire thread, before you say anymore of this shit we've already heard.

And suspicions confirmed.

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Dragonslayer Revisited- TROLL

Just got this message from Eldoniel Alberti and thought I should share

This fic “Dragonslayer Revised” by “Melinda Dracocida” is a troll concocted by dreamingfifi aka Fiona who owns the website Merin Essi ar Quenteli. It’s a trollfic being purposefully written and schemed on this forum: /challenges-f5/the-badfic-contest-to-end-all-badfic-contests-updated-t333-350.htm Or if this link doesn’t work, Type www(dot)whygodwhy(dot) org Then click on Challenges Then click on The Badfic Contest to End all Badfic Contests And read till your heart’s content. What I do not believe is that these idiots should write trash, attracting help which is going to waste. BE WARNED they may even get you to beta the troll fics. I nearly did. I fell for it, only to luckily come across the forum. They’re all a bunch of a dicks. I hope this message has helped. Keep your eyes peeled. Spread the word if you can.

Gang flame anyone?

I'm rather flattered that I'm the one getting special attention here.

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Go read this entire thread, before you say anymore of this shit we've already heard.

I've read the whole thing, and still do not agree with you. The only reason I even posted was that I wanted you to know that Telcontar Rulz is not the same person as Eldoniel Alberti.

Trulz wrote:

Quote :

Go read this entire thread, before you say anymore of this shit we've already heard.

I've read the whole thing, and still do not agree with you. The only reason I even posted was that I wanted you to know that Telcontar Rulz is not the same person as Eldoniel Alberti.

I'm eagerly awaiting your gang flame.

Especially when Melissa "liberates" Arwen from her relationship with that smelly man Aragorn...

Gang flame?

SOMEONE IS TROLLING ON THE INTERNET

LET'S ALL SCREECH AT THEM TOGETHER

You won't see me there.

Trulz wrote:

The only reason I even posted was that I wanted you to know that Telcontar Rulz is not the same person as Eldoniel Alberti.

Then why bother posting the rest of your message? Obviously saying you weren't El wasn't the only thing you wanted us to know.


:smoke:

Trulz wrote:

Quote :

Go read this entire thread, before you say anymore of this shit we've already heard.

I've read the whole thing, and still do not agree with you.

You realize that there is no noble goal or anything behind this, right? We do this because it amuses us. The people on this board who are not amused by it for whatever reason simply don't participate.
There is nothing here for you to agree with.

In other news, the objective was to troll people. We aren't even done, and already we've scored twice.

Even though I'm looking forward to having "a moral to the bad story" at the end of my badfic, I'm still having a fun time just writing terrible things and seeing people sucked in by my terrible skills.

My feminist-side went to hell in a handbasket somewhere along the line though...

I_Lam_Edhellen wrote:

Nihilist, that second sentence makes me want to be cruel to small animals, the rest makes me truly in awe at your iron stomach. That must have been painful to write.

Yeah, not even copious amounts of booze made it easier. In fact, it made it worse. If this is any indication of how painful it has yet to become, it's only going to get worse.

Hey Trulz: You've been trolled.