The Badfic Contest to End All Badfic Contests (EXTENDED TO SEPT 1)

From Nihilist's piece, Kirk speaking:

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See, I kind of have problems. I'm loud, obnoxious, and a douche.

That made me laugh for a good five minutes. That and him and Edward sucking face. XD

Fairlight wrote:

I ran out of mundane things for the Doctor and Rose to do, so I published anyway.

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Now I need to write the Jack and Ianto, Vampire Hunters bit. (With Holy water as lube.)

My head spun round and I vomited pea soup everywhere. Good job!

But you missed a noun which still isn't capitalized - it's "they ordered two teas".

Keith Fraser wrote:

But you missed a noun which still isn't capitalized - it's "they ordered two teas".

Damn.
Oh well, real fanbrats make mistakes, right?

Looking at my stats, I may not have any reviews yet, but I have hits from readers on four continents! Go me! I even have a reader in the Virgin Islands; I didn't think anyone much lived there except dodgy bankers and import-export guys...

Edit: Holy carp Raine! I'm halfway through Chapter 2 of your Zutara fic and GREAT SEVEN SONS OF THE INVISIBLE PINK UNICORN this stuff is pure gold. :roflmao:

WOW! I have only had this fic up for TWO hours and already I have 45 views and 3 reviews, 3 Favorites and 2 Alerts. I almost feel bad for these people...

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Elita One
2009-07-08 . chapter 1 wow thats a pretty touch question to ask and to anwser

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RattlesnakeGoingBackwards
2009-07-08 . chapter 1 Oh,this is just so promising. You wrote Mikaela so well. I especially loved her meeting with Primus. Primus is so nice and warm.

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Aninika
2009-07-08 . chapter 1 Very detailed and very good, you should look into more seperation between speech and paragraphs, but otherwise I liked it. Continue to write more.

Edit: I now have 7 reviews, 136 Hits, 6 Favs and 6 Alerts

Oh, I found that booze really does help. Big long chapter is long, but it was fun.

It turned mine into a trollfic:
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Sulu lunged towards Edward, who by now was having trouble fending him off. He grabbed Edward by the shoulders and stuffed his head down the toilet. His supple buttocks now were the main source of attraction- they stuck out, exposing his hairy asshole. Looked just like the hair on his head. Sulu smiled in a gloriously perverse way, not noticing his own massive erection. He looked downwards at it, then ripped his black uniform pants off to expose it.

"Oh yeah, come to papa."

Edward's screams were garbled by the toilet water and sounded as a contrast between the sound of Sulu banging him in the ass. Garble, slap. Garble, slap. Chekov thought it was wonderful and popped a boner in anticipation. Sulu went at it for about 10 minutes without stopping. Garble, slap. Garble, slap. After he felt himself release into Edward, he felt so relieved and wonderful, almost forgetting the task at hand. He slipped out from inside Edward, awash in pleasure. Chekov, just antsy with anticipation, pulls Edward out of the toilet by his hair.

"Now it's my turn!" He growled.

"No.." muttered Sulu dreamily. "Ravaging his butthole will provide no pleasure for you, as it's already stretched beyond normal capacity. There was old legend about stretched buttholes- the legend of
Goat-Tse I believe."

Oh well

Here's what I'm going to do for the next chapter.

So meanwhile, Spock and Bella are in the transporter room, Spock gets angsty* and Bella gets sympathetic (Let's angst together!) , they make sexy time, Bella gets pregnant. Bella angsts about being pregnant. Nevermind she knows she's pregnant right after sex. Spock can't take this shit, he snaps out of it and vulcan death grips her pregnant ass.

*apparently sparkles make him go through Pon Farr

Up to five now... AND a favorited story. WTF people. It's 750 words. Honestly. LOL. Tomorrow I'm posting chapter 2.

EDIT: And Nihilist, it'll be worth it just to read about Spock death gripping Bella. :D

Maximilia wrote:

Up to five now... AND a favorited story. WTF people. It's 750 words. Honestly. LOL. Tomorrow I'm posting chapter 2.

I'd shake my fist at you for winning at the moment, but I'm laughing too much from just all the lulz going on here.

Keep up the good work, everyone!

Raine wrote:

Maximilia wrote:

Up to five now... AND a favorited story. WTF people. It's 750 words. Honestly. LOL. Tomorrow I'm posting chapter 2.

I'd shake my fist at you for winning at the moment, but I'm laughing too much from just all the lulz going on here.

Keep up the good work, everyone!

I dunno. You've got 5 too, and I personally think yours is way more horrible than mine. But yes... I'm getting many lulz out of this so far, so much so I want to make this a yearly event. :D

Guys, this is a contest for the people, so if you really want to make this an annual event I'd be happy to do so. Hell, if reviews really pick up and you want to push back the due date to make room for more chapters and a more impactful ending, we'll do it. So long as you're enjoying yourselves.

Narwhal wrote:

Hell, if reviews really pick up and you want to push back the due date to make room for more chapters and a more impactful ending, we'll do it. So long as you're enjoying yourselves.

That may be a good idea. I mean, to make this truly epic and disappoint as many faithful fans as possible we'd need more than a month, methinks.


Yay, annual event. In winter, Secret Santa, in summer, Troll Camp. I'm in.

And you know, depending on how successful this is, we could try for a fanart division....

...and I was thinking maybe an AFF.net truly awful porn challenge at some point.

My God, this is fun.

I would say it might be too late to extend this competition, but we can so use it as a guidepost for any future ones, and experiment later on. A fanart division might be cool too, as well as the AFF, but I really don't think it'll have as much impact on AFF because people just go there trolling for pron anyway.

7 reviews!!!

I've still only got one. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

Myth's reviews:

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Fk306 animelover
2009-07-09 . chapter 1
this is great I look forward to more

obsydiandreams
2009-07-09 . chapter 1
oh nicely written! so few mikeala fics out there... nice to see one this well done. keep it up!

Blackdragon285
2009-07-09 . chapter 1
o... so curious to see how you roll with this...Please continue

KittenCeez
2009-07-08 . chapter 1
Interesting start!
I look forward to the next chapter with anticipation!

Elita One
2009-07-08 . chapter 1
wow thats a pretty touch question to ask and to anwser

RattlesnakeGoingBackwards
2009-07-08 . chapter 1
Oh, this is just so promising. You wrote Mikaela so well. I especially loved her meeting with Primus. Primus is so nice and warm.

Aninika
2009-07-08 . chapter 1
Very detailed and very good, you should look into more seperation between speech and paragraphs, but otherwise I liked it. Continue to write more.

WOW. This is almost exactly what I was gonna try to go for... I think Myth pulled into a firm lead here, holy smokes! Color me impressed!

grmblfjx wrote:

Narwhal wrote:

Hell, if reviews really pick up and you want to push back the due date to make room for more chapters and a more impactful ending, we'll do it. So long as you're enjoying yourselves.

That may be a good idea. I mean, to make this truly epic and disappoint as many faithful fans as possible we'd need more than a month, methinks.


Yay, annual event. In winter, Secret Santa, in summer, Troll Camp. I'm in.

You know, I was thinking the same thing because if I'm gonna have this major rape, I can't do it until later or I'm gonna lose all the fannits who want Jacob/Renesmee twu wub. If we could maybe extend the date or the amount of chapters we're putting up, I'd be thrilled.

And since we're considering it, I'll just go ahead and hold off on that rapin'.

/mememememe

But outside of my FABULOUS needs, I think it'd be a good diea to lure more people in. I think more than five chapters would catch the attention of a lot of readers (I know I often won't read a story until it's well past the halfway point).

Make that 8 reviews!

The latest one made me lol forever.

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GilmoreLuverForever
2009-07-09 . chapter 1o
luv this story! Mikaela is my fav character n it pisses me off that
there isn't alot of stories about her. Its really well written and u
captured Mikaela perfectly:)plz update soon. Also i was wondering is
Wheelie going to be in this story? I think it would be really cool if u
made him Mikaela's guardian or something. Just a suggestion lol:)

You sure even your reviewers aren't taking the piss?

No reviews yet but XxyouliedanywayxX (what a stupid name) has favourited my fic and ohinyan is watching it. That's not a bad start seeing it's been there less than a day.


Edited to add: I've just noticed XxyouliedanywayxX's avatar reads "Fear the Spork", now I'm suspicious.

Fairlight wrote:

Edited to add: I've just noticed XxyouliedanywayxX's avatar reads "Fear the Spork", now I'm suspicious.

He/she favourited me, too. I've been trying to puzzle out whether he/she is a fic-sporker or a fanbrat with really poor taste in fic and a love of "random" words.

I don't know any of these fandoms well enough to take part. The stuff I've read on here is hilarious! I'm checking out all the fics this weekend!

Salamas wrote:

I don't know any of these fandoms well enough to take part.

You don't have to. Just find out the names of at least two characters, then go hog wild.

I'd rather not have the contest last too long, personally - it's taking time out from writing my 'proper' fanfic. Unless we keep the number of chapters the same but give the fics longer to ferment and reach an audience.