Banker can't live on 350K

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Schiff, 46, is facing another kind of jam this year: Paid a lower bonus, he said the $350,000 he earns, enough to put him in the country's top 1 percent by income, doesn't cover his family's private-school tuition, a Kent, Connecticut, summer rental and the upgrade they would like from their 1,200-square- foot Brooklyn duplex.

Bawww! I have to learn to budget! How dare I be asked to live within my means?!

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"I feel stuck," Schiff said. "The New York that I wanted to have is still just beyond my reach."

Welcome to reality.

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His 10-year- old daughter is a student at $32,000-a-year Poly Prep Country Day School in Brooklyn. His son, 7, will apply in a few years.

Seriously, what 10-year-old needs to go to a private school that costs more per year than most universities?

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"I can't imagine what I'm going to do," Schiff said. "I'm crammed into 1,200 square feet. I don't have a dishwasher. We do all our dishes by hand."

Oh, the horror. The horror. No dishwasher?! Whatever shall he do? And how the hell is 1,200 square feet "crammed" when you only have 2 kids? I grew up in a house that size, and there were 3 of us. Oddly enough, we didn't feel crammed.

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The family rents a three-bedroom summer house in Connecticut and will go there again this year for one month instead of four.

Only one month in a vacation house! How can anyone stand it?

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"I wouldn't want to whine," Schiff said.

Too late. Maybe you should just shut up before you make matters worse.

Hear that? That's the sound of the world's smallest violin playing the world's saddest song.

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He wants 1,800 square feet -- "a room for each kid, three bedrooms, maybe four," he said. "Imagine four bedrooms. You have the luxury of a guest room, how crazy is that?"

The family rents a three-bedroom summer house in Connecticut and will go there again this year for one month instead of four. Schiff said he brings home less than $200,000 after taxes, health-insurance and 401(k) contributions. The closing costs, renovation and down payment on one of the $1.5 million 17-foot-wide row houses nearby, what he called "the low rung on the brownstone ladder," would consume "every dime" of the family's savings, he said.

"I wouldn't want to whine," Schiff said. "All I want is the stuff that I always thought, growing up, that successful parents had."

Then you figure it out. Either work with less, or move somewhere that'll give you what you want in the price range you need. $1.5 million here, for example, will give you a shit-ton of either square footage (I found one with almost 4,700 sq. ft.) or acreage (almost 10 acres). You can get 1,800 sq. ft. and 4 bedrooms with only about $150k.

(Yes, I know his job is likely location-dependent, but this example is meant to demonstrate that it's not an impossible task to get what he wants--he's just going to have to figure out what's most important to him and adjust accordingly.)

And $32,000 for a year of private school? Are you kidding me? That's about what my loans will be for my grad program. Total.

That said, yes, they're having to learn some valuable lessons about cost-cutting and belt-tightening, and I feel a little sorry that they never learned these lessons until now. But that sympathy ends with their reticence to cut things that are not considered absolute necessities. Your kids don't need to be in a private school *that* expensive (or private school at all), you don't need to go to vacation houses, and you don't need to upgrade your house right now.

You know how to never have to worry about money again after you've gotten a decent-paying job? Don't piss away every last cent you earn as soon as you get it. Is personal responsibility that hard?

Proof that money cannot buy intelligence. Even at an expensive private school. I don't care if you make $350K or $12,000; learn to live within your means. THe happiest people are the ones who are satisfied with what they have.

It's people like this that I just want to beat with a crowbar. I can think of people who'd sell someone else's left testicle for a job that makes that much.

Not me, personally, I suck at managing finances. But if you make $350K a year and you're still a whiny douchebag? I say let anyone and everyone who makes less than you (by a margin of about $200K) should punch you in the face.

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Andrew Schiff was sitting in a traffic jam in California this month after giving a speech at an investment conference about gold. He turned off the satellite radio, got out of the car and screamed a profanity.

"Bawwwww," Schiff, director of marketing for broker-dealer Euro Pacific Capital Inc., said in an interview.

Schiff, 46, is facing another kind of jam this year: Paid a lower bonus, he said the $350,000 he earns, enough to put him in the country's top 1 percent by income, doesn't cover his family's private-school tuition, a Kent, Connecticut, summer rental and the upgrade they would like from their 1,200-square- foot Brooklyn duplex.

"Bawwwww," Schiff said. "Bawwwwww."

The smaller bonus checks that hit accounts across the financial-services industry this month are making it difficult to maintain the lifestyles that Wall Street workers expect, according to interviews with bankers and their accountants, therapists, advisers and headhunters.

"Baww," said Alan Dlugash, a partner at accounting firm Marks Paneth & Shron LLP in New York who specializes in financial planning for the wealthy. "Bawwww bawwww bawwww."

Fixed your article.

This reminds me of a story my aunt told me (she's in a position where she's exposed to really weird rich people sometimes). She was at some sort of New York high society dinner party once, and wound up listening to a guy talk about his theory that all dry cleaners are scams because his closet magically cleans all of his clothes, and therefore all closets can do this. People are just too stupid to figure it out! Apparently the man wasn't even aware of the fact that he had waitstaff.

fapfapfap wrote:

She was at some sort of New York high society dinner party once, and wound up listening to a guy talk about his theory that all dry cleaners are scams because his closet magically cleans all of his clothes, and therefore all closets can do this.

How fucking coddled do you have to be your whole life not to know the difference between a wardrobe and a washing machine?!

literally too stupid to live a normal life

literally in control of all the money

literally a farce

the aristocrats bankers!

He sound a lot like my oldest brother, about whom my mother once said that the minute he realized there were people in the world who lived better than we did (which wouldn't have been hard, given that we lived in some pretty shitty places), his major desire was to grow up, become rich, and not have to have anything to do with the rest of us ever again. Which he did. I don't fault him-he worked hard to get where he is. But as far as he's concerned, the rest of his family ceased to exist once he finally made enough to live in an exclusive gated community. He hasn't talked to anyone in the family since my dad's funeral back in 2001. I'd like to think that if he died, his wife would inform us, but I honestly can't say with any certainty she would.

And yeah, his kids both went to exclusive private schools, and he god alone knows how much time and money he spent after his son and daughter-in-law's first child was diagnosed as autistic trying to find a Doctor who'd say he wasn't. Because bad things don't happen to rich people, and there's nothing money can't fix.

^
Well, if it's any consolation, I'd also be looking for any excuse to avoid my family if I was related to you.

This is a fucking JOKE, right?

Honestly, I can forgive the guy wanting to send his kids to the best school possible, and wanting them to both go to the same school, but pretty much all that other shit? Okay, so he has bigger costs because he initially was able to buy better in the first place, but at worst their downgrading means a little thinking twice before buying a third car or an extension, or shopping around instead of just buying from the first shop they walk into. These people don't seem to grasp that for some people, downgrading equals moving onto the streets.

"Just last week I had to let go the guy I hire to hold my trousers up because I don't have so much money in my pockets now. And this morning, you know that guy I employ to chew my food? I have to chew my own food now! Can you believe it?! What is the economy getting to?"

As for the guy who hires somebody to walk his own dogs - why does he HAVE a dog if he's not going to look after it? What is he, 8?

Doesn't the guy get that some people have trouble eating the food of their choice, never mind sending their kids to the school of their choice? Christ, there are people who would kill for a WEEK of vacation, let alone a month!

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"I feel stuck," Schiff said. "The New York that I wanted to have is still just beyond my reach."

"Yeah, I'll never be able to buy New York if things keep going like this!"

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"I wouldn't want to whine," Schiff said.

Isn't that what you're doing right NOW?

This is why bankers keep getting their gigantic bonuses despite how fucked up the economy is right now - because dipshits like this guy have no idea of the value of money, and they don't seem to be aware that the bottom 90% manage to live without solid gold mansions and diamond-encrusted Rolls Royces.

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"People who don't have money don't understand the stress," said Alan Dlugash,

And people who DO have money don't understand the stress of needing two jobs just to make enough money to be able to eat every night.

Looks like these Wall Street assholes are going to have to learn how to do two things - budget, and save a little money away for a rainy day. But for most of us, it's already pouring.

What could a 10-year old possibly be learning that's worth $32,000?

KJM wrote:

What could a 10-year old possibly be learning that's worth $32,000?

Not responsible fiscal management, that's for darned sure.

KJM wrote:

What could a 10-year old possibly be learning that's worth $32,000?

In all honesty, $32,000 would buy a shitload of the best teaching resources possible, as well as develop a great learning environment.

But still, 32,000 big ones. For one child. Our entire school probably won't see that much in one year's budget, which is just depressing.

alt. answer: you pay more money for the same drink in classier bars and clubs to surround yourself (or, in this case, your children) with rich people and keep poor people out. Private education!

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I've been sitting here for the last half hour in shocked silence trying to find words to describe my utter disgust and contempt for this capitalist bastard and I still can't find any.

Fuck it, I'll play Devil's Advocate.

Every once in awhile these stories pop up (SOMEONE THINKS THEY'RE POOR AT 100K BECAUSE THEY HAD TO FIRE A NANNY LOLOLOL WHAT A LOSER) and I got to thinking, after reading one of those "Keeping up with the Joneses ruined me" stories:

In a way, this guy's right.

Ever heard the expression, "It's not what you know, it's who you know?"

If he takes his children out of their ridiculously overpriced school, they won't have a shot at being in the social circle of other rich people. When they grow up and graduate, they'll be in the same job market as the rest of the proles. By paying too much for private school filled with rich people's children, he is basically paying for their future. The quality of education doesn't matter. They could be learning to count to potato in 7th grade or quantum physics in the 2nd, what really matters are the connections.

Meanwhile, he lacks the status symbols necessary to prove he can be trusted with more money. One month at a rented summer home? How gauche. He should be able to entertain his superiors at a high-priced vacation home he owns himself.

This guy is a prime candidate to do something stupid and desperate: A banker obsessed with status advancement. These are the sort of people that basically engineered the housing bubble, and their frankly stupid chase of short-term gain with wanton abandon completely wrecked the world economy. I would not be surprised if this Schiff guy winds up on the list of names behind the next market disaster, like the morons at Goldman Sachs and AIG.

I hate this banker not because he's clueless, but because he embodies everything that's wrong with business in Western society.

So they won't get to be around other rich people. Good. Maybe that will give them a gods-damned sense of perspective. Welcome to the real world, where people can barely afford childcare and often rely on their relatives, where children sink or swim in public education, where dishes are washed by hand in sudsy water!

This upper-crust social circle bullshit that drives business decisions in America is exactly why America needs a good dose of socialism and government regulation.

I'm partly with Penguin on this one. Partly. I mean, the guy Schiff still repulses me, but I understand why all his shit is so important to him now.

I mean, if all his buddies are having similar troubles, maybe they can grasp that since NONE of them is on the Super-Speshul rung of society made of diamond-encrusted gold now, maybe it doesn't exist?

Except that NOOOO, if it doesn't exist these are the kinds of people who must make it.

So no, I don't feel very sorry for him when he complains that he has to budget for the first time in his life.

"So you're telling me that this year I won't be able to wallpaper my mansion with $50 bills? But all my rich friends are doing it! It's the In Thing in these times of hardship, to show off that you still have money to waste!"

Characters like this have a way of getting me in touch with my inner Communist. Every one of these whiners needs a little perspective - let's ship 'em to Siberia for a few months (or years) until they get it.

There was a follow-up interview with this guy where he bemoans the fact that he doesn't have a dishwasher like "most other Americans do", and he's been washing his dishes by hand for ~YEEEEARS~ and how tragic and down-to-earth he is for it.

It was pretty priceless, I'll link it here if I can find it again.