"Surprise!" Riker said as he boned young Wesley up the ass.

Because our forum isn't fully broken in until we start posting the classics.

Star Trek: The Next Fornication

Let me have a crack at this.

Quote :

There are scenes of single sex, couples sex, bisexual sex,
trisexual sex....

Does trisexual mean you'll try anything?

Quote :

This story is copyright 1991 by JRDIV.

Hold on, since when does fanfic get copyrighted?

Quote :

He and Deanna Troi once had a fling, but she dumped him for
growing a beard.

"When you eat my cunt, I can't tell where I end and you begin,"
she had offered as a reason....

OK, they had a sexy shaving scene in one of the movies together,
I'll give you that. But I can't see Deanna saying "cunt".

Quote :

"I'll paddle that cute, tight ass -- later, when it's quiet," Riker
thought to himseslf.

He couldn't bear to paddle an ass that farted. And we have typo!

Quote :

Wesley, however, due to his inexperience, would poke his cock into anything
that was wet -- if he ever came across anything that was wet, and if it would
let him. His previous experience had been limited to jacking off and fooling
around with a tent-mate on a holodeck camping trip.

Wesley was inexperienced, except for his experiences.

Quote :

"Captain, I'm don't think we should be so COCKsure and STIFF as we RAM
into this sector. Readings inDICKate there might be lifeforms aHEAD," the
doctor said.

Why does everyone talk like a 12 year old who thinks peppering their speech with
vaguely and/or explicitly sexual words is funny?

Quote :

"Accessing. . .blowjob. Ah! A term used to describe the oral stimulation
of the male sex organ, hopefully by a female. Going down, swallowing the
salami, tube steak boogie, slurping the sausage, giving head, tooting the
flesh tuba, playing the skin flute, playing the furry harmonica. . ."

Finally, someone in character! (OK, season 1 Data.) Can't believe this
guy completely forgot to mention that Yar and Data got it on once. (Yar was under
the influence of a space virus.) Wouldn't "furry harmonica" apply more to going
down on a woman?

And that's all I can stand for right now.

For starters, I've known of the infamous surprise sex quote but have never read this thing. So I am reading this, and I go into gigglefits. Spreadlegs. Virgin territory... massaging consoles. Coaxing their instruments. Pulsing massive columns.

Also: emoticon is relevant.
:glompfuck:

I think my favourite part is Deanna Troi, the half-Trapezoid with five holes instead of the usual three, who can "finger and dildo her cunt to the feelings of the fuck lust of everyone on the ship at night".

Also

Quote :

"Yes, Captain. I can feel the lust and the distraction she is feeling in
her horniness," Deanna said. "She is in definite need of a good porking."

and

Quote :

"I didn't expect a sort of Altarian Inquisition!" Riker responded.

The crew looked around sharply and expectantly for a few seconds, but nothing happened.

"Damn," said Lieutenant Michael Palin.

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