Sorry for the major necro!post guys, but DevouringTime alerted me today to the fact that--rejoice--a new chapter of "And then there was Lady" has at last been posted, and I just had to snark it.
SO NOW WE GET TO WITNESS TRUE LOVE.
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- Sorry I haven't done a chapter in awhile. Things have been crazy! But still. I know my writing wasn't great... at all. but I'm trying to do better. Hope you guys are doing well! Thanks for reading! Hope you like it! Bye!
Oh good! It looks like the author may actually have taken some advice. And she seems good-natured about it. So let’s see what we have to work with today…
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- As soon as they got back down to they're apartment, Neal decided to put Lady down.
No! Neal! I know Lady’s getting a little old, but the Tramp will be so upset!
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- they went to the bedroom and stood at the edge of the bed. Suddenly Lady had an Idea.
"Okay, lay down Ne- Clark."
"Really?" Neal smiled.
HE SAYS WHAT WE’RE ALL THINKING!
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- "I didn't mean it like that. I meant that I had an Idea.
“It just happens to involve a blowjob.”
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- If I put you on the floor you'd just find a way to climb back onto the bed in the middle of the night. " She shrugged.
Neal Caffrey: Serial Creeper.
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- Neal did as she said and climbed unto the right side of the bed. She went out of the Bedroom and down the Hall to the closet. She found a few extra pillows and brought them into the room. She divided the bed with pillows and climbed on the left side of the bed.
"Okay. That is your side and this is mine. Don't cross this line unless of emergency. No funny stuff. okay?" Lady demanded.
"Okay, okay. Now lets just get some sleep." Neal said as he tried to get comfortable and get some sleep.
Suuuure, Neal. Just…uh…”get comfortable” over there.
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- 4:21 AM.
Neal slowly started to wake up but he didn't know why.
Let me guess: It’s because he woke up.
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- He was woken up by a creaking sound.
WELL NOW WE KNOW WHY THEN, DON’T WE?!
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- His eyes opened wide as he heard a jiggling of the door nob. But it was louder than normal, was it a distraction?
Depends on whether or not it’s impairing your ability to sleep.
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- He wasn't sure. But he was going to take his chances.
(bolding is mine)
So he went back to sleep.
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- He slowly got up, trying to not wake Lady up just in case it was a false alarm.
Good job, Neal! Don’t alert her to the potential
danger!
Actually, wait. GOOD FOR YOU! GO NEAL GO!
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- He sat up right on the bed, looking for a weapon. Neal wasn't allowed to carry a gun so that didn't help. The only thing he could find was a lamp next to the bed. So he got up, unplugged it and took the lamp.
Hindered only for a moment by being unable to find the wall socket in the dark.
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- He was just about out the door when he remembered that Lady was still there.
Yeah, people tend to forget she’s there.
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- What if something happened?
He walked over to her edge of the bed and watched her for a minute.
Can you imagine how great it would be to wake up to Neal Caffrey standing over your bed staring at you, holding a table lamp?
WELL?! CAN YOU?!
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- "What if something happened to her because I left. But what if I don't go check out the problem..*Sighs* I'm not sure. But I'm just going to have to try something." Neal thought to himself.
There’s a really simple solution to this problem. Wake her up.
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- Neal stared at her. He put his hand on her forehead and brush the hair out of her face. He bent down and whispered "I'll be back in a few, I promise." and kissed her forehead.
Riiiiiiight. Officially getting into the “person you phone the police about” category.
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- "If this had been they're last..- No! he couldn't think that way!"
Yeesh, overreaction much? For all you know you imagined the noise in the first place.
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- It seemed as if they knew each other they're whole life.
It figures, what with all the stimulating conversations they’ve had.
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- 'Why was he so dazed by her? Why is that everything she does, she so amazing at?' thoughts like this ran through his head.
GODDAMMIT I THOUGHT WE’D ALREADY HAD THIS EXPLAINED OVER THE PAST FOUR
MOTHERFUCKING CHAPTERS.
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- It had only been 2 days. That's not suppose to happen! but why is he so sure that- No! He just had to give it time.
Has he turned into Gollum? He’s arguing with himself.
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- Even though he knew that he had to give it time... He couldn't help but smile at her. she was amazing to him.
And to everyone else, apparently.
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- then Neal snapped out of it. Right! The creaking noise!
“Oh yeah! The danger!”
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- He went out of the bedroom and down the hall. He looked down almost every corner just in case. he went through the Kitchen and living room and finally to the door. He looked through the door peephole and there was no one there that he could see. He decided to crack open the door a bit, knowing that it probably wasn't a good is idea.
AND THEN HE WAS JUMPED AND SOME BRAVE SOUL ENDED THE LIFE OF OOC!NEAL CAFFREY.
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- Suddenly he saw this flash of Orange puff trying to get through the door. He looked down and saw a Orange tabby kitten.
Well, shit. That cat tried to open the door with its paws?
Clever girl.
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- Neal started to laugh and welcomed the kitty in.
"So you were the one making all the creaking noises and jiggling the door knob by grabbing on to it. Your probably one of the neighbors cats. well it's too late to ask now. You can stay here for the night." neal smiled.
Neal locked the door and tried to find something to eat for the kitten.
Neal’s overwhelming desire to care for kittens takes over as, instead of going back to bed and mumbling about how
fucking stupid that cat must be, he tries to find some food for it at four in the morning.
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- he found a can of tuna and tried to see if the cat would eat it. He put it down on the floor and got the cat some water in a plastic bowl he found. The kitten seemed to have liked it, so Neal got out a small blanket from the closet and laid it down next to the kitten for it to sleep on.
Omg guys they’re like a real family now yaaaaaaaaay
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- Neal patted the kittens head and went back to the bedroom to get some sleep. Neal climbed into bed and got under the covers. 3 minutes later, Lady was moving around in her sleep.
…No comment.
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- she passed they're line between the bed and kicked Neal's behind. "Whoa!" Neal fell out of the bed and unto the floor.
…No comment again.
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- "That was really weird feeling.
YOU’RE MAKING THIS TOO EASY FOR ME.
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- I know you were thinking about kicking my butt but I didn't think you meant physically."
SERIOUSLY. Please just…stop?
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- He got up and climbed back in to the bed. as soon as he got underneath the covers he heard a "Meow."
It’s a pussy.
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- The kitten was in the room and jumped on the bed. It looked around and started to come toward Neal's side of the bed. The kitten climbed on Neal's feet and started kneading.
Author, what the fuck? Are you trying for this…?
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- "I don't think I'll ever get some sleep." Neal thought.
But he eventually did.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Just say something like “But after a while he found himself drifting off to sleep.”
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- 7:15 am
As soon as he woke up, he felt a warm thing by his side.
Oh for fuck’s sake.
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- and a sweet smell of Vanilla. He looked over and to his surprise it was Lady. Her arms were wrapped around him with her right hand on his chest. Her head on his shoulder. and another thing surprise him also. He had his left arm around her and his hand on her waist.
Neal gasped and pushed her away. “YOU DIDN’T STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE BED!” he screeched, jumping up and running into the bathroom to angst.
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- The kitten was sleeping on his feet. The whole moment was sweet, But he had to come out of his daydream. He slowly, really slowly got out of the bed. Lady shifted a little bit back to her side. Neal put the pillows back in the place they were before.
PUT THEM OVER HER FACE.
AND THEN PRESS DOWN.
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- but made them look messy, so she wouldn't suspect anything.
I’m starting to wonder what Neal did before he “eventually” fell asleep…
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- The Kitten woke up and yawned. It was really cute. Neal smiled and they both went in to the kitchen for some breakfast.
about 20 minutes later, Lady woke up, she sat up and looked around. The pillows were a little messy and the Lamp seemed out of place. The sheets looked as if he moved a lot last night.
So clearly, there’s some Paranormal Activity going on.
Or date rape.
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- "What was he doing?" Lady seemed real confused and a little bit of a panic.
She sees it too, huh?
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- She hear Neal voice in the kitchen. who was he talking to? She decided to listen in a bit.
"You really are cute."
"I've kinda got a thing for redheads." He laughed.
o.O
I really…I just don’t…is Neal…is he hitting on a cat?
Really? Seriously?
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- "I don't let in just anybody you know."
"What the heck?" Lady thought.
This is probably the only time I’ll ever agree with Lady.
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- "I don't know how Tres would feel about you so lets not tell her yet."
"Is he fake cheating on me? I know were not a real couple but really!" Lady Thought with shock.
Oh gurlfurrned. You must feel soooo betrayed that he’s FAKE CHEATING ON YOU.
AGAIN.
FAKE.
CHEATING.
BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP.
FAKE CHEATING ON YOU WITH A CAT.
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- Lady ran to the bathroom to try and touch up.
She has to look her sexiest if she wants to compete with the kitten.
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- She looked in the mirror and she looked like a raccoon that just ran off the highway!
I think you mean “dragged its twitching body across the highway to die after being hit by a semi.”
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- she quickly touched up and she looked great!
WELL THAT WAS EASY.
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- She ran out to the kitchen but slowed down when she was close to make it look like she just woke up.
as soon as Neal heard footsteps, he hid the kitten under the sink
Uh oh. PETA will be on him faster than Lady gets beautiful in the morning. They just know when these things happen.
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- and he turned to look back.
"Lady looks amazing when she wakes up but it looks like she just did her make up." Neal Thought.
Very smart process, Neal. What led you to that conclusion? Was it the fact that she’s wearing makeup?
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- "Hey!" He smiled.
"Hello. Is someone here? I heard voices."
"Nope no one." He smiled and finished making breakfast.
“I’m talking to myself…my precious…”
“What was that?”
“Nothing!”
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- "Oh he's good. But then again, he is a con-artist." She thought.
"you made breakfast? that's real sweet! Thanks Clark!" She smiled.
“Yeah. I made breakfast. For me. Tits or gtfo, bitch.”
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- "No Problem. anytime."
"Hey, I was wondering... Do you like cats?"
"Oh yeah! I love cats!" She exclaimed.
"That's good cause I was-" Neal was about to say.
Wondering if I could look at your—
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- "It's kittens I can't stand..."
"oh."
Neal believes this although it really doesn’t make the most sense ever when you think about it.
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- "I'm joking with you Neal. I saw the kitten when you were putting it under the sink. I really do love kittens."
“Now please take it out of the plumbing before it suffocates.”
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- "That's good." He sighed with relief.
He put the breakfast down on the table and they ate. They didn't have much conversation. They had lots of things running through they're heads.
Like: “Ohmygod. I think I just killed a kitten.”
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- Suddenly Neal got a text. saying:
"Clarke's Job: Cop.
Tres's Job: Supermodel.
Peter’s Job: Trolling.
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- you can work on the cases together when you get home. I'll send you the address's and something in the mail. Don't forget to act like a couple!
-Peter."
Okay, seriously. What the fuck.
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- "Who's the text from?" Lady asked. "Maybe that redhead?"
"Pet- I mean Evan.
“I MEAN FAKE NAME GUY WHO DOESN’T REALLY NEED A FAKE NAME. Why are we undercover again?”
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- He said to have fun at your modeling job and I need to get on down to the police station. If we receive something in the mail, you can open it for me dear.
“Especially if it’s anthrax.”
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- I've got to go."
He wrote down the modeling studio address and gave it to her. "remember that it's at 9:00"
Neal went in to the bedroom and got dressed. His things were at the office at the time.
Were they also at the place with the thing?
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- He went down the hall, towards the door and stopped.
"I almost forgot." He ran over to Lady and kissed her on the cheek. "Love you."
She blushed "Love you too." she whispered.
I will shoot someone in the face.
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- "I have to go. Have fun today." He smiled and went out the door.
"You too!" she smiled.
JUST LIKE A REAL FAMILY.
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- As soon as the door closed. She blushed a crimson red.
"ooohhh!" She squealed.
…Neal Caffrey gives women spontaneous orgasms.
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- "Wait! No... I can't be in love with Neal Caffrey!" "But he's so charming and so cute!"
And you’re so perfect! It’s a match made in the mind of a deluded author!
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- "Noo! I got to stop thinking that... Ugh...What am I going to do?"
Go to the doctor and get some meds so that you stop having shouting matches with yourself?
Anyway. That's it for chapter five...and the suspense continues to mount...in...whatever it is that they're supposed to be doing. Anyone want to place bets on what might happen? My guess is that Lady gets kidnapped. Neal, of course, will heroically go in with his table lamp and save her.
Home 
If someone with a Pit account wants to go on and troll the writer into doing another chapter, that would be awesome and impressive.
