Holyfuckingshit have you guys seen the front page of the Express today?

The Daily Express is a UK newspaper. It's similar to the Daily Mail, except it's slightly more overt in its right wing bigotry.

Here's the front page today:
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That's really it. I am not making this up.

Here's a fairly good article by the delightful Anton Vowl. It puts into words what I seem to mainly experience as just incoherent rage. That a national newspaper can run this on its front page is absolutely fucking hideous.

Nice subheadline. Oh those wacky gays with their love of Kylie and cocktails and the right to live out their orientation in the same way that straight people do. Oops, guess they ran out of room for that last bit.

Sutremaine wrote:

Nice subheadline. Oh those wacky gays with their love of Kylie and cocktails and the right to live out their orientation in the same way that straight people do. Oops, guess they ran out of room for that last bit.

It's just hideous, isn't it? All these brown forrins running around being fabulous.

ETA: Oh yuck, yuck yuck. The Star, he Express's more explicitly awful sister paper has this.

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Hey, say what you want about Texas, at least it's no longer its own country.

My god, both that headline and that subheadline are the worst I've ever seen. There are a million different ways that could be taken, as a joke, offensively, or just hellishly confusingly.

I don't think I should be taking this personally...

the asylum wrote:

I don't think I should be taking this personally...

Come to Britain. We're full, but the PC brigade WANT you to dance to Kylie and drink colourful cocktails!

ETA: Judge's comments regarding Kylie and cocktails here (page 37). Meaning is slightly different to that implied in the Express headline. Of course.

Headline: "Now Asylum If You're Gay."

Auf English, bitte? I'm trying to parse this sentence and coming up blank.

gaijinguy wrote:

Headline: "Now Asylum If You're Gay."

Auf English, bitte? I'm trying to parse this sentence and coming up blank.

The Express always report on immigration or stories involving Muslims beginning with "now". It makes it sound like they're slowly but surely TAKING OVER and you should be VERY AFRAID. I think. I don't know, it's probably grammatically correct in Thick Racist Twit English. We have lots of publications in that language over here.

Wow, that's just the kind of crap you'd see here in the South. Haphazardly straight to the point, aren't they?

gaijinguy wrote:

Auf English, bitte? I'm trying to parse this sentence and coming up blank.

'Now [you get] asylum if you're gay'

The first time I tried parsing the headline I thought for a second they were trying to put gay people in asylums. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

You too?

Aw, man, me too. People who are barely coherent should not be running newspapers. Methinks someone working for the newspaper had a stroke somewhere down the line, but he just kept coming to work and nobody noticed any difference, resulting in this.

Sutremaine wrote:

The first time I tried parsing the headline I thought for a second they were trying to put gay people in asylums. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

I thought that up to this post, actually.

I could tell what was meant by looking at the subhead, but the main header is missing a subject. "UK Now Asylum..." would've been clearer, though not as much as a complete rewrite. Frankly, they could've easily made it clearer, shorter, and just as inflammatory.

Huh. I thought it was a call to put all gay people in asylums, too.

In any event, how the hell do they get away with such blatant misrepresentation of facts?

Drabbler wrote:

Frankly, they could've easily made it clearer, shorter, and just as inflammatory.

That's why the Daily Star went with "NO ROOM FOR GAYS". It's like the Express for even less literate racists.

Adagio, it's because the UK Press Complaints Committee is run by... the fucking press. In a few days time they'll put an tiny apology on page 35 for misrepresenting the truth. It's how they roll.

I read it as "Now, Asylum, If You're Gay . . ." and wondered who Photoshopped it.

For the love of God, please crawl into a hole somewhere and die.

Well something gets lost in the translation. I showed it to Morgan, and he wanted to know who the hell Kylie was and what being gay had to do with drinking cocktails.

He also seemed to find it highly unlikely that all the gay people who emigrated to the UK had managed to take away everyone jobs.

Sutremaine wrote:

gaijinguy wrote:

Auf English, bitte? I'm trying to parse this sentence and coming up blank.

'Now [you get] asylum if you're gay'

The first time I tried parsing the headline I thought for a second they were trying to put gay people in asylums. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Thanks. The verb would've been helpful there.

the asylum wrote:

I don't think I should be taking this personally...

Now, asylum, if you're gay, I'm totally cool with that.

So they're talking about something incredibly stupid in bad English. Print media is finally catching up to the Internet! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

EileenK98 wrote:

I read it as "Now, Asylum, If You're Gay . . ." and wondered who Photoshopped it.

Same.

ITT: People take a few dipshits seriously and act like their country is overrun with dipshits.

It IS overrun with dipshits, but a different sort of dipshit.

On a tangent, I'm enjoying reading the judge. Is this how sentences are written in Britspeaking countries? Italian legalese is a logorrhoic, convoluted family tree of subordinates in which the meaning of the plainest words such as "if", "or" and "compulsory" is lost in the meanders of parataxis not unlike a mouse in a maze of mirrors.

Tick another one who at first read 'asylum' as 'bedlam', here.