Movies That are Going to Suck: Part Deux

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Kevin Tancharoen still attached to direct from Oren Uziel’s screenplay, we’ve exclusively discovered that the live-action reboot will follow a lowly unlucky supermarket employee who discovers that he has out of this world powers and must decide between good and evil, even though the evil side has helped him discover his true potential and who he really is.

Because that worked SO well for Jack Black's Gulliver's Travels.

And Will Ferrell's Land of the Lost.

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Michael Bay's Teenage Alien Ninja Whatevers has halted production and the release date has been pushed back until 2014.

Freezer wrote:

Michael Bay's Teenage Alien Ninja Whatevers has halted production and the release date has been pushed back until 2014.

Well, thank God for that.

Wouldn't better news be Bay annoucing that since everyone is so mean to him he's going to stop making movies? This movie being canned just means Bay will go make some other crapfest to rot everyone's brein.

Baby steps, baby steps. First we shoot down rebooting TMNT as aliens , then we shoot down whatever idiotic project that comes after that, THEN maybe he'll cry and go home.

Ghost in the Machine wrote:

Baby steps, baby steps. First we shoot down rebooting TMNT as aliens , then we shoot down whatever idiotic project that comes after that, THEN maybe he'll cry and go home.

If only we took the initiative with the Transformers movies.

Mr. Comic Book wrote:

*Sigh* Christopher Nolan strikes out yet AGAIN with the Batman franchise.

So, remember all that talk? Well, too bad the entire movie was awesomely awesome.

The only scene I thought wasn't as good, was Catwoman's final encounter with Bane. It should have been a tense moment. She spent the entire movie pissing her panties in fear of the guy! That's not the time for one-liners!

Apart from that, everything fit in nicely.

The Nostalgia critic said Batman should be really light if he could walk on the ice where everyone fell - but that was not the point! Bruce knows where the thick ice is, he learned it with Ra's Al Ghul back in the first movie! As for him revealing his presence, well duh. Batman deals in fear. That's how he rolls.

Jay/Cris wrote:

Mr. Comic Book wrote:

*Sigh* Christopher Nolan strikes out yet AGAIN with the Batman franchise.

So, remember all that talk? Well, too bad the entire movie was awesomely awesome.

Mr. Comic Book reminds me of one of those film reviewers who are so intent upon their highly educated opinions of what a film should be that they miss all the fun.

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The only scene I thought wasn't as good, was Catwoman's final encounter with Bane. It should have been a tense moment. She spent the entire movie pissing her panties in fear of the guy! That's not the time for one-liners!

At every point prior, she had been dealing with him without a motorcycle mounted cannon. After blasting him through the wall with said cannon, she could relax considerably.

What made no sense was the police officers rushing Bane's men, who were armed with automatic rifles, and not dying instantly. Complete fucking horseshit. "HAY, THESE GUYS ARE CHARGING US, LET'S PUT OUR WEAPONS DOWN AND PUNCH THEM!!1!"

Re: Ice

The way to get across is to lay down and low crawl across. This spreads the pressure out, making you less likely to break through.

Might get frostbitten nipples, however.

Also, was there an explanation for why Scarecrow was the "judge," or did I miss it?

Also, there was no reason for the Joker not to be in this movie, other than Nolan was too chickenshit to deal with the army of 16 year old girls who'd shit a brick if you replaced Ledger. Just thinking rationally about the Batman universe, it's unexplainable. It's established Joker can break out of Arkham pretty much whenever he feels like it. And then after Bane's prison break, he'd be back on the streets anyway.

Also, I don't think spinal injuries work that way, but whatever.

There was other stuff I remember being consternated about, but I saw the movie over a week ago and I don't remember details.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Also, there was no reason for the Joker not to be in this movie, other than

...The reality that The Joker would be on federal Death Row for his crimes, and nowhere near Gotham (Something that should've happened to the "real" Joker decades ago).

Freezer wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Also, there was no reason for the Joker not to be in this movie, other than

...The reality that The Joker would be on federal Death Row for his crimes, and nowhere near Gotham (Something that should've happened to the "real" Joker decades ago).

Actually, there was a comic in which the Joker wound up on death row, but it turned out he was innocent of the crime he'd been placed there for, so he was taken off and therefore went out and committed more crimes, thus bringing in the readers' money.

Lady Anne wrote:

Freezer wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Also, there was no reason for the Joker not to be in this movie, other than

...The reality that The Joker would be on federal Death Row for his crimes, and nowhere near Gotham (Something that should've happened to the "real" Joker decades ago).

Actually, there was a comic in which the Joker wound up on death row, but it turned out he was innocent of the crime he'd been placed there for, so he was taken off and therefore went out and committed more crimes, thus bringing in the readers' money.

I'm aware of that storyline. Doesn't take away from the fact that The Joker, while by no means sane, should've been locked up in actual jail a long time ago, at the very least. He's not legally insane: He knows right from wrong - he just doesn't care. That goes double for Ledger!Joker.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Also, was there an explanation for why Scarecrow was the "judge," or did I miss it?

Other than that Cillian Murphy is awesome? No. But Crane got arrested in the previous movie, so he'd be busted out, along with all the other prisoners.

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Also, there was no reason for the Joker not to be in this movie, other than Nolan was too chickenshit to deal with the army of 16 year old girls who'd shit a brick if you replaced Ledger.

Or. Y'know. Respect for a colleague who has passed away?

I thought an insane man can't be put on death row anyway, because they need to be responsible for their crimes, and someone who is insane isn't. Same applies to children and the mentally retarded.

Except in Texas, or course

[edit] Missed Freezer's post... Not to be nitpicky, though, but doesn't "not caring between the difference between right and wrong" one of the big selling points of sociopathy - which is a form of insanity?

I could ne making all that up, mind. I'm no psychologist and I can't be bothered to look it up right now. I'm pretty sure comic book Joker is utterly, irredeemably insane though. And Ledger!Joker should not be taken seriously on a single word he says - that whole "I don't have a plan, it's all chaos" spiel he gives to Harvey is utter bollocks for a start!

WD40 wrote:

[edit] Missed Freezer's post... Not to be nitpicky, though, but doesn't "not caring between the difference between right and wrong" one of the big selling points of sociopathy - which is a form of insanity?

There's a difference between "crazy" and "legally insane". If being a sociopath were one of the major factors in insanity pleas, how many hitmen or gang members would go to jail?

Or, to connect back ot the original point; Is The Joker (current comics flavor) that much "crazier" than The Unibomber or Charles Manson? Though Ted Kaczynski's clear mental illness kept him off Death Row, he's in prison for life.

Freezer wrote:

Lady Anne wrote:

Freezer wrote:

Mikey Go WOOGA wrote:

Also, there was no reason for the Joker not to be in this movie, other than

...The reality that The Joker would be on federal Death Row for his crimes, and nowhere near Gotham (Something that should've happened to the "real" Joker decades ago).

Actually, there was a comic in which the Joker wound up on death row, but it turned out he was innocent of the crime he'd been placed there for, so he was taken off and therefore went out and committed more crimes, thus bringing in the readers' money.

I'm aware of that storyline. Doesn't take away from the fact that The Joker, while by no means sane, should've been locked up in actual jail a long time ago, at the very least. He's not legally insane: He knows right from wrong - he just doesn't care. That goes double for Ledger!Joker.

That could be said for pretty much EVERY Batman villain in Arkham, except MAYBE the Riddler.

Jay wrote:

Other than that Cillian Murphy is awesome? No. But Crane got arrested in the previous movie, so he'd be busted out, along with all the other prisoners.

Yeah, I understand how he got out and he was great as the judge, I was just curious if it was explained how and why he ended up as the judge.

Now I remember other stuff. Like how stupid the people of Gotham are. Yes, this large guy with some scary mask who just leveled a football stadium and killed Hines Ward just pulled some paper out of his coat and read words, TOTALLY A CREDIBLE SOURCE, OBVIOUSLY DENT WAS SATAN AND WE SHOULD CHEER AS THEY RELEASE 9001 MOBSTERS FROM PRISON!!1!

Morons.

So you remember when Batman was down a hole in that place and he had to climb out and the whole thing was a test of his character and he had to change his perspective and learn to love life because if you're not afraid of death it means you have nothing to live for and so he changed his perspective and climbed up without the safety rope and made that big dangerous jump and etc.



Did anyone else notice that the safety rope was secured above the big dangerous jump?



Why didn't he just climb the rope?



I know it didn't go all the way to the top of the well or whatever but he could've climbed up above the dangerous part, right? I actually thought that's how the child escaped until the other prisoners explained it all. They should've at least showed him trying that. As it was it just bothered me for the rest of the film. It felt like the writers deliberately ignored that possibility because it didn't fit with the Message.

Also: how does Bane eat?

Cyberwulf wrote:

Did anyone else notice that the safety rope was secured above the big dangerous jump?



Why didn't he just climb the rope?

Oh, hey, that was one of the things that bothered me but I couldn't remember.

Also, just because a rope stops you five feet before you hit the ground doesn't make the landing any gentler than hitting the ground.

WD40 wrote:

Also: how does Bane eat?

A friend offered the viable idea that he's got a GI tube under his clothes.

^
He COULD take the mask off for a short period of time to woof down food. Canon!Bane wouldn't suffer withdrawal symptoms from the Venom immediately, and Nolan!Bane's painkillers or whatever the fuck the horseshit explanation was wouldn't wear off immediately either.

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except MAYBE the Riddler.

No one gives a shit about the Riddler.

Last time he did anything relevant was when he was Hush's punching bag.

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why isn't Joker on death row?

Asking this is like asking why the Professor on Gilligan's Island could make a TV out of coconuts but couldn't fix their damn boat.



Ok.... judging from the trailer this doesn't look..... bad......

It just seems all too easy for a blaxploitation movie made by a white director to be little else than.... unfortunate.

I think the real question re: Batman's Rouges Gallery is "Why Arkham Asylum hasn't has been razed yet?" The place is the archtypical cardboard prison. If a real state prison (and make no mistake, Arkham is a prison in all but name) had Arkham's record of escapes and employee casualties (hell, either/or), at the very least, the state government would've come in and cleaned house years ago. Not to mention Arkham, IIRC, is basically a 19th century sanitarium. It was never meant to be an actual prison, let alone one for the kind of freaks it houses. Securing the place must be a nightmare.

Granted, you can't really have Batman without Arkham, but at least giving lip service as to why the place isn't a vacant lot would be nice. Unlike addressing the Joker thing (which would only highlight how virtually impossible it is for him to still be breathing, let alone continually tossed back into Arkham.), I think you'd have room to wiggle on this (can't afford to put them elsewhere", someone's pulling strings to keep Arkham open, good ol' bureaucratic stupidity, etc)