Cameron's Avatar, the last mindbender...

Hi all! Been a while!


I figure before I started posting again, I’d best prove myself by dropping a spork. I was tempted to head into the easy-pickings of the X-men fandom, as is my want, but then I noticed the lack of Avatar badfics here… This can’t be right, I thought, there must be some
crappy ones out there!


So off I went and boy there are some doozies in there! I’ve got a few bookmarked for future sporks but for now let’s look at Keep Your Mind Wide Open by hannahrulzthehart.

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My parents had finally had it with me. I had pulled one too many pranks on the Dean of my school. This time, I tricked her
microphone during the assembly, making her voice really deep. Then, as she was running away, she opened the door and a bucket of dog crap fell on her (don’t ask how I got it).Apparently, that was “one joke too far” as my dad had said.

So, they’re sending me to a place called Pandora to “spend time” with my newly-discovered half-brother, Jake. As I boarded the shuttle, Mom hugged me. “Remember, this is for your own good,” she whispered. “Whatever,” I said, but held her tight. “I
love you,” she said. “I love you too,” I replied. I just glared at Dad, since this was his idea in the first place.

[Insert casual and tired observation over abuse of standard story structure, prose, grammar and language here, you know the drill]


The premise of the story is just bizarre…


Our Sue du jour Nellana Sully (seriously?) gets into trouble at school, so she is sent to “Spend time” (Why the quotation marks? What are they insinuating?) with her newly-discovered half-brother Jake Sully.


Now, I’m all for correctional boot-camps but seriously? Some bint misbehaves at school so she is shipped 4.37 light years, (According to the film this is a near seven-year trip) to a hazardous, toxic and recently war-torn planet to spend time with her half-brother, who has only recently taken part in a full-scale rebellion causing the deaths of hundreds and effectively exiling mankind from the planet (or at least a rather large region of it.) And on top of that, she is given her own vat-grown Avatar, a biological and technological marvel costing billions to develop.

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He took me outside, and I sat in the grass, my face mask blurring everything every time I exhaled. I ran my fingers through it.

And now she’s Kitty Pride...

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I prepared to pull a blade out, when a voice said, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” I turned around and saw a boy my age. “I’m Jason,” he said, sitting next to me. “Well you’re not me, are you?” I asked and pulled out a blade.


“Apparently not,” Jason said. “I’m Nelly, by the way,” I replied. “Why are you here?” he asked. I explained what happened with my parents. “Guess they thought this was a boot camp or something.” “At least they would pay attention to you. The only reason I’m here is because I was nearly starved. Luckily my Uncle Norm was able to bring me here,” Jason explained.

You know, with an extreme stretching of logic and a total abandonment of the world as set in the film I can buy Pandora becoming a boot camp, but why is Jason here? He was sent to Pandora because he nearly starved to death? What is this, a combination correctional faculty and buffet?


So, Nelly gets her Avatar:

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“Nelly! Can you hear me?” Norm said, snapping his fingers in my ear. I nodded. I sat up. “Wow, I’m freaking blue!” I yelled, getting up. “No Nelly, take it slow!” Norm yelled. “Nope!” I yelled, running out the door. But I heard Norm say, “Oh yeah, she’s Jake’s sister all right.” Norm caught me and handed me clothes.

Yeah, it’s in the movie and it was fun then so I’ll just do it again here... Saves me the time of figuring out how a normal person would react in the situation.


Nelly meets her half brother Jake.

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“So this is the ruling, almighty,pole-up-his-ass half-brother I’ve heard so much about?” I asked back. “I do not have a pole up my ass,” he said, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. “Hey! Put me down!” I yelled, hitting him on the back. “And you said I have a pole up my ass,” he said, carrying me into the forest.

It’s almost sad... It’s as if the author has seen a funny conversation once, and is trying her best to recreate the event without fully understanding how it was done...


So we get a sequence of Nelly, the boarding school reject and her half brother, current chief of the Omaticaya Clan and the sixth Toruk Makto splashing in a river before we are introduced to Neytiri and Jake’s daughter: Va’ni.

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“Aww, you were just excited to meet me that’s all. Right bro?” I asked, draping an arm around his neck and hugging him. He made a choking sound and I rolled my eyes, taking off my arm.

[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Huh?

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“I was,” Jake muttered. I ruffled his hair, and then slapped the back of his head while doing so.

With your disembodied arm, I assume!

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“Hey guys, Norm wants us back at the station,” Jenny, the now-dead helicopter driver Trudy’s and Max’s daughter, said.

WHA?


OK, Dr. Max Patel, is a canonical character, and one of the scientists who remained on Pandora after the war, but exactly when did he and Trudy have a kid? In fact, when did they even speak? And how the fuck was the kid born? Are we going into Mpreg territory here?


Besides, Trudy was originally scripted to be involved with Norm (http://james-camerons-avatar.wikia.com/wiki/Trudy_Chacon)



In chapter 2, Nelly wanders off and gets lost...

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I finally found a fallen tree. Right when I was about to climb into its roots, I was attacked from behind. I turned the torch and was facing a Palulukan. If I make the bond, maybe it could take me to the base, I thought.

Palulukan is the Na’vi name for the Thanator critter, the gigantic purple predator thing. At no point is it insinuated that it is possible to ‘bond’ with it. Even if it was, why would it know the location of Nelly’s base camp?

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It was horrifying, knowing I came from the same species as those monsters.

This sentence is stupid on so many levels...


Nelly is human, even her Na’vi body is not native, it is vat grown, and even if she was a home-grown Pandoran native, she’d only come from the same species as the Thanator as a human would with an Aardwolf.

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I stayed up until eleven on a school night writing this, so review please!

Sweetheart, get your sleep for school, you need it.

Chapter 3 starts and somewhere in-between the end of Chapter 2 an this Nelly’s avatar body has been found and returned to safety... apparently in one night.


Jake takes Nelly to the tree of souls...

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“You just put yourself in the Tree of Souls. Congratulations, you’re officially a Na’vi,”

Na’vi standards have dropped somewhat since Jake took over... It took a hell of a lot more than that for him to be accepted.


Nelly falls asleep, has a dream and this causes some concern:

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“Nelly! Nelly can you hear me?” I opened my eyes and saw Jake. “Hey Jake,” I murmured. “I thought you’d passed out,” Jake said, breathing a sigh of relief. “You just collapsed.” “I’m sorry, I fell asleep,” I explained.


“Just don’t scare me like that,” he said. “Who are you, my father? Oh wait, you’re not a bastard like him,” I replied. “I better not be,” Jake mumbled.

Taking bets that our author has some daddy issues...


Nelly makes a vlog:

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I looked out the window and saw Jake and Neytiri walking around the garden. “Speak of the lovebirds,” I snorted, turning the camera to face them. “Aren’t they adorable?” I asked the camera, watching them hold hands. Jake walked behind her, making their shadow look like a fat penguin with the way they walked.

Shadows on Pandora are weird… If hilarious…

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“I can’t wait to find my special someone, just like Jake with Neytiri,” I said, smiling. “This is Nelly Sully, signing out!” I turned the
camera off. I walked into the lounge and saw Norm sitting on the couch. “Hey scientist, what’s up?” I asked, sitting next to him. “I have to tell you something, and you have to promise not to tell anybody,” Norm said, not looked at me, just staring out the window.


“Norm, what’s going on?” I asked, touching his hand. “Nelly, I’m dying.”

Dun-Dun-Dunnnnn!





Oh boy!


Well, that’s it so far… I submit this fic to the house… Enjoy!

WD40 wrote:

Palulukan is the Na’vi name for the Thanator critter, the gigantic purple predator thing. At no point is it insinuated that it is possible to ‘bond’ with it. Even if it was, why would it know the location of Nelly’s base camp?

Doesn't Neytiri bond with one in the final battle and ride it to rescue Jake from the Mecha-Colonel? Or was that a different giant predator thing?

You've already covered the most obvious lapses in basic logic in this story, but just to recap so I've got things straight:

a) An intractable teenage girl was shipped several light years, at no doubt vast expense, because her parents didn't know what else to do with her?
b) Said teenage girl was given a canonically vastly expensive alternate body?
c) Said teenage girl was shipped to, and given a body to live on, a planet that most humans have recently been booted off and told not to return to? (Admittedly, if Jake and Neytiri have a kid, it must be a few years later, so perhaps diplomatic relations with the Na'Vi are being re-opened.)

Keith Fraser wrote:

WD40 wrote:

Palulukan is the Na’vi name for the Thanator critter, the gigantic purple predator thing. At no point is it insinuated that it is possible to ‘bond’ with it. Even if it was, why would it know the location of Nelly’s base camp?

Doesn't Neytiri bond with one in the final battle and ride it to rescue Jake from the Mecha-Colonel? Or was that a different giant predator thing?

At least one Thanator and a bunch of the smaller critters fought alongside the Na'vi in the final battle, but they did so due to 'the will of the spirit tree' or some other hippie nonsense. There was no 'bonding' akin to the sort they do with the horse-things or the Dragon-thingies.

On the most part, the Na'vi are terrified of them... As would any sane creature.

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You've already covered the most obvious lapses in basic logic in this story, but just to recap so I've got things straight:

a) An intractable teenage girl was shipped several light years, at no doubt vast expense, because her parents didn't know what else to do with her?
b) Said teenage girl was given a canonically vastly expensive alternate body?
c) Said teenage girl was shipped to, and given a body to live on, a planet that most humans have recently been booted off and told not to return to? (Admittedly, if Jake and Neytiri have a kid, it must be a few years later, so perhaps diplomatic relations with the Na'Vi are being re-opened.)

Pretty much... Brilliant, huh?

I mentioned that I had a few Avatar fics bookmarked, right? Well, here’s the next on the list.


Presenting: I See You by Kiaalah


According to the authour’s profle, he/she’s Slovakian, so I’ll go a little easier on the English, not much, they’re obviously competent enough in English to post a fanfc...

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A/N: Hey there! As it was written in the summary this is a JakexOC fic. But very important – I made some major changes. Jake isn’t the Jake from Earth, he’s a native Na’vi called Ja’ali. (I just liked his face ). Also, Pandora’s atmosphere isn’t toxic, people can breathe there normally. And, the Na’vi are about the same height as humans.

Kiaalah’s next project is a Lord of the Rings fic in which Hobbits are human, Aragorn is an orc and The One Ring is a Banoffee Pie.

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,,You absolutely cannot do that!“ shouted Grace Augustine for at least the third time. ,,The people discover a new untouched world and the first thing you do is destroy their natural environment, and as much as even THINK about enslaving them?! Are you totally out of your mind, Quaritch?!“

Those commas at the start are not a mistake, they precede every paragraph I the first few chapters of this fic… Apparently that’s how quotation marks are done in Slovakia, and the author forgot… She gets better later on…

I don’t know where the enslaving thing came from, TEH BIG EVIL CORP in the film couldn’t give two shits about the Na’vi, they’re a hindrance, not a resource, and as this fic already makes it clear that the native atmosphere isn’t toxic, then human labor would be a hell of a lot easier and cheaper…

Regardless, Grace here is directing her comments to the wrong person; Quaritch is the leader of the Merc force, not the project leader.

Thakfully, the proper person interjects here, as if knowing that Grace is supposed to be addressing
him.

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He looked Grace in the eyes. ,,We won‘t profit only from a better processed ore and thus more customers – we‘ll also have cheap labor!“ he smiled triumphantly, but seeing Graces face, he stopped.

Yeah, because the untrained, uncooperative, native race of some backwards planet are the perfect labor for our high-tech mining equipment…

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,,Grace, I‘m really sorry. You know there are mightier people than me and...“ said Selfridge, but was interrupted by Grace.


,,Oh, I hear this sentence everytime I ask you something! Can we have one more Avatar? Sorry, there are mightier people than me. Can we have more lab assistants? Sorry, there are mightier people than me. Can I have a cup of coffee? Sorry, there are mightier people than me. It‘s useless trying to ask you anything!“

“This explains why I started this conversation… Wait…”

So we’re introduced to Eliza, our heroine…

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Grace wouldn’t let her have her own Avatar.

It’s not like they’re a fucking Bicycle!

What part of ‘Billion-Dollar biological and technological marvel’ don’t these fanbrats understand… Jake was only recruited because his
twin brother was dead, and his Avatar was already grown, thus, bringing Jake in was an exercise in saving a metric shitload of cash.


Eliza decides to run away to warn the Na’vi, leaving a note for her mom to find pinned to the coffee machine in the communal cafeteria…


I don’t know why, either…

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,,Hi mom! I knew you’d grab some coffee first. Smiley. I can’t let that moron Quaritch destroy the Na’vis. As you read this, I’m probably on my way to their Hometree (or killed by a viperwolf). Don’t worry, I’ll come back as soon as possible. Don’t forget to kick that bastard’s retarded ass. Love, Eliza.”

Hi mom! Heartshape! I might be In mortal danger, or if not, I’m dead. Smileyface. I’ll just name one of the most unhinged people in the base, call him a bastard and write about how you’re gonna kick his ass, regardless of how insignificant his role is in the corporation’s plans. Then I’ll pin this message out in the open where everyone will see it! KTHXBI!

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,,What do you wanna do? Arrest me?”

,,Exactly.” he smirked. A few more soldiers appeared behind him.

Eliza is a moron.

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Eliza was desperately trying to avoid all the puddles, tree branches and poisonous animals that there could be. She managed to last quite some time, though this was her first time in a jungle, not to mention an alien jungle far away from Earth.

,,Well, at least I’m in the same galaxy, right?” she said to herself. ,,Feels kinda like home.”

You’re in Alpha Centuri, on a moon orbiting a gas giant, you dumb bitch! There is nothing surrounding you that should remind you of home…

Actually, what am I saying? The previous chapter told us that Eliza had lived here since the age of 5, so this, actually, should feel like home to her… Damn, this fic is stupid!

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With every passing hour she was getting more desperate. She packed everything – a flashlight, some water, food, fresh clothes…but of course, no goddamned map.

Eliza is a moron.


And is quickly jumped by a troop of Na’vi…

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,,What do you want, human woman?” said the Na’vi male, still holding the bow in an attacking position. Some other Na’vis came out of the forest.


Damn mother. She steadily refused to teach her the Na’vi language. According to her opinion, it was the best to learn it from the Na’vi themselves, and not from a human. But even that would help a little, especially in this kind of situation.

Well, evidently, Eliza gets her smarts from her mom…

Unfortunately for us, the Na’vi don’t kill Eliza on the spot. Instead, Ja’ail recommends they take her back to their home.


Eliza wakes up in a cell.

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When her eyes got used to the darkness she looked around. The room was small. Instead of a bed there was a kind of hammock, the one Na’vis slept in.

For the record, Na’vi sleep in large leaves.


Meanwhile, back at the base:

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“What do you want to do to her?” Grace asked desperately, closed in the only jail cell they had on the station.

Yup, this advanced,off-world mining colony with thousands of employees and a small standing army has ONE jail cell…


Back at the Na’vi village, Eliza is trying to communicate with he natives:

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Her gesture was followed only by silence. The Na’vi didn’t even look at her. Eliza was sure she had to hear her, she was standing just about two meters away from her. Maybe she didn’t speak English.


“I thank you for the food.” she tried to speak slowlier.

Yup… If one thing being British has taught me it is that if those smelly foreigners don’t understand you at first, the best thing to do is speak L-O-U-D-E-R A-N-D S-L-O-W-E-R!


Eventually, Eliza and Ja’ali get to talking.

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He sat down in front of her.


“My name is Ja’ali. What is your name?”


“Eh…I-I’m Eliza..” she was still a bit shocked that he actually came in and was willing to talk to
her.


Now that she saw him so close to her, she realised that the physical appearance of the Na’vi wasn’t that different from the human one. She noticed that his body was well built and his face was very handsome, though it wasn’t human. Some of his facial features resembled those of a panther.

Which is weird, because mostly Na’vi look like the bastard offspring of a smurf and the computer-generated Garfield.

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“You have not seen what we have seen. The Sky people have come here. We welcomed them, treated them as friends. And then, all of a sudden, the very same Sky people started to dig huge holes into our land. They killed a lot of trees and animals. They killed a lot of Na’vi.”


[…]


Eliza was at a loss of words. She has always known what the humans were doing here, but she’s never seen it from the opposite point of view. She understood why the Na’vis would hate them, but she still needed to convince them to believe her.

This is despite the lecture Grace was giving at the start of the fic, right? Did Eliza spend the last 14 years of her life with her fingers in her ears?

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For Eliza, it was the same as a good dream someone wakes you up from. You have to open your eyes to turn off the alarm-clock that has kept you from dreaming again. Only this time, the beautiful dream were barely known creatures on a far-away planet and the alarm-clock were her own species.

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Well, after a page and a half of Eliza and Ja’ail making googly eyes at each other we finally return to Grace in the cell back at the base.

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She lifted up her gaze to see a nervous look in the eyes of her long-time colleague Max Patel.

“What…a-are you…?” she was at a complete loss of words.

“Listen carefully, we don’t have time to waste. I was contacted by a Na’vi male today. They obviously kept some of our communication necklaces. I wonder how he knew how to use them…”

“Hi! I’m Max! I’m here to point out the plot holes!”


Eliza meets back up with Grace… more googly eyes… the Pandoran forest at night…

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“W-Wait…did anything happen?”


“No.”

And an author’s note:

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Well…I’m not really happy with this chapter, but I still hope at least someone might like it. Btw, it had to be weird how Grace escaped so easily, but I can’t imagine anyone escaping from there, so I just skipped that scene :D

It isn’t as important for the storyline anyways.

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Well, apparently something happens in the next two chapters, but I’m too bored to go and find out…

You guys help yourselves though…

IIRC, the thing with EvilCorp recruiting the Na'vi as workers is canon, albeit All There In The Manual. That was partly why they initiated the Avatar program and tried to educate them. (This is one of the things that should have been mentioned in the movie.)

That aside, yeah, WTF? Why change half the premise of the storyline? And if Pandora's atmosphere and environment are survivable by normal humans, and the Na'vi are not inhumanly big, why would they have an Avatar program at all? Gah.

Keith Fraser wrote:

That aside, yeah, WTF? Why change half the premise of the storyline?

Well, many felt that the storyline was lacking because it really was, in effect, Pocahontas In Space With More Shrooms.

However, seeing as the people generally writing fanfiction of this ilk are usually fans (i.e. did not share this sentiment) with no real writing ability or training, so... Got nothing.

Keith Fraser wrote:

And if Pandora's atmosphere and environment are survivable by normal humans, and the Na'vi are not inhumanly big, why would they have an Avatar program at all?

Because while toxic air and a huge height difference make human/Na'vi TWU WUV a bit difficult, the Avatars are wicked awesome and therefore must happen. It doesn't matter why they're there, what the original purpose was, or anything plot related. THE WILL OF THE FANBRAT MUST BE UPHELD!

WD40 wrote:

Keith Fraser wrote:

WD40 wrote:

Palulukan is the Na’vi name for the Thanator critter, the gigantic purple predator thing. At no point is it insinuated that it is possible to ‘bond’ with it. Even if it was, why would it know the location of Nelly’s base camp?

Doesn't Neytiri bond with one in the final battle and ride it to rescue Jake from the Mecha-Colonel? Or was that a different giant predator thing?

At least one Thanator and a bunch of the smaller critters fought alongside the Na'vi in the final battle, but they did so due to 'the will of the spirit tree' or some other hippie nonsense. There was no 'bonding' akin to the sort they do with the horse-things or the Dragon-thingies.

On the most part, the Na'vi are terrified of them... As would any sane creature.

A friend of mine with better attention to detail has recently pointed out to me that Neytiri does indeed use her psychic-hair-tentilce to bond with the Thanator.

So... My bad, you were right.

However, we still both agree that doing this would still be a bad idea, regardless, and still ultimatly pointless.

@ Dixon: I don't, what?

SirDixonDongs wrote:

~~~~you are now pregnant, jake sully~~~~

It's a Nostalgia Critic joke...go watch his and Nostalgia Chick's review of Ferngully.

Get a life all of you. If you've got nothing better to do than bash other people's fanfictions, I really feel sorry for you. Don't like, don't read!

I've read a lot of fanfictions that were pure crap, but that doesn't give me any reason to publicly mock the author OR his/her story. Some people like it anyways, or at least have enough imagination not to care about certain facts (e.g. why they had just one jail-cell: how the hell does it matter in the story?)

A fanfiction is written by FANS, which doesn't always mean professional writers. Also, not everyone was born British. I takes a hell of a time to learn English and I'd love to see you doing so and end up speaking fluently and without any mistakes.

I'd love to read a fanfiction written by you, since you have enough talent to criticize others.

And yes, I obviously DID log in to the wrong website.

henusik wrote:

Get a life all of you. If you've got nothing better to do than bash other people's fanfictions, I really feel sorry for you. Don't like, don't read!

I've read a lot of fanfictions that were pure crap, but that doesn't give me any reason to publicly mock the author OR his/her story. Some people like it anyways, or at least have enough imagination not to care about certain facts (e.g. why they had just one jail-cell: how the hell does it matter in the story?)

A fanfiction is written by FANS, which doesn't always mean professional writers. Also, not everyone was born British. I takes a hell of a time to learn English and I'd love to see you doing so and end up speaking fluently and without any mistakes.

I'd love to read a fanfiction written by you, since you have enough talent to criticize others.

And yes, I obviously DID log in to the wrong website.

Eeeeeeeeeeee! Where's my camera? It's a live example of fanbrattus totallus!

henusik wrote:

I takes a hell of a time to learn English and I'd love to see you doing so and end up speaking fluently and without any mistakes.

You either missed a 't' after that 'I' or used the wrong conjugation of 'take', and missed out part of the phrase 'a long time' while adding your intensifier. Additionally, 'doing' needs to be 'do' and 'English' should be 'a foreign language' as the majority of us have English as a native language and therefore do speak it fluently.

If you're trolling, then what I quoted deserves a round of applause.

take your camera if you have nothing better to do with your time.
At least it proves my point that it's difficult not to make any mistakes when English is your second language.

henusik wrote:

Lets see... how many franbrat cliches have we got here?

If you're sporking you are pathetic, DUN LYK DUN READ, we are not pros, Do as I say, not as I do when it comes to proper English, I'd like to see your do better on the fanfic front...

...OMG YAY!! BINGO!!! Where's my prize?

henusik wrote:

Don't like, don't read!

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Also, this.

henusik wrote:

Also, not everyone was born British.

True. Some of us were born in other English-speaking countries.

henusik wrote:

take your camera if you have nothing better to do with your time.
At least it proves my point that it's difficult not to make any mistakes when English is your second language.

English is my second language and I don't seem to have those oh-so-horrible problems you're speaking of, dear. The same goes for the vast majority of foreign visitors on this board. And guess what: There are these nice people called beta readers who will *GASP* read your story and fix your mistakes! Find one, use one. The "BLUH ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE HOW DARE YOU" response to criticism makes those of us who actually put an effort into their writing look bad.

That said, thanks for the stereotypical fanbrat meltdown, complete with "IT'S JUST A STORY ZOMG", "I LIKE TO SEE YOU DO BETTER" and the eternal war cry "DUN LIEK DUN REEEEEEEED!!!!11" It's been a while!

henusik wrote:

Get a life all of you. If you've got nothing better to do than bash other people's fanfictions, I really feel sorry for you. Don't like, don't read!

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I've read a lot of fanfictions that were pure crap, but that doesn't give me any reason to publicly mock the author OR his/her story.

If you are going to post your fic in pubic, then you'd better be prepared for this... And why do I need a specific right to poke fun at something that is bad or stupid, or both? And if I do need a right, where can I get one... I mean, I'm a Film student, and I'd hate to suddenly find out that all those reviews I've been writing are illigal, bacause I don't have the proper licence...

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Some people like it anyways,

So what I've got to say really doesn't matter does it?

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or at least have enough imagination not to care about certain facts (e.g. why they had just one jail-cell: how the hell does it matter in the story?)

It matters because it makes no sense... Making sense shows effort and care in the creation of a story, rather than a half-harted & Half-arsed 'I wanna make it this way, so there'.

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A fanfiction is written by FANS, which doesn't always mean professional writers.

No one said it was... Nor did anyone say that professional writers don't also produce pieces of crap... What does matter is that people put effort into their stories to mae them as good as possiable. There is precious little evedence of this in the two fics I've been poking fun at. All there is evedence of is a chronic misunderstanding of both english, literature and the source material. And surely, respect and knowedge of the source material is important for fans?

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Also, not everyone was born British. I takes a hell of a time to learn English and I'd love to see you doing so and end up speaking fluently and without any mistakes.

You'll notice that I did make a note of that...

At uni, I work alongside three French immigrants, two Poles, a Romanian, two Pakistanis and even a Canadian (:p). All of whom take extreme care and attention to their work to ensure it is up to standard. Infact, because of this, their work tends to outshine some of the native Brit students. It is a show of effort and care.

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I'd love to read a fanfiction written by you, since you have enough talent to criticize others.

I can't make shoes, but I know a good pair when I wear them.

Why does the ability to create an artifact need to be a prerequsite for the critisism of that artifact? This arguement makes no sense...

Would you not listen to Roger Ebert's or Johnathon Ross's film reviews because they themselves have never made a film?

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And yes, I obviously DID log in to the wrong website.

So long as you know... I do hope you come back though, calm down, have a cup of tea and slowly, carefully and with an open mind, read these answers. Then just chill out.

Cheers,

WD40

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A/N: Hey there! As it was written in the summary this is a JakexOC fic. But very important – I made some major changes. Jake isn’t the Jake from Earth, he’s a native Na’vi called Ja’ali. (I just liked his face ). Also, Pandora’s atmosphere isn’t toxic, people can breathe there normally. And, the Na’vi are about the same height as humans.

"Hi! I love [insert character here], but I hate their name, personality, beliefs, background, ethnicity, opinions, teeth color and feet size. In fact, I just like [insert random unimportant characteristic here] about them! I also love [insert fictional universe Character is from here], but I don't hate the setting, the culture or pretty much anything about it, so I'm completely warping to match my tastes! Plz r&r!!1"

...Wouldn't it be easier to, yanno, just write an original story?

Wildstyle wrote:

...Wouldn't it be easier to, yanno, just write an original story?

But then how do you get people to read it?

grmblfjx wrote:

Wildstyle wrote:

...Wouldn't it be easier to, yanno, just write an original story?

But then how do you get people to read it?

You don't. Which is why so many writers find it easier to write what amounts to original fiction, then shoehorn it into a certain fandom, add in a few canon characters, and try to pass it off as fanfic.

grmblfjx wrote:

Wildstyle wrote:

...Wouldn't it be easier to, yanno, just write an original story?

But then how do you get people to read it?

So people'd rather be crucified for raping Random Fictional Universe with a rusty steel pipe than posting their story at, say, FictionPress?

...

Seriously?

henusik wrote:

Get a life all of you. If you've got nothing better to do than bash other people's fanfictions, I really feel sorry for you. Don't like, don't read!

'Don't Like, Don't Read' is a ridiculous rule. If you don't read it, how are you supposed to know that you don't like it? Will it be foretold in your breakfast bowl of cereal?

henusik wrote:

I've read a lot of fanfictions that were pure crap, but that doesn't give me any reason to publicly mock the author OR his/her story. Some people like it anyways, or at least have enough imagination not to care about certain facts (e.g. why they had just one jail-cell: how the hell does it matter in the story?)

It's amusing to share bad fanfiction and point out just what's wrong with it, and if the author were to come across the MST'd version, it *might* help them improve their writing. *Might*.
Also, Henusik, it matters because it's extremely unrealistic, and therefore makes the story less believable. It's hard for an unbelievable story to be good. Popular opinion does nothing for plotholes. Example: Twilight and its fangirls.

henusik wrote:

A fanfiction is written by FANS, which doesn't always mean professional writers. Also, not everyone was born British. I takes a hell of a time to learn English and I'd love to see you doing so and end up speaking fluently and without any mistakes.

Not being a professional is no excuse for the level of bad writing displayed in many fanfics. Is not being a prostitute an excuse for giving a blowjob with biting involved?
And, this isn't about speaking English fluently. This is about blatant plotholes, characters who are complete Mary Sues, and screwing up the canon so badly that it gives people headaches.

henusik wrote:

I'd love to read a fanfiction written by you, since you have enough talent to criticize others.

Okay. Head on over to fanfiction.net, look up Catnip Banana. I've got a couple of fics, my non-crack Twilight bit being the one I'm most proud of.

henusik wrote:

And yes, I obviously DID log in to the wrong website.

When did you figure that out, pray tell?