Avatar Sue at its worst

As of late, I’ve been in the mood for a little Avatar: The Last AirBender FanFiction. How couldn’t I not enjoy such a fantastic Fandom? The story in itself is amazing, the characters are interesting, it’s one of the few things in life that can, in fact be entertaining.

And then I found Avatar: The Real Story Book 1 . Hey, a story that actually sound interesting by the title alone. What are the chances it could have the same hilarity as The Real Legend of Zelda? A title that adorable can’t harmful, can it?

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A/N: Avatar: The Real Story is about a 14 year old Avatar: The Last Airbender fan girl named Isabella (AKA Izzy) and her three best friends in the year 2012. The Avatar cycle is mysteriously changed at the Avatar World and the new Avatar is born in our world, but it takes 100 yrs to develop the Avatar spirit in this world. Isabella finds out shes the new avatar, her friends help her and teleport to the Avatar world. The Avatar world is not exactly the same of the show. There are a few things I've changed. One of them is that the Avatar world's languages are French, Portugues, Italian, Spanish, and English. But the Asian cultures of the show hasn't been changed. It's not because I'm racist or anything like that. But there is a reason for those big changes. Also, the characters of the show will appear in this story, though I might have changed one character's personality a bit, which is Aang. He's not the Avatar this time.

[Dives out of his seat screaming]
Sweet Optimus Christ!

Unfortunately, it just turns out to be a BAMFing!Sue Fic, which, while not as traumatic as MPREG where Sokka carries Zuko’s child [takes a very cold shower to tear the mental image from his subconscious] but it’s up there in the standards which provide us the list of how not to write FanFiction.

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"Ugh! Play! Stupid DVD!" She exclaimed. Isabella is kneeling in front of a DVD player with a 45" flat screen TV hovering over her head inserting a scratched up DVD from an Avatar: The Last Airbender Book 3 DVD case, that she bought two years ago.

“Stupid Region 2 DVDs! Who the hell used these as coasters?”

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"Isabella, those DVDs are all scratched up. It was like that for a year." Her mom called out to her from the kitchen, speaking Spanish."Stop trying. Why don't you buy another set from EBay?"

“Or, you know, have them repaired? A kit only costs $30 nowadays.”

Among other things in this story, the writing itself is very poor quality.

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Her mother always spoke to her in Spanish, it was more easier for her...since she always spoke Spanish back when she was still living in Peru, Lima. So Isabella always try to speak Spanish, and sometimes even Spanglish, so it would be easier for her mom.

Spanglish, the language invented to understand the great Egon Spengler!

The writing itself is just poor. It’s like reading what could pass for ADD.

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"No, Mom. These DVDs are hard to find ANYWHERE, even on EBay. And the ones I do find cost way to much." Isabella responded back in Spanish."It's like they banned big fans of Avatar, like me, from watching any more of that AWESOME cartoon!".

“I can only seem to find Region 2 DVDs!”
“You can always watch The Abridged Series.”

But poor Sue can’t get her fix from the face-melting awesome and instead calls up her friends. She shares her innermost thoughts in a style very akin to someone with ADD that has little to do with the story as a whole:

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Mishale and her brother, Tedio, were fraternal twins. Both Gemini. She knows lots about the zodiac signs and she knew Geminis don't get along with her sign, which is Taurus. She wondered why they were still friends, for seven years straight, since Isabella was seven years old. The twins were one year older than her. But they're friendship is strong.

There is no snark for this amount of drooling.

We then get a little exposition, with even more irrelevant nonsense:

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Isabella used to have a crush on Tedio, after the gift he gave her on her 8th birthday. A big teddy bear. It was stupid and at first she didn't like it but the next day she found herself snuggling with the teddy. She kept it ever since. But her small 'crush' she had on him faded away maybe around the last day of 6th grade. He was just a childhood crush. That didn't stop her from hugging it every night, remembering the good times the trio had together.

The trio was instantly broken up when a Molten Core raid went horribly wrong. Guilds were disbanded, crafted items were disenchanted, and players quit and went to play Runescape. It was a dark day.

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"Hey Fizzy!" Her friend Nicola answered in a mocking tone.

"Don't call me that!" Isabella whined.

[Isabella] You know I prefer Flat and Tasteless!
[Nicola] “Sorry, Barq’s!”

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"Ha ha ha.'Kay!" she giggled." So why you called?"
"Nikki, could you come over my house in like an hour?"
"Sure Izz!" Nicola said in a optimistic tone."BTW... Did you go to that movie yesterday, the one I told you about the last time I called?"

“You know, that one movie at that one time, at that place, with that guy?”

Who seriously talks like this?

Then we get some more exposition with irrelevance added in:

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Nicola is too girly for her but she doesn't care. She's fun to be around with sometimes, except when Nikki starts talking about which purse goes with which outfit and which eyeshadow color brings out the color in her eyes and she giggles too often and crap like that. But she's fun to talk to on other topics. The thing is that she's a Sagittarius. They don't get along with Tauruses either. Maybe Astrology isn't right all the time. They were friends for two years.

“While my mind is wandering, pink frilly shirts don’t go well with turquoise leg socks and purple skirts. The stars are never aligned right when I want to wear them.”

And the reason the Sue calls up her best friends? She’s moving to France. Why? Well, her ramblings explain that:

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he had a reason for calling her three best friends over. She was moving to France for a couple years because her mom found this big job that pays her and her husband, Isabella's step father, Jose, and they were paying them 50 dollars each hour for 10 hours. That's 500 dollars a day! That's a lot, and it's almost unbelievable.

Hell, the explanation is unbelievable. Is that $500 a day being counted for Euro-to-dollar conversion?

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But Jose's friend is working there and he has a huge mansion in Paris. So it isn't a trick or anything. And it's a very great opportunity for the small Isabella will miss her friends so much. She doesn't have much friends 'cause she a bit antisocial so it'll be hard to find friends in France. So she's calling her besties over to have fun on the last day being here in North Carolina. She already said her farewells to her other friends by phone. Her baggage is already packed. There's no turning back; Tomorrow she's going to France.

And she chooses at the last minute to call her BESTEST FWENDS to tell them the news.



What? What the hell? What kind of person tells their best friends the day BEFORE you leave for France that you’re leaving? Were the stars not in proper alignment to announce it beforehand? This is what’s called a dick move.

Anyway, after a quick pointless self degradation, we change to the Sue’s point of view. Why? Because being in her head makes about as much sense as the rest of this story.

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"So why you called us here all of the sudden?" Mimi asked with curiosity in her voice.
"I have bad news and good news..." I said slowly, afraid of what will be their reaction.
"What's the bad news?"
"IammovingtoFrancefortwoyears..." I said quickly.
"WHAT?" Everyone screamed. I flinched.
"Wait.. What's the good news?" Tedio asked optimistically.

“We saved more than fifteen percent on our car insurance by switching to Geico.”
[Crickets]
“Really?”
“Well, what’d you want me say? It’s not like I had time to write this down! I’m not Leno’s writer!”

Of course, the friends go off to make the most of the day the Sue goes to France. During a forest hike (Really? How original is that?), they get lost.

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"I thought you said you knew the place by heart!" Tedio yelled.
"I did! I've been hiking here for years! I don't know how I got lost!" Isabella yelled back.
An hour later of walking, they saw a large clearing in from in between the trees.
"Look! I think we've made it!" Isabella screeched excitedly as she galloped toward the clearing.

Nope! Even more lost!

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Isabella exited from the trees expecting to see a grassy plain with a street at the other side, where they started. But it was only a grassy plain in the middle of the never-ending forest... and there was a strange boulder with a flat top, right in the center of the clearing. Isabella sighed. But she was curious about the boulder. She recognized it from somewhere. But definitely not during a normal hike in these woods.
"It's nothing, let's go to another direction" Mishale said.
But Isabella ignored her and went toward the peculiar boulder. There seemed to be four tiny items on top of the boulder. They were four rings. She smiled greatly and knowingly.'Now I know where I've seen this...' she thought mysteriously.

“I KNEW I shouldn’t have fallen asleep while watching Krod Mandoon…”

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"W-What is it?" Tedio said anxiously.
"I-I've seen th-these before!" Isabella stuttered with glee."I've seen them in my...dreams! I can't believe these are real!"
"What dreams?" Nicola asked.
"These strange dreams I keep dreaming since I was in 3rd grade! About four rings and four friends. And other stuff..." she sputtered out. She didn't want to say much about it.

Because the whole Dark Lord of Mordor wouldn’t have made any sense.

And in the end, they find their way back and the chapter ends there.

It’s a disappointing story. I mean very disappointing. The characters are dull, the pacing drags on forever like a Stephen King novel, and the writing is utter crap. And the whole story is made worse with this one author’s note at the end:

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P.S. Izzy's Personality is a LOT like mine. And yes, I'm a Taurus and i look a bit like her, i have tanned skin and black hair and i'm Peruvian! AND... Isabella is my middle name! So it's like I'm in the story except I have a different name and i might not look exactly like her and some stuff might not be true about me...
=)...=(...

[Jumps out a window screaming]

This entire thing reads like a hyperactive middle-schooler watched snippets of various movies and TV shows and then smooshed them together into...whatever the hell this is. Does Avatar itself even get mentioned again apart from her DVDs?

Sheba wrote:

This entire thing reads like a hyperactive middle-schooler watched snippets of various movies and TV shows and then smooshed them together into...whatever the hell this is. Does Avatar itself even get mentioned again apart from her DVDs?

I think it starts picking up in the second chapter, but I'm not going back in to find out. It was a pain in the ass as it was trying to write the review (My connection kept giving up on me in the middle of writing the review, so I what I tried to post never showed up. I finally said, "Fuck it!" and wrote the review in Word, copied to post, and posted it that way.), I'd rather not go back for more.

So basically, the story really has nothing to do with Avatar The Last Airbender, and is just about Izzy-Sue and her friends? Don't they have an Original Story section at the Pit any more?

I mean, this is like me writing about a day in my own life, with the occasional mention of Dr. Who, Torchwood, True Blood and Dexter in it, then deciding it belongs in the Dr. Who, Torchwood True Blood, Dexter, AND crossover sections.

ogod this is a goldmine. Someone needs to spork this crap, even if it's just the choicest bits.

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A/N: Avatar: The Real Story is about a 14 year old Avatar: The Last Airbender fan girl named Isabella (AKA Izzy) and her three best friends in the year 2012.

I don't think your own life counts as ATLA fanfiction just because you're a fan, dear. Also, calling your fanfiction "The Real Story" is just ridiculously pretentious.

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The Avatar cycle is mysteriously changed at the Avatar World and the new Avatar is born in our world, but it takes 100 yrs to develop the Avatar spirit in this world.

NO THAT IS NOT MAKE SENSE

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Isabella finds out shes the new avatar, her friends help her and teleport to the Avatar world.

So, Izzy's friends suddenly have magickal teleportan powers in our world. How convenient.

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The Avatar world is not exactly the same of the show. There are a few things I've changed. One of them is that the Avatar world's languages are French, Portugues, Italian, Spanish, and English.

Don't butcher my language, you goddamn phillistine.

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But the Asian cultures of the show hasn't been changed. It's not because I'm racist or anything like that. But there is a reason for those big changes.

Reason being "Moon language shows up as rectangles when I use babel fish ;_;"

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Also, the characters of the show will appear in this story, though I might have changed one character's personality a bit, which is Aang. He's not the Avatar this time.

So, you changed THE REASON AANG IS ALIVE IN THE SERIES TO BEGIN WITH. Either you write about 100 years before (which means no Toph, Sokka, Azula, Zuko, Ozai...) or you have Aang dead (since he wouldn't be spared in the Airbender genocide).

TheIan wrote:

It was a pain in the ass as it was trying to write the review (My connection kept giving up on me in the middle of writing the review, so I what I tried to post never showed up. I finally said, "Fuck it!" and wrote the review in Word, copied to post, and posted it that way.), I'd rather not go back for more.

It still hasn't shown up. Too bad.

All these Sue!thors remind me of a neighbour of mine, who kept ordering a menu at a restaurant, but insisted on changing EVERY SINGLE ingredient until she got something entirely different. And got away with it.

Why eat Chinese at all if you're gonna change it to Tapas?

Alright, it's been a long time since I've snarked anything (mostly because I don't look for things anymore, but Ian just brought this to us like a cat brings a dead mouse carcass to your doorstep), let's give it a go... *cracks knuckles*

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Isabella is kneeling in front of a DVD player

Is she really kneeling in front of the DVD player, Suethor?

IS SHE?

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She had all the Avatar DVDs and even the DVDs from the The Last Airbender saga, even though she didn't like the movies.

She owns all the Avatar movies, even though she doesn't like them? Or, when she says movie, does she mean the Shyamalan movie? But that was only one movie, so why the plural movies?

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"Isabella, those DVDs are all scratched up. It was like that for a year." Her mom called out to her from the kitchen, speaking Spanish

Really? Because I'm pretty sure that looks like English.

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"No, Mom. These DVDs are hard to find ANYWHERE, even on EBay.

Avatar was a pretty popular show. It shouldn't be too hard to find...

Oh. Our little Suethor just doesn't know how to Google.

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She was already starting to forget all the episodes and characters from the show. She always loved watching it, but since a year ago, the DVDs stop working. She was devastated. She watched Avatar: The Legend of Korra, which made her feel better, but it was just a mini-series.

Weeks. Months went by. Yet still, she couldn't seem to get the Avatar fix she so craved. Her body began to slowly waste away, depleted of the nutrients only Avatar could provide. Until eventually, all that was left of the little Suethor was dust. The end.

...

Oh, wait, the story goes on. I'm so sorry.

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Isabella used to have a crush on Tedio, after the gift he gave her on her 8th birthday. A big teddy bear. It was stupid and at first she didn't like it but the next day she found herself snuggling with the teddy. She kept it ever since. But her small 'crush' she had on him faded away maybe around the last day of 6th grade. He was just a childhood crush. That didn't stop her from hugging it every night, remembering the good times the trio had together.

Blahblahblahblahblah....

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"Sure Izz!" Nicola said in a optimistic tone."BTW... Did you go to that movie yesterday, the one I told you about the last time I called?"

"No, I haven't gotten to see That Movie yet. Is it good?"

"Oh, it was excellent! It lagged a bit towards the middle, but I personally thought That Movie was really good."

"Cool. I'll have to go see it, sometime."

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Izzy sighed." ." She said plainly.

Wait a second. She can talk in punctuation marks? That's amazing! I need to know more about this girl who talks in periods and exclamation points! My mind is blown! Carry on, Suethor. Was she born with this ability, or did it develop over time?

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Nicola is too girly for her but she doesn't care. She's fun to be around with sometimes, except when Nikki starts talking about which purse goes with which outfit and which eyeshadow color brings out the color in her eyes and she giggles too often and crap like that. But she's fun to talk to on other topics. The thing is that she's a Sagittarius. They don't get along with Tauruses either. Maybe Astrology isn't right all the time. They were friends for two years.

Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahshitnoonecaresaboutblahblahblahblah...

Someone needs to teach this girl about "showing not telling".

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She was moving to France for a couple years because her mom found this big job

This job was so goddamn fucking big it blocked out the motherfucking sun! Jesus Christ, it was a big job! It was big enough to hold two, smaller jobs in it! Holy shit down Christs screaming gullet it was a big fucking job!

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and they were paying them 50 dollars each hour for 10 hours.

So wait, 50 dollars an hour for 10 hours. They're only going to work 10 hours? That's only $500 dollars for one temp job, babe. That's a pretty crappy pay.

50 dollars per hour for 10 hours for a few years. That means they're not even working the 10 hours in one sitting, they're stretching it out over a few years. Ok, a few is about 3, so I'll estimate about three years. Ten divided by 3 is 3.34. 3.34 * 50 = 167. Your parents are only going to be making about $167 per year. Christ, I hope they have a second job!

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But Jose's friend is working there and he has a huge mansion in Paris. So it isn't a trick or anything.

NO DON'T GO! A rich Frenchman inviting you over to his mansion? Haven't you ever read The 120 Days of Sodom? It's a trap!

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And it's a very great opportunity for the small Isabella will miss her friends so much.

In fact, she'll never find a better opportunity to miss her friends! Moving to a whole new country opens so many doorways to friend-missing!

From the suethor's profile wrote:

I'm making a story based on Avatar: The Last Airbender, called Avatar: The Real Story! I warn you, it's gonna be very long! I'm planning to keep writing this story until i'm over with high school. u know, to have something to do afterschool or when i have nothing to do, and it could help me with school too.

Should we start a betting pool on when she abandons this fanfic?

Also from the profile wrote:

some of the characters go through emotional moments sometimes and this story has good life messages but not in the beginning though. another warning, there will be zutara, taang, and sukka in this story, but after a LONG while. if u don't like it, dont read it...

See, she's keeping Aang so he can be paired with Toph. And so he can see the heart-wrenching, mind-boggling massacre of Katara's initial hatred for Zuko turn into mooshy, gooshy good-girl-and-bad-boy-forEVUR dreck.

And if you don't like it? HAH, go away. Cause she's going to be workin' on this story for years.

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I was listening to my iPod Touch, Singing along to the song 'Your Love Is My Drug' By Ke$ha. That song was 2 years old [because it's 2012]

Well done author, it only took you two chapters to finally say what year all this insanity is set in.