The Truth For Youth: These Are Your Tracts On Animu

Yes, fundies point to that and smile smugly while munching on their Christmas hams.

Penguin wrote:

I'm pretty sure there's a line from Jesus somewhere about nothing he said undoing any of God's previous laws.

What Jesus actually said was that he wasn't there to end the law, but to "complete" it, a statement which, without personal interpretation, is profound in it's utter uselessness. Paul was the one who actually decided to toss the dietary restrictions and keep the gay hating for no real reason.

God I hate that kids T-shirts. Can he go a single day without wearing a shirt with a religious theme? He reminds me of these kids that went to my high school, and every day they'd wear these douchey T-shirts that were either Pro-Life advertisements or Christianity advertisements (most of the time: both). It just made you want to walk up to them and start angrily disagreeing with them on the spot, or at the very least ask them if they ever changed their shirt.

Paul had a mind for theology, but he also had his own issues, particularly with sex. Paul seemed to view sex not as worthwhile in its own right but as an unfortunate distraction, a weakness of the flesh that marriage was created to satisfy--while real men would forsake sex for the Kingdom.

Lapin wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

Chaltab wrote:

What it really comes down to is that admitting that these elements of Biblical law were social constructs rather than immutable moral principles straight from the finger of GOD HIMSELF is anathema to the fundamentalist mindset. Admitting that means admitting that any other part of the Bible might be open to societal bias!

And by fundie logic, that means you have to throw the whole thing out, because they're lazy and don't want to go through the effort of actually thinking about what they believe.

This. my father was rare amongst Pentecostal ministers in that he always insisted in separating actual Biblical precepts (things that were said by Christ himself) from things that were either holdovers from Old Testament Law or societal norms for the time the New Testament was written. As far as he was concerned, none of the Old Testament laws (with the exception of the Ten Commandment) had any bearing on Christians in the present day because the birth of Christ rendered them moot.

There's really nothing you can do about the idiots Inky, beyond tell them to go to a religious class.

Yeah, I know. It's just frustrating living in fundie-ville, surrounded by people like the girl in my class who told my history teacher that the reason the Behring Land Bridge was submerged in the ocean is because Noah's flood raised sea levels.

D:

*Blinks* I take it back, what you in particular need is a Louisville Slugger with the words "Natural Selection" written on it. And then you need to start swinging, because there's no coming back from that kind of stupid.

Keith Fraser wrote:

Quick back-of-the-envelope calculation...

(snip)

That's right; condoms are made of degenerate matter.

Holy shit, dude, how big an envelope do you HAVE?

Lysander wrote:

No immortal creature would have a sex drive. Even pleasure implies a
nervous system, which implies that they have a brain or something like
it which we can put bullets in. You just can't be a demon and have
anatomy.

Well, then what the sam scratch did I summon last night, 'cause it's got anatomy out the--uh...I mean yes, that's highly sound from an evolutionary standpoint, good show.

Although really, it's probably a mistake to try to view demons from an evo-psych perspective in the first place, given that they're from a different dimension by nature, and thus undoubtedly hold to a different set of rules. Heaven and Hell aren't exactly logical places by the standards of the universe we inhabit. Probably a quantum thing...always bloody quantum.

Chaltab wrote:

Paul had a mind for theology, but he also had his own issues, particularly with sex.

You can just read the deeply-repressed homosexual desires dripping off the page when he writes about it.

Delcat wrote:

Although really, it's probably a mistake to try to view demons from an evo-psych perspective in the first place, given that they're from a different dimension by nature, and thus undoubtedly hold to a different set of rules.

Best way to learn those rules: dissection!

Lysander wrote:

Chaltab wrote:

Paul had a mind for theology, but he also had his own issues, particularly with sex.

You can just read the deeply-repressed homosexual desires dripping off the page when he writes about it.

Dude, I hate that, it gets all over the place. And its a bitch to get out of the carpet.

Spoiler:

Zeiss Manifold: Today’s teens are deciding to evolve at an alarming rate! Good thing the Truth For Youth is here to make a stand.
InkWeaver: Evolution = White Supremacy.
InkWeaver: What do you EXPECT from those dirty SCIENCE-LOVING NERDS
InkWeaver: Honestly, I don't know how you get from "the missing links" to "racist"
InkWeaver: I think they're just calling them ugly and stupid. and possibly hairy, if that generically Asian kid's 'do is anything to go by.
Zeiss Manifold: Hey, at least our racists are learning something.
InkWeaver: Oh my god, is that kid wearing pooka shells?
InkWeaver: DOUCHEBAG ALERT DOUCHEBAG ALERT DOUCHEBAG ALERT
Zeiss Manifold: Just another stop on the Dave Matthews Museum Tour '10.
Zeiss Manifold: In all fairness, I think that kid's face is a missing link. Specifically between "anger" and "lockjaw".
InkWeaver: His face is slanting at an alarming angle in panel 3.
Zeiss Manifold: The whole panel is slanting.
Zeiss Manifold: "What can you expect when they're taught that SILLY MAN ANIMALS evolved from apes?"
InkWeaver: It looks almost as though he is about to punch himself in the face.
InkWeaver: Also, last panel: SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAT
Zeiss Manifold: THIS COMIC IS WACK
Zeiss Manifold:

Spoiler:

InkWeaver: Oh.
InkWeaver: My.
InkWeaver: Sweet.
InkWeaver: baby.
InkWeaver: JESUS.
InkWeaver: HOW CAN THIS BE SERIOUS
InkWeaver: tl;dr: SCIENCE CANNOT MIX WITH RELIGION EVER OR YOU GO TO HELL, YOUNG MAN.
Zeiss Manifold: tl;dr - IF EVOLUTION IS REAL, HOW COME WE NEVER SEE AN ALLIGATOR TURN INTO A TREE
InkWeaver: This is going to make me rage, I think.
Zeiss Manifold: Let's just run this down:
Zeiss Manifold: First panel: Black people never stopped evolving. People never stop evolving. And apparently that's a Tokyopop chart because it reads right to left.
InkWeaver: "See those flowers? They look like the artist majorly half-assed them!"
InkWeaver: Goddammit, SCIENCE and RELIGION are not MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, FUCKBAGS.
Zeiss Manifold: BLACK DUDES DID NOT SUDDENLY TURN INTO WHITE DUDES AT LEVEL 32, thank you very much.
Zeiss Manifold: I hate constantly having to bring up Pokemon in this things, but honestly, I seriously believe that's their model for how they think evolution works.
InkWeaver: Zeiss, obviously if that were true, they'd be able to press B.
InkWeaver: It looks to me like the second guy in that evolution line-up is carrying a baseball bat.
InkWeaver: I hate this comic after a single page, Zeiss.
InkWeaver: I hate these authors. HATE.
Zeiss Manifold: Panels 2-4: "Ramapithecus", while not on the same evolutionary branch as us, was an ancestor of modern orangutans - what the writers would surely call a transitional species, if you will. Australopithecus isn't "just another ape" or even a single species, it's an entire genus that, again, may not be a direct ancestor of our species but is inded a transitional one - mostly because ALL SPECIES ARE “TRANSITIONAL SPECIES” AS ANIMALS DO NOT HAVE SET “FINAL FORMS” AND SHIT AND HABITATS AND OTHER STUFF HAVE A WEIRD HABIT OF "CHANGING" EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE YOU DIG.
Zeiss Manifold: "Piltdown Man" was "discovered" nearly a century ago when our knowledge about human evolutionary history and techniques of uncovering it weren't nearly as developed as they are today, and while the hoax may have persisted for a while, guess who debunked it, and "debunked" the species you just listed as well. SCIENTISTS THAT'S WHO. YOU'RE USING STUFF PUT FORTH BY SCIENTISTS TO PROVE THAT SCIENTISTS ARE EVIL WHAT.
Zeiss Manifold: and homo erectus and GODDAMN NEANDERTHALS are NOT FUCKING MODERN PEOPLE the hell are you on about
Zeiss Manifold: have you ever seen a neanderthal skeleton EVER
Zeiss Manifold: And panels 5-7: FLOWERS=PICTURES OF FLOWERS
InkWeaver: Well, I think you just about covered it.
Zeiss Manifold: In short:
Zeiss Manifold:
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Zeiss Manifold: Grah, this is just...God. I'm calling for backup on this one.
InkWeaver: QUICK ZEISS
InkWeaver: SPEED DIAL 9

Spoiler:

Narwhal: I HAVE READ THIS BEFORE
Narwhal: because
Narwhal: it was HANDED to me
Narwhal: you have no idea where i been, man
Narwhal: no idea where i been.
Zeiss Manifold: CLEARLY NOT AT THE BEGINNING OF TIME if this is anything to go by.
Narwhal: and p.s.
Narwhal: startin this bitch off:
Narwhal: "As you can see I have a blonde girl evolving out of the back of my head /as we speak/."
Narwhal: and check out that dramatic bus shot
Zeiss Manifold: Yeah, they're all butch like that.
Narwhal: i guess sandra bullock's driving the bus
Zeiss Manifold: FUNDIE BUS FUNDIE BUS RIDIN' ON A FUNDIE BUS
InkWeaver: Second panel, first speech bubble: IRONY.
Narwhal: they're truckin' for that tv screen or whatever it is
InkWeaver: theeeee FUNDIES ON THE BUS GO WHINE WHINE WHINE
Narwhal: those kids are about to find out who's fucking right about god being real BECAUSE THEY ABOUT TO DIE
InkWeaver: AMAZINGLY INNACCURATE
InkWeaver: AT TIMES
InkWeaver: **AT** **TIMES*** FUCKER
Narwhal: and evidently this kid's ear studied all about living aquatic mosses
Narwhal: "You know, your cochlea actually makes a very good point, there."
InkWeaver: Okay, this kid is clearly doing what all fundies do best. Interrupting before the sensible guy can respond, and bulldozing him with fundie "facts."
Narwhal: okay, this is total bullshit
Zeiss Manifold: And being off by a few centuries in some cases doesn't really matter when the time scales for the history of the earth involve *billions* of years, but whatever, IF YOU LIKE CARBON DATING SO MUCH WHY DON'T YOU MARRY IT is the theme I think they're going for here.
InkWeaver: Oh, Asian kid. creationists CAN explain it.
InkWeaver: GOD DID IT GOD DID IT GOD DID IT GOD DID IT
Narwhal: no two poorly-drawn anime 5th graders would have this conversation. ever.
Narwhal: you know he's reading that off of a wikipedia article
Narwhal: if he starts going on about the number of elephants tripling in recent years you KNOW what's up
Narwhal: not even /then/
InkWeaver: I wish I could see the full name of their school on the side of the bus. Methinks it would be a really poor pun.
InkWeaver: What if they were really really well drawn
Zeiss Manifold: I actually appreciate the art this time around, just because the old versions look like they were drawn by fucking serial killers.
InkWeaver: In the blood of victims?!
Zeiss Manifold: It it's possible to render such in MS Paint, then yes.
Narwhal: omg, look at that kid checking out the other kid's finger
Narwhal: in the bottom panel on the left
Narwhal: look at his face.
Narwhal: he's like, "i want you to do things to me with that finger"
Zeiss Manifold: he's just STARING at it
Narwhal: "ooh gurl that finger is so fine."
InkWeaver: No, he's SMIRKING lasciviously at it.
InkWeaver: Generic Asian Boy looks like American Dragon Jake Long.
Narwhal: that show is just so bad
Narwhal: i feel embarassed for the guy who thought it up
Narwhal: you know at the water cooler all the other cartoon idea people look down on him.
InkWeaver: Did you guys notice how shiny those windows are?
InkWeaver: No way. On our old buses, I don't think anyone could see or be seen long enough for us to mouth "Oh god please help" to passing motorists
Narwhal: that's because GOD'S WATCHING, inky.
Narwhal: he wants those windows squeaky clean
Narwhal: he's making a list and checking it twice
InkWeaver: most of the time the buses just had "FUCKING WASH ME ALREADY GOOD CHRIST" scrawled into the dirt.
Narwhal: and if you like science better then FUCK YOUR SHIT
Zeiss Manifold: In short:
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
Narwhal: ours just had penises.
Narwhal: you must have gone to a nice school.

Spoiler:

Zeiss Manifold: Second panel: ASIAN KID IS CROSSING THE BUTCH/FEMME LINE AT ASTONISHING SPEED
Narwhal: oh my god. he looks like he's breaking out into song in panel 2
Narwhal: this is suddenly a musical
Narwhal: this is now a duet
Narwhal: now, when you read the rest of this, you will imagine them singing it to one another
Narwhal: you know there has to be that comical moment in the song where they volley back and forth
Narwhal: ANYTHING YOU BELIEVE WHAT I BELIEVE'S BETTER, MY SET OF VALUES IS BETTER THAN YOURS
Narwhal: (NO IT AIN'T)
Narwhal: YES IT IS
Narwhal: (NO IT AIN'T)
Narwhal: YES IT IS YESSS ITT IIIISSSSSS
InkWeaver: OH MY GOD ZEISS
InkWeaver: SECOND PANEL: MY CRAZY JESUS GIRL STORY IS COMING TO LIFE
InkWeaver: I MEAN COMIC
Zeiss Manifold: OH GOD
Zeiss Manifold: and oh man I am imagining this as a musical so hard
Zeiss Manifold: There's a bullshit "science" like a great black pit and the fundies of the world inhabit it and it's data ain't worth what a pig could spit and it's name is CREATIONISM
InkWeaver: Bottom right panel.
Narwhal: i really like how they cited the bible there. as if it were, you know, a credible reference to use in a scientific debate
InkWeaver: Asian Kid says what I've always wanted to say to fundies arguing with me.
Narwhal: or a credible reference period.
InkWeaver: "So in other words, you've run out of real evidence for me?"
InkWeaver: "No Vince"
InkWeaver: "FUCKING YES, NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP"
Narwhal: "As you can see, Timmy, snakes never poop. They don't have a butt*"
* Knitting Circle Weekly, page 8 par. 3
InkWeaver: Oh my god, he did not just convince Vince with a fucking simile that did NOT have ANYTHING to do with what he juts said.
Narwhal: i would like to submit that Generic Asian's face in the panel on the bottom left is fucking hilarious. that is all.
Zeiss Manifold: He looks like a painted pumpkin.
InkWeaver: "But Vincent, think of it this way! If I didn't color this Precious Moments coloring book myself, then it would've remained uncolored. I was the designer just like god designs you!'
InkWeaver: "Dude, what the hell"
InkWeaver: "They're cute okay and my sunday school teacher says it's okay 'cause they're hugging and trying to catch a frog"
Narwhal: it looks like the type of face harley would draw on a furry that she considered to be "saucy"
InkWeaver: Fourth panel, boy's about to get splooged on.
Zeiss Manifold: and CELLS=BICYCLES i have no idea what these people are even going on about anymore.
Narwhal: there's bad, deviantart anime face all up on this motherfucking brochure
InkWeaver: Last panel: SWEET BABY JESUS a fucking GIANT AMOEBA IS GOING TO DEVOUR THEM
Narwhal: no it's not!
InkWeaver: The Science Gods are tired of his bullshit, so they sent a giant... monster... cell thing.
Narwhal: that amoeba's like, "Joe, JOE, are you listening to this? Are you /hearing/ this fundie kid?"
Narwhal: they are not there to introduce violence to the situation
Narwhal: that's just ignorant to suggest
InkWeaver: It's not violence. It's natural selection.
Narwhal: they're just chilling in the museum
InkWeaver: "dude, you will not believe what this badly drawn fifth grader is saying"
InkWeaver: "Hold on, I'm gonna slide down the action lines, gimme a second"
Zeiss Manifold: Those aren't just action lines, that's Carl Sagan's spaceship coming down to slap some sense into these people.
Zeiss Manifold: "TIME TO STRATIFY SOME DUDES"
Narwhal: you guys, if we're open-minded enough to arbitrarily make both of our main characters minorities in a sad attempt to seem less ignorant, i think we can be accepting of amoebas in public places.
Narwhal: i, personally, am against segregation
InkWeaver: you know, I wouldn't have noticed the minorities thing if it weren't for the fact that every single one of these comics has a main character, usually the Good Guy as a minority.
InkWeaver: And I'm not against that, but it's pretty obvious.
Narwhal: omg, it's SO obvious
Zeiss Manifold: And in the old versions, basically everyone was white. COINCIDENCE?
Narwhal: this is how old white people in boardrooms try to appear super-not-racist
InkWeaver: THE TRUTH FOR YOUTH (WITH 67% MORE INTEGRATION)
Narwhal: these are the same guys who quibble over the ratio of how many minorities is too few in a commercial, and how many would make the white people uncomfortable
Narwhal: "No, Jim, only have ONE of the construction workers in the background be Hispanic. We don't want people thinking they'll get robbed if they come to Subway."
Zeiss Manifold: In short:
Zeiss Manifold:
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Spoiler:

Narwhal: LOLOLOL FIRST PANEL
Narwhal: he got sick of this argument so he just left a cardboard cutout of himself there
InkWeaver: A cardboard cutout with a "c'mon myaaaan" face
InkWeaver: FROG
InkWeaver: I
InkWeaver: PRINCE
InkWeaver: THIS
Narwhal: more like BITCH U SRS
InkWeaver: NO.
Zeiss Manifold: That's Ramapithecus comin' back to clear it's name. Through punching.
Narwhal: the monkey's in the background like, "I AM RELATED TO BOTH OF YOU. get over it."
InkWeaver: All the inhabitants of the museum are coming to watch.
Zeiss Manifold: and "Religious belief of atheism" fuck it
InkWeaver: Actually, the monkey has the exact same facial expression as Cardboard Cutout.
Narwhal: HOLD UP HOLD UP HOLD UP
Narwhal: my many years of playing with those i-spy books has led me to a startling discovery
Narwhal: 2nd panel down, the last guy out the door.
Narwhal: he has BLUE HAIR.
Zeiss Manifold: Apparently they ARE set on making this a manga
Narwhal: ....
Narwhal: that was it.
InkWeaver: Oh my god, the last panel Asian Kid is almost the exact same as the first one.
Narwhal: that was my big discovery.
InkWeaver: HE IS A CARDBOARD CUTOUT
Narwhal: HAHAHAHAH HE IS
Narwhal: he keeps one of those handy
Narwhal: cardboard cutout that has a pre-recorded voice that ends up agreeing about God lovingly sculpting each and every one of us out of clay with his pretty, pretty hands.
InkWeaver: "I love god. Yes, I love god. You are correct."
InkWeaver: "WOOF WOOF WOOF"
InkWeaver: "SCRUFFY GET OUT OF MY ROOM I'M TRYING TO RECORD *ahem* God is great. You are so right."
Zeiss Manifold: Fourth panel: Even the sun gets fed up with this shit, goes nova.
Narwhal: no, that's God
Narwhal: he's like "SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. Look, I started this shit rolling, but I have better stuff to do than sit around fucking creating everything. It EVOLVED."
InkWeaver: I will bet you money that the black kid is getting a Truth for Youth Bible out of his satchel in the last panel.
Narwhal: "Look at that blonde dipshit swinging from that tree there. Do I need to send down another stone tablet to you retards?"
InkWeaver: And with this PRODUCT PLACEMENT, you TOO can be ignorant as dogshit!
Zeiss Manifold: If they start going on about "microevolution" in the next panel I swear I'm going to turn into a Ramapithecus myself and start stalking Asian kids
Zeiss Manifold: And Last panel: THANK YOU FOR MISSING THE ENTIRE POINT OF SCIENCE
Narwhal: we could all be wrong
Narwhal: this could turn out to be a "dick-in-a-box" type situation
Narwhal: "You can be saved too! All you have to do is accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. And suck my bootylicious one."
InkWeaver: No, he holds the bible in front of his crotch, secretly inserting his dick into the hole.
InkWeaver: For extreme touchability!
Narwhal: fuck that
Zeiss Manifold: I am totally imagining a Truth For Youth comic about dickboxing now
Narwhal: this asian kid is totally just humoring him
InkWeaver: "With this new edition of the Truth For Youth Bible, you can FEEL the LOVE OF GOD! You can STROKE the love of God!"
Zeiss Manifold: they could combine it with sexting and save 20%
Narwhal: he's going to go to his stereotypical asian house and practice his karate and play with his rubiks cube and use this bible as a fucking doorstop
Narwhal: he doesn't need that shit, he knows science.
InkWeaver: cuz hez relly gewd at maths
InkWeaver: and he's
InkWeaver: AMERICAN DRAGONNNNNNN
InkWeaver: AMERICAN DRAGOOOOOOOOOOOON
Narwhal: just like the protagonist here's going to invite him to the basketball game at youth group
InkWeaver: And then over to his house for fried chicken?
Zeiss Manifold: too bad they're standing in the middle of an AMOEBA STAMPEDE
Narwhal: the only reason they're even forced to talk to each other is because the only other people that agreed to appear in this comic are all the white people from the old comics, and they're all racist and won't talk to them.
Narwhal: there's one guy in the background who's muttering bitterly to himself, "/I/ used to star in this comic!"
Zeiss Manifold: In short:
Zeiss Manifold:
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Spoiler:

Zeiss Manifold: why does that kid have a golden snitch constantly floating in front of his shirt
Narwhal: was the lice version of Jesus was born in a little manger in this kid's hair somewhere? cause i can't think of any reason why the star of Bethlehem is just chilling over his head like that.
Narwhal: if you take this comic into photoshop and zoom in real far, you can see the three little Lice Men trekking up this kid's shirt with frankincense and myrrh
InkWeaver: OH MY GOD THIS IS SO A PARODY
InkWeaver: THERE IS NO OTHER WAY YOU WILL CONVINCE ME
InkWeaver: THAT PANEL, WITH THE 50s SCHOOLKIDS HAPPY FACES AND
Zeiss Manifold: So before he was telling Asian Kid about how there's no objective reality and now he's telling him about the absolute truth. Huh.
InkWeaver: " you mean I don't have to EARN God's love?"
InkWeaver: "NOPE! Jesus died for your sins so go out and rape as many women as you want and kill all the white devils and eat virgins!"
Narwhal: they are both touching their junk in the last panel
Narwhal: "Man, giving myself to Christ makes me so hard."
Zeiss Manifold: ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF TRUTH FOR YOUTH, BLACK DUDE AND ASIAN KID ATTEMPT TO COUNT THE SWEARS IN THE FOSSIL RECORD
Narwhal: "Dude, I know, I've been flying at half mast since we started talking on the bus."
Zeiss Manifold: It explains everyone's reactions, really.
InkWeaver: oh my god
InkWeaver: black guy in the back of the last panel
InkWeaver: he's like "what the fug"
Narwhal: see, this is why i think that the person they commissioned to do this was an atheist:
Narwhal: look at the teenagers in the background of the last panel
Narwhal: because that kid with the glasses is making the same face i would be making
InkWeaver: Looking over his glasses like, "What the fuck are those two losers doing?"
Zeiss Manifold: That's actually the main black dude from the future, coming to give a few choice words to his past self.
Zeiss Manifold: "Yeah, I know what you think about bicycles being alive, but bear with me here..."
Narwhal: more like, "Have fun not getting laid in college and regarding Scene-It as third base."
Narwhal: no, no, i'm wrong.
Narwhal: i like your theory better, Zeiss
Narwhal: on the next page he rushes at them and shouts, "NO! DON'T TALK TO HIM! Listen to me, I'm from the future! 30 years from now he'll be president and fuck up everything and turn our country into a fascist hellhole! Wait, you're not getting OFF the bus? You're already getting back ON? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Zeiss Manifold: However, his words prove ineffective and the night devolves into an awkward, breathy Guitar Praise fondle session which starts the whole cycle in motion again
Narwhal: oh, guitar praise
Narwhal: with that one asshole who can't really play the guitar at all
InkWeaver: No, no, with the one who sings into the microphone like someone shoved a fucking whisk up his nose.
Narwhal: he knows like 3 chords and goes, "uhm, wait" in between all of them to get his fingers ready for the next one.
InkWeaver: And people raise their hands in the air at it.
Narwhal: you guys
Narwhal: i have BEEN there
InkWeaver: ME TOO.
Narwhal: remember that one thread about the jesus rapper?
Narwhal: I SHOOK THE MAN'S HAND
InkWeaver: OMFG
Narwhal: or something, i just remember they made us all line up and thank him for performing or some shit
InkWeaver: Oh god NO
InkWeaver: How about sitting through sermons about being healed of homosexuality?
Narwhal: and i was trying not to giggle because i had been making fun of him so bad to my friend the whole time
Narwhal: he went to that steubenville retreat, i think
InkWeaver: and having some dude tell you about how he used to be gay, but he changed.
Narwhal: yes
Zeiss Manifold: (Inky, you're going to LOVE the "homosexuality" one, let me tell you)
Narwhal: and they all, to a man, look dead on the inside. or panicked, like they don't quite know how they got there.
Zeiss Manifold: MUCH LIKE BACKGROUND BLACK DUDE
Narwhal: and they all have sexless robot wives named karen.
Zeiss Manifold: PERHAPS LIKE BACKGROUND BLACK DUDE
Zeiss Manifold: guy's like my favorite character already
Narwhal: he's from the fucking future
Narwhal: you just can't see the dolorian behind that big bus
Narwhal: the angry blonde siamese twins beside him are just chilling
InkWeaver: I sort of want an emote that makes that background black dude's face because it is simply perfect.
Zeiss Manifold: o holy crap they actually DID say you don't have to earn God's love
Zeiss Manifold: HOW IS THAT GOOD IN ANY WAY
InkWeaver: I WASN'T JOKING.
InkWeaver: THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE.
InkWeaver: BUT I WAS NOT
Narwhal: uh, that's what they believe
Narwhal: i'm dead serious.
Narwhal: i asked my 6th grade teacher this question:
InkWeaver: I mean, I understand it being unconditional love and all, but fucking shit, at least encourage people to be good
Zeiss Manifold: so why the hell do they get so worked up about gay porn-watchers shootin' up schools and evolving and shit
Zeiss Manifold: HOW IS THIS RELIGION AND NOT JUST NIHILISM
Narwhal: "So you're saying if a man who is on death row for slaughtering a hundred children accepts Christ 5 minutes before he dies he goes to heaven, but Ghandi is burning in hell?"
Narwhal: She said yes, that was correct, and then I was sent into the hallway for saying "hell" in class.
Narwhal: I also once asked her, "So let's say this guy is born on an island with no people around and lives all by himself until he dies, never having had the chance to even be exposed to God's word. He goes to hell?"
InkWeaver: OH MY GOD.
Narwhal: And she said yes, because "the bounty of nature" should be "evidence enough" to lead a person to believe in God and worship him.
Zeiss Manifold: guys
Zeiss Manifold: GUYS
Zeiss Manifold: YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED
Zeiss Manifold:
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Zeiss Manifold: FUCKIN' PATCHY UP IN THIS SHIT
Zeiss Manifold: I'm going to make a comic that's just like Patchy and Background Black Dude walking around and having wicked weird adventures
InkWeaver: no honey, his name is Blackground Dude.
InkWeaver: if only I were cool enough to be him with his glasses
Narwhal: HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Narwhal: okay
Narwhal: blackground dude is the funniest thing anyone has said in this snark
Narwhal: hands down
Narwhal: it's over, now.
Narwhal: we can't continue.
Narwhal: nobody can top that.
Zeiss Manifold: OH GOD
InkWeaver: YES, I HAD THE LAST WORD
InkWeaver: KINDA.
Zeiss Manifold: they should have a bonus page that's just Patchy and Blackground Dude lamenting this shit
Zeiss Manifold: "Either they don't kno', don't sho', or don't care what goes on in the fossil record."
Narwhal: no, it's blackground dude and the guy with the blue chair, smoking a dub and chillin in the dolorian
Zeiss Manifold: I cannot say "Blackground Dude" in my head without snickering and James Brown music suddenly playing like a heavenly chorus, sorry
Narwhal: and blackground dude is lamenting the fate of the world and how he was unable to stop it
Narwhal: no, i hear this foxy 70's music
Zeiss Manifold: Like James Brown and Isaac Hayes being trapped in rock strata together
Zeiss Manifold: Blackground dude could REWRITE SCIENCE WITH THE POWER OF FUNK
Narwhal: please, they would not help with this musical
Narwhal: this is so bad only andrew lloyd webber would touch it
InkWeaver: god he would put everyone in cat suits too
Narwhal: "This is just what I needed to inspire me for that awesome Phantom of the Opera sequel I have planned!"
Narwhal: CAN YOU HEAR THE FUNDIES SING, SINGING THE SONGS OF FUNDIE MEN, THEY WILL HIT YOU WITH THEIR BIBLES AND YOU WON'T DOUBT GOD AGAIN"
Zeiss Manifold: this is like the longest proportionate snark-to-page thing we've ever done
Narwhal: there's a lot of hilarity in proportion to the amount of panels
Narwhal: we're justified.
InkWeaver: Honestly, this one had a LOT to talk about
InkWeaver: they talk so much in this one it's ridiculous.
Zeiss Manifold: IN SHORT:
Zeiss Manifold:
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This reminds me of a conversation I had relatively recently with a good friend of mine. For some reason, we were talking about evolution, and he said it was all bullshit. Jokingly, I asked, "So, you believe in the 10,000 year old Earth?" His reply? "No... I think it was about 8,000."

Second page, fifth panel was my reply, almost verbatim. "You're a creationist? Holy fuck, I always thought you were so rational!"

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i am so feelin' this, guys

p.s. it is hard to Patchy in MS Paint

Maximilia wrote:

This reminds me of a conversation I had relatively recently with a good friend of mine. For some reason, we were talking about evolution, and he said it was all bullshit. Jokingly, I asked, "So, you believe in the 10,000 year old Earth?" His reply? "No... I think it was about 8,000."

The really sad thing is, that doesn't even match up with the figure Archbishop Usher came up with from the Bible (i.e. the one Creationists use). IIRC, that one says the Earth was created in 4004 BC, i.e. just over 6000 years ago.

Creationism FAIL.

Lysander wrote:

Penguin wrote:

I'm pretty sure there's a line from Jesus somewhere about nothing he said undoing any of God's previous laws.

What Jesus actually said was that he wasn't there to end the law, but to "complete" it, a statement which, without personal interpretation, is profound in it's utter uselessness. Paul was the one who actually decided to toss the dietary restrictions and keep the gay hating for no real reason.

Actually Acts 15:1-31 specifies what laws that the new Christians would be obliged to keep, note this decision was made by the Apostles as a group and not by Paul. In addition this is not something they pulled from their ass, it's more or less a paraphrase of the Noachide Laws which specifically prohibits sexual misconduct. So this is a fairly natural outgrowth of 1st Century Judaism.

/pedant

Also, Luke (who also wrote Acts) and Matthew were on opposite sides of a divisive issue in the early church as to whether new Christian converts would be required to follow Jewish laws. Rather tellingly in Matthew's Gospel we have a passage where Jesus declares that teaching people not to obey the law is a serious offense.

Matthew 5:19
Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and
teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of
heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called
great in the kingdom of heaven.

Inconsistencies on that point are to be expected. History tells us that much of the Bible was composed in the twilight years when Christianity was no longer merely a Jewish sect, and not yet entirely a separate faith of it's own. By the time when Paul's writings started to become really influential, relations between the Jews and the rest of the Roman Empire had soured, and it was politically inconvenient to appear in any way "Jewish." No doubt, there was a great deal of controversy when they were written.

However, I don't hold to the theory that Paul's insistence on retaining the ban on homosexuality was based on an earlier series of laws. Paul's personal contempt for gays is clearly on display in his works. Politically, it would have provided a way for them to differentiate themselves (because most of the Empire was accepting of homosexuals) without the well-known Jewishness of some of the other laws.

I wonder if there are any laws under which the Truth For Youth people can be sued for that blatantly false 'millionth of an inch thick' non-fact? Of course, they'd probably either

a) claim artistic exaggeration (even though any fool can tell they expect people to believe most of their 'facts' literally)
or
b) get so much publicity from any libel/whatever trial that they'd benefit overall.

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the
people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.

A. Lincoln
Sigh, so many straw men to knock down, so little time. Well, at least it keeps them from flying a plane into a family planning center.

Lysander wrote:

However, I don't hold to the theory that Paul's insistence on retaining the ban on homosexuality was based on an earlier series of laws. Paul's personal contempt for gays is clearly on display in his works. Politically, it would have provided a way for them to differentiate themselves (because most of the Empire was accepting of homosexuals) without the well-known Jewishness of some of the other laws.

Actually I think that's pretty much it. And that even in the Torah, that was a large part of the motivation. Male/male homosexual relations were something that the followers of OTHER gods engaged in, and therefore something that the Hebrew people should see as offensive. Also, it's unsanitary--if heterosexual relations made them unclean, just imagine the results of anal sex. And it's not like that restriction was given in the basic moral code received in Exodus. We see it only in the Leviticus code, which is believed to be a much later addition to the Torah.

As for Paul's personal contempt, I think he generally saw sex as a distraction and unworthy of our time and effort, and homosexual sex all the more so.

Chaltab wrote:

And it's not like that restriction was given in the basic moral code received in Exodus. We see it only in the Leviticus code, which is believed to be a much later addition to the Torah.

Leviticus has an agenda when it comes to sex, and I think it's pretty clear. Every form of coupling banned in that book is a kind that is unlikely to result in conception. Most likely it is social engineering propaganda intended to create more soldiers sometime down the road.

Actually, a lot of the OT is stuff that would be dreadfully important to people who lived in the Bronze Age for various political and social reasons, but not so much anymore. People are just not well versed enough in the history to differentiate them from useful advice. The actually important stuff was about how far away you can plant trees from the Tabernacle, or that you couldn't have an Assyrian funeral, or that the enemy tribes descended from Lot's drunken threeway with his own daughters were a bunch of inbred wankers so seriously fuck those guys.