NOTE: This snark is an entry for the Anonymous Snark Challenge, issued by myself about a month ago. The writer of this snark will remain anonymous until I close the poll which can be found here, and then I will reveal the writer of it so he/she can take credit!
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From the depths of the Stargate:SG1 fandom, I bring you this masturbatory mangling of canon and all things grammatically correct.
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- Daniel Jackson was currently undercover on a reckon mission
I reckon he was.
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- on PX-347 sitting in a pub playing various forms of gambling.
“Look at me, I’m a roulette wheel!”
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- Why general Landry sent him here he didn’t know but he was stuck here learning about nothing.
He was at a creationist museum?
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- Daniel was an action man
Now with Kung Fu grip!
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- and who liked to study archeology because it told him about power of the past.
One pair of bellbottoms to rule them all!
What, wrong fandom? Ah well, it’s not like this bears any resemblance to canon.
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- He joined the SGC because they had power and he would be a key point in that power.
See? My point is made for me. Enough of the canon-picking, back to the general snarkery!
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- He stayed with them after the discovery of the Go’au'ld because he didn’t like being a slave because they were powerless.
Not to mention how much the shackles chafed. He could get behind a little whip action, though. :drinky:
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- He didn’t like grim.
He was more of an Aesop fan.
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- General Landry was sending out teams to find out what they Ori wanted, their motives, and their strength.
Okay, roll a d20 and add your gather information modifier…
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- Bored out of his mind and winning at the moment
Ha! Take that, apathy!
So, enter the porn device, er, Orici.
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- When he announced her who he assumed to be the Orici stepped out onto the balcony.
Uh… yeah… :eng99:
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- She was beautiful.
Naturally.
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- Black hair drawn up in a bun,
Cinnamon? I love a good cinnamon bun.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Or that.
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- blue eyes shining and a picture perfect face.
Just like Dorian Gray.
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- Her voice was mesmerizing and she spoke with a voice of power that demanded respect.
Aretha Franklin?
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- “Kill him!!!” The closest guard brought up his weapon and fired but Daniel being the smart person he was had secretly retained some of his ascended powers the last time he descended and brought up a shield with his powers.
If only he’d retained the power of grammar! We could have been spared.
We could have been spared! - Quote :
- As the next shot hit which drained his remaining energy and he began to faint her herd her shout
Okay, so we’ve got a herd of goats and some laundry detergent. Did anyone remember the radishes? She gets nasty if she doesn’t get her radishes.
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- When he awoke he was in a room on which he recognized as the inside of a ship. It was furnished lavishly with silk for the linens and the walls painted a deep red.
It was obviously a ship. They’re all painted red and have linen-silk. At least it’s not bear-silk. Small mercies, they’re all we crave.
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- Someone had changed his clothes he realized as he now wore a red robe the same color as the walls.
CAMOUFLAGE: UR DOIN IT…PRITTY WELL AKSHULLY
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- He now could see her thick legs and tight ass swaying as she walked toward him
How drunk
was that donkey?
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- and he couldn’t help but be thoroughly aroused.
Eyebrows raised? Check.
Jaw dropped? Check.
Goofy expression? Check.
Hair on back of neck raised? Check.
And so on. He was
very thorough.
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- He only got more aroused as he realized that it seamed
And don’t think going through that Serger didn’t hurt.
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- whatever culture they came from the Ori didn’t believe in bras as now that she was closer he saw her nipples poking out of her shirt.
I can’t shake the image of razor-sharp nipples. And now Vilecorp is excited. Dammit.
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- The door closed behind her and Daniel noticed the fire in her eyes
Thinking quickly, he reached for the fire extinguisher.
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- as she walked toward him. “You will make me complete.” She said
handing him the last puzzle piece.
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- “What?” asked Daniel in a confused tone.
Because, y’know, most people ask questions when they already know what’s going on.
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- Her hand came up to his face and he could feel the heat and lust flowing off her body.
Ew, it’s all sticky! [/Eddie Izzard]
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- “One with the power of ancients will give me unlimited power.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- All that is required cooperation.”
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- “You would be hailed as Orin and my king along with the gift of power of the Ori. All that is required is cooperation.”
Sooo… all that’s required is cooperation, huh?
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- She then to Daniel’s surprise grabbed his hair and kissed him, and began pushing him back against the bead.
Anal bead. :drinky:
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- “I don’t-“Daniel started
Green light!
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- as she stopped
Red light!
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- kissing him for a second as she started
Green light!
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- to untie his robe.
Poor Daniel. He’s the canon woobie and actually has been molested and/or raped by any number of aliens already. I’ll skip the rest of the IKEA erotica scene, i.e. the rest of the story. It’s just boringly implausible.
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- Now I have to go write a English paper that’s due Monday.
I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you failed.
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- Note: this story will have anal and slave i just haven't gotten there.
And we hope you never will.
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