Thank Godzilla! - Anonymous Snark #3

NOTE: This snark is an entry for the Anonymous Snark Challenge, issued by myself about a month ago. The writer of this snark will remain anonymous until I close the poll which can be found here, and then I will reveal the writer of it so he/she can take credit!

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Crossovers… some consider it the scum of fanfiction’s crusty bottom, while some others revere it as the most hilarious thing to ever happen to fanfiction. Whatever the case, this is one piece of crap hiding away in the bowels that probably didn’t need to surface but did anyway. Just like Godzilla rising from the sea to rein terror upon the masses, except his movies are a lot more enjoyable than this.

Submitted now for your approval: Goku Vs Godzilla

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(A scene shows Kid Goku, from Dragonball GT, at his Super Saiyan form, sent flying into the water. However, as he changes to SSJ 4, there is something nearby.)

This moment triggered the awakening of the most dangerous creature to ever threaten Earth.

(A pair of eyes open and they seem a bit upset.)

Just a bit upset.
Godzilla: Dude… where am I? Where’s my car? WHERE’S MY DOUBLE SHOT SOY CAPPUUCCINO WITH EXTRA FROTH AND CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES?!

You know, this would explain why Godzilla keeps destroying Tokyo. The poor monster is just looking for a Starbucks. Well, at least he isn’t looking for a doughnut, you have to wait an hour to get a Krispy Kreme.

Godzilla: Oh the huge manatee.

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M. Brothers Productions present………..

A crap load of ellipses…….

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Goku VS. Godzilla

The neighboring boats were busy patrolling the seas due to reports of illegal drug running throughout the area.

6 miles away from here, though, a drug runner prepared his sneaky way towards Osaka. He told himself “Ha…this is brilliant. By hiding my drugs inside stuff teddy-bears and selling them on the black market, I will soon have more then enough money to buy Capsule Corporations and turn it into my own corporate empire.”

This guy has pretty high ambitions for a mere drug runner. Sorry, buddy, but you’re a bit out of your league on this one.

Godzilla: In the same way that I’m just a “bit upset”.

Oh well. Hey, G-Man, it’s time for your PSA on what’ll happen if you sell drugs.
Godzilla: I will now do my impression of the Kool Aid Man. OH YEAH!

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The man soon started laughing, but a shake of the boat soon got the man trembling. “Huh? What the hell’s going on? Tsunami season doesn’t start until next April.”

FYI: There’s no such thing as a “tsunami season”. :eng101:

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“ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GODZILLA!”

FYI Two: The number of H’s is roughly equivalent to Godzilla’s height.

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With Godzilla coming up to the surface, he soon floated through the boat, as it was sent flying off somewhere randomly. Godzilla roared in anger, and moved on towards the city of Tokyo.

So, Godzilla floated through a boat, where then it flew off randomly…? I thought everything that touched Godzilla instantly self-destructed into a shower of debris, not fly off like Team Rocket in an episode of Pokemon. Also, I’m pretty sure even Godzilla doesn’t have intangibility powers to be able to float through a boat.

Godzilla: I’ve come to eat sushi and kick ass! And I’m all out of sushi!

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Meanwhile, visiting the city of Tokyo was the World Champion, Hercule, who was busy signing autographs. Little did Hercule know that Godzilla was coming. “That’s it, folks. Come get a picture in with the World Champ” This is what Hercule would say as people flooded to get as much as a glimpse of him. However……..

Attack of the Giant Ellipses!?

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………..sirens soon went off, as people started to run. Hercule looked around in a panic, and asked a random person “Hey, what the heck’s going on here?”, as the random person said “Godzilla is coming.”

If you ever get confused, A Random Person will always be able to help you out.
Godzilla: Can you help me find a Starbucks?

Sorry, G-Man, the plot dictates that every time you go to Tokyo you develop pantry blindness.
Godzilla: Son of a Baragon. :crap:

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Then, everyone stopped running when another random person said “Hey wait a minute…..why should we run? We have the World Champion here. He can defeat Godzilla.” Now, they all circled Hercule, who panicked. He said “Now, wait a minute…I can’t fight Godzilla. My physician recently told me that my body gets allergic reactions to anything that’s bigger then 10 feet tall or wide. It can give me stomach aches, diarrhea, and all sorts of medical conditions and problems.” Of course, no one even listened

I don’t think I’d want to listen either. No wonder they’re trying to get him killed.

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many miles away, somewhere in Japan’s deserts, there laid Goku suddenly stopping his flying for the Dragonballs. He soon said to himself “Oh, no. I sense trouble….and I feel it’s power. Whatever it is, it’s got a very high power level, and this is something even I can’t pass up on.” Goku then followed that power level towards Tokyo…….and towards the showdown.

FYI Three: The closest thing Japan has to a “desert” is the Tottori Sand Dunes. It’s more like a large beach.

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It was by now, that as Godzilla started walking, Hercule started running. This soon led many people to run as well. Godzilla then started firing his heat ray everywhere, sending many buildings to their doom, as well as some people.

FYI Four: Godzilla’s most renowned power is known commonly as ‘Atomic Breath’. Not that hard to look up really.

Godzilla: I can also fly with it.

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Wait, what?

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However, a stray ki-energy ball comes from nowhere and hits Godzilla’s face, as Godzilla is now getting mad. Then, he looks towards where the energy ball came from, from his right, and sees Goku on top of a building. Goku shouts at Godzilla, and says “Hey, ugly, why don’t you pick on me? I’m smaller then you.”

Now, Goku, I realise you lost a lot of brawn when they turned you into a kid for DBGT, but surely you didn’t lose all of your brain too? I’d rather have had the standard “YOU CAN’T DO THIS! I WON’T LET YOU!” instead of that failed attempt at threatening the King of Monsters.

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Godzilla fired a heat ray at Goku, who only just flew out of the way. Afterwards, admits all the smoke & fire from there, Goku soon flew right at Godzilla, who only tail-whipped him away towards another building. Godzilla roared in annoyance, but Goku soon appeared once more, this time he appeared in front of Goku.

Goku appeared in front of Goku…?

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Goku then cupped his hands together in preparation for the Kamehameha Wave. “Ka……..Me………..Ha……….Me…….” However, he never finished, as Godzilla soon fired his heat ray at Goku, who was forced to move out of the way, and moved right into a position that let Godzilla get up in a hurry, as he did so, and then head-butted Goku away towards another building.

Godzilla: Look, Goku, I’m real happy for you, and I’mma let you finish, but Atomic Breath is the best laser beam attack of all time. OF ALL TIME.
Somewhere amongst all the laser firing, Godzilla also fell over somehow. Don’t you just hate it when irradiated dinosaurs fall over and interrupt you?

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However, when Godzilla tried to find Goku, what he got instead………

“KA………ME……….HA………..ME…………HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

FYI Five: Remember kids, the level of your attack depends on how loud you yell. Apparently it depends on the amount of ellipses you use as well. :downs:

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Hercule, from a nearby hiding spot, was watching the fight, as he saw the horrors of Goku’s appearance all the way to this moment. In Hercule’s thoughts, he said “Oh, man…..even Goku couldn’t survive that. I’m just a sitting duck. If he does survive it, then I’ll never eat fish tacos ever again. Otherwise, I’m gonna die.”

LORD FORBID I EVER EAT A FISH TACO AGAIN! GODZILLA MIGHT PUNISH ME FOR IT!

Godzilla: That’s what I do for my second PSA.

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Godzilla walked over towards where Goku was, and then roared in victory, figuring Goku was dead. However, something was happening. The ground was shaking, as a loud roar was soon heard. Then, a sonic boom occurred, and then………
…………….”!”

A Wild Goku appeared! Use HYPER BEAM! Throw a Pokeball!

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……….at that moment, Goku, now at Super Saiyan 4, came from the rubble as he soon stared in anger at Godzilla. “Alright Godzilla….” Said Goku….”Now, the kid gloves come off. Let’s GGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOO”

Is this in the same manner as ‘Let’s D-D-D-DUEL’?

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By now, even Goku realized it was time to put Godzilla away, as he cupped his hands together. “I’m not sure why you’re angry all the time, Godzilla, but it ends now. Ka………Me……….Ha………” However, Goku was cut off when Godzilla suddenly unleashed his Nuclear Pulse to send Goku flying into some more buildings. Godzilla soon rose, as he was now extremely pissed off. He turned around to face Goku, as Goku soon came out to play some more.

Godzilla fell over again somehow. He really needs to learn to control where he shoots that stuff.

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This gave Goku the chance he’d been waiting for……a showdown with Godzilla, as he prepared as well.

“KA……….ME……….HA………..ME………..HHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
Goku fired the Kamehameha X 10 as Godzilla fired the Super-Charged Radioactive Heat Ray. The 2 attacks soon collided, as both tried their hardest to push the other back. Goku told himself, in his thoughts “I can’t let Godzilla win, or more people will die. I’ve got to end this now!”

Not that your fight hasn’t already caused the deaths of hundreds by provoking Godzilla to use more attacks than usual.

Come to think of it, Goku has Instant Transmission. Considering how many times in the series Goku has insisted on taking the fight to barren wastelands, you think he’d have transported Godzilla away from one of the most highly populated cities on Earth to be able to fight him properly.

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With whatever power he had left, Goku pushed so hand that the Kamehameha Wave X10 actually sent Godzilla flying right back into the Tokyo Bay, as he soon landed in the sea. Goku took furious breaths, as he soon glowed in yellow light, and then turned back into his little kid form, as he slowly glided down towards a building to rest. “That was close”. However, Godzilla soon emerged from the sea, as Goku quickly rose to his feet. The 2 opponents stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, until Godzilla roared in victory, and then turned around to leave back to the sea. Goku, with a happy sigh, sat down and told himself “Godzilla thinks he won, and that’s good enough for me. At least he stopped attacking the city & is leaving back for own home….the sea. Until we meet again, Godzilla.”

Godzilla: I’M BLEEDING, MAKING ME THE VICTOR.

Pay no attention to Godzilla, we purposely trained him wrong… as a joke.

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As for Hercule, he finally came out of his hiding spot, as people were on the streets cheering for Goku, even though they didn’t know his name. Hercule asked to no one in particular “Is it over?” as the story finally came to an end.

The End!

THANK GOD(ZILLA).
Godzilla: No wait, there’s more…

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For my own reasons, the rest of the cast of Dragonball Z/GT was not added into this story despite story plot holes and stuff.

Also, for my own reasons, there was no Japanese Self Defense Force or G-Force at all.

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“Oh, man…..even Goku couldn’t survive that. I’m just a sitting duck. If he does survive it, then I’ll never eat fish tacos ever again. Otherwise, I’m gonna die.”

Fish taco...isn't that a--yeaaaaah, it sure IS a pussy euphemism. Tokyo is saved, but AT WHAT PRICE?

So is this like the sequel to Godzilla vs Charles Barkley or what.

I don't know much about Dragonball, but is this Hercule guy normally portrayed as such a wimp?

Best line:

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Godzilla: Look, Goku, I’m real happy for you, and I’mma let you finish, but Atomic Breath is the best laser beam attack of all time. OF ALL TIME.

Keith Fraser wrote:

I don't know much about Dragonball, but is this Hercule guy normally portrayed as such a wimp?

What I have seen of the series, he seemed to be more of braggart than anything else. The world's strongest man, yes, but rather Lockhart in his opinion of himself.

Mind, I last saw the show over 15 years ago or so.

Pretty much, yeah. And IIRC "Hercule" is what they called him in the English translation instead of "Mr. Satan." Know what Videl is an anagram for? Yeah.

Anyway, he was pretty much an idiot from what I remember. But all the same, it didn't seem fair, since he was apparently the best fighter on a human scale. But since he couldn't fly or shoot lasers out of his hands, he was mostly comic relief.

Also, like in Yattara's case, it's been forever since I've seen the relevant shows.

Did they name him after the possessor of the greatest Detective mustache known to man, Hercule Poirot?

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Sheesh. The Earth in Dragon Ball doesn't have a Japan (or any country, really, it's a one world govt.) and the Earths in the Godzilla series, well, don't have any of these ultra-martial artists. Author should have mentioned what kind of AU this was.

So is there a Hercules in the in the Dragon Ball series? (I confess to having never seen any of the Dragonball anime). Because I was trying to figure out which Hercules it was. Kevin Sorbo? One of the crappy ones from the dozens of Italian sword and sandals movies made in the 60s? Some guy who wrestles for a backyard federation in Dubuque who calls himself Hercules, but his real name's Waylon Jackson, who just happened to decide to take a vacation to Japan?

I need to know these things!

No, no, Badge. Hercule. No "s." He is a different breed.

This is Hercule.

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Well, the cartoon one anyway. The real dude's just dumb looking.

Jesus. wrote:

This is Hercule.

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Well, the cartoon one anyway. The real dude's just dumb looking.

I dunno, the dude in that picture's pretty dumb looking.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Jesus. wrote:

This is Hercule.

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Well, the cartoon one anyway. The real dude's just dumb looking.

I dunno, the dude in that picture's pretty dumb looking.

True. But at least the cartoon has a context. Lord knows what possessed the real dude.

Penguin wrote:

Anyway, he was pretty much an idiot from what I remember. But all the same, it didn't seem fair, since he was apparently the best fighter on a human scale. But since he couldn't fly or shoot lasers out of his hands, he was mostly comic relief.

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The most powerful human being on the planet was Krillen, the guy who wopuld have killed majin buu if the bloody thing wasn't made of silly putty. The energy blasts and flight aren't beyond human abilities in DBZ verse as even Videl picks em up.
It's just Hercule lied about defeating cell so everybody thinks he's the best. That and unless you've had some Master Roshi training or equal, Hercule is about as strong as you can get.

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU PEOPLE DONE

Aw, damn.

I uh... @ the story.

That is all.

Somath Cegem wrote:

The most powerful human being on the planet was Krillen, the guy who wopuld have killed majin buu if the bloody thing wasn't made of silly putty. The energy blasts and flight aren't beyond human abilities in DBZ verse as even Videl picks em up.

I said "on a human scale," not the "best human fighter." Really, once you start shooting lasers from your hands and throw Destruct-O-Discs you've pretty much ascended beyond "human."

Penguin wrote:

Somath Cegem wrote:

The most powerful human being on the planet was Krillen, the guy who wopuld have killed majin buu if the bloody thing wasn't made of silly putty. The energy blasts and flight aren't beyond human abilities in DBZ verse as even Videl picks em up.

I said "on a human scale," not the "best human fighter." Really, once you start shooting lasers from your hands and throw Destruct-O-Discs you've pretty much ascended beyond "human."

1. It's Destructo Discs.
2. And once again, this is a show where humans can do this stuff if they put the effort in, so unless your applying human limitations to mean "could not do that in real life" which is very pointless given the setting, your argument is completely invalid.

You play WoW. Your argument is completely invalid. So there. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Somath Cegem wrote:

2. And once again, this is a show where humans can do this stuff if they put the effort in, so unless your applying human limitations to mean "could not do that in real life" which is very pointless given the setting, your argument is completely invalid.

Piggy, it's an argument about Dragonball Z. It's invalid by nature.

Penguin wrote:

You play WoW. Your argument is completely invalid. So there. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Odd, I would have though WoW playing upped my nerd power level, making you just another distraction.

Delcat wrote:

Piggy, it's an argument about Dragonball Z. It's invalid by nature.

DBZ arguments are like vacuums, Nature hates them so much it tries to fill them with something else as fast as possible.

Somath Cegem wrote:

Nature hates them so much it tries to fill them with something else as fast as possible.

Are you saying your sodomy problem stems from your ass being a vacuum?

Delcat wrote:

Somath Cegem wrote:

Nature hates them so much it tries to fill them with something else as fast as possible.

Are you saying your sodomy problem stems from your ass being a vacuum?

How about we take you to the nearest korean restaurant and find out just how cat like you are Hun?

Somath Cegem wrote:

Delcat wrote:

Somath Cegem wrote:

Nature hates them so much it tries to fill them with something else as fast as possible.

Are you saying your sodomy problem stems from your ass being a vacuum?

How about we take you to the nearest korean restaurant and find out just how cat like you are Hun?

ilu too Piggeh [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]