So guess what. I don't snark things. Because I don't think I do it well. But because everyone else is busting their ass and trying to make New Releases a happening place again, I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring with the one of the weirder Twilight crossovers I happened to find today.
Fellow snarkers, may I present to you the totally LOL SO RANDUM, oddly capitalized fic: Bella And Edward go to Bikini bottom
But first, a very special author's note.
- Quote :
Disclaimer: I own nothing -sigh- S.M does and who ever created Sponge bob does too, I'm tired............I haven't fallen asleep since yesterday.
She's so tired she passed out on the period key of her keyboard for a moment.
The fic begins as Edward and Bella set off on their totes romantic second honeymoon during a rather dull and uneventful first paragraph which only offers us this confusing look into our author's peculiarities.
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- and next to Edward my Hubbie.(A/N: hehehe Hubbie sorry bad speller)
Two things.
1. Why is our authoress obsessed with randomly capitalizing words as though she's composing a Gothic novel?
2. She knows it's spelled wrong, WHY DIDN'T SHE FIX IT?!
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- He quickly put the luggage in the Volvo at vampire speed and came back to me. He then picked me up bridal-style, I started to protest but he just silenced me with a very long and passionate kiss. At vampire speed he ran to the car.
Now while traipsing through the pit, I've noticed a bizarre tic found in all of these Twilight fic writers. They feel to need to frequently point out to us what speed everyone is traveling in, whether it is "human" or "vampire" speed. I don't know about you guys but as a reader I am CAPTIVATED by this subject and simply MUST know at all times how fast a certain character is moving because I am completely and utterly oh fuck I can't even pretend to care and I can't imagine why anyone would.
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- A/N: I'm skippin' the whole ride thing cause we all know how they get there.
WELL THANK GOD FOR THAT BUT PLEASE TELL US MORE ABOUT VAMPIRE SPEED.
After that STUNNING intro we finally see some goddamn ocean.
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- I'm starting to unpack things from the suit cases when Edward pops out of no where
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] - Quote :
- He stood by the bedroom door waiting patiently for me while I walked at a human pace.
HERE WE GO AGAIN! :lolinsane:
God I love speed.
Edward and Bella decide to race (IN VAMPIRE SPEED!!!!!) into the ocean. The reason for this is [DATA NOT FOUND]
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- (A/N: Lets pretend Vampires can speak under water ok? Good.)
Well sure I've already accepted that vampires can run at a different speed than humans, that they have names as mundane as Edward and Bella and they they exist in the same universe as Bikini Bottom which is conveniently a short ocean swim away from reality. Let me just hit myself on the head with a hammer a few more times.
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- “Edward, where are-,” I stopped mid-sentence because of the big sign that said 'WELCOME TO BIKINI BOTTOM' right in front of my face,“Where the crow are we Edward?!” I all but shrieked at him.
...
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- “Where the crow are we Edward?!”
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- 'WELCOME TO BIKINI BOTTOM'
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- Where
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- BIKINI BOTTOM
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- “Umm...uhh. I don't know Bella, lets uh.....ask around,” he stuttered.
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- “Edward who are we going to ask?! There's no one but FISH, and they CAN NOT talk!” I yelled.
“I beg to differ,” said a high boyish voice. I almost screamed when I turned around to a TALKING SPONGE WITH PANTS, SHOES AND A TIE!
WHO COULD THIS DASHING MYSTERY SPONGE BE?! SURELY HE IS WORTHY OF THE CAPSLOCK OF SURPRISE AND DISCOMFORT!
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- “My name is Sponge Bob Square Pants!”
GRATUITOUS SPACING! CRAZY cAPITALIZATION!
SPEED!This is only the first
exciting interesting eventful chapter of this bizarre-ass fic. At the risk of being tl;dr, I'll quit here and keep you from wanting to kill yourself after reading this monotony flavored shit soup with bursts of SPEEEEED.
But first, a very special...author's note.
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- Thank youTanyaUchiha for being my first reviewer of this story, and I wont have Edward and Bella blurt out that they are vampires cuz thats just stupid,[b] but sponge bob might find out..........or not.
DYING WITH SUSPENSE OVER HERE. Of course, you realize if Spongebob doesn't find out they're vampires you could pretty much rename this story "Spongebob and the Suspiciously shiny Pair of totally Normal humans".
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- Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or sponge bob -sigh- I own two ferrets though woot! For me! =) But the down side is that one of them eats socks..my socks=( I have holes in my socks, I feel like a hobo=(
I feel like I'm being robbed of my time, happiness and faith in our nation's youth. We'll call it even.
Now if you excuse me I'm really tired...........................................
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