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 Warcraft Fic of Rambling Nonsense!

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TheIan
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PostSubject: Warcraft Fic of Rambling Nonsense!   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:24 pm

Warcraft FanFiction is not that hard to write. But the fact something like mylife or yours your pick exists seems to prove that some writers clearly don't have the ability to put time or effort into the story. This story in particular is an absolute mess, laden with enough grammar, punctuation and spelling errors to choke a bitch.

What's even worse is that the author doesn't even know what it's about:
Quote :
I'm really bad about describtions on stories so please stick with me and the preface is the toons I've put into the story others will show up so I'll explain them in a A/n after the I end the chapter
That fills me with so much confidence, author.

So the main character, Lania, arrives in Orgrimmar!


Quote :
It was hot monday afternoon and Lania had just arrived back to Orgrimmar after questing in Twilight highlands
I find this to be ironic in that Twilight Highlands and Orgrimmar are on opposite sides of the world.

Quote :
she looked around and wiped sweat off her forehead patting her dragon neck
Just so you know, not all players own a dragon neck. Just the ones that buy it from the online Blizzard store.

Quote :
Lania walked into the Inn and saw her friend Ashastraza at the bar, but it didn't look like she was drinking anything
Probably because she was face-down on the floor passed out in her own puddle of vomit.

Quote :
Ashastraza talked about how a new Shammy and new Hunter had become fast friends
How can you not be friends with a Shammy when it cleans any spill instantly?

But Lania derails her friend's conversation and this happens...
Quote :
" Twilight highlands can be a bore sometimes " she started talking about her traveling and questing in Twilight highlands and how gruesome some of the quests were " I just wish sometime the quest givers would do it instead " Ashastraza laughed " I know how you feel " Asha replied with a chuckle.
This isn't a big thing, really, but to me this is just the author whining about wanting free handouts instead of having to work for it all like everyone else. It's half-assed, stupid, and defeats the purpose of the quests. You have to do these quests to progress the story going on in the zone and to upgrades the same crappy leather gloves you've been wearing for the last 48 levels! Grow a pair, vendor the trash you can't use, and get back out there and finish the damn quest!

Quote :
Their ears perked up and looked down when they saw Gamon running out of the Inn Asha and Lania laughed
That's not nice, girls! You know full well Gamon has issues!

Yeah, this Gamon is not someone you'd trifle with. He will mow you down without even a second thought.

Quote :
They stood up from the Hammocks and walked outside the person who pulled him laid dead at Lania feet, but still saw people fighting him just for the hell of it. Asha laughed " I remember when that fool was only level 12 and everyone would kill without a second thought "
Ahh, the good ol' days when everyone was a murderous, bloodthirsty animal in the days of Patch 2.4.3. Good times.

Anyway, two more characters pretty appear out of nowhere.
Quote :
" MY GOOD PEOPLE OF THE HORDE TODAY WE MOURN FOR THE DEATH OF GAMON AND EPICNESS LIFE HERE IN ORGRIMMAR... OW!" Minax laughed " Would you shut up and your palidin lines and next time you do I won't be so gentle "
"Who the hell are they" you ask? Fuck if I know, the author never says.

They attempt physical comedy but suck at it, and there's more broken grammar. And out of all these bizarre names belonging to Blood Elves, the only ordinary name belongs to an Orc.
Quote :
Lania saw her friend Philip an Orc warrior and went over there they high fived each other and started talking Minax sighed in relief "at least she do those pally lines to him "
So Lania snorts lines with an Orc, but doesn't share with her fellow Blood Elves? ...I don't wanna know her kinks now...

Still lost? HAVE MORE CHARACTERS! The author seems to enjoy throwing more characters at you than you care to know!
Quote :
Lania was about to say something when two goblins ran passed them one was running for his life the other daggers laced with poison trying to kill him she heard the rogue yell " HOW DARE YOU TRY TO MAKE A PROFIT ON MY BREASTS!" "BUT... Ow!" Exmachina yelled screaming in pain Tuxi had shot him in the ass "THERE"S MY PROFIT!" She yelled.
OK I kinda lol'ed at that.

All these block paragraphs become indistinguishable from one another after staring too long. But on the bright side, we're just halfway through the first chapter! Too bad nothing seems to have happened to PROGRESS THE PLOT IF THERE IS ONE!



So more meaningless characters appear. I'm beginning to think these characters are part of a guild. But the author's too rock-stupid to establish it at this point.
The pain continues!
Quote :
Lania stretched and felt her body untense under all the armor "That's why I wear cloth armor" Asha said boasting
SHUT THE FUCK UP RIVEL ASHA

And two more random and pointless characters appear have some development elsewhere away from this story. But that's not important enough as it's lumped together with the entrance of character #90.
Quote :
Asha and Minax were talking when a blood elf hunter walked up to them he seemed nervous like he didn't want to walk up to them " umm could I bother you guys for a little gold " Minax eye twitched " Go make your own gold you Noob" the undead hunter said " what she said " Asha replied The hunter left not looking back Minax laughed " what a crybaby" Asha agreed while nodding her head she was hugged from behind and saw it was Nekilla " Hey Nek what's up?" "got bored in outlands so I was just hanging about Orgrimmar being bored also waiting on a que" "random or specific" "random of course" they two of them laughed Minax cocked her head to the side in confusion "I'm Minax" "hi Nekilla" they shook hands.
Hey author, here's an idea: How about you take all of these characters and actually make them DO SOMETHING!!!

Oh fuck, I'll just wrap it up. Even more useless characters appear, they just hang out, and at the end, the author leaves a faint glimmer of hope that the plot will pick up in the next chapter.
Quote :
" who wants a port to Undercity?" "I do" came Lania response Minax and Div raised their hands saying yes Asha made a port to Undercity and they all took it and sat down on the stairs of Undercity "Lots better" Asha said stretching Lania nodded her head, but she had the odd feeling someone was watching them someone that didn't belong in the Horde.
They probably belong in a trashcan, along with this crap-fic.

This story sucks! It sucks so much, the author admits they suck with their writing in the author's note at the end:
Quote :
A/n: hey guys first Warcraft story so if it's not great stick with me plz I have a preface of the characters that are in story and one more thing Philip is an Orc warrior at level 85 I don't know his profs but there is his level and race more will show up and I will try and keep an Authors note at the end of each chapter to tell you level and class and race if possible plz review and enjoy I'll try and put the class race and level of the characters that'll show up later in story so that way if doesn't confuse anyone
Fuck you author.

And the worst part? There's five more chapters of this!
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Penguin
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Fic of Rambling Nonsense!   Sat Mar 03, 2012 8:16 am

Just keep using Nostalgia Critic to do your snarking for you, we don't mind.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Fic of Rambling Nonsense!   Tue Mar 06, 2012 1:39 pm

Alright, so going into Chapter 2 of this crap-fest, I realize reading this is like having sex with a Kardashian: It seems like a great idea, until you realize your soul is slowly dying inside.

Let the nonsense resume!

When we last left off, Useless Characters 1 through 25 went to Undercity to just "chill" up against a text-wall.
Quote :
Lania stood and looked around the area and called for her raptor and hopped on it Asha and Minax looked confused " I'm getting a weird feeling that alliance is here" the three of them stood up and got on their mounts ' if only Tuxi was level 85 and we be able to spot the rogue' Lania thought She saw Minax set up traps everywhere and Lania smiled ' at least that's something' Lania looked around still feeling someone near by.
Those would be the NPCs walking around Undercity, stupid. Turn off your Track Humanoids.

But the Alliance raid, being a complete douche-fest attack Undercity. But it's not important enough to write about, the author skips over it for more wacky hi-jinx!
Quote :
Asha was spamming Trade chat saying " Lfw"

She waited for a few minutes til she noticed Lania and Minax were already in battle while Div stood back and healed " Lfw" she said again and shot a arcane blast at a Worgen face.

Lania Shouted " ARE you Crazy! LFW?"
Your own characters are lost for words. It’s official, author: this story is so bad, your characters don’t know what’s going on.

Oh look, more useless characters.
Quote :
All Asha did was smile " Raid in UC! COME ALL 85's" Asha continued to spam til another level 85 Undead mage showed up with a Tauren Death knight and blood elf paladin they enter the fray Parn hit three with avenging shield Lania was about to get hit when a dark tiger attacked the Worgen warrior Lania looked and saw Killina she smiled meaning she was saying hi.
Does she frown to mean she’s sad? I wonder what face she makes when she’s constipated?

Wait a second...

Unnecessary characters appearing from nowhere and contributing nothing?

Poorly written plot where nothing clearly happens?

My god...

It's the Warcraft Fanfiction equivalent of InuYasha!

Anyway, the Alliance is turned away and we finally get some dialogue. Unfortunately, it’s just padding.
Quote :
" Hey sis " Killina greeted happily
"Hey where have you been lately?" Lania asked
"Out and about" her sister answered
"figured as much" the two of them laughed. Her cat Hera went to Lania and rubbed her head against Lania leg and She patted Hera on the head Lania looked to her sister
" glad you could make it" Lania said
" glad too." Killina said.
Short version: “We’re both completely uninterested in our reunion.”

Quote :
they heard shouts of "OW! GET HER OFF ME SORRY!" in the background and Lania knew at once that Div had started his pally lines once again and Minax had attacked him for it
I’m trying to figure out what version of World of Warcrft this author plays. Because the version I’m playing Paladins aren’t snorting lines.

Well Lania finally leaves and we’re left with some leftover characters chewing the rest of the chapter with their uselessness to the plot.
Quote :
" Thanks for helping with the enemy" and she flew away Asha smiled and hummed a tune she was where she wanted to be and wasn't moving.
Div finally was able to relax and sit down without Minax attacking him " That was epic"
"yea it was before you ruined it with your rant"
What rant? We didn’t hear any kind of rant from the character, so how would you know it a rant? Maybe he was just belching?

MEANWHILE IN ORGRIMMAR
Quote :
Tuxi had finally been left alone and was sitting in the auction house she saw Austinsmommy and waved to her, however, Austinsmommy hadn't noticed her, but her Voidwalker did and looked annoyed Tuxi shivered she always had a feeling that the voidwalker hated her.
Hey Author, you get the feeling maybe some readers may hate you for writing this?

Because I certainly do. This story continues to suck. Because nothing seems to happen in it that would keep your attention. So I’ll be glad when it’s done.
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Fic of Rambling Nonsense!   Sun Jul 15, 2012 12:37 pm

Quote :
Those would be the NPCs walking around Undercity, stupid. Turn off your Track Humanoids.



I thought the burning was my brain rejecting this fic, but then I realized it was the Dr. Pepper I snorted when reading this line.
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TheIan
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PostSubject: Re: Warcraft Fic of Rambling Nonsense!   Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:37 pm

So with the coming of the new World of Warcraft expansion* I thought it would be proper to snark another chapter in this wretched pile of shit. But I’m not going to do this alone. I decided to call upon some who—ahem—owed me a favor…

KIRA: OK, does anyone remember what actually happened?
MICAH: No, all I remember was someone screaming like a little girl and then blacking out.
JACKSON: My throat hurts now for some reason…
BRIAN: We’re not on Satellite Sunate, so that means whatever happened in those moments was either a fold in the space-time continuum, or that transporter I built worked.
KAT: It could very well mean we were summoned by some outside force, whether cosmic or divine.
KEIKO: Oh Goddammit!
JACKSON: What, Keiko?
KEIKO: I was watching NANA!
MICAH: Again?
BRIAN: Look, whatever reason we were called here, probably doesn’t mean anything good for us.

Quote :
Chapter 3: issues
JACKSON: I don’t have any to discuss.
BRIAN: [Cough]Bullshit![cough]

Quote :
Lania flew everywhere in outlands mining for her blacksmithing and had Kelros land in Shattrah city she knew he was tired and looked it she dismounted and told him to go somewhere in rest and he did so happily.
ALL: [Inhale sharply]
MICAH: Wow, not even the first sentence, and this author has already pissed me off.
KIRA: Does it help you feel better that I kind of hate this kind of run-on too?
MICAH: Not by much.

Quote :
She sighed and walked into the circle part of the main City and ran into someone almost immediately
BRIAN: Oh crap! It’s a random encounter!

Quote :
she backed away and bowed until she realized it was a night elf warrior her eyes twitched and lip curled into a frown instead of a smile
KEIKO: Just her luck she needs to take a shit.

Quote :
(just my luck to run into an alliance scum) was her thoughts exactly then she realized the night elf wasn't alone,
KIRA: Hounded by her harem, no doubt.
MICAH: Night Elves don’t have harems.
KIRA: You've never been on a role-playing server, have you, Micah?

Quote :
but with a human paladin,
BRIAN: What’s a paladin?
JACKSON: [Glaring at BRIAN] No Brian.

Quote :
however the Paladin didn't look all that mean towards her like the Night elf did Lania rolled her eyes and turned around to leave when she felt a hand on her shoulder
KAT: Thing! Don’t touch that! You don’t know where it’s been buried!

Quote :
she turned her head and saw the Human smiling at her with kind eyes she raised a confused eye
KEIKO: Now see, the set is ruined! You can’t just have one confused eye! Where’d you lose the other one?

Quote :
towards the human and watched the Paladin make hand movements ( his he trying to tell me his name or flirt I do not know which)
KAT: [Reading the sign language] I… would… like… to… wipe… your… oh that is disgusting!
MICAH: Relax Kat, it could mean they were just looking for the bathroom.
KIRA: Or they didn’t want to see her crying.
KEIKO: Nah, she was probably drooling.
BRIAN: Or they have a really, really weird fetish.

Quote :
She tapped her foot impatiently until she got a message from Ashastraza.
MICAH: It didn’t say anything, just ten lines of a run-on sentence that was going nowhere.

Quote :
She decided to call upon her Charger Theron she got on her horse back and took off without waving bye to the two alliance people.
BRIAN: And not a single shred of this sentence was important.

Quote :
Juto the Night elf turned to Poteros " you are an idiot for falling for that Horde scum" Juto said very annoyed
JACKSON: I’d be annoyed too if the author neglected proper sentence structure like this.

Quote :
Poteros shrugged his shoulders before replying " eh it's not like she was hanging off of me or anything "
KIRA: [Juto] Because you were signing for wanting to stomp puppies you dumbass.

Quote :
"Not the point and you know it what if your sister knew that you were trying to flirt with a blood elf of all things" Juto retorted quite coldly sending a glare Poteros way.
JACKSON: Yeah, keep it in the family! …That sounded better in my head.
KIRA: Everything sounds better in your head.
JACKSON: Not really. Getting rid of Fox News sounds like a terrible idea.

Quote :
"She won't find out if you won't tell her she is at Stormwind City last I recall" Poteros answered with a slight annoyance in his voice
MICAH: Quick, do a slash-who command!
KEIKO: Oh crap, she’s in Ironforge!

Quote :
"Besides we came here to check out the disturbance of one of the alliance outposts here that was attacked by one horde member" Juto said with a heavy sigh
MICAH: PFFFT. One Horde player attacking an Alliance settlement? Yeah, that deserves a serious investigation!

Quote :
Poteros looked at Juto before replying "on what evidence your brother?"
Juto tossed Poteros a glare " My brother would not lie and besides that's were he residing at the moment of his training."
BRIAN: Dammit, I want to make a Mojo Jojo reference but this author is making it too easy!

Quote :
Juto sighed heavily again when Poteros had stopped listening again for Lania had returned in main circle with a fellow horde member Juto noticed the other horde member was a Tauren and they seemed to be laughing about something
KEIKO: Probably at the author’s incompetence.

Quote :
Juto watched the two carefully before slapping Poteros on the arm for his attention "By the looks the blood elf was one the one that attacked the outpost."
JACKSON: [Poteros] Well, this investigation is over, back to Stormwind, then!

Quote :
Poteros sent Juto a quizical look before answering "Just her alone I doubt it" Juto almost hit the dense Paladin with his sword before making a mental check with himself ( just let him find out himself and maybe he'll wizen up ) he thought.
MICAH: Which he failed against a DC 25.
KIRA: Yeah, these characters are pretty rock-stupid.

Quote :
Lania turned around and saw that the Human and the Night elf were still there and glared Evilness turned in that direction and said "what is wrong Lania?"
KAT: [Lania] I keep thinking something important is going to happen in this story and it doesn’t.

Quote :
Lania shrugged and replied "Ran into those two earlier and I could've sworn that the human was flirting with me even though I couldn't understand what the hell he was talking about or what he was doing."
BRIAN: It’s like I don’t know, but I do, and yet not. It’s so confusing!
JACKSON: I bet that’s how most readers feel.

Quote :
Evilness saw them heading in the direction of where Lania and her were standing and her hand flexed to her weapon Lania saw the action and waved her hand saying that they wouldn't attack in a neutral city so Evilness relaxed slightly if anyone knew Evilness best was Lania.
BRIAN: Because Lania knew best, and only Lania was the best in knowing because she knew what was best and best knew what was best!
MICAH: That is you, author. That is how dumb you sound.

Quote :
Lania knew that Evilness hated the alliance as much as she did, but Evilness was always wary when in a neutral city such as Shattrah and Dalaran.
KIRA: And PVP is disabled in a Sanctuary city. If you want to PVP, hit the Battlegrounds or go elsewhere!

Quote :
Lania didn't have a problem with it just as long they don't provoke her into doing they would regret later was fine
KAT: Anyone else having trouble figuring this one out?
OTHERS: Yeah.
KAT: Oh so it’s not just me, then.

Quote :
just like now on how the Human was staring at her she saw how the Paladin was again trying to talk to her
MICAH: Goddammit, author, will you finish a thought for once?!
BRIAN: That implies this author is capable of a rational thought in the first place, brother. Don’t give them that much credit.

Quote :
and she turned to Evilness and said "This human is stupid."
KIRA: [Turns to Brian] This author is stupid.

Quote :
Evilness nodded her head and replied "I think he dense"
BRIAN: [Nodding] I think they illiterate.

Quote :
The night elf saw the Tauren nod her head and hit his face with his hand
KIRA: That’s not how you face-palm!
BRIAN: Like this!
MICAH: Or this!
JACKSON: [Terrified and edging away from BRIAN and MICAH] WHAT IS THIS BLACK SORCERY?!

Quote :
and smacked the Human on the arm. "Would you stop that I don't know what they're talking about, but I can guess they think you're stupid."
KEIKO: Yeah, way to represent the Alliance, you moron!

Quote :
Poteros looked at Juto and stopped what he was doing.
"If you insist" he replied half-heartedly waving his hand discarding the talk between them and then he felt something that made him fall backwards onto his ass
KAT: That’s called gravity, author.

Quote :
and blinked his eyes a few times and saw his sister wolf
JACKSON: Oh fuck, his sister’s a furry! ABORT STORY! ABORT!
MICAH: Or it could mean his sister is a Worgen. In which case would make for interesting character development.
KAT: Micah, you forget, you’re giving the author too much credit.

Quote :
there sitting in front of him with his mouth open and panting he sweat dropped and turned his head and saw his sister standing there and heard someone laughing at him
KEIKO: That’s everyone else in the background laughing at him.

Quote :
and turned to see the blood elf paladin laughing at him as well as the Death knight his eyes lowered and he stood patting the dirt off his plated armor and glared at the wolf.
BRIAN: That’s a staring contest he quickly loses.

Quote :
"What bring you here Hera?" Poteros asked annoyed greatly at the embaressment that was just witnessed by the two horde ladies in front of him.
KIRA: I don’t know what’d be more embarrassing: your sister ambushing you in front of two ladies you were trying to get with, or the ignorance of grammar and proper sentence structure.
MICAH: Like it’s a contest, Kira.

Quote :
"What do you think hitting dungeons here for gold in such." was his sister reply he noticed the blood elf and the Tauren had turned around and took the portal to Orgrimmar and a new thought had came to rest to his mind ( I'll find you blood elf)
JACKSON: I’ll find you and your panties will be added to my collection—[BOOT TO THE HEAD]

Quote :
He turned to his sister and sighed heavily.
JACKSON: Incestuous complication comment here!
KAT: My need to throw a boot at your head to keep you in line!

Quote :
Once Lania and Evilness where back in Orgrimmar
KEIKO: Where back?
KIRA: Way back!

Quote :
Evilness went on her way Lania enjoyed the death knight company as much as she'd enjoyed her fellow paladin friend Divinum
KEIKO: So wanting to put your hand in a blender?

Quote :
she looked around for him and saw him talking to her sister Killena she smiled Killena had always wanted to be paladin, but had never had the patience to be one nor the disipline.
KIRA: So being patient and disciplined are different things?
MICAH: It is if you believe everything Undead NPCs say when you close vendor windows.

Quote :
Her ears picked up a noise behind her and saw the goblin Exmachina again being an idiot,
BRIAN: When is it any different from a Goblin NOT being an idiot?

Quote :
but this time chased by Starshock Minax pet ( the Goblin must've gotten her the wrong item )
BRIAN: Oh look, humor!
JACKSON: Where? Behind the writing?
BRIAN: It is the writing.
JACKSON: You silly sod! You got me all worked up!

Quote :
she smiled before walking into the Broken tusk for something to drink she found table
KEIKO: Like how she found WEPON?

Quote :
and sat down she sighed in relief (Orgrimmar is such a wonderful place so much better than Silvermoon City )
MICAH: Yeah, wonderful when Trade chat isn’t a complete clusterfuck.

Quote :
and then she thought back and grimaced her people had it rough
KAT: Meh, it could be worse.
BRIAN: HOW could it be worse?
KAT: She could be a Gnome.
BRIAN: A race without proper lore? Yeah that is worse.

Quote :
she looked down at her hands which were now uncovered from her gloves she had been wearing
JACKSON: Looking at her torso which was now uncovered from her armor she had been wearing? [BOOT TO THE HEAD] Worth it!

Quote :
(so much fighting and yet there is more of it to do) she thought shaking her head her ears picked up something and she turned her head back to the door that led outside of the inn.
MICAH: An exit! Let’s get the fuck outta here before I want to set Jackson on fire!
JACKSON: Yeah, let’s—hey!

Quote :
________________________________________
A/n: Hey everyone I'm back from my long writers block enjoy and review
BRIAN: You didn’t have writer’s block long enough, I think.


*
Excitedplz
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