Inception + horrible illness + fanbrats = BAD

Okay, hi everybody! Happenstance here, bringing you another mind-meltingly awful fanfiction, this time from the wonderful world of Inception.

Seriously, what is it with badfic writers and debilitating illnesses?

Before starting the snark, I have to explain something to save myself from going off on a random rant later and to let out some pent-up fanrage. This fic focuses on a pairing from the movie. This isn’t what I object to; I don’t really mind any of the pairings from the fandom theoretically, it’s one of those fandoms where you could probably pair any character with any other character and it could have the potential to work, if written really well.

What I object to is the OOCness (what else?). However the OOCness of one character in particular—Arthur. Let me explain who Arthur is if you don’t know.

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This is Arthur. He’s brilliant, calm, and he is a total badass.
(In case you don’t know the plot of Inception, the short short short version is that there are teams of people who can design dreams, get a subject into the dream, and then implant/extract information from them using their awesomeness and some really amazing luck at avoiding gunfire.)
During the movie, not only is Arthur incredibly good looking in a suit, but he also fires several large guns, takes out an entire security force (kind of) and manages to make people fall through the air in zero gravity.

Oh. And he kills a guy using an optical illusion.



Of course, all of Arthur’s badassery goes unnoticed by fanfic writers, and he goes the same way as Ianto Jones in most Torchwood fanfiction, filling the role of “that-guy-who’s-really-cool-in-canon-but-gets-turned-into-a-blubbering-wuss-whom-everyone-must-take-pity-on-in-the-fanfiction”.

tl;dr: OOC CHARACTERS = RAAAAAAEEEEEEEGGGG

Just in Case by OffensiveFacialBristle

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A/N: I own nothing and make no profits.
This is an Arthur/Eames slash that is badly written...
Please review?

…Yup, seems promising already! Can’t wait!

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Arthur couldn't help that his hand had frozen on the mouse. He was usually so controlled, so calm. With a spasm of his finger, he clicked the mouse. There was a pause as his eyes scanned the screen.
Cobb frowned as Arthur ran from his desk. Cobb knew that Arthur had been waiting on a particularly important Email.

It must be important, if “email” deserves a capital “E”.

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He walked across to Arthur's desk and told himself that Arthur would want him to know.

Yeah, Arthur would want me to snoop through his personal business. In fact, I bet he left it open just so I could look at it! How thoughtful!

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Cobb scanned the Email. A sickening feeling clamped Cobb's stomach as his widened eyes re-read the message.
As Eames wandered into the warehouse, Arthur was bolting from his desk and into the bathroom. Curious, Eames sauntered to the bathroom and listened. It then became very obvious that Arthur was being sick.

Eames wandered away from the door with vague disgust, but not really caring, because…well, he’s Eames.

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"Rough night, pet?" Eames chuckled.

Okay, guys, get ready, cos here’s my mini!rant about Eames being OOC in fanfiction. I’ll try and keep it short, don’t worry.
In the movie, Eames is a snarky dude who likes to make things explode using grenades and tease everyone around him, particularly Arthur, whom he thinks has no imagination. This already makes them slash bait enough for the fanbrats, but Eames is pretty famous for one line in the movie that you’ve probably heard even if you haven’t seen it:

Eames wrote:

“You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.”

^He says that to Arthur. Of course, the fanbrats interpret this as TWU WUV when really that line was supposed to be something else entirely. The actor who plays Eames, (Tom Hardy) simply got bored and wanted to change things up a little bit.
However, according to the fanbrats, you can’t be an outgoing, sarcastic person without also being a total dick. So this is how Eames is interpreted in almost every Inception fic I’ve read—as a douchebag. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SARCASM AND DOUCHINESS, FANBRATS. :<

tl;dr: FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--

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Cobb had him up against the wall by the throat.

…Which is probably not something Cobb would (or could) do. Cobb isn’t especially known for muscle.

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"You shut up now, Eames. Leave him alone," Cobb warned.
"What? What did I do?" Eames frowned.

“You’re filling your fanfic role as a douche! It’s creepy, stop it.”

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Cobb released Eames' throat but refused to give him any space.
"Say nothing about this- about him feeling-" Cobb could barely force himself to say the word- "ill."
"Why?"
"Don't ask questions. You're not paid to be nosy," Cobb replied, stalking away.

He just wants to know why his teammate is in the bathroom throwing up, Cobb. I know you have relationship issues, but…jeez.

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"I'm barely paid as it is, arsehole!" Eames shouted. He flicked Cobb the 'V' and stalked over to his desk.
A few minutes later, Arthur walked past.

Cherish these, people…these are the only three sentences in the entire fic that are in character.

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"Hold on a minute there, darling," Eames called. Arthur tensed and turned, fearing Eames' mocking.

Right, cos if there’s one thing Arthur fears, it’s Eames and his awful awful sarcasm.

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"Yes, Mr Eames?" he asked, his voice uncharacteristically weak. From across the room, Cobb's head snapped up.

Cobb: STOP TALKING TO HIM DAMMIT HE THREW UP EARLIER
Arthur: What am I, five? What’s wrong with you guys today?

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"C'mere," Eames replied quietly, gesturing. Arthur walked back across the warehouse and stopped in front of Eames' desk, all the while fighting the urge to be sick again.

Actual Arthur probably would have glared, ignored Eames, and gone back to work. This one, however, is a wuss.

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"What can I help you with?" Arthur asked. Everyone in the room heard his voice waver. Eames stood.

I swear that this writer is trying to make Arthur a stand-in for a badly written Ianto. I can imagine Ianto Jones saying that in canon, but I can only imagine Arthur ever saying that sarcastically.

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"I'm sorry if I wasn't very polite earlier. And here," he reached out, ignoring how Arthur flinched and brushed a tear from Arthur's cheek. Arthur blushed, and flinched again at the roughness of the forger's hand.

I know this is supposed to be slash, but seriously, wtf? These are grown men. One of them likes to shoot things for the hell of it, the other likes to look up how best to do so.

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"Thank you, Mr Eames," he replied quietly, walking back to his desk.

How was that in any way helpful?

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Arthur was sick two more times that day.

Someone partayed last night.

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The third time, Eames pushed open the door to the bathroom and crouched next to Arthur, rubbing soothing circles into his back. Arthur eventually slumped against the side of the toilet, scowling.
"What are you doing?" he asked as Eames brushed his face with some toilet roll. Arthur barely had the energy to be embarrassed. Instead of moving away, he simply raked a hand through his hair and sighed.
"Getting you cleaned up, pet," Eames murmured.
"Why?" Arthur asked.
"Because you've been sick," Eames replied.

The fail…ohgodsthefail.

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"Your powers of deduction astound me, Mr Eames," Arthur replied, smiling weakly.
"Are you going to tell me what's gotten you so worked up?" Eames asked. Arthur scowled. "Right, sorry darling, I get it. Nothing to do with me," Eames nodded, clambering to his feet. "Doth the lady need a hand?" he smirked, despite being in no mood to smirk at all.

Arthur: Okay, seriously. What the fuck is wrong with you people today?
And by the way, where the hell is Ariadne?

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"Shut up, Eames," he muttered, taking the hand, "I'm going back to the hotel. Tell Cobb for me?" he asked. Eames grimaced.

Hotel? I thought you were in limbo cos I sure as hell didn’t know where else you were with this total lack of setting description going on.

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"Not sure I can do that for you. Cobb pretty much wants me dead," Eames explained.

…That’s never really stopped you before.

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"Please?" Arthur asked. Eames considered. Should he risk his beautiful face to make sure Arthur was okay? Yes, he probably should.

Why do all fanfic writers also insist on making Eames incredibly vain? This is one character trait that I can guarantee does not appear at all in the movie.

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The next day, Cobb called everyone in to the warehouse. Eames sauntered in to find Ariadne crying into Dom's arms.

Hey, guys, look, I found Ariadne! And—oh wait no, the author has made a total mess of her character too. Well…that dream died fast.

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"Who died?" he asked.

The dream, I just said. :/
Also, the real characters, apparently. Not whatever weird body snatchers these are.

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Yusuf elbowed him in the side and nodded to Arthur, who sat in his chair with his head bowed. Eames noticed his red-rimmed eyes, but said nothing.
"Eames!" Ariadne cried, sending him such a glare Eames took a step back.
"What?" Eames frowned.

SHUT THE FUCK UP, THAT’S WHAT, WE WANT TO CRY IN PEACE

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"I'll tell him, if you don't mind," Arthur murmured. Cobb nodded and ushered Ariadne from the room. Yusuf made his way to his lab.

Wait, so you told everybody else at one time but waited for Eames to come in separately? Oh, wait. Slash.

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"What's all this about, then?" Eames asked, reclining in Yusuf's chair.

But I though Yusuf was in Yusuf’s chair. In his lab. :<

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Arthur took a deep breath, trying to remind himself that Eames wouldn't care, no matter how good friends Arthur thought they were.
"I'm leaving the team," Arthur explained. Eames froze, his eyes locked on Arthur's face. It was just the shock, Arthur reasoned with himself. He didn't care, not really.

NOBODY LOVES ANGST!ARTHUR

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"Why?" Eames gaped.
"I-"
"Just tell me," Eames requested. Say it quickly so it doesn't hurt too much- like a plaster.
"I can't," Arthur shook his head, "I can't."
"Come on, darling, just tell me," Eames prompted. Arthur sighed and turned his monitor. Eames squinted to read the screen.
Art,
I don't know how to tell you this, my friend. It is cancer- Grade IV, in the right hemisphere of your brain. The tumour is particularly vicious, and if I had to guess, you have a year.

If you had to guess? Aren’t you his doctor? Maybe you should try finding out for sure...people probably don't generally want to hear the word 'guess' when others are talking about their cancer.

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I'm so sorry, Arthur, its terminal.
I hope I'm wrong.
Tony.
"My doctor," Arthur murmured.
"Jesus fucking-"
"I know," Arthur interrupted, "in a few months, I'll be bed-ridden."
"Mother of-"
"Language, Eames," Arthur scolded half-heartedly.

When the hell has Arthur ever cared about language before? The guy just found out he has TERMINAL CANCER. If there’s a time to swear, it’s right now.
And wait. Why was Ariadne crying to Cobb about Arthur’s medical problems? Is this supposed to be Ariadne/Cobb, or is it just out of character and an excuse to get them both out of the room because the author doesn’t care about them? I’m going with the latter.

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Eames decided that it was his turn to bolt to the bathroom, and promptly threw up the contents of his stomach. Arthur followed, standing cautiously away from Eames.

“It’s not fair that you get to throw up because I have cancer. I don’t think that’s how this works.”

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"I wasn't expecting that," he admitted. Eames wiped his mouth and sat back against the side of the cubicle, rubbing the heel of his hand into his forehead.
"Neither was I."
Two weeks later, Arthur had disappeared.
A month after that, Eames received a text from no other than Mr Saito and dropped off the radar as well.

If that made any sense to you, I’m not entirely sure I envy you at all, really.

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Arthur was wandering about London when Eames spotted him. Eames, having been looking for days and begun to lose heart,

Right, because you can just randomly wander about London and hope to find someone you’re looking for without having a clue about where they are. That’ll totally work.
(Although I guess it does happen in Doctor Who all the time.)

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jogged eagerly across a road and tapped Arthur on the shoulder. Arthur turned and scrutinised him, taking a long moment to recognise the man. "Eames?" he asked.
"Yes?"
"Oh, God. I just forgot your name for a moment there," Arthur admitted.

“I don’t think it’s cos of the cancer. I think it’s just because I’m trying to block you out of my memory consciously.”

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"Hey, don't worry. Most people are so blinded by my good looks they forget my name," Eames joked, not allowing his shock at his friends deterioration to show. Arthur smiled sadly.

…Are you serious right now?

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"How have you been?" he asked.
"Terribly worried," Eames replied, taking a hold of Arthur's arm and leading them towards his hotel.
"Worried about what?" Arthur asked.
"A certain friend of mine that told me he was terminal and then went AWOL," Eames shrugged. Arthur tensed.
"I forgot your name," he realised.
"It doesn't matter," Eames promised.
"I- oh Jesus," Arthur rubbed a hand across his face.
A month later, they had moved to a small apartment in New York.

…Right, okay.
IT’S MAAAAAAAAAAGIC!

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"Tea, Eames?" Arthur asked.
"Sure, why not?" Eames replied, following Arthur into the kitchen, "Dom texted last night," he added.

I didn’t know Cobb possessed the ability to text. The more you know.

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"Oh? What'd he say?" Arthur flicked the kettle on and leant himself against the counter. Eames took a moment to assess Arthur's pale face. He smaller man had lost a lot of weight. If Eames wasn't there, he would forget to eat and complain of stomach cramps when Eames got back.

Or he may just be losing weight because he has cancer.

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Arthur looked very ill as well, his face drawn and tired.

BECAUSE HE HAS CANCER.
HE HAS TERMINAL CANCER.
THESE ARE THINGS THAT HAPPEN SOMETIMES, WHEN YOU HAVE CANCER.

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"He asked after you," Eames replied.
"And you told him what?" Arthur frowned.
"That you and I were coping very well, thank you very much," Eames lied through his smile. Arthur grinned back and poured the boiling water into the mugs, adding the milk and holding out a mug to Eames. Eames' face dropped.

“It’s so much fun to lie to our friends! Especially when I’ve know them for years!”
Did I mention that Arthur has actually taken two bullets for Cobb? Probably more.

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"The teabags, Arthur," he murmured.
"What?"
"You forgot the teabags," Eames repeated.

LOL.

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Arthur looked down at the mug in his hand. It shattered on the floor.

It shattered on the floor while he was looking at it in his hand? From this point on I’m going to assume they’re in a dream and at some point the music will come on and they’ll wake up and both of them will freak out and it will be hilarious.
Right guys?
Guys?

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Eames shot across the room and pulled Arthur into a crushing hug as, for the first time, Arthur broke down and cried.

…Arthur has broken down and cried at least twice before this.

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A few days later, Arthur handed Eames his gun. Eames looked at it for a moment before raising his eyebrows.
"I want you to shoot me," Arthur explained.

“Then I can wake up from this stupid fucking dream.”

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Eames turned the gun over in his hands, checking the pin, and placed it on the table.
"No, thanks," Eames replied. Arthur sat.

“You fucking suck, Eames.”

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"I can't live like this. I'm forgetting my own fucking name. Just- sometime when I'm not paying attention," Arthur replied. Eames shook his head.
"I'm a forger, not a murderer," he murmured.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW, EAMES?! DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT YOU KILLED LIKE FIFTY PEOPLE IN TEN MINUTES ONE TIME? WHAT THE FUCK AM I READING?!

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"I want you to. I don't want to be a vegetable," Arthur snapped. Eames raised his eyebrows.
"And what about me?" he asked. Arthur frowned.

Uh…you can live?

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"What?"
"Did you take into consideration how I would feel about this?" Eames asked.

It’s not really your choice to make, Eames. You’d rather have his mind slowly deteriorate with his being completely depressed than shoot him, which is what he wants you to do and which you are technically perfectly capable of doing? That’s…well, that’s…disrespectful? And selfish?

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"I figured that you wouldn't mind. You'd be rid of me and you could get back to your work," Arthur replied with a shrug. Eames stood violently, making Arthur jump.

Wow, he is acting like a stand-in for Ianto.
Come to think of it, I would love to see a fic where canonical!Ianto and canonical!Arthur team up to kick the asses of dumb fanfic writers everywhere.

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"Jesus, Art, is that what you think of me? Do you really think I don't give a shit? Why am I here, Arthur? Why am I here if I don't care?" he bellowed. Arthur stood too, shaking his head.
"I'm going to bed," Arthur replied.
Eames spent the rest of the night with a bottle of scotch. Arthur spent the night with a pen, some paper, and an envelope addressed to Eames.
They came to a conclusion within the next month.

Shouldn’t Arthur be bedridden by now? I thought he said he only had a few months?

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Eames had agreed to the deal after nearly being shot by Arthur, having forgotten who Eames was and been confused as to why he was in the apartment.

He…probably shouldn’t have a gun around anymore.
See, another thing that bothers me is that if Arthur wanted to be shot, he wouldn’t ask someone else to do it. He’d just shoot himself.

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Arthur and broken down again, refusing to talk to Eames until Eames pulled the smaller man into his arms and promised that it didn't matter, he didn't mind.
"Its fine, darling. I've had you shoot at me hundreds of times before," Eames smiled sadly.

“Yeah, but those were times that I really, really wanted to kill you. Like, in earnest, kill you.”

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"Not in reality, though. Always in a dream and always to get you out," Arthur replied, his head in his hands. Eames smirked.
"Do you remember the one with the guy whose projections were throwing Jenga?" he asked.

They wanted to play Jenga with you? :<

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"And we thought we had more time," Arthur smiled.
"Then they started shooting us, the bastards,"
"And you got hit in the arm, so I shot you in the face," Arthur chuckled morbidly.

Eames can’t handle a bullet wound in the arm in a dream by now?

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It was a day later that Arthur had another accident. Eames had to see off a couple of particularly vicious men- having guessed that either he or Arthur had a price on their head.

SUDDEN INTRODUCTION AND DISMISSAL OF IRRELEVENT PLOT POINT!
WAVE GOODBYE!

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He wandered back into the apartment, only to be thrown bodily to the floor by Arthur and knocked unconscious by a vase to the head. When he came to, Arthur wouldn't look at him.

Maybe cos he can’t remember who you are.

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That night, as Arthur slept, Eames crept into the room and took the deepest, longest breath he could. The shot rang out loud and clear and Eames choked on a sob.

Arthur jolted back to reality in his chair and, before even fully returning to consciousness, shoved his hand deep into his pocket to check his totem, pulling the strap off of the top of his arm. He then checked the PASIV. Five minutes left. He sat back and waited.

I GOT MY WISH! Is it too much to ask for them to be in character now? Him checking his totem was a good sign…

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Eames found the note shortly after, clutched in Arthur's hand. The envelope read 'For afterwards'.
Thank you, Mr Eames.
Just in case.
Taped to the bottom of a note was a bullet.

Eames awoke half a minute after Arthur, flying forward and tumbling off the seat.

Wow, you made Eames suicidal.
And, yeah. Eames must have been seriously freaked out to actually propel himself from the seat. Ariadne got stabbed in the stomach and only leaned forward when she came to, Arthur actually did get shot in the head in the movie and he only blinked when he woke up.

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"Arthur?" he asked. Arthur scrambled over and pulled the strap from Eames' arm.
"Good morning," he smiled.
"What was that?" Eames growled.
"You were asleep, I found you and-"

Damn. That’s harsh.

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"That was a dream?" Eames shouted, pulling his totem out and running his thumb across it, feeling the groove.

Eames is getting’ his grooooove on.
Even the Inception Wiki couldn’t tell me what Eames’ totem is. Now I kind of want to know just so I could shove it in the author’s face.

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"Yes," Arthur admitted.
"Whose dream?"
"Mine."

Uh, no…if you saw Eames sleeping and connected yourself to the PASIV while he was using it, it would be his dream.

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"You're fucked up," Eames growled, shoving himself to his feet and pulling Arthur up with him. Arthur sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

Whoa, a close to in-character sentence for Eames! Woot.

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"I'm sorry, Eames. I had no right-"

Then why did you do it in the first place?

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"Just don't you dare ever die," Eames replied, pulling Arthur by the lapels right into his face.
"I can't promise that."
"You'd better," Eames replied, pressing his lips to Arthur's, "or I'll probably have to do what I just did and I'm far too pretty to kill myself."

FOREVER ALONE

…Also, how was he able to kiss and talk to Arthur at the same time? Huh.

Whoa, long post is long. Luckily for the reader, this is apparently a oneshot, so there's no additional content. :D

Goddamit! I KNEW the minute Eames made that remark to Arthur in the movie, someone was going to latch onto it and write shitty slash, and probably turn Arthur into a woobie in the process.

Part of what I liked so much about Eames was that he WAS a snarky sonofabitch (and possibly gay, which the movie didn't make a big deal out of). And Arthur was awesome in the way he could cut you down just by raising an eyebrow.

Why is it that the best movies and TV shows always seem to attract the crappiest fanfic?

You really do read some awful fanfic from Inception. It suffers from the same thing a lot of great constructed-world fandoms do: a lack of anything good that has to do with the constructed world. For instance, we have Harry Potter, full of magic and all kinds of magical shit, but in a lot of fanfic we only see that magic if it has to do with character drama. Same problem with Inception fanfic, unfortunately. We have awesome dream mechanics and mystery, but we only see that when it has to do with Arthur's fake debilitating dream illness omfg I actually don't even understand what just happened in this fanfic, not even gonna lie.

Happenstance, I am lost and alone and don't get what just happened D:

InkWeaver wrote:

You really do read some awful fanfic from Inception. It suffers from the same thing a lot of great constructed-world fandoms do: a lack of anything good that has to do with the constructed world. For instance, we have Harry Potter, full of magic and all kinds of magical shit, but in a lot of fanfic we only see that magic if it has to do with character drama. Same problem with Inception fanfic, unfortunately. We have awesome dream mechanics and mystery, but we only see that when it has to do with Arthur's fake debilitating dream illness omfg I actually don't even understand what just happened in this fanfic, not even gonna lie.

Happenstance, I am lost and alone and don't get what just happened D:

I know. I've always felt that if you're going to write fanfic about a TV show or a movie, shouldn't you at least TRY to remain faithful to the source material. The thing I loved about Inception was the ability of these people to construct worlds, and the dreams, and how sometimes you couldn't tell for sure if someone was dreaming or awake. You've got all this potential for great stories...and you end up with bad yaoi fanfic.

Badger, I second everything you just said. Why people feel the need to take awesome characters and turn them into helpless ones is beyond me.

InkWeaver wrote:

For instance, we have Harry Potter, full of magic and all kinds of magical shit, but in a lot of fanfic we only see that magic if it has to do with character drama. Same problem with Inception fanfic, unfortunately. We have awesome dream mechanics and mystery, but we only see that when it has to do with Arthur's fake debilitating dream illness omfg I actually don't even understand what just happened in this fanfic, not even gonna lie.

Happenstance, I am lost and alone and don't get what just happened D:

I never thought of that, but you're right...people don't utilize awesomeness right. Wtf is wrong with the internet D:

I'm just as lost as you...apparently Arthur thinks cancer is HILARIOUS when it's in a dream. I swear there should be a support group for having to read these things. ;----; Snarkers Anonymous?

So... wait a second here. Arthur made up this dream, and pretended he had cancer, for months on end, just to get a reaction from Eames? This is all kinds of fucked up.

Vanilla-villa wrote:

So... wait a second here. Arthur made up this dream, and pretended he had cancer, for months on end, just to get a reaction from Eames? This is all kinds of fucked up.

If it works in real life on parents and teachers and boyfriends......

Yeah, no.

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"What are you doing?" he asked as Eames brushed his face with some toilet roll

Best part of this story hands down.

Oh man

when I was reading the new releases forum I was like "oh, I like Inception... oh, slash is pretty cool... hey it's sick!fic which I also like well enough maybe the the fic won't be so bad"

but um I was wrong and it was terrible and your sporking was for the most part a steady a+

...what was Arthur even trying to accomplish in this thing? Getting smoochies from Eames? By... pretending to have cancer in a dream world for months on end? Brilliant seduction plan, that.

Where have the fanbrats been? JG-L has been sex on legs since he was in 3rd Rock From the Sun when I was seven.

Took them long enough.

He is particularly stunning in a nice three-piece suit though. That definitely made me notice him.

Lapin wrote:

He is particularly stunning in a nice three-piece suit though. That definitely made me notice him.

And it was the suit that attracted the fanbrats. Because competent men in suits exist to be woobified. Happenstance's mention of Ianto Jones in Torchwood is a perfect case. I will remain firmly convinced to my dying day that if they'd just left him in the rent-boy outfit he tried to use to seduce Jack to hire him, the fans wouldn't have felt it necessary to reduce him to even more of a psychological mess than he already was.

And this was a fandom where the slash pairing was CANON, for chrissakes.

^ Seconded again.

I wonder why the "suit factor" occurs...? Perhaps it would be an interesting social experiment or something. O.o

Maybe it's because the guys in suits are always the most awesome and underrated (thus the most able to be shipped in badfic), thus the woobification...

Happenstance wrote:

^ Seconded again.

I wonder why the "suit factor" occurs...? Perhaps it would be an interesting social experiment or something. O.o

Maybe it's because the guys in suits are always the most awesome and underrated (thus the most able to be shipped in badfic), thus the woobification...

I think the awesomeness plays a large part, but age may factor into it as well. Arthur and Ianto are both fairly young (not sure when Arthur, but it was canon that Ianto was around 23 when he joined Torchwood 3, and had joined Torchwood One straight out of university).

I've seen Jeeves and Alfred (from Batman) slash, and there's no tendency towards woobifying the character. Of course, Jeeves and Alfred are grown men and, in both cases, older than their employers.

So I really do think age plays a factor in it as well. I could be wrong.

Now you've got me thinking that I need to do some sort of a study on the 'suit factor' in slashfic. Dr. Who has loads of slashfic, but I've noticed it's the younger-looking Doctors (Five, Eight and Ten) that seem to get the lions share of woobification. You get slashfic for the others (including One), but in most cases, they're presented as being in control of the situation simply because they LOOK older (though technically, One was the youngest, being the original).

Though I will admit that a large part of the reason Eight gets woobified is because he's terribly pretty and was forced to destroy Gallifrey (tragedy plays a large part in woobification-look at poor Ianto and his half-Cyberman girlfriend).

Rabid Badger wrote:

I've noticed it's the younger-looking Doctors (Five, Eight and Ten) that seem to get the lions share of woobification.

In fairness, it's pretty justified in Ten's case. He's got great big puppy eyes and wears his misery on his sleeve when he's not clowning around, and he's not very psychologically stable either. If he were an original character in someone's fanfic people he would be the absolute woobiest thing ever.

("Why do they always survive, while I lose everything?" Because you keep letting them, dumbass!)

Agreed about the age thing. Maybe people go "oh, that guy's adorable!", but then I have no idea how they go from "adorable" to "woobie". Especially since wearing a suit tends to have the effect of subconsciously making a person look more competent.

And Ten's woobification is justified in some instances, but not in the stories where he's...well...sitting around looking pathetic and not doing anything at all...? I mean, Ten has little emo/rage episodes all the time in canon, but you know he's usually thinking really hard about what brought him to that point. And he almost always voluntarily picks himself up and goes off somewhere new after a while, instead of waiting for a Mary-Sue to come haul him out of it. :<

Sutremaine wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

I've noticed it's the younger-looking Doctors (Five, Eight and Ten) that seem to get the lions share of woobification.

In fairness, it's pretty justified in Ten's case. He's got great big puppy eyes and wears his misery on his sleeve when he's not clowning around, and he's not very psychologically stable either. If he were an original character in someone's fanfic people he would be the absolute woobiest thing ever.

("Why do they always survive, while I lose everything?" Because you keep letting them, dumbass!)

I think it's the combination of the suit and the obvious psychological instability that attracts the fangirls (and so many shitty Mary Sues). And some of the psychological instability is more than justified-he did destroy his entire planet and all the people on it.

Except that Eight regenerated into Nine, who didn't seem to take the fact he'd just committed full-scale genocide that badly. It wasn't that he was callous about it-he more seemed to accept it as being something that had to be done, no matter how much pain it caused him.

Then I remember Nine never wore a suit-he wore jeans and a leather jacket. The potential for woobification was there, but it's like the outfit cancelled it out.

Quote :

("Why do they always survive, while I lose everything?" Because you keep letting them, dumbass!

This so much. How many times could he have saved someone if he hadn't been so busy angsting over losing Rose/destroying Gallifrey/just having a general snit?

Unfortunately 11 is cute and young and wears a suit. I'm not sure even the presence of Amy (who had the good sense to go ahead and marry Rory) and River Song will be enough to stop him from being turned into a blubbering mess. Actually, it's probably already started.

Damn. Now I have to go check the pit for 11 fic to see how badly the fangirls have fucked him over.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Sutremaine wrote:

Rabid Badger wrote:

I've noticed it's the younger-looking Doctors (Five, Eight and Ten) that seem to get the lions share of woobification.

In fairness, it's pretty justified in Ten's case. He's got great big puppy eyes and wears his misery on his sleeve when he's not clowning around, and he's not very psychologically stable either. If he were an original character in someone's fanfic people he would be the absolute woobiest thing ever.

("Why do they always survive, while I lose everything?" Because you keep letting them, dumbass!)

I think it's the combination of the suit and the obvious psychological instability that attracts the fangirls (and so many shitty Mary Sues). And some of the psychological instability is more than justified-he did destroy his entire planet and all the people on it.

Except that Eight regenerated into Nine, who didn't seem to take the fact he'd just committed full-scale genocide that badly. It wasn't that he was callous about it-he more seemed to accept it as being something that had to be done, no matter how much pain it caused him.

Then I remember Nine never wore a suit-he wore jeans and a leather jacket. The potential for woobification was there, but it's like the outfit cancelled it out.

That is actually really interesting...I guess cos Nine was always the kind of tough-as-nails, doesn't-take-shit-for-an-answer regeneration, so he got the leather jacket. And thus missed out on the woobification.

But then Ten...well. Oh, Ten.
When the first thing you do in an appearance on a show is (adorably) faint, you know the Mary-Sues are gonna come for you.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Quote :

("Why do they always survive, while I lose everything?" Because you keep letting them, dumbass!

This so much. How many times could he have saved someone if he hadn't been so busy angsting over losing Rose/destroying Gallifrey/just having a general snit?

Unfortunately 11 is cute and young and wears a suit. I'm not sure even the presence of Amy (who had the good sense to go ahead and marry Rory) and River Song will be enough to stop him from being turned into a blubbering mess. Actually, it's probably already started.

Damn. Now I have to go check the pit for 11 fic to see how badly the fangirls have fucked him over.

This. Yeesh, just blow the DAMN DALEKS TO SMITHEREENS ALREADY AND STOP LETTING THEM CAUSE YOU PROBLEMS. The time for pity is long gone.

And I haven't even dared to look at 11 fic, for the most part. I'm too scared of all the 11/Amy slash.