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 Crappy GerIta story involving horrible grammar and plot.

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Join date : 2011-10-23

PostSubject: Crappy GerIta story involving horrible grammar and plot.   Wed Nov 30, 2011 5:46 pm

Hi I'm Empress Suzuka88. You can call me Suzuka-chan. I'm sort of new to Why,God,Why?, but I've been to sporking sites like these before and I decided to come out of lurking to spork a truly dreadful Hetalia fanfic. I swear this thing may perhaps be the My Immortal of Hetalia fandom! The fic I'm talking about lurks on the Pit AKA fanfiction.net. True, I know the chances of finding poorly, written piles of literary feces are very great, but this fic is the limit! If you're in a masochistic mood here's the link [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] The basic plot of this story is Germany and Italy are dating and Prussia decides he wants Italy for himself so he corners Italy in the Kitchen and kisses him Italy protesting, Germany comes in and sees this and tells Prussia to stay away from his boyfriend and Italy acts like a bigger crybaby than he usually is in cannon and then it's on to chapter 2 it gets a little strange here Prussia acts like a total creeper and climbs into bed with Germany and Italy and tries to make out with Italy again:

Quote :
Italy felt something crawling on top of him. The sleepily Italian opened his eyes expiating to see beautiful blue eyes looking back at him. But when he saw deep crimson ones, he froze up.

"P-Prussia, what are you…Why are you?" The little Italian tried hard to form a full sentence but he just couldn't.

"What wrong Italy, you like what I did last time, didn't you?" Said Prussia as he pinned Italy's hand above him with one of his easily.

"No… no I did not. I don't like you that way!" Italy yelled.

Prussia hand came down hard across Italy's face. Tears began to flow.

So, Prussia you like Italy and then decided to be all creepy by molesting him. Are you really THAT surprised he rejected you even if he and Germany weren't an item molesting him in his bed is really skeevy. Italy is all upset and like, "Why did you hit me?Germany doesn't hit me!" and Prussia tries to manipulate Italy by saying Germany doesn't love him and he'll prove it at that moment Germany comes in to see what's going down and this happens:

Quote :

"Hello …bruder." Said the white haired boy.

"I told you to stay away from Italy!" yelled the German to his brother.

"And I will when you give me what I want."

Of course he wants something he's Gilbert. Germany thought. If I give him want he wants he'll leave Italy alone.

"Fine, what ever you want." Said Germany as Prussia got off the bed and walked over to Germany. He got vary close to Germany and whispered in his ear. "What I want is a kiss from you in front of Italy. Oh and one more thing, don't break the kiss before I do."

All Germany could do was nod.

"Good boy, West" said the man with the crimson eyes like blood and hate.

Prussia lips moved closer and closer to Germany's, Italy could only watch on in horror as Prussia's lips claimed Germany's. No, don't let him take you, Germany, thought Italy.

Germany's eyes closed and his brother captured his lips. Germany's hands balled into fists, though Italy did not see this.

Germany hated this. He wished he was kissing Italy right now, not Prussia. Not his smart ass sly brother.

Italy began to cry again. Why, Germany, why? Italy thought.

Finally, Italy could not take it anymore. He took off crying. Germany's heart cracked, Prussia finally moved back a bit and Germany pushed him aside and ran after Italy.

Sooo... You try to get Italy to think Germany doesn't love him by making your brother kiss you? That's different Prussia, it sort of works as Italy gets upset, but they make up later. So Prussia gos to Spain for some advice:

Quote :
"Come on in Prussia, I'll put on some tea or some thing. Make you self at home."

Prussia sat down.

"Here, have some tea." Spain pored a cup for Prussia. "Now friend, what would you like to talk about?"

"I need to know how you have complete control over Romano?"

Spain? Have complete control of Romano? in what universe are they living in cause that's so not the case in the Hetalia Universe!

Quote :
"What do you mean?" Spain raised an eyebrow.

Just than Romano came down the stairs. In nothing more than a pair of boxers and a T-shirt.

"Antonio, won't you please come back to b-"

He stopped when he saw the Prussian.

"What the hell is that stupid potato bastard's brother doing here!" yelled Romano.

"Romano! Don't talk to our guest that way." Spain scolded him.

The Italian looked down at his feet.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean that."

Prussia looked at him in amazement. He could not believe that he had apologized.

I'm amazed to Prussia, Romano would never ever in a million years apologize! So, Spain tells Prussia the secret to getting Italy to love him is to use discipline and with love. Prussia takes his advise and attacks Italy later raping him when he gos back to Germany's place. Prussia rapes and tortures Italy for 3 weeks, how Germany doesn't catch on to this earlier is anyone's guess. Italy decides to call Romano and begs him to help him. Romano finally acts in character and is outraged by Prussia abusing his brother and tries to attack Prussia who promptly beats Romano up. Italy begs Prussia not to kill Romano and Prussia tells him he must be his pet and he'll stop Italy stupidly agrees. Later, Germany and Italy gos out to eat and they have a good time and before they get home Italy grows a brain and tells Germany about Prussia raping Italy. Naturally Germany gets pissed and when they get home he confronts his brother the next morning:

Quote :
"Good morning bruder."

There was Prussia standing there with a big smile on his face this made Germany blood boil fuck the coffee. He walked over to Prussia and delivered a hard punch to his face.

Prussia landed on his ass. "Ow what the hell was that for."

"You fucker I told you not to touch him and this it was you do!" yell the German in anger.

Fuck Italy told him well I can fix this.

"What are you talking about I have been near Italy in weeks."

"Liar! You have been raping and abuse him for months and even today before we went out!"

"Why would I lie I give you word as your bruder I did not lay a hand on him."

"But all those marks on him."

"He might have put them there him self he hates me and wants me out."

"Why oh Bruder I am so sorry."

"Its ok West just a bump."

"I need to go lay down." Really he just wanted to talk to Italy and find out why

He lied.

"K West." The Italian brat was going to pay for telling him fuck that was too close.Italy was still asleep. Germany walked over and gently woke him up.


"Vee~ Germany?"

"I need to talk to you Italy. Did you lie?"

"What no! Why don't you believe me?"

"No I mean yes I well Prussia is gave me his word as my bruder that he didn't do anything."

"But he did all this to me do you think I could do this to myself?"

"I'm sorry Italy but I have to believe that you're lying."

"But I-I not please Ludwig you have to believe me!"

"Stop lying Italy I know my bruder when he give me his word."

"Why are you taking his side just because you share blood?"

"Enough! Italy stops this silly game!"

"What's silly about rape and abuse?"

Germany had had enough he slapped Italy across the face.

"Ahhh" yelped Italy he held the place that Germany had hit with his hand looked up at him with watery eyes. "You said you would never hit me."

"Well when you keep lying it hard to keep my cool." He sighed I am sorry I hit you it was wrong of me but maybe when you have had time to think about this you'll understand." He said coldly and walked out he wanted to hug Italy and told him he was so sorry for hitting him he didn't mean to but he had to learn not to lie like this.

Really? Germany believes Prussia just like that? Give me a break! Germany is not that fucking stupid! I don't care if Prussia is his brother, he wouldn't just be like "ok" and go and yell at Italy and be like "Italy you liar! How dare you lie about my brother raping and torturing you ?" Then this happens:

Quote :
Back down stair Germnay was almost in treats Prussia rushed over.

"Ludwig what's wrong."

"I-I hit him I cant believe I hit him all cuz I get mad cuz he would not stop lying fuck."

Prussia held his brother he felt bad for lying but he couldn't tell him the truth not now.

"It will be ok bruder everthing will work out I promise."

"I love him so much Gill and I still hit him." Ludwig now ciying in his brothers arms.

"Lest's get out of her you need to go to the bar with me."

Oh sure just go off and have beer with your rapist brother after you've hit your lover and accused him of lying about being raped! Apparently Germany has been replaced by a gullible oblivious moron. Also, Prussia has been replaced by the stereotypical rapist villain. So Italy calls on Japan to help him. So what dose Japan do? Dose he do the logical thing and tell the other countries and offers to let Italy stay at his place and do something about Prussia? No! Hew gos to Germany's house and sets up a camera to catch Prussia in the act of raping Italy to prove to Germany Italy isn't lying which is clearly a cheap ploy for another shitty rape lemon!


moving on Prussia once again rapes Italy, gasp! What a shocker...! Dry Japan gets the tape and gos to Germany's house:

Quote :
Germany answered the door. He was surprised to say the lest he saw Kiku at the door huffing and puffing liked he had just ran all the way from him house to Germanys.

"Kiku what …why are you-"

"No time to explain it all just tell me were is you labtop."

"Ummm its in my living room but I-"

He was cut off again by Japan.

"Good come." He dragged the German by the hand to his own living room.

"You must look at this Italy was not lying to you and-"

"Wait is this what all your huffing and puffing is a about?"

Germany stopped just outside the kitchen were Italy was still cooking.

"I'am sorry to tell you but Feli is lying. So you need to go home and forget what Feli told you."

"Please Germany you must watch this it will all make sense."

"No Kiku cant you see." He sighed "Italy it acting like a little kid."

"Fine you don't have to belive me or Italy just take this and watch it please for me."

"Ok but not now."

"Soon Mr. Germany soon." Japan told him firmly. He looked Germany in the eye Germany looked at him and was almost sacred from the look the Japanese man was giving him.

Germany you are so stupid! Japan comes over and defends Italy and you're just like "Pfft! You're wasting your time Italy is just lying and being a baby!"

Italy then dose something he should have done after Germany slapped him and accused him of lying:

Quote :
And with that Japan. Germany walked into the kitchen and saw Italy's body shaking.


Germany made his way over to the faille Italian.

"Are you ok?"

"You are so blinded!" Italy turned you Germany with tears gushing down his face.

"You can't even see the truth when its right in front of you!"

"Italy don't do this now I am not in the mood."

"Even Japan can see I am not lying. Everything I have said it true!"

"Feli stop this nonsense!"

"No all you can see is you can see is what your brother wants you to see. He's playing you like a fool!"

"Feliciano Vargas that is enough of your childishness. If you don't stop saying thsese foolish things."

"What you hit me again go ahead I don't care anymore hit me all you want it nothing compared to the pain I feel of the one person I love the most take the side for the enemy and being blinded by nothing but word and a blood bond."

Germany was furious. No one could talk about him and his brother that way Gill was the only family he had left.

"Italy please just walk away right now."

Italy turned to walk away "Germany I going to walk out the door now but I am not coming back."

Germany was shocked but replayed without thinking.

"Fine leave it's not like you matter to me if all your going to do is connately lie!"

With that Italy was gone.

Germany finally watches the tape and realizes that *shocker* Italy wasn't lying! So he gos and delivers onto Prussia a well deserved beating and kicks his lying rapist brother out! Italy comes back and forgives Prussia for torturing and raping him. You know what Italy? I know you're kinda dumb and clueless but even you can't be so thick as to forgive the guy who raped and abused you for over three weeks. No one would blame you for hating Prussia forever! There's a little more to this story, but this review/sporking is getting long!This story is absolute shit! I've tried talking to the author, telling her that the plot is not thought out good and that all of the characters involved are reeeally out of character, and that she needs a beta reader, but she was like "BAWW!!! YOU'RE MEEEANN!! Everyone loves my story I'm not that bad, you have a stick up your but!" Rolling Eyes Which sadly, people have been telling her how much they love this story! scratch It makes no sense! I'm almost inclined to think this is an elaborate joke among fanfiction.net trolls! I hope this post wasn't too long I'm going to get something to eat and try to find something to burn the memory of reading this fic from my mind!
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Join date : 2009-07-18
Location : Wild Gray Yonder

PostSubject: Re: Crappy GerIta story involving horrible grammar and plot.   Thu Dec 01, 2011 12:24 am

People still write Hetalia? I thought the creepy loser crowd had moved on by now.
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Join date : 2009-06-03
Age : 36
Location : TRILOBITE!

PostSubject: Re: Crappy GerIta story involving horrible grammar and plot.   Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:43 am

Jesus Christ, Empress, learn how to use punctuation properly. Please.
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Armbiter of Good Fanfiction
Armbiter of Good Fanfiction

Join date : 2010-01-10
Age : 27
Location : A string of Code in the Interwebz( IF living = true input ragequit)

PostSubject: Re: Crappy GerIta story involving horrible grammar and plot.   Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:54 pm

I'm with you penguin. I honestly thought the crowd had moved on. Guess we were both wrong.
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Crappy GerIta story involving horrible grammar and plot.
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