Pretending, by xIreth: "Grades suck. Who cares about them in the real world?"(NWS)

Chapter 1

In a nutshell, this is an Evo-fic about Kurt being in love with Scott, bullshiting with his image inducer, and then getting raped. Also Toad is there for some reason. This is a really bad example of a round-robin, with conversation that are so distant from how people really talk it makes my head hurt. Also it is fucking endless.

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He moaned softly, arching his back up into the large hand splayed over his chest. One hand moved upwards, rubbing the dark blue fur against the grain and scratching a nipple with a jagged fingernail--

Ow. Just, ow.

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The boy's body shuddered in pleasure, his hands gripping the sheets to his side.

"Mein Gott--"

"--Scott!"

Oooooo~ Kurt and Sco-ott sittin' in a tree~

Anyway, Kurt wakes up with a hard-on, ports to the shower, and jerks off. The glamorous life of a teenaged boy.

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It didn't take long for Kurt to get dressed, really. He didn't need to bother with grooming his fur much-- the inducer hid it,

He is also kind of a lazy slob. I mean, that is like not brushing your hair because you are going to wear a hat (which I have never done ever).

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"Heh. Sorry, Kitty," he muttered, putting on a sheepish grin and offering his hand to help her up.

She sighed and grasped it, hulling herself up. She brushed herself off after letting go. "It's okay. Just, like, be more careful, okay, Kurt?"

Oh my gawd gag me with a spoon like totally.

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He nodded, his grin widening a little after knowing she wasn't mad.

All the prose is like this and it infuriates me. This is how you know I am a true WGWer. That and I corrected my mother's grammar the other day in the middle of a conversation. Like my grammar is so perfect.

So, we have Kurt and Kitty eating breakfast, and Scott runs the hell in like the place is on fire, only to turn on his Mr. Cool act once he gets there. This has something to do with Jean entering the kitchen at the same time every day and Scott not wanting to miss it. Because that is the kinda pathetic sack Scott is. Seeing Scott turns our lovable blue protag into a bubbiling school girl.

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he shot them both a dazzlingly confident grin as he made his way calmly over to the fridge.

Ah, it is the East, and Scott's smile is more radiant than the sun.

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"Good morning you two, and how are we today?"

Jeez, be a bit more patronizing there, Cyclops.

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"U-um... Fine. Guten Morgen. Ah... good morning. Just... fine," Kurt ended rather weakly, a blush showing through the inducer-- damn, why does it have to sense those things? Why'd he have to have that dream? And, oh-- Gott Verdammt! Why's Scott have to bend over now?

Oh, good to see they got Kurt nice and queer-ed up for this fic, else I would forget it was slash.

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He let out a shuddering sigh and turned the other way, Kitty giving him a calculating look

"Mmm, Scott sammich."

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"You look a bit... Er..." He was going to say weird but didn't want to hurt Kurt's feelings, "...different."

"Oh, different am I? Like, different from you human-looking mutants? Too different to be your boyfriend, you elitist pig!?" *runs off crying*

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"Hey Jean." He beamed a grin as the red haired girl rounded the corner, blushing so hard he thought his visor might crack.

Jean: Why are you wearing his visor to eat breakfast?
Scott: These are really hard cookies I am eating over here!

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"How’s it going? Need a lift?" His voice warbled a little on the last word and he cleared his throat, hoping she hadn't noticed.

Oh, she probably just thinks your voice is cracking. No wories.

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Jean giggled, patting his shoulder on the way past, "No thanks, Scooter,

Scooter?

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Scott let out a breath he hadn't been aware of holding and smiled at Kurt as they headed out towards the garage. "She sure is something, isn't she?" He said dreamily.

Kurt tuned out Scott's starting rant. While, yes, he didn't like Lance. Not one bit. And he had once liked Kitty-- more fueling the hatred for the rock-tumbler-- he didn't want to hear the same speeches over again.

Kurt: La la la la, not listening you rant about Lance~
Scott: I was talking about Jean?
Kurt: Don't care~!

Also he 'once' liked Kitty, because no teenaged boy has ever been sexually attracted to two different people at the same time.

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He absently muttered a hello to Jean, inwardly scowling just a little bit. And did at Scott's question. But he quickly pushed those feelings away, knowing it was stupid and petty-- it wasn't Jean's fault he was gay.

Also he must be totally gay because bi people do not exist or are depraved sluts.

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"All buckled up, guys?" He asked before pulling off anyway, brooding over the 'Jean-situation' as he headed towards the school. What to do, what to do... He'd tried everything he could think of to try and get her to notice him but nothing seemed to impress that woman.

Just slap her around a bit, steal her shoes, then tell her to make you a pie. Works every time.

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He shook his head a little to clear it, glancing in his rear view mirror and his gaze just happened to settle on Kurt.

...Kurt and his image induced appearance. Kurt and his imaged induced appearance that could in fact appear to be...

A giant pickle. No, wait, a Model T! No, maybe, Dolly Parton? Shit, I thought I knew this one.

Scott's line of thinking is interrupted when he almost hits a car twice. Then they get to school.

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He slipped out of the car and scowled as he saw Lance heading their way - accompanied by his crony Todd as usual

Hey, the dude has no friends, lay off.

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"As I was saying," He said, looking down at the German boy, still holding him, "that image inducer of yours. It can project any image, right? Even-“ he blushed a little, hating himself for doing so, "Even a girl, right?" He asked, feeling awkward but determined to work this out.

I think you all see where this is going.

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Not too far away Lance was busy talking to Kitty. Todd had long since got bored and was stood slightly away from the pair, hands stuck in his pockets as he gazed around with heavy lidded eyes. He started to grin as he saw Scott talking with a very bothered looking Kurt. He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head, trying to listen harder.

Scott: Hey Kurt, you sure are looking bothered.
Kurt: Uh, well.
Scott: *Hot* and bothered.
*porn music*

Anyways, Scott tells Kurt to pretend to be a hot girl so he can make Jean jealous. Kurt is willing to do *anything* for Scott, but at the same time is hurt because seriously wtf. When Scott takes off Toad decides to pop by and tell Kurt he is a fucking idiot.

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"That was pathetic, dawg, don't you have a spine?" He sniggered.

"Uh... yeah," he muttered,

Toad: Really, you don't seem too convinced.
Kurt: I mean, I might?

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Todd smirked, walking right behind him, poking him sharply in the back with a finger. "Heh, you do have a spine, who'd have thunk, yo." He smirked, hopping out of range of tail or fist before the smirk was wiped away by Kurt’s sniggering,

"What's so funny, dawg?" He said defensively.

Kurt yelped and dropped his bag at the sharp jab.

In case you are wondering, here is the sequence of events here:
1. Scott walks off
2. Toad comes over
3. Toad asks Kurt is he has a spine
4. Kurt replies to something Scott said
5. Kurt replies to Toad
7. Kurt turns and starts to walk away
8. Kurt laughs to himself at Toad
9. Toad jabs Kurt in the back making a smart remark
10. Toad gets defensive about Kurt laughing
11. Kurt reacts to being jabbed in the back.

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He turned and got into a fighting stance automatically.

Ha! Your form is weak, child!

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"I don't want to deal with you right now, Toad.

"Ow, burn, yo."

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"How come you're in such a bad mood, dawg?" He smirked widely, "You an' lover boy had a tiff?"

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"Not my fault you were fighting with your fuck buddy."

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"Bet, Mr. Fucking-Kurt-in-His-Dreams doesn't care much about your grades either,"

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"Bet he just takes what he wants and leaves you panting."

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"So, if you weren't discussin' blow job techniques what were you talkin' about?"

Kurt: Are you trying to tell me something here, Toad?
Toad: No, just talking to hear my own voice.

Yeah, the fic just sort of goes on like this for a while. Toad is gay (I guess), Kurt is gay, they both hat each other, blah blah.

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He growled a bit in irritation and stood close to Todd, getting right in his face. "Don't you dare go talking about what we are," he said, jabbing what looked like two fingers at his chest. "You remember what happened at the game a couple months ago?" Obviously he thought Toad talking about mutants.

"We? Dawg, what's this we?" Todd felt - to his horror - his face heat up at the proximity of the other boy. Damn, he could practically feel the body heat Kurt gave off. Out of panic he shoved the other boys shoulder, hard enough to put some space back between them. "You're the ragin' fag, yo, not me."

Kurt stumbled back easily for once, confusion written on his face. He blushed furiously, his mouth going dry. "You're not talking about..." he glanced around, "...you know. Mutants?"

Then quickly interjected, "I'm not gay."

Convincing.

So, Toad gets Kurt to tell him about the conversation he just had with Scott (meaning I got to re-live the painfully cliche plot point a second time before it even happened) by threatening to tell the whole school that Kurt is gay. Because people always listen to what the creepy kid who steals wallets and gets beat up by football players has to say.

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"Arschloch," he muttered quietly as he sat down.

Toad: I have no idea what that means!
Kurt: What, seriously, you cannot just figure it out?
Toad: This is a plot-point, damnit!

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When lunchtime rolled around, Kurt slipped into the men's bathroom, frowning and wondering what would happen if someone walked in when he tweaked his inducer.

Stone you and run you out of the village, I guess. This is Marvel, afterall.

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Or if someone came in when he finally 'became' a girl. He mentally shrugged and started messing with said technology, staring into a mirror.

"Hmm, needs bigger tits. Where is the 'bigger tits' button?"

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After a couple minutes, he came up with a satisfying image and, praying no one was right outside, walked out of the bathroom.

~Cliffhanger~!

IDK if I am doing so well on this one. Should I do the other chapters or find something else?

I have to wonder if this "inducer" can change his voice. Because I am imagining this Pamela Anderson thing with Alan Cumming~s voice which makes me giggle.

I am also wondering how the staunchly Christo-Catholic Nightcrawler is ok with his own homosexuality and apparently changing gender in order to seduce (& possibly rape) Cyclops.

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

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He absently muttered a hello to Jean, inwardly scowling just a little bit. And did at Scott's question. But he quickly pushed those feelings away, knowing it was stupid and petty-- it wasn't Jean's fault he was gay.

Also he must be totally gay because bi people do not exist or are depraved sluts.

Also, part of being gay is complete contempt for females. I mean, psh, why do they even exist? It's not like anyone needs them, and they take all the oxygen.

And all the jobs.

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I am also wondering how the staunchly Christo-Catholic Nightcrawler is ok with his own homosexuality and apparently changing gender in order to seduce (& possibly rape) Cyclops.

Simple, he's under control of the author. If he weren't under control of the author, he'd be in the nearest church he could find, either confessing to the priest or praying to God that he take this unnatural burden from him.

Nightcrawler is the one X-Man I have NEVER been able to imagine being gay. Just like I can't imagine Northstar taking a vow of celibacy.

:tardis:

I wonder which canon they're raping this time. Probably X-Men Evolution, because that was pretty much how Kitty and Tolanski talked. :/ *prays Rogue isn't in this for fear of sheer inflection rape.*

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Nightcrawler is the one X-Man I have NEVER been able to imagine being gay. Just like I can't imagine Northstar taking a vow of celibacy.

The only one I can imagine being gay so far is Quicksilver and his quite fabulous silver hair. Call me blissfully ignorant. :wooper:

Jesus. wrote:

:tardis:

I wonder which canon they're raping this time. Probably X-Men Evolution, because that was pretty much how Kitty and Tolanski talked. :/ *prays Rogue isn't in this for fear of sheer inflection rape.*

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Nightcrawler is the one X-Man I have NEVER been able to imagine being gay. Just like I can't imagine Northstar taking a vow of celibacy.

The only one I can imagine being gay so far is Quicksilver and his quite fabulous silver hair. Call me blissfully ignorant. :wooper:

Northstar IS actually gay. They had him come out a few years back (like those of us who'd been reading Alpha Flight from the beginning hadn't figured it out on our own about the third issue in). I've always had my suspicions about Quicksilver, what with his total disinterest in his wife and the really unhealthy sexual undertones between him and his sister Wanda.

BTW, the same writer who created Quicksilver and The Scarlet Witch also created Northstar and his twin sister Aurora (who also had some unhealthy, incesty stuff going on). I'm not sure if he believes all male/female sets of twins are like this, but both Pietro and Jean-Paul supposedly behaved the way they did because they were 'trying to protect their sisters.' As if either of their sister's needed protection.

@Rabid: Gaw, tell me about it. If my sister could shoot bad luck out of her hands I would let her fight her own battles is all I am saying.

As far as Kurt being gay, Evo Kurt never shows any sign of being particularly religious that I can recall. I do not think they even bring up the fact that he is Catholic. On the other hand, they disregard that bit of his character in the Ultimate-verse to, but that dose not stop Ultimate Kurt from flipping the fuck out when Colossus comes out of the closet. Making him basically the least sympathetic Nightcrawler ever.

Chapter 2

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Scott pushed the door open for the men’s bathroom and - nearly collided with a girl who was coming in the opposite direction. A really gorgeous girl with blonde hair, blue eyes and an unbelievable body.

Kurt: ~Cause I'm a blond, I don't have to think, I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks~!
Scott: I am not buying you any more drinks, dude.

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"Aw heck," He sighed, bending over to pick up the books that had dropped upon impact, "I'm real sorry, ma'am." He smiled up at her, red shades glinting, "Ever had one of those days?" He laughed softly as he stood up, looking through the books to see if any of them were hers, "Er, you do know this is the men’s bathroom, right?"

Kurt: Oh, yeah I do.
Scott: Uhhh...
Kurt: *wink wink*

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Kurt smirked and put his hands behind his back, trying to look like he was flirting. "Of course, I do, handsome," he said, trying out a new voice.

Scott: Is that... William Shatner?
Kurt: Well, I thought I would start with something easy. Wanna hear my George Takei next?

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Scott blushed brightly as she called him handsome. There was... something... about her.

If you know what I mean.

(tits)

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"Will you be free later?" He said, trying not to look over her voluptuous frame.

“Boy I sure would love to hang a picture in that.”

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He offered a hand with a broad smile, "Name's Scott; Scott Summers."

“All-American play boy.”

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He rolled his eyes.

Kurt: God, Scott, you have got to work on your game. That vas fucking lame.
Scott: But I-
Kurt: LAME!

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He grinned and said, "Kurt Wagner.”

Then laughed, not able to stop himself. "Or, I don't know..." he paused, saying of the first name to come to his mind, "Sandra?"

Scott: Really? Sandra?
Kurt: We can re-enact Grease! America's favorite romance!
Scott: Kurt, try and be serious for a-
Kurt: ~Look at me, there has to be, something more than what they see, wholesome and pure, so scared and unsure, a poor man's Sandra Deeee-ee.~

OK, so it basically just goes on like this for a while. Kurt ribs Scott, Scott gets embarrassed because he is paralyzed by big titties. Then they go meet up with the rest of the X-teens for lunch.

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"Hi, I'm Jean. This is Tracy, Jubilee, and Rogue."

Jubilee: I have a real name, you know.
Rogue: What, 'Jubilation'? Gimme a break. I have a real name too, you know.
Jean: Yeah, what is that?
Rogue: Psh, like I am gonna tell you.
Jubilee: Why do we even hang out with you?

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"Well ah'm sure you'll fit in just fine here, honey. There's always room for one more girl an' Bayville is just full of cute guys lookin' for a gal like you."

“A gal they can touch n' kiss n' *sniff* I jus', I- I *sob*” *runs off crying*

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"Sandra's the same as Kurt, she's from Europe,"

Everyone in Europe is exactly the same.

After Scott makes an ass out of himself drooling over holo-bimbo, they go to leave:

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"OW!" He jumped, banging his knees off the table as Jean kicked his ankle, his hand moving away from Kurt's knee. "What the heck was that for?" He asked. Jean narrowed her eyes.

"Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you,"

Jean: Damnit, Scott, I cannot very well cuckold you if you are seeing other women!
Scott: Well, that doesn't seem very fair.
Jean: Where are your balls, Scott?
Scott: Are doing this her-
Jean: Your balls?!
Scott: *sigh* In a jar, under your bed.

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"Maybe she could pay you back for it sometime?" Rogue said with a grin, reaching out to touch the back of Sandra's hand. "Only t -" She frowned a little. Surely not..? "Teasing," She said quietly. Scott had froze as Rogue had reached out. Would the image inducer cover that?

Cover what now? I thought both Kurt and Rogue wore gloves, how would she even know something was off? So, Rogue is suspicious, and Toad is interested. He proceeds to make a play for the new girl, because hot blonds have every reason to fall for the short, hunchy, yellow guy who smells funny.

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"Hey, are you new?" He asked, letting his eyes roam over her figure. "Name's Todd." He jerked a finger towards Rogue. "Whats a lady like you doin' hangin' 'round with these geeks?" He asked.

Geeks. As opposed to Todd Tolanski: Duke of Cool.

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"Because, these 'geeks' are nice to me and," he wrinkled his nose, exaggerating, "don't reek either."

Todd sighed inwardly; always with the smell...

Yeah, those big-tittied blonds are real picky about that sometimes.

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"Sorry about the smell, yo, someone pushed me into a garbage can." Well, it wasn't exactly a lie. He shot a dirty look at Pietro who sniggered and waved.

Ah, good to have friends.

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"So gotta boyfriend yet, Sandra?" He asked with a grin, "You and Summers were lookin' pal-y back there." He smirked. "You know he's gay, right?"

“Mmmm, Scott sammich.”

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"Really? He doesn't seem like it-- stares at my chest and hips like every other guy in here."

If you do not stare at a girl's tits it means you are a sissy queer.

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"Are y'all quite finished bein' a dick, Toad?

“Actually, there is only one of me here, yo.”

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"What a creep," She said, glancing back over her shoulder. "I hope he isn't spreadin' the rumor that Scott's gay. Ah'll have t'kick his skanky butt."

Because everyone listens to Toad! He is a rumor starting machine!

*A-hem* So Rogue continues to walk 'Sandra' to class:

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"It's amazing you know, we've walked through the corridor and I haven't had to point out to you which way to turn. Not once." She smiled curiously.

He idly wondered if he would do that in a different situation. Maybe.

Do what now?

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"So... you an' Scooter?" She asked. "What's all that about?"

Scooter?

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"From what ah saw he really likes you" She smiled. "The only other girl ah've seen Scott buy lunch for was Jean. Ah think you're in with a chance, sugah."

Yeah... real... lucky.

Rabid Badger wrote:

Jesus. wrote:

:tardis:

I wonder which canon they're raping this time. Probably X-Men Evolution, because that was pretty much how Kitty and Tolanski talked. :/ *prays Rogue isn't in this for fear of sheer inflection rape.*

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Nightcrawler is the one X-Man I have NEVER been able to imagine being gay. Just like I can't imagine Northstar taking a vow of celibacy.

The only one I can imagine being gay so far is Quicksilver and his quite fabulous silver hair. Call me blissfully ignorant. :wooper:

Northstar IS actually gay. They had him come out a few years back (like those of us who'd been reading Alpha Flight from the beginning hadn't figured it out on our own about the third issue in). I've always had my suspicions about Quicksilver, what with his total disinterest in his wife and the really unhealthy sexual undertones between him and his sister Wanda.

BTW, the same writer who created Quicksilver and The Scarlet Witch also created Northstar and his twin sister Aurora (who also had some unhealthy, incesty stuff going on). I'm not sure if he believes all male/female sets of twins are like this, but both Pietro and Jean-Paul supposedly behaved the way they did because they were 'trying to protect their sisters.' As if either of their sister's needed protection.

"Don't worry sis! Your vagina is safe from those other boys!"

Wanda/Aurora : *sob*

Reepicheep-chan wrote:

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"Hey Jean." He beamed a grin as the red haired girl rounded the corner, blushing so hard he thought his visor might crack.

Jean: Why are you wearing his visor to eat breakfast?
Scott: These are really hard cookies I am eating over here!

That is an absolutely fantastic mental image. Ricocheting chocolate chips EVERYWHERE :D

You're doing great, Reep, don't worry. You can do it! We believes in you!

Delcat wrote:

You're doing great, Reep, don't worry. You can do it! We believes in you!

*sniff* Your encouragement means everything to me Delly~ I can do this, I can!

Chapter 3

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By the end of the day, Kurt was wondering if he'd ever be able to look at some of the guys in the school again.

Oh, hilarity, Kurt has been getting molested all day.

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Scott was searching through the halls, the corners of his mouth quirked up in a smile. All day long he'd heard nothing but 'Sandra, Sandra, Sandra'

~Sandy, Sandy, why-yi-yi-yi-yi! Oh, Sandy!~

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The 'new girl' already had more than one admirer. He spotted 'her' not far away and sneaked up behind, tapping her shoulder.

Scott: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Kurt: Was? Seriously, knock it off!
Scott: I got some new pokemon cards, you wanna see them?
Kurt: Ugh, you and your pokemon.
Scott: I like Pikachu the best. ^.^

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He spun around, grin widening at the other boy.

Kurt: ^___^
Scott: That is kinda creepy, Kurt.
Kurt: ^________________^

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"Hey yourself. Oh, alright, I guess. A little strange, considering,

“All those savage-land dinosaurs that someone released in the football field”

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people started to file out of their respective classrooms thick and fast.

Oh, I will give you something thick and fast.

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"You know you've got half the school lusting after you?"

“How ist that different from before?”

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"Good job," Scott said without thinking, horrified to find himself blushing. "Er, I mean, you shouldn't have to tone down just because of the way people are looking at you." He cleared his throat, looking away - what had that been about?

You like boobs?

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"So are you going to, er, change before I take you home?"

“I mean, I like lingerie as much as the next guy, but do you really think you should go out in public dressed like a slutty Rainbow Bright?”

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He glanced around, before frowning. "I'll... be right back."

“I really gotta stand somewhere else now, your complete tool-ness is beginning to rub off on me.”

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Scott watched Sandra move away, unable to stop his eyes drifting south watching the swing of her hips and – er - other things.

He found her poodle skirt particularly alluring.

Had enough awkward conversation with Scott? Because it is time for some more awkward conversation with Toad!

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Todd rounded the corner and - bang - bumped straight into Kurt, loosing his balance he stumbled back.

Oh shit I know where this is going.

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"Where the hell you been, fag?"

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"Don’tcha wanna know a new bit of new? It involves your fuck buddy,"

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"See you later, fag!" Todd called with a dirty snigger

Kurt: Seriously, are you trying to say something here?
Toad: Oh, I dunno, I just like the word 'fag'. Kinda make me want to smoke for some reason.

But, before we get too much of that, Scott come riding in to rescue poor Kurt so we can have more awkward conversation with him. Joy.

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Scott shook his head - jerk - as he watched Todd leave before his gaze moved to Kurt. It was weird, seeing Kurt again in place of Sandra. Obviously the two were the same. It just... made him feel... weird.

Like, in-his-pants weird.

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"Silly girl," He sighed, shaking his head. Stopping Kurt a minute he frowned. "I'd like a word, in private, when we get back to the mansion, okay?"

“You know I am not actually a girl right?”

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Lance smiled down at Kitty, trying to get rid of the expression but failing miserably, knowing they only had a limited time before the one-eyed wonder made it to the car he tried to think of something witty to say.

“Damn, I always flub these!”

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Kurt quickly got in the front, not wanting to be stuck in the back again. There was just something about the backseat cushions that hurt his spine a little.

Well, too bad, because I see a lot of Scott's backseat in your future.

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"It's not my fault you're... you're... you're fraternizing with the enemy," He snapped eventually as he pulled off.

Kitty rolled her eyes again and sank back into the seat. "Isn't, like, the whole idea equality?"

More conversation from the bizarro zone.

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She suddenly turned her attention to Kurt. "And just where have you been all day?"

“Uhh, White Castle?”

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Kitty stared at him then let out a heavy sigh. "Men!"

"Yes, well, if they'd play by the same rules as we do maybe I could understand," Scott said sternly,

Seriously, what are you guys talking about?

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Sandra’s full figure kept flickering across his mine, competing and comparing with Jean's. It was far too distracting and he suddenly had to think of something very cold,

“Mmm, Iceman's dong...”

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"Kitty, can I ask a huge favour? Would you mind doing me and Kurt a coffee? Please?"

“That sounds, like, a little too kinky for me, dude. Sorry.”

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Kurt smirked, holding back a bit of laughter. He got out of the car, shouldering his back pack. "So..."

"I love you too Kitty!" Scott called after her,

Kurt: That... vas kinda rude.
Scott: What?
Kurt: You just, totally cut me off there. Here I am, holding a torch for you, and you are screaming your affection for Kitty in my face while I try to talk to you. I mean, really? That is how you're gonna be?
Scott: But-
Kurt: >:|
Scott: {:<

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"So? That's all you can say after all that?" He teased, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "Um... Still up for that date?" He blurted, wincing a little at his total lack of tact.

Kurt blinked then smiled a little. "Um, I guess so. There's no reason not, right?" He just hoped that Xavier didn't know he technically skipped school.

Actually he technically did not skip school, contrary to what his school record now says.

OK, more really dumb conversation with Scott, mostly him jealous about the inordinate amount of attention Kurt gets from Toad. It is pretty bland for the most part, with one gem:

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"What did he mean when he called you a fag?" He added before frowning. "You didn't kiss him did you?"

“Because then you would have cooties.”

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"Easy," He said in quiet tones. "He called you a fag, Kurt, I was just trying to figure out how the hell he knew, okay? Geez."

“Wait, are you calling me a fag, Scott?”

Then they discuss whether or not Sandra would go to the movies with Scott.

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"You really think she likes me?" He asked seriously.

"Who likes you?" Jean asked as she walked into the kitchen.

Well not you, Miss. Bitchy-pants. Rar.

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"Sandra? The fat girl that came to talk to us at lunch?" Jean asked as she hunted in the fridge for the orange juice.

WTF?

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"She wasn't fat, she was sexy," He defended without thinking. "Voluptuous," He added. "And she said she'd go on a date with me."

Aw, Scott, it is OK if you are a chubby-chaser. I understand.

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Jean had frowned, hearing Kurt muttering to himself in the fridge, some nonsense that she didn't care about before she stared at Scott, her mouth opening and closing a few times - what did he mean she was sexy? Jean was the only one Scott was supposed to like.

"What on earth are you going out with her for? She's - she's - she's new!" She blurted.

And of course slash never works if you do not make the female characters total bitches. On the plus side, Scott's completely awful plan is working without a hitch.

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"Aw, well I'm glad you feel better," She said with false brightness before flipping her hair over her shoulder. "We'll talk later Scott, when there's less company,"

Well, shit. What a raging psycho.

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"Mm," was all Kurt said, a scowl forming on his face again. He picked up his mug and took a swing of his coffee.

Why the hell are they drinking coffee after school, anyways? Are they forty?

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He moved away and out the door, leaving his half eaten sandwich and mug of coffee.

Sorry, Kurt, I love you you, but wasting food is a deal breaker.

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Scott stared after the blue boy before letting his head come in connection with the breakfast bar.

“Damn, I am fucking lame.”