The Trouble With Technology by Jinx Author
I am not sure what universe this story is set in. It is placed in the Comic category of FFN, but it has a lot of movie-verse elements in it. Also it is a Round Robin fic. Those irritate the hell out of me, and I will tell you why. When doing back-and forth fic where one person writes bits for one character and the other person writes bits for the other character they inevitably get their conversations completely out of sync. They start doing this thing where they are holding two converstaions at once, because one author has character A make a comment and then ask a question or something and the other author has to have character B reply to the comment then the question, and then the first author has A respond to the first comment's reply with a question THEN reply to the second response, then B continues on with this bullshit and NO ONE HOLDS CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS. This particular fic only does this a little. I am planning on posting a fic that does this a lot later on, so there is something for you to anticipate, I guess.
In any case, this fic is supposed to be “a cute story showing how technology can break enemy barriers between Nightcrawler and Toad”. It starts with the two IMing each other. They met on a 'prank site' (Something Awful?) and are now best buddies.
- Quote :
- "Oi, 'e's on again. Foinally..." Toad said, checking his laptop. There was the name, clear as day. A fellow he had been instant messaging for a little while now.
Yeah, sitting at a computer all day waiting for one particular person to get on is creepy and sad. Then again, knowing Toad he is probably in desperate stalk-y type love already.
- Quote :
- If only he knew the man on the other side was blue, furry, and his enemy...
Yeah, not one for building up tension, this one.
- Quote :
- cockneyngreen: Hey buddy! What's new? Toad sent and waited for a reply.
I could start a whole thread on shitty fake IM names. How is that NOT completely obvious? Fuck, this was a bad choice, I am already so mad I cannot even make jokes. This is freakin' pathetic.
- Quote :
- Kurt hung over the computer in his room, his tail wrapped around a bar above it as his legs dangled over it.
I guess that is one way to avoid computer-neck.
- Quote :
- Smiling, showing his yellow, canine like teeth,
Dude, it is called Hydrogen Peroxide. Available at every drug store? Really cheap?
- Quote :
- Kurt then dangled down from his bar, reaching down and typing a reply back to 'cockneyngreen'.
“Hur, I wonder who that could be?”
- Quote :
- thebluedude9 ((Silly emo kids taking all of the 'thebluedude' names)):
Yeah, do they not know there are actual blue people who need those names? Are they blind to the blue peoples of the world's harrowing plight?
- Quote :
- Of course...this reply took a minute, since most keyboards were not designed for Kurt-sized fingers, so typing was occasionally a bit of a challenge.
I cannot help but feel it would help if Kurt were not, you know, hanging over the computer upside-down?
- Quote :
- Now...if he knew that Toad was a Brotherhood member...then he would have cared considerably more.
Wow, the foreshadowing is so subtle here, I nearly missed it.
- Quote :
- cockneyngreen: Oi, that blows. Just another slow day here...wake up, work out, get turned down by Scarlett, pop in on you... the usual
Your life sure sounds fulfilling and interesting, I could chat with you all day about it.
- Quote :
- ((Scarlett is what Toad refers to Scarlet Witch when he is instant messaging))
Thank you for pointing that out, I thought he was talking about Sabertooth.
*sigh* It goes on like this. Kurt offers to meet Toad for 'flirting advice', Pietro runs in and fucks with Toad's keyboard really fast and agrees to meet up for him. They agree to meet at 'the junkyard'. Porn music starts to play. No, actually, I am lying, this fic would be actually interesting if it turned out to be Kurt/Toad slash. Instead they meet up at the junkyard.
- Quote :
- Toad smacked himself in the face. So the X-pansy was bluedude9.
No really?! I thought it was Grover!
- Quote :
- Great. Fantastic. Wonderful. Absolutely Great. And yet it wasn't in the least bit...those adjectives were sarcastic.
REALLY? I thought you really thought it was fantastic-wonderful-absolutely-great.
- Quote :
- "That's wot Oi was afraid of. Oi'm cockneyngreen..."
OH REALLY? I THOUGHT IT WAS YODA. *sarcasm breaks*
- Quote :
- "HEY LOOOSERS!
“Look at you standing over there loosening stuff! Haw haw!”
- Quote :
- YOU GUYS DYE YOUR SKINS OR SOMETHIN'?" toad heard in the background. And that was the straw that broke the camel's...er...toad's...back.
“My God! That is the most original and biting insult I ever heard!”
Ok, I was lying about the sarcasm, but I am not sure I can respond to this one any other way. I try and it just pours out of me. Um, where was I? Blah blah, fighting, fighting, shooting, blah, teleporting... oh hello there awkward comment about hugging:
- Quote :
- "And zorry about zeh hug. It vaz zhat or letting you get zhot..." He looked down again to the group who was looking for them.
"It's all roight. Probably moi first hug ever...an' that's a neat trick," Toad said.
“How did it go again? You put one arm around the waist and the other, on your head? No, that's not right...”
- Quote :
- Kurt was a little surprised at the 'first hug ever' comment.
“Wow, you
are a pathetic sack of shit.”
Oh, and I have left out Kurt's completely insane “accent” so far. Let us give it a minute to shine in all its glory:
- Quote :
- Coming beside Toad, he said, "Zhank you for not juzt zhooting zhem. God vill judge zhem, but not zhiz day..."
- Quote :
- "Please reverend...spare me the lecture..." Toad said. Bible study never exactly interested him. Especially when he didn't have access to a bible.
Try, like, any hotel room ever.
- Quote :
- Oi've been thinking and...well...Magneto and Xavier aren't at each others throats all the time are they?
Not when they are ~fucking~!
OK, so they chit-chat some more then go to the movie, then:
- Quote :
- Toad headed inside the theater...to see someone he would rather not. Of course...only Toad recognized her, it was a disguise she used all too often: that of the deceased Senator Kelly.
Dun dun DUUUUN!
Uh, yeah, Toad tells her he is pretending to be Kurt's friends so he can learn X-Men secrets. So they watch the movie then bamf the hell outta dodge. Here is where their conversation gets completely fucked, by the way.
- Quote :
- "'Ave Oi ever told you how well you do that? I normally get really sick while teleporting with Wanda..." Toad commented. Again, he'd rather not relive those instances.
He looked around his scenery, completely unsure of where he was. Nightcrawler then explained to him it was a sandwich shop. He followed Kurt over to the bar.
"All roight...but next date Oi'm payin'" Toad joked, sitting down and looking at the menu. "Anyway...told 'er that Oi was spoiyin' on you...it was the only thing Oi could think of..." he said.
And Kurt attempts to speak English again. *shudder*
- Quote :
- "I've heard zhat zeh Zcarlet Vitch haz a habbit of getting zhingz vrong. No offenze to her, of courze, but zeh vord out iz zhat zhe can do zo much zhat it'z hard for her to get one zhing dovn great."
Do not hurt your head trying to translate that mess, it is not important anyway.
- Quote :
- As they sat down and started looking the menu over, Kurt busted up at the 'next date' comment. Looking over, he sighed as he jokingly replied, "Oh, all right, honey, if you are going to be zhat vay about it..."
“All dutch treat and such, not very becoming of a lady.”
- Quote :
- Then came the confession of what Toad had told Mystique. Kurt had accepted the possibility that they could be spying on each other. Of course, he wasn't but Toad couldn't really trust him with that, could he?
He said, "Vell...I knov zhat ve zhouldn't be able to truzt each ozher about zuch zhingz. Zo...hov about ve juzt avoid talking about our groupz vhile hanging out? Zhat vay, even if your guyz or my guyz vant uz to zpy, zhere'z really nozhing to report."
OK, so did you follow that conversation? Let me sum it up for you:
Toad: You teleport better than Wanda. Where am I?
Kurt: Sandwich shop.
Toad: OK, but next date I am paying.
Toad: Also I told Mystique I was spying on you.
Kurt: Well, Wanda can do lots of stuff, I think it is only fair the ONE thing I do I do better than her.
*sits down*
Kurt: Oh shit, I JUST now got that crack about us dating. Insert witty reply here, dude.
Kurt: Oh, also maybe we should just not talk about work when we hang out.
Here is a hint, aspiring authors: NO ONE HOLDS A CONVERSATION LIKE THAT.
MOVING ON.
- Quote :
- After their order was taken, Toad spied someone else that he'd rather not see. "What is this Nightcrawler...your bloody family reunion?!" he said, pulling Kurt down to eye level with the bar table.
Over in another corner of the room was a brunette with white streaks in her hair. It was none other than Rogue...who of course had already spied Kurt.
Dun dun DUUUN!
You know what? This part is not even worth the effort. Kurt tells Rogue he is spying on Toad, or not being spied on, or making new friends or some shit. He mentions that Toad promised not to spy on him. Then it turns out Rogue is Mystique and she is so pissed she tries to kill Toad on the spot. Then Kurt puts her in a police car. Then they leave.
- Quote :
- "I zhink you'll be fine. Come on..." Wrapping his arms around his new friend...
Studio Audience: Awww
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Then they go home and moon over each other some more.
- Quote :
- Kurt gave one last wave to Toad before teleporting away, going back to the institute. Well, hopefully Toad would still be able to talk to him. They were great together as a team. Kurt was actually now looking forward to when next the X-Men and Brotherhood would team up against someone.
Studio Audience: *diabetes*
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