Beast and the Harlots: I'm having kittens over this one, and so is Tifa (NWS)

You know, it's actually been a while since I've snarked a fanfic. Why is that?

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Note: This fic contains impregnation, lactation, non-con, femslash, slavery, dubcon, and bestiality. You've been warned about the subject matter.
Also just a quick note to avoid confusion, the gestation period is about a month and a half, just in case the rapid changes made people think each scene is months apart. These all happen within the span of a month.

Beast and the Harlots
(Tifa/Red XIII Tifa/Red XIII/Aeris Tifa/Red XIII/Aeris/Yuffie)

...oh yeah. Hey, I played this song in my high school piano recital! Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, harlots and the beaaaaast~

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Red sat looming in the corner near the campfire. It was he and Tifa's shift on guard duty, and they sat in pretty much utter silence. Tifa looked off in the other direction, not even making eye contact with him, but after a while he began to pick up a strange smell. He snapped immediately out of his daze as his head perked around, his powerful sense of smell homing in on the exact location. It was coming from...Tifa?

Now that his senses were alert, he could also hear a very minor whimper from the busty fighter, and a slight squishing sound. He realized soon that she was masturbating.

Nanaki: Dude, what the hell.
Tifa: Does this bug you? I'm not touching you! I'm touching ME! *schlick schlick*
Nanaki: Are you drunk? Stop it.
Tifa: Awwww, is the itty bitty kitty scawed of my pwetty titties? *schlick schlick*
Nanaki: Stop masturbating at me! CID, TIFA'S MASTURBATING AT ME!
Cid: Uncle Cid is busy getting a blow job, shut up or I'll knock both your *^^)% heads together!
Vincent: Sorry, "getting"?
Cid: YOU shut up or I'll bite it off.

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He tried so hard to resist it, but as if the smell of her vagina itself pulled his cock to attention, he lost control. He was fully aroused, and nothing would slate his thirst now.

Tifa, blissfully unaware, continued to sit there with her eyes closed, her fingers idly tending to her neglected vagina as she fantasized of Cloud and the day they could finally be happy together. She was so lost in her own world she didn't hear the heavy panting grow louder as the footsteps neared her. By the time she knew something was up, it was too late.

Tifa: LA LA LA I'M MASTURBATING SO LOUDLY I CAN'T HEAR A HORNY LION PANTING DOWN MY NECK
Nanaki: STOP MASTURBATING AT ME OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO MASTURBATE ABOUT
Cid: *BANG BANG BANG* TURN THAT MASTURBATING DOWN, YOU FUCKING KIDS

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His large, engorged penis measured nearly a foot in length and about a third as thick, and it pressed itself right at the entrance of her virginal pussy. "Please, Nanaki, don't," she pleased, even using his first name in hopes of calming him down, but it was all in vain.

The warrior told herself to be strong as he plunged his massive cock deep into her vagina, ripping through her hymen and filling her to the brim. Frantically his body moved, far faster than any human could muster, plunging his manhood deep into her, reaching far beyond the threshold of what her untouched canal could hold.

I...I would make a "he's up to her LIVER by now" riff, but I think he actually IS, given the "far beyond the threshold" comment. God, I hope this isn't a snuff fic. Also, it's his real name, not his first name. It's not like he walked into Hojo's lab and said, "Good day to you, sirrah, my name is Nanaki Q. Red the XIII! Would you kindly imprison me, experiment on me, and attempt to breed me with humans?" ...except in this fic, he probably did, but that's beside the point.

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Her round, soft, breasts bounced out of her top as she ripped it open, presenting herself to him with a wince.

Red jumped on the chance instantly, burying his face in her ample cleavage as his monstrous cock passed faster through her puffy labia, his low-hanging testicles audibly slapping against her firm buttocks as he hammered her fine pussy like a beast possessed.

Pussymonger: Good morrow, sir! We have fine, fresh pussy in today, straight from the British Isles! May I tempt you with a free sample?
Nanaki: Hmmm, tempting indeed. But I doubt even a salesman as dapper as yourself could have a pussy fine enough to sate my testicles, which I daresay are exceptionally low-hanging.
Pussymonger: You do me a disservice, sir! See how firm the buttocks are on this dazzling specimen right here!
Nanaki: I say, is that model outfitted with puffy labia? I may have to rescind my judgement!
Pussymonger: Only the puffiest, good sir! Shall I have it wrapped?
Nanaki: Ah, you have bested me. Two of your finest pussies, then, and a packet of ample cleavage for the children!

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Tifa whimpered as he continued, though her sobs slowly turned into moans, much to her chagrin, as the feeling of his massive cock filling her drove her mad. It was painful; she could feel blood trickle out of her cunt, mixed with her fluids, but it was strangely arousing. And then his tongue, so long and wet, treating so thoroughly her breasts. He was a beast, but everything he did in his blood haze drove her mad. The initial shock passed, and she found herself enjoying it more and more as a strange smell arose.

Tifa: Yeeeew, what is that?
Nanaki: The reader just threw up.
Tifa: Ugh, it's like the Golden Saucer incident all over again. I told Cloud we should do it on the Gondola, but nooooo, he just had to be Mister Manly-Man and do it on the rollercoaster...
Nanaki: I remember that. It took ages for them to get that mascot suit clean.

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Red was now unintentionally giving off pheromones used by his species to enchant members of the opposite sex. All his exertion triggered them by complete accident. A way to ensure mates for life, they had an almost hypnotic effect that lulled any of the opposite sex who came into contact with it to be hopelessly devoted to their mate, and he ensnared Tifa.

Jeez, no wonder they went extinct--since this apparently crosses species against all logic, it's a miracle they weren't raped to death by lovesick monsters on Day 1.

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Now the raven-headed warrior wasn't fighting or moping,

Tifa: Gaaaaawd, why'd you have to go and raaaape me like that? This sucks. I'm going to go cut myself now.

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She could hear the squishing sound grow louder as the aphrodisiac made her body ripe for the picking.

Nanaki: GOOSH GOOSH! GOOSH GOOSH! GOOSH GOOSH!

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He howled as his stopped dead in his tracks, holding completely still. His cock swelled up so much that Tifa matched his howl as even further he stretched her inner walls.
His seed exploded into the fighter's womb, unloading copious amounts of his fertile jizz into her equally fertile body. His howls continued as spurt after spurt of his white delight spilled into her. Tifa's own orgasm had triggered by this point, her vagina, already pushed to the max, clutched down on his swollen cock and milked more of his seed, hungrily claiming it for herself as she could feel her body become little more than a sperm receptacle for the lion-like beast.

Tifa: Whoooooo, that was nuts! ...uh, why are you still on top of me?
Nanaki: Oh, it's my knot. We're stuck like this for the next two hours. It's, er, a Darwinian feature that ensures a greater chance that my genes are propagated. Terribly sorry.
Tifa: Well, did you bring a pack of cards or something?
Nanaki: I suppose we could play charades, if every cue was "a woman and a lion-dog-thing humping".
Tifa: No good, Vincent made sure all of those cards were destroyed after Cid took...liberties...last time.
Nanaki: Well, then...I spy with my little eye...something covered in jizz.
Tifa: Let's just sit quietly, okay?

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**********************(scene break)**********************

Wow, putting "scene break" in the middle of a scene break is such an obtuse way of being redundant that it's almost avant-garde! Are we witnessing the birth of a new artistic trend?

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Red and Tifa continued their nightly romps, lucky that the night watch schedule suit them perfectly. Over two weeks, Tifa had showed signs of pregnancy, her belly and her breasts beginning to swell up remarkably fast.

Cid: Okay, time to address the elephant in the room, and the elephant is Tifa. Which one of you bastards knocked her up?
Cait Sith: Not it.
Vincent: You know where I've been at night.
Barret: That's sick, mother%$*&)&(!
Cloud: I thought she was just drinking maple syrup straight from the bottle again :<
Nanaki: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Her gloves discarded, her oddly soft hands, never coming into direct contact with her targets, felt so good against his long cock as she jerked off what she couldn't take into her mouth, which was increasingly less. He fed a little more cock to her each time she sucked him off, and now she could take eight inches without a problem, leaving her deft hand to stroke his remaining four. Her other hand found its way to his ball sack, believing stimulating it would elicit a reaction faster.

"Believing stimulating it would elicit a..." Okay, who the hell is narrating this?
Hojo: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Her lips were so tightly pressed together that it almost created a vacuum, tugging on his skin, trying to elicit his cum faster.

Porn abhors a vacuum. Seriously, assuming he doesn't mean the Hoover variety, wouldn't that crush his dick? Who could possibly find that kind of cock trauma erotic?
Quamp: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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Tifa loved the surprise fucking. She was completely caught off-guard, thinking it impossible for him to move to quickly, but he did, his cock going from her mouth to her pussy before she could realize anything. She wrapped her arms around her mate as her inner walls clutched his manhood with just as much thirst for his seed as her lips. She'd come to live for his seed, nothing more. It was her drug, the feeling of his seemingly endless spurts filling her body barely slating her thirst.

I want a new drug
One that will make me come
One that won't get in my hair
One that can go up my bum
One that won't taste like tuna
Salty and white and thick
One that's just as long and hard and tasty as your dick
Yeah, your fat anthro dick, baby

...I'm not sure whether to blame Zeiss or Harley for that one.

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Tifa curled up next to her mate as she graciously accepted the gift of his seed all over her body. "What now, my love? Should we leave soon so that I can have your child away from all this violence?"

"Soon, Tifa. Men in my species usually have more than one mate, and I think that if he start our life anew, we should have some more company, don't you think?"

"I love you, Nanaki, and I could live with you forever, just the two of us."

"We will need more than the two of us if we wish to rekindle my species, love. Don't worry, you will have our child in safety, but I have a few other mates in mind, so please, be patient."

Cloud: Hello? World to save? Corrupt company-state? Evil alien tentacle monster? Crazy Oedipal bastard? Pervy mad scientist? Guys? Hello?
Tifa: Oh, my sweet kitten of love, can we have lace curtains in the den?
Nanaki: But of course, my dear buttermunch, and we shall live in a reasonable school district near all the shops!
Cloud: Can you at least look up one of those one-character challenge FAQs for me before you go? ...guys?

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Aeris, just like Tifa, had urges. And just like Tifa, she found herself masturbating some nights, her mind also on the enigmatic blonde of the group she desired. Her dreams were a little more naive though, more idealistic and romantic. She was still like a little girl dreaming of prince charming coming to take her away. Differing from Tifa, though, was her technique. She surprisingly had no time for finesse or taking it slow. In fact, he didn't even use her fingers, but instead her staff.

Look, you can have her as the sweet, naive flower girl, or you can have her shoving her staff up the whoo-ha. It doesn't work both ways. Neither does the staff, for that matter. That cannot be sanitary.

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She plunged the handle of the staff deeper into her twat, idealizing Cloud's dick as much longer than it actually was. Again, the wafting scent of her cunny, a noticeably sweeter, more floral scent, caught Red's nose and he motioned for Tifa.

Her vajayjay smells like ~*THE PLANET*~. I do not think "flower girl" means what you think it means. Also, "cunny"? Seriously?

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Tifa finally stopped moving, but then grabbed Aeris' dress and, with one quick motion, tore it open from the front. It fell aside, revealing her own, different body. It wasn't the toned brick house of Tifa,

SHE'S A BRICK ~ HOUSE
FUCKIN' DOGS AND STRIPPIN' GIRLS AND LETTIN' IT ALL HANG OUT

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Still, her body was beautiful in its own right, and he looked forward to claiming it for his own.

Nanaki: I claim this body in the name of Cosmo Canyon!
Aerith: Awwww, you brought a little flag! That's so cute! I bet someone wants a treat, let me see if I have a biscuit...
Nanaki: I wish you wouldn't pat me on the nose while I'm trying to rape you. It's distracting.

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"What's going on?" Aeris asked, now completely terrified. Why had the brought her here, and why had they torn one of her only dresses?

Aerith: Ohhh, now I'm going to have to borrow a skirt from Cid, and he's not that short!
Cid: HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT
Vincent: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

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With Tifa holding her in place, Red stood on his hind legs, his cock slowly emerging from his pouch. Now in total control of his bodily functions, he again emitted the seductive pheromone Aeris took the brunt of it, her body falling limp and her eyes rolling back. "You're going to take me now, aren't you, Nanaki?"

"Yes, I am."

"Then give it to me. Let me carry your child like Tifa does."

Wow, this is a surprisingly civil rape scene. Aerith really is just that polite, huh? Either that or she's gonna knee him in the balls once he lets down his guard, yell "PSYCH!", twang his dick, and run off. That's probably more of a Yuffie reaction, though.

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With that, Red plunged his cock again into Aeris. Unlike Tifa, she did not have nearly the same pain threshold, so even if she had no hymen, she was much tighter, making it a rougher fit.

A tear formed on Aeris' eye, followed by many more, as the loving pain of his cock opening her to him was worth it, but still very painful.

CRYING IS SEXY RIGHT GUYS?? Wait, how is the girl that's been diddling herself with a mother-loving STAFF every night TIGHTER than the girl that's only been fingering herself? Pussy tightness is based on sexual experience and body type, not sweetness of personality!

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"Here," Tifa said, offering Aeris one of her breasts. "We're a family now, so let me help you."

Aeris nodded, taking the large, milk-filled breast into her mouth and suckling on it. It did, indeed, calm her down as she closed her eyes and felt the warm, wonderful-tasting milk, laced with the same addictive pheromone he just unleashed on her, fill her mouth before swallowing it in one big gulp. She continued to suckle the whole way through.

Oh hell, we're back in Femboy School again. What's the explanation this time, huh? Did Hojo implant wasp DNA in Nanaki while he was in the lab? ...actually, that sounds just random enough and based little enough in actual biology to be right up Hojo's alley.

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Red, who had grown used to Tifa's tight-fitting but adjusted vagina, had some trouble with Aeris, whose vagina clenched down hard. It was very pleasurable having the elasticity kick in so quickly, but it made it difficult for him to get his entire dick in, and he feared what he would do to her with his knot, let alone its effects on his narrower-hipped third mate candidate.

Nanaki: Please please please please please please pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeee?
Vincent: No means no, Nanaki.
Nanaki: You act like you've never been impregnated with another species before!
Vincent: I haven't. ...in this fic, at least.

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The conflated pain and pleasure, paired with the feeling of the pressurized jism set off Aeris. She moaned into Tifa's mouth as her vagina clenched harder down on Red's cock, thirstily eliciting his seed from him, and oh how his seed rushed out. He filled her womb, as he had with Tifa's, practically to the filling point, with his fertile seed.

Aerith: OW OW OW OW OW WHAT'D YOU DO I CAN FEEL IT FIZZING
Nanaki: I DROPPED A MENTOS IN AND AM NOW REGRETTING MY ACTIONS

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Yuffie, lucky for them, was in the throes of puberty. At sixteen and with no man around to please her, she was horny enough that pretty much everyone had caught her at least once. He knew for a fact that she spent her watch duty shifts diddling herself, so it was lucky for him when everyone in the group had practically succumbed to an instant sleep, save for Red and Yuffie who were on duty, and Tifa and Aeris, whose bewildering pregnancies prompted everyone to chip in for some pack mules to carry the pregnant women. Nobody had any idea what got them both pregnant, and it never occurred to anybody that Red may have been to blame.

Vincent: Cloud, you really don't learn from your experiences, do you?
Cloud: So what if the last two girls to be put on night watch with Red mysteriously got knocked up? It's not like it could happen a third time!
Cid: You're a real dumb (%&#, Cloud. A real...dumb...(%&#.
Yuffie: I'm not in a happy place, guys :<
Cid: Your happy place is all over the damn' camp, Yuffie.
Yuffie: I can't help it if my vibrator mysteriously wound up in Vincent's closet! ...four nights in a row!
Vincent: ...the buzzing...will never forget...the buzzing...

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That night played out like the two other nights had; Yuffie was playing with herself behind a tree. She had much more finesse than Tifa, her adept fingers making quick work of her vagina.

Yuffie: HAAAAI!
Vagina: UGHHHH!
Announcer: FINISH HIM!
Tifa: So the moral of this story is that everyone masturbates better than I do, is the basic gist of things here

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Yuffie was laid on the ground, Aeris and Tifa still holding her down as the worked off her khaki shorts and her shirt, leaving the teenage ninja totally naked in the woods with who she thought were her friends.

Again, Red's emerging hard on brought with it the pheromones, but Yuffie was more resistant than both Tifa and Aeris. She fought it, only slightly coming under it. It aroused her, as he could tell by her vagina as it became increasingly wetter, dripping with anticipation for what Red would give it, but her mind continued to fight.

"What do we do, my love? She's resisting your gift."

"The pheromone is in larger quantities in both my semen and in your milk. The best way is to keep going. She can only fight it for so long."

IT'S HER OWN FAULT FOR RESISTING, AMIRITE? Ugh, of course the roughest rape scene would be with the barely-legal girl. Of COURSE.

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Her hymen had broken long ago during her training, but like Aeris, if not more so, it was so tight that it was difficult to even penetrate her fully. Aeris could handle it, albeit painfully, but Yuffie was so that it took time and effort to get each inch to pass through her labia.

Yuffie: DOING IT WRONG DOING IT WRONG OWWWW
Nanaki: Oooops. Uh, don't girls your age like piercings? ...get you a barbell or something? ...no?

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"Come, Tifa," Red said as his first mate offered her breast to him. He and Yuffie worked to relieve the pregnant women of their burdens while they fucked like animals under them.

...*closes mouth* No, not gonna make the abortion joke. That's Waffles' schtick.

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"We're finally together," he said when things had finally wound down. "A family now, we're mates for life. Come on my back, Tifa, we will begin our journey."

Tifa: Okay, if you insist. *JIZZ*
Nanaki: AUGH WHERE WERE YOU HIDING THAT
Yuffie: We're all dickgirls. Didn't you know? And it's about time we had a turn...
Nanaki: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOokay but I expect a reacharound.

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"Where are we going?" Yuffie asked, not fully clued in on the plan.

"Away from here. Away from this violence, to a place where we can begin anew. We can't raise our children like this, and three pregnant women would burden their quest anyway."

Tifa sat on top of Red as they, Yuffie, and Aeris began their trek to their new life.

Cloud: Well, we're pretty much screwed now, but I guess we're freed up to have a gay orgy until Meteor kills us all.
Cait Sith: What about me? Who do I get as a partner?
Cid: Not it.
Vincent: Not it.
Barret: Not it.
Cloud: Not--awwwww, BALLS.
Cait Sith: I call top.

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Life had become pretty good for them since starting on their own. They found a cave with ample food supply and a village nearby, the weather was good, and it was secluded. Oh, so very secluded.

Aerith: You know what's fun? ...internal plumbing.
Tifa: Shut up, I haven't showered in a month either.
Yuffie: Hey guys, a dingo stole our babies! ...I mean, a dingo other than Red!

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While the five babies running around, all showing minimal human traits, had no idea what daddy was doing to their mommies, they nursed constantly, and that included during intercourse.

For the love of God and all things holy, Red, either put it back in your sheath for five fucking minutes or let them pass off to whoever you're not diddling, that's just rancid. Don't you know enough about having daddy issues to not want to pass that shit on to your kids?

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Red pounded Aeris doggy style, two of her babies suckling from her ample, dangling breasts as her mate's paws ran along her burgeoning stomach, eagerly awaiting the next batch. Yuffie handled the other baby, and the only girl so far. It suckled from her breasts as Tifa relieved her other tit, jamming her entire fist into Yuffie's cunt, which Red had easily made fit his cock after enough fucking. Dangling from her own titties, Tifa's own babies kept a surprising grip on her massive dirty pillows, and even if they had no idea what they were doing, they dry humped her swollen stomach as their siblings grew inside her. She could tell that her offspring would be just as randy as their father was.

DIRTY PILLOWS DIRTY PILLOWS yeah really I have nothing I can say here, this is my limit

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One of the babies detached from Aeris' breast and made its way over to Tifa. It snuck between her legs and came face-to-face with her slick vagina. He ventured a lick, sending a chill up the woman's spine as the long tongue made an agonizingly slow trip up her labia. She moaned, the babies dangling from her tits nearly falling off as she shuddered violently. She then felt Yuffie's hand creeping around her backside, grabbing her soft buttocks before slipping three fingers into her back door.

Tifa moaned as the efforts of Yuffie and one of Aeris' runts, paired with the suckling of her own children, hit every zone in her body needed. She hit her orgasm, her juices eagerly lapped up by the baby beast as Yuffie continued to violate her asshole with her fingers, her own back entrance suddenly visited by the fighter's fist.

Okay, yeah, sorry, spoke too soon, THAT is my limit. Someone needs to sic a rabid PETA member on this crazy bastard...I say that like there are any PETA members who aren't rabid, I know, sorry.

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Aeris moaned, her long, lustrous brown hair running free, her swollen body's nerves all completely sensitive, stimulated by even the brush of Red's fur against her tummy. She could see near her Tifa and Yuffie both in the doggy-style position, facing in opposite directions, getting an odd angle as they simultaneously ate the other out and fingered their asshole. It was a hot sight by itself, and she looked forward to her own fun with Tifa once it was Yuffie's turn with Red. Their rotation kept it so everyone got what they needed, and with Red's powerfully aphrodisiatic semen, the women were never truly satisfied. They stopped to sleep, eat, and bathe, that was about it. Their lives had devolved into a squalid mess of sex all day long, with the occasional birthing. Still, looking back, Aeris found it preferable to going along with the journey, possibly even getting killed.

SEE GUYS, IT'S A GOOD THING THAT AERITH WAS RAPED BY A LION-DOG-THING, BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO FULFILL HER PART IN THE SALVATION OF THE WORLD AS IT'S LIKELY SHE PREDICTED FROM THE START DIE, ISN'T THIS A WONDERFUL STORY???


Well, that was awful. I'm going to go cheer myself the way I usually do after a snark--by looking at puppy pictures! Yaaaaay!

...wait a second...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


(Aaaand the line "It's the handiest knot, it wasn't in the book that I bought" just went by on my Winamp Shuffle. It hates me, I swear.)

Delcat wrote:

Pussymonger: Good morrow, sir! We have fine, fresh pussy in today, straight from the British Isles! May I tempt you with a free sample?
Nanaki: Hmmm, tempting indeed. But I doubt even a salesman as dapper as yourself could have a pussy fine enough to sate my testicles, which I daresay are exceptionally low-hanging.
Pussymonger: You do me a disservice, sir! See how firm the buttocks are on this dazzling specimen right here!
Nanaki: I say, is that model outfitted with puffy labia? I may have to rescind my judgement!
Pussymonger: Only the puffiest, good sir! Shall I have it wrapped?
Nanaki: Ah, you have bested me. Two of your finest pussies, then, and a packet of ample cleavage for the children!

Ohgodel I love you and I hate you.

Only a disgusting maxxle would write something like this. This is truly revolting.

I smell a [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

The baby thing can't be serious. I hope.

Your bits with Cid & Vincent are awesome.

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Cid: Okay, time to address the elephant in the room, and the elephant is Tifa. Which one of you bastards knocked her up?
Cait Sith: Not it.
Vincent: You know where I've been at night.
Barret: That's sick, mother%$*&)&(!
Cloud: I thought she was just drinking maple syrup straight from the bottle again :<
Nanaki: :lolinsane:

This? Genuine spit-take. Bravo.

Sloth wrote:

I smell a [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

The baby thing can't be serious. I hope.

Ah, Slothy dear, you have clearly never been to /d/. Impregnation by another species is its own greasy little sub-fetish, sure enough.

...I don't want to say how I know, okay? I just know. Way too well. Just be glad there weren't any giant bugs in AVALANCHE.

Sloth wrote:

The baby thing can't be serious. I hope.

Oh, you poor, innocent tree-dwelling mammal. Final Fantasy 7 fic is Bestiality Central - in fact, this particular story reminds me strongly of the works of Lemon Master, such as the infamous Chocobo Nights, where Tifa gets impregnated by a Chocobo and fires out the baby almost immediately (like five minutes after sex).

Anyway, nice sporking, Delcat. Some of my favourite bits:

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Cid: *BANG BANG BANG* TURN THAT MASTURBATING DOWN, YOU FUCKING KIDS

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Tifa: Gaaaaawd, why'd you have to go and raaaape me like that? This sucks. I'm going to go cut myself now.

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Nanaki: I wish you wouldn't pat me on the nose while I'm trying to rape you. It's distracting.

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Nanaki: You act like you've never been impregnated with another species before!
Vincent: I haven't. ...in this fic, at least.

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Yuffie: Hey guys, a dingo stole our babies! ...I mean, a dingo other than Red!

It goes without saying, of course, that this fic is horribly offensive and degrading to womyn womexxn women, but the title strikes me as particularly foul. The female characters are not 'harlots' by any definition; they're effectively drug-raped. By labelling them 'harlots', the author seems to be reaching for the old "Oh, they wanted it all along, the dirty little sluts, strutting around showing their polygons!" defence.

Oh god, that was...I don't know, but the spork was awesome. I FOUND THE QUAMP JOKE AMUSING

Waffles wrote:

It goes without saying, of course, that this fic is horribly offensive and degrading to womyn women, womexxn Konvar8ians but the title strikes me as particularly foul.

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Tifa: So the moral of this story is that everyone masturbates better than I do, is the basic gist of things here

The problem is trying to get around her tits. She's flailing downwards, but there's just no getting around them.

^ That was the line that cracked me up :>

Delcat wrote:

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Her gloves discarded, her oddly soft hands, never coming into direct contact with her targets, felt so good against his long cock as she jerked off what she couldn't take into her mouth, which was increasingly less. He fed a little more cock to her each time she sucked him off, and now she could take eight inches without a problem, leaving her deft hand to stroke his remaining four. Her other hand found its way to his ball sack, believing stimulating it would elicit a reaction faster.

"Believing stimulating it would elicit a..." Okay, who the hell is narrating this?
Hojo: [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Died laughing.

Do baby animal/people not break the One Rule?

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For the sake of appearances, they didn't act on the final part of the plan until after Aeris too had shown signs of a rapid pregnancy.

Aeris's belly: BLARAGGRRAARRRRRRGGGHHH
Red: Is that the baby?
Aeris: Nah, your cum gives me gas.

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"The pheromone is in larger quantities in both my semen and in your milk. The best way is to keep going. She can only fight it for so long."

I'm not a bio major, but I'm 99% sure that breastmilk does not have COMEFUCKME hormones. Although that might explain all the infantophilia fics out there. Somehow. Some way. I don't know, it hurts my brain.

...Actually for that matter, I'm pretty sure whatever Red is cannot mate with hu- oh, why the fuck am I bothering?

[quote] She hit her orgasm, her juices eagerly lapped up by the baby beast as Yuffie continued to violate her asshole with her fingers, her own back entrance suddenly visited by the fighter's fist. [/quote

Yuffie's asshole: Oh, hello fist, how are you?
tifa's Fist: I'm good, can I borrow your crapper for a second? *SHUNK*
Yuffie's asshole: Ouch! *scoff* Typical fighter's fist. How crass.

Quote :

She could see near her Tifa and Yuffie both in the doggy-style position, facing in opposite directions, getting an odd angle as they simultaneously ate the other out and fingered their asshole.

Uhh... hmm. *draws diagram* Well what do you know, it works. :headshot:

Great snarking on this one. I laughed so hard at the part with the Pussymonger!

You, ma'am, are an evil, evil woman.

Evil, and fucking brilliant. I haven't laughed this hard at a snarking since Knorg dug up that Snape-date-rapes-Lily-with-the-help-of-mind-controlling-potions back on GAFF.

Dear God, Del, where do you find these things? Now my brain's broken, and I'm all out of super glue... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Great snark. It's sad that the happy family all died after the planet was blown up and everything though.

Delcat, on the subject of some fine pussy wrote:

Pussymonger: Good morrow, sir! We have fine, fresh pussy in today, straight from the British Isles! May I tempt you with a free sample?
Nanaki: Hmmm, tempting indeed. But I doubt even a salesman as dapper as yourself could have a pussy fine enough to sate my testicles, which I daresay are exceptionally low-hanging.
Pussymonger: You do me a disservice, sir! See how firm the buttocks are on this dazzling specimen right here!
Nanaki: I say, is that model outfitted with puffy labia? I may have to rescind my judgement!
Pussymonger: Only the puffiest, good sir! Shall I have it wrapped?
Nanaki: Ah, you have bested me. Two of your finest pussies, then, and a packet of ample cleavage for the children!

Sigged. So sigged.

Jesus. wrote:

Do baby animal/people not break the One Rule? [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

People, yes. Puppies, no. Baby porn is evil. Puppy porn is just godawful.

Who knew that saving the world would be this easy? All they had to do is ignore the stabby omnicidal maniac supersoldier, and all would be fine!

Exodia's Right Leg wrote:

Who knew that saving the world would be this easy? All they had to do is ignore the stabby omnicidal maniac supersoldier, and all would be fine!

I have this sneaking suspicion that Aerith would've preferred being killed by Sephiroth.

Man, Hojo is going to be so pissed when he finds out that all he had to
do was give Aeris her staff and they'd take care of things on their own.

Also:

Delcat wrote:

Quote :

That night played out like the two other nights had; Yuffie was playing with herself behind a tree. She had much more finesse than Tifa, her adept fingers making quick work of her vagina.

Yuffie: HAAAAI!
Vagina: UGHHHH!
Announcer: FINISH HIM!
Tifa: So the moral of this story is that everyone masturbates better than I do, is the basic gist of things here

Sigged. Sigged so much.

Quote :

oh how his seed rushed out

Shakespearean.

Oh, this is beautiful.