I rescued this and reposted it. No, it's not spectacular, but it's the only fic I snarked over there that wasn't an Oldie! I wanted to save it.
So, we all knew that with the new
Star Trek movie out, there’d be a new rise of Sues. And it’s been a while since I snarked anything and I need to get some more practice. Also, it’s hard to find a more exemplary Mary Sue, which is appropriate, given the fandom. I’m leaning towards this story being set in Abrams!verse (maybe), but our Suethor has remained unhelpfully silent on that point.
There are only three chapters here, and they are painfully short (which makes me wonder if this is a troll, but I am proceeding on the assumption it is not), so let’s meet the Sue.
Kirk’s niece by Panakin
- Quote :
- A young girl walked down the long corridor very, very nervous. She really shouldn’t have been, after all she had more of her uncle in her than her mother or step-father or even her real father.
Her name was Anya Tigress Kobi. Her step-father and mother had recently been killed in a car accident leaving fifteen year old Anya to find her uncle, Jim Kirk.
The author seems to be working off of a checklist here. Tragic past? Check. Recently orphaned? Check. Famous relatives? Check. Outlandish name that doesn’t fit with in-verse naming conventions? Double-check.
- Quote :
- And her step-dad illegally sold weapons to their enemies. Anya remembered little of her uncle as she was only five when this happened. But she did remember one thing about her uncle-- he had always known that he was meant for something more, she knew that she was too.
I want everyone to take note of this part. I’m going to refer back to it in just a minute.
- Quote :
- So she took a deep breath and summoned all of her courage then she knocked on the door that said General Zackary Kona. “Come in,” came the voice inside. She took another deep breath and walked in the door.
“Could you help me find the right office? I’m looking for an admiral.”
Chapter Two – the adventure begins
- Quote :
- The admiral paced back and forth. “Let me get this straight,” he began. “You’re Captain Kirk’s niece?”
“You found an admiral. The ‘general’ thing is just wacky Starfleet hijinks.”
- Quote :
- “Does your uncle know that you’re here? Have you made contact with him?” the admiral asked.
“No, sir, I have not been in contact with my uncle for years,” Anya replied.
The admiral sat down. “Your uncle is preparing to go on a five year space mission,” he tried to explain. “I am not comfortable sending a fifteen year old out into space and whatever dangers your uncle and his crew will encounter!”
“Also, Starfleet regulations won’t allow it for another sixty-to-eighty years. And what was that bit about where your step-dad was an arms dealer selling to the Klingons or the Romulans? If I call security, you won’t have a file with them, I hope!”
- Quote :
- The admiral was taken aback by her statement as well as her tone; but quickly regained his composure. “Be that as it may, you are still an untrained juvenile…,” he began.
“I assure you, I am a black belt in karate as well as several other martial arts; including but most certainly not limited to origami,” she said proudly.
“My Paper Cranes are some of the most feared in the quadrant!”
- Quote :
- The admiral gave her a funny grin and bent forward fiddling with a pencil. “Paper folding?” he asked amused.
Anya smiled. “I was hoping you didn’t know what that was,” she confessed causing the admiral to smirk.
“Naw, it’s cool. We need more expert paper-folders on our combat ships. Maybe if we’d taught that to the Organians in the first timeline, they would have let us wipe the Klingons out! I’ll have to run that one by Admiral Perry…”
- Quote :
- “You’re not going to give up on this are you?” he asked. She shook her head.
“Pretty please with sugar and a cherry on top?”
Chapter Three – Kirk get’s hosed
- Quote :
- Jim was talking to his long time friend Dr. Leonard McCoy and his fist mate Spock about the medical facilities one the Enterprise when he heard the intercom. “I wonder what it is now,” he mumbled then turned to his company. “If you’ll excuse me,” he said then walked away.
He finally reached the admirals office. “You wanted to see me sir?” Jim asked respectfully.
How it is that he knew he had to leave the
Enterprise, beam over to Starfleet HQ in San Francisco, and report to Admiral Kona’s office is apparently not actually necessary information.
- Quote :
- “Are you aware of a man named Nick Kobi?” admiral Kona asked.
Jim’s eyes widened yet again at the name of his brother-in-law. “Yes, sir,” he replied simply.
“Are you aware he had a daughter?” admiral Kona asked.
“Yes, sir,” Kirk replied.
“Do you have any relation to her?” admiral Kona asked.
Kirk took a deep breath and looked at the floor. “She’s my niece,” he confessed.
It’s okay, Jim. We all have family we don’t talk much about. Even Spock has that Sybok character. Shifty guy, that one.
- Quote :
- admiral Kona said as he stood up. “I have sent your second mate Mr. Scott to help her move onto the enterprise,”
“But what should I do with my niece?!” Kirk asked in exasperation.
“I trust you will figure something out. But I suggest you give her a chance before you lock her up or anything, you are dismissed,” admiral Kona said.
“You want me to bring a fifteen-year-old girl on an exploration mission? Admiral Kona, with all due respect, have you spoken to Admiral Komack about this?”
There’s a hair more “story” after this, but it is astonishingly unimportant. Aside from the fact that Sue apparently knows Scotty and nicknamed him “Snotty.” And apparently Scott is A-OK with that.
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