Farfalla, the wonderful Kirk/Spock shipper (NWS, NBS), kitten in a mitten

This person's talent spans across fanfiction and art. Well, if you can call writing the most mind-breaking Kirk/Spock fanfiction and illustrating your fantasies in the most childish, flowery way possible "talented". I came across this site multiple times over the years, but this time it was too much. I had to come and post this here. Yeah, I know it's on SomethingAwful, but I don't care. I need a fucking exorcism. And yes, I know the Star Trek fandom is nucking futs- but this has a special place in my soul.

So enough small talk. I present to you: Cosmic Duckling's Website. Well, Farfalla. That's her name. On first glance, it appears the site has been designed by a fucking magic fairy obsessed with flowers. Look at that HTML- there are roses everywhere!

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Welcome to Farfalla's Kirk/Spock happyplace!
Spirk... because best friends make the best spouses

D:

She has 125 stories, which are trippy as fuck: among them...

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The Best Costume at the Party
Cadet Kirk shares a delicious encounter with a new friend he meets at an Academy costume party. Only trouble is, he thinks Spock's only *dressed* as a Vulcan for Halloween!

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Heavy Petting
PG-13. A wedding night with too many kittens.

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Gioco Per Due (Game for Two)
NC-17. If Jim is a tribble, what does that make Spock?

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Star Trek: The Guinea Pigture
G. A retelling of Star Trek: TMP with Kirk and Spock as guinea pigs. Why is Spock acting unfriendly, and what is V'Ger?

...guinea pigture? :downs:

I'm tired and there's too much to snark. Not only that, whenever I go into these stories and attempt to snark them, I start laughing my ass off in pain. Instead have some mind-breaking fanart. Even if it's WS for the most part, it fucking hurts. The cursive! the terrible anatomy! And I have diabetes now :crap:

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I dare you to look at the photomanips or snark the fanfiction. I fucking DARE you to do it without laughing your ass off and cringing.

My eyes!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!! :unskilled78:

Spock comes butterflies.

Spock comes butterflies.

Spock comes butterflies.


Oh yeah, well, my abs are brackets, your badly drawn Vulcans are invalid.
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(He looks like Mr. Bill
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Oh yeah, I forgot about these: I trump your badly drawn TF2 fanart with TERRIBLE photoshops of Kirk and Spock!

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Holy shit you guys, I have been laughing at this for an hour and a half straight. THREAD WIN

Okay those pictures are the most hilarious things ever.

Verandering wrote:

Holy shit you guys, I have been laughing at this for an hour and a half straight. THREAD WIN

1. Skype
2. These pictures
3. ????
4. Profit

Also, contrary to what you might think, this person is not a seven year old with a learning disability. It's this woman:

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Why is this site so full of fruit and flower graphics, when it's supposed to be about two men?
Because I have a Masters degree in horticulture. Besides, there are plants out there that actually have male flowers...

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So therefore I conclude that Kirk and Spock are not screwing each other ~~ they are making love. And, they are married.

~Farfalla,
=^-^= Kitten in a Mitten

Bolding not mine.

Also, I just noticed that one of her photos says it was requested by an eight year old... I hope the eight year old hasn't had this woman shoving her anatomically disturbing sex drawings in his/her face.

Let's look at the artwork,

Picture 1. Even slash blowjobs are unsexy when badly drawn.
Picture 2. Is Spock supposed to be at Kirk's graveside or something? I don't get it.
Picture 3. I'm sure the arms are linked wrong.
Picture 4. One of Kirk's legs is much wider than the other and I can't figure out if he's supposed to be hiding an erection or not.
Picture 6. That seems an odd level to put a fish bowl at.
Picture 7. I don't think I've ever seen transparent sheets before.
Picture 9. Why is Spock sitting in the trolley?
Picture 11. I really don't get it.
Pictire 12. That's very slightly amusing but if that's supposed to be a boat, it's shaped completely wrong.
Picture 16. Oh well, we all know what that one means.
Picture 17. "Double-dating" means two couples, where's the other one?
Picture 22. I love the shape of Kirk's legs.
Picture 23. There's something creepy about those fingers, it looks more like Spock's about to strangle him.

And butterflies.

Fairlight wrote:

Picture 9. Why is Spock sitting in the trolley?

It's most illogical. :lolinsane:

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

Verandering wrote:

Holy shit you guys, I have been laughing at this for an hour and a half straight. THREAD WIN

1. Skype
2. These pictures
3. ????
4. Profit

Precisely.
I was still laughing even after everyone had left.

At first I read that as "mutilated". That would describe her work.

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Why is this site so full of fruit and flower graphics, when it's supposed to be about two men?
Because I have a Masters degree in horticulture. Besides, there are plants out there that actually have male flowers...

Well, you can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
And, Fairlight, I'm just guessing, but I think the "other couple" is George and Gracie from Star Trek IV. You can see one of them in the background. (Sorry, I can't tell the difference between a boy whale and a girl whale.)

I like how in #8 not only is Kirk melting into--and possibly through--the table, but also he seems to have grown a tentacle for a left arm.

This is my favourite thread on the entire site, no joke.

Also, Ver, sorry about vanishing. My computer ate itself and I wound up giving up and going to bed.

Melissa wrote:

And, Fairlight, I'm just guessing, but I think the "other couple" is George and Gracie from Star Trek IV.

Whoops, I thought the whale was just background colour. But I must confess to never having seen Star Trek IV.

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You can see one of them in the background. (Sorry, I can't tell the difference between a boy whale and a girl whale.)

Or it could be both if the head and tail don't belong to the same whale.
In fact if they do, the whale has a pretty fucked-up backbone but then anatomy doesn't seem to be the artist's strongpoint.

That "artwork"! Un-fucking-believable! "It sucks!" is too polite.

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

Also, Ver, sorry about vanishing. My computer ate itself and I wound up giving up and going to bed.

Hey, no problem. I figured that's what happened.



So wait, the whale IS part of the dating thing?! O_O That's scary.

Ow ow ow ow ow, my goddamn BRAIN!

That's some cruelly epic bad. This woman goes beyond usual crappiness and into serious obsession territory, and somehow, the childishness of the artwork makes the whole thing even worse.

I am crying and laughing and crying some more. I'm sorry I missed that Skype convo.

Holy shit. I don't know whether to laugh uncontrollably or have the dry heaves.

Sure, it's nice and all that she has that degree in horticulture, but would it have killed her to take an art course or two?

Is it just me, but does the word Spirkatoon make you think of a sound effect for ejaculation in a badfic?

Fairlight wrote:

Melissa wrote:

And, Fairlight, I'm just guessing, but I think the "other couple" is George and Gracie from Star Trek IV.

Whoops, I thought the whale was just background colour. But I must confess to never having seen Star Trek IV.

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You can see one of them in the background. (Sorry, I can't tell the difference between a boy whale and a girl whale.)

Or it could be both if the head and tail don't belong to the same whale.
In fact if they do, the whale has a pretty fucked-up backbone but then anatomy doesn't seem to be the artist's strongpoint.

I looked at it again and, yeah, it might be two whales. You should really see Star Trek IV. It's one of the best Trek films. If you haven't seen the first three, here's the least you need to know. Spock was dead, but he got better. Kirk got promoted to admiral, but his fitness for the post is in question since he disobeyed orders to help Spock.

unskilled78 wrote:

Is it just me, but does the word Spirkatoon make you think of a sound effect for ejaculation in a badfic?

Nope... just makes me think it could be somewhere north of Toronto.

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

Also, I just noticed that one of her photos says it was requested by an eight year old... I hope the eight year old hasn't had this woman shoving her anatomically disturbing sex drawings in his/her face.

It says "Why are we on an eagle?" "Because Anna wanted to see this."

grmblfjx wrote:

Dr. Professor Science wrote:

Also, I just noticed that one of her photos says it was requested by an eight year old... I hope the eight year old hasn't had this woman shoving her anatomically disturbing sex drawings in his/her face.

It says "Why are we on an eagle?" "Because Anna wanted to see this."

What disturbs me most about that scene is that the poor eagle's head is on backwards.